do you "fit-in" everywhere you go?

[gigapet]

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: gigapet

Originally posted by: aidanjm
Also, you have absurdly unrealistic expectations. I mean, how realistic is it to expect to fit in "everywhere you go"..? That's just fvcking absurd. No-one fits in everywhere they go.

people with advanced social skills may not be able to "fit in" but they will be able to vibe with just about any person or group of people.

maybe you'd like to define "vibe", and also "advanced social skills"

I would say it is possible to have poise and self-confidence, and a fairly high level of awareness of social requirements in various situations, and that that can facilitate establishing and building relationships with a wide variety of types of people.

"Vibing" with "just about any person or group of people" sounds highly undesirable to me. In fact, if you are able to "vibe" with just about anyone, then chances are there is nothing much distinctive about your personality, at all. You'd really have to be extroadinairily bland to "vibe" with the entire planet. If you are such a person, then you definitely won't be "vibing" with me - in fact, I'll be avoiding you, perhaps even telling you to get away from me because I find you to be so repulsively bland and uninteresting.

like i said you don't get it yet. vibing has alot to do with the energy your bring to an interaction and very little to do with the content of the interaction. Have you ever had an exchange with a complete stranger that just left a big smile on your face for the rest of the day?

 

[aidanjm]

Originally posted by: fritolays
I don;t know... I rarely experience loneliness or depression... I just feel down at times.
I know what it feels like to be the confident guy with lots of friends who is enjoying life to the fullest.
Then I look at the path my life has taken and where I'm at now.... I yearn to be the old "me" again. I think I didn't develop during some crucial psychological stages in h.s and have problems on a everyday basis. I want to be normal again

And what would your life be like if you were "normal"? How would your life be different? I.e., what would you do differently each day? Spend more time with people? Or what?

 

[aidanjm]

Originally posted by: gigapet

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: gigapet

Originally posted by: aidanjm
Also, you have absurdly unrealistic expectations. I mean, how realistic is it to expect to fit in "everywhere you go"..? That's just fvcking absurd. No-one fits in everywhere they go.

people with advanced social skills may not be able to "fit in" but they will be able to vibe with just about any person or group of people.

maybe you'd like to define "vibe", and also "advanced social skills"

I would say it is possible to have poise and self-confidence, and a fairly high level of awareness of social requirements in various situations, and that that can facilitate establishing and building relationships with a wide variety of types of people.

"Vibing" with "just about any person or group of people" sounds highly undesirable to me. In fact, if you are able to "vibe" with just about anyone, then chances are there is nothing much distinctive about your personality, at all. You'd really have to be extroadinairily bland to "vibe" with the entire planet. If you are such a person, then you definitely won't be "vibing" with me - in fact, I'll be avoiding you, perhaps even telling you to get away from me because I find you to be so repulsively bland and uninteresting.

like i said you don't get it yet. vibing has alot to do with the energy your bring to an interaction and very little to do with the content of the interaction. Have you ever had an exchange with a complete stranger that just left a big smile on your face for the rest of the day?

No, I don't walk around with a dopey sh1t eating grin on my face after banal, meaningless exchanges with empty-headed strangers.

 

[aidanjm]

Originally posted by: gigapet

Originally posted by: kravmaga
I have social anxiety but I'm able to mesh and relate to different types of people without much effort. I just don't really get close to anyone these days nor do I really care what others think of me. Just be natural and try to be relaxed in any situation or environment you're in (easier said than done) People are like predatory savage apes, they'll feed off of you if you let them. So stop being a baby and buck up and put yourself above them. If someone connects, good for you, but chances are 98% of the people you encounter on a daily basis won't even acknowledge you exist in their own minds.

you have a very negative outlook on people and you probably carry that over to your interactions. Im not at all surprised that its become a self fulfilling prophecy for you.

I perceive the banal "positivity" that you bring to social interactions as noxious and revolting. You are the person who is incapable of depth or complexity, because you're so hung up on maintaining a harmonious 'vibe'. I look at people like you and I see... nothing. :disgust:

 

[gigapet]

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: gigapet

Originally posted by: kravmaga
I have social anxiety but I'm able to mesh and relate to different types of people without much effort. I just don't really get close to anyone these days nor do I really care what others think of me. Just be natural and try to be relaxed in any situation or environment you're in (easier said than done) People are like predatory savage apes, they'll feed off of you if you let them. So stop being a baby and buck up and put yourself above them. If someone connects, good for you, but chances are 98% of the people you encounter on a daily basis won't even acknowledge you exist in their own minds.

you have a very negative outlook on people and you probably carry that over to your interactions. Im not at all surprised that its become a self fulfilling prophecy for you.

I perceive the banal "positivity" that you bring to social interactions as noxious and revolting. You are the person who is incapable of depth or complexity, because you're so hung up on maintaining a harmonious 'vibe'. I look at people like you and I see... nothing. :disgust:

likewise.

and incapabe of depth or complexity..... oh excuse me your so deep and complicated now that you are a hateful and depressing sack of emo sh1t. Do everyone a favor and end your misery and self loathing.

 

[skim milk]

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: fritolays
I don;t know... I rarely experience loneliness or depression... I just feel down at times.
I know what it feels like to be the confident guy with lots of friends who is enjoying life to the fullest.
Then I look at the path my life has taken and where I'm at now.... I yearn to be the old "me" again. I think I didn't develop during some crucial psychological stages in h.s and have problems on a everyday basis. I want to be normal again

And what would your life be like if you were "normal"? How would your life be different? I.e., what would you do differently each day? Spend more time with people? Or what?

maybe I would have a close group of friends instead of that guy that always does stuff by himself. I know I was born an introvert and still one to this day since I need my own time. I don't mind being independent at ALL... but the reason why I reject invitation is because of the uncomfortable silences. I don't like the feeling of carrying conversations but maybe I'm expecting too much. Maybe I just lack basic social skills or I'm too paranoid of what others are thinking of something. I'm just not comfortable enough in my own skin and people sense this vibe.
I also have trouble maintaining relationships since I'm the pick up and leave type person.
Maybe I would have more confidence... more experience... and not afraid of rejections. Not afraid to try. I wouldn't have trouble relating to others and etc.
All the essential things that most humans can do and take for granted, I seem to have problems doing.

 

[gigapet]

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: gigapet

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: gigapet

Originally posted by: aidanjm
Also, you have absurdly unrealistic expectations. I mean, how realistic is it to expect to fit in "everywhere you go"..? That's just fvcking absurd. No-one fits in everywhere they go.

people with advanced social skills may not be able to "fit in" but they will be able to vibe with