do you "fit-in" everywhere you go?

[skim milk]

I used to have no trouble "fitting in" with different groups, teams, or whatever, when I was younger.

When I sort became a loner in high school after I lost all my friends.... and moving from one State to another (not making excuses).. I find it difficult to "fit in" now.

During my freshman year in college was when I first noticed it.... I couldn't really fit in with the college church kids that always hung out. So I withdrew from the crowd and spent time with people on a one to one basis.

Now three years later, the same thing happens. It's not that I'm worried about fitting in, I just worry that the history will repeat itself in a workplace setting. I don't know what I'm doing wrong... maybe I'm too cold or too paranoid. I guess it seems like everyone does it so well with ease and I feel like a social reject. Maybe I don't want to live the rest of my life this

 

[meltdown75]

you need to not concentrate on it and just do it. if you're all worried about it and paranoid like you say, it's going to show.

buck up man! life's too short to worry about crap like that! just be yourself and have fun, if you feel like you're not "fitting in", just try a different place or different atmosphere... i don't know that's about the best i can do for advice at this hour. good luck!

 

[tami]

i find myself more independent than a part of a particular clique or crowd. i have a lot of friends in just about every group, but i like to roam around among folks.

i'm not sure how it is for a guy, to be honest. however, from what i read, you're afraid of the past eating at you. don't let it. be comfortable and don't think about the past. your mind has to be at ease before you can overcome whatever is holding you back.

 

[aidanjm]

I don't fit in well. Usually it's not a problem. I tend not to like or respect many people I encounter, so it's OK. And usually I can find intelligent, freaky people that I connect with, one on one. The one place it can be a problem is at work. Sometimes I'll say things, which most other people (with more social awareness or tact) would refrain from saying. That can get me into 'trouble'. On the other hand, I'm not sure I want to be someone who monitors what they say, and keeps my mouth shut instead of saying controversial things. I'd rather find somewhere to work where I can say what I'm thinking. Then again, I guess knowing when to keep your mouth shut is part of maturity.

Assuming you are a 'social reject' why do you care that you are? Do you experience loneliness? Or are you more worried that people are thinking badly of you?

EDIT: one thing I find irritating about you is your "hit and run" posting style. You open a thread about yourself and whatever difficulty you are facing, but you rarely engage with posters who respond to your thread. I diagnose severe social phobia. You can't deal with the notion that not everyone likes you.

 

[gigapet]

so you are saying that you have extreme social anxiety?

 

[casper114]

you could be that guy that starts smoking cigeretts so you can hang out with the bad crowd..... or maybe not.

 

[aidanjm]

One thing I find irritating about you, fritolays, is your "hit and run" posting style. You open a thread about yourself and whatever difficulty you are facing, but you rarely engage with posters who respond to your thread.

 

[aidanjm]

Also, you have absurdly unrealistic expectations. I mean, how realistic is it to expect to fit in "everywhere you go"..? That's just fvcking absurd. No-one fits in everywhere they go.

 

[gigapet]

Originally posted by: aidanjm
Also, you have absurdly unrealistic expectations. I mean, how realistic is it to expect to fit in "everywhere you go"..? That's just fvcking absurd. No-one fits in everywhere they go.

people with advanced social skills may not be able to "fit in" but they will be able to vibe with just about any person or group of people.

 

Yes, I excel at interpersonal relations at all levels.

 

[meltdown75]

Originally posted by: gigapet

Originally posted by: aidanjm
Also, you have absurdly unrealistic expectations. I mean, how realistic is it to expect to fit in "everywhere you go"..? That's just fvcking absurd. No-one fits in everywhere they go.

people with advanced social skills may not be able to "fit in" but they will be able to vibe with just about any person or group of people.

i feel you dog.

 

[gigapet]

Originally posted by: meltdown75

Originally posted by: gigapet

Originally posted by: aidanjm
Also, you have absurdly unrealistic expectations. I mean, how realistic is it to expect to fit in "everywhere you go"..? That's just fvcking absurd. No-one fits in everywhere they go.

people with advanced social skills may not be able to "fit in" but they will be able to vibe with just about any person or group of people.

i feel you dog.

thats my word son.

 

[meltdown75]

Originally posted by: gigapet

Originally posted by: meltdown75

Originally posted by: gigapet

Originally posted by: aidanjm
Also, you have absurdly unrealistic expectations. I mean, how realistic is it to expect to fit in "everywhere you go"..? That's just fvcking absurd. No-one fits in everywhere they go.

people with advanced social skills may not be able to "fit in" but they will be able to vibe with just about any person or group of people.

i feel you dog.

thats my word son.

proper!

 

[aidanjm]

Originally posted by: gigapet

Originally posted by: aidanjm
Also, you have absurdly unrealistic expectations. I mean, how realistic is it to expect to fit in "everywhere you go"..? That's just fvcking absurd. No-one fits in everywhere they go.

people with advanced social skills may not be able to "fit in" but they will be able to vibe with just about any person or group of people.

maybe you'd like to define "vibe", and also "advanced social skills"

I would say it is possible to have poise and self-confidence, and a fairly high level of awareness of social requirements in various situations, and that that can facilitate establishing and building relationships with a wide variety of types of people.

"Vibing" with "just about any person or group of people" sounds highly undesirable to me. In fact, if you are able to "vibe" with just about anyone, then chances are there is nothing much distinctive about your personality, at all. You'd really have to be extroadinairily bland to "vibe" with the entire planet. If you are such a person, then you definitely won't be "vibing" with me - in fact, I'll be avoiding you, perhaps even telling you to get away from me because I find you to be so repulsively bland and uninteresting.

 

[meltdown75]

Originally posted by: gigapet

Originally posted by: aidanjm
Also, you have absurdly unrealistic expectations. I mean, how realistic is it to expect to fit in "everywhere you go"..? That's just fvcking absurd. No-one fits in everywhere they go.

maybe you'd like to define "vibe", and also "advanced social skills"

well, if you go into enough social situations in the RPG entitled "Reality v1.0 beta", you get advanced social skills +1 once you level up enough.

 

[gigapet]

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: gigapet

Originally posted by: aidanjm
Also, you have absurdly unrealistic expectations. I mean, how realistic is it to expect to fit in "everywhere you go"..? That's just fvcking absurd. No-one fits in everywhere they go.

maybe you'd like to define "vibe", and also "advanced social skills"

if you have to ask then your not there yet.

 

[kravmaga]

I have social anxiety but I'm able to mesh and relate to different types of people without much effort. I just don't really get close to anyone these days nor do I really care what others think of me. Just be natural and try to be relaxed in any situation or environment you're in (easier said than done) People are like predatory savage apes, they'll feed off of you if you let them. So stop being a baby and buck up and put yourself above them. If someone connects, good for you, but chances are 98% of the people you encounter on a daily basis won't even acknowledge you exist in their own minds.

 

[skim milk]

Originally posted by: aidanjm
One thing I find irritating about you, fritolays, is your "hit and run" posting style. You open a thread about yourself and whatever difficulty you are facing, but you rarely engage with posters who respond to your thread.

the reason is, I make the thread and log out since I use public computers. I leave most the time right after I make the thread.... then I come back to check it a day or two later where it's way down on page 5 or so. I usually don't reply since the thread is probably already forgotten and don't want to bump it back up

 

[gigapet]

Originally posted by: kravmaga
I have social anxiety but I'm able to mesh and relate to different types of people without much effort. I just don't really get close to anyone these days nor do I really care what others think of me. Just be natural and try to be relaxed in any situation or environment you're in (easier said than done) People are like predatory savage apes, they'll feed off of you if you let them. So stop being a baby and buck up and put yourself above them. If someone connects, good for you, but chances are 98% of the people you encounter on a daily basis won't even acknowledge you exist in their own minds.

you have a very negative outlook on people and you probably carry that over to your interactions. Im not at all surprised that its become a self fulfilling prophecy for you.

 

[TStep]

Originally posted by: fritolays

Originally posted by: aidanjm
One thing I find irritating about you, fritolays, is your "hit and run" posting style. You open a thread about yourself and whatever difficulty you are facing, but you rarely engage with posters who respond to your thread.

the reason is, I make the thread and log out since I use public computers. I leave most the time right after I make the thread.... then I come back to check it a day or two later where it's way down on page 5 or so. I usually don't reply since the thread is probably already forgotten and don't want to bump it back up

If post-n-run what you do in your social interaction with people, then you've just identified your problem.

 

[aidanjm]

Originally posted by: fritolays

Originally posted by: aidanjm
One thing I find irritating about you, fritolays, is your "hit and run" posting style. You open a thread about yourself and whatever difficulty you are facing, but you rarely engage with posters who respond to your thread.

the reason is, I make the thread and log out since I use public computers. I leave most the time right after I make the thread.... then I come back to check it a day or two later where it's way down on page 5 or so. I usually don't reply since the thread is probably already forgotten and don't want to bump it back up

A-ha! I diagnose social phobia! You don't want to bump the post, in case it offends or annoys someone.

 

[skim milk]

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Assuming you are a 'social reject' why do you care that you are? Do you experience loneliness? Or are you more worried that people are thinking badly of you?

I don;t know... I rarely experience loneliness or depression... I just feel down at times.
I know what it feels like to be the confident guy with lots of friends who is enjoying life to the fullest.
Then I look at the path my life has taken and where I'm at now.... I yearn to be the old "me" again. I think I didn't develop during some crucial psychological stages in h.s and have problems on a everyday basis. I want to be normal again

 

[HBalzer]

Define "fit-in"? Can I co-exist and get along with people everywhere I go? Generally! Am I the center of attention everywhere I go? No, until I unzip my pants!

 

[aidanjm]

Originally posted by: gigapet

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: gigapet

Originally posted by: aidanjm
Also, you have absurdly unrealistic expectations. I mean, how realistic is it to expect to fit in "everywhere you go"..? That's just fvcking absurd. No-one fits in everywhere they go.

maybe you'd like to define "vibe", and also "advanced social skills"

if you have to ask then your not there yet.

are you coming to my next gay orgy? we can see how well you "vibe" with a bunch of muscular naked men who want to **** your a$$.

 

[Jzero]

I fit in pretty well. I guess as an actor I've got a knack for appearing comfortable in most any situation and people seem to warm up to me quickly even if I have absolutely nothing in common with them. The downside is that I have trouble "turning it off" when whackos start talking to me and I don't have the heart to ignore them or tell them to go away, so I often get stuck being the guy getting his ear worn off by the one person in the room that nobody else wants to talk to.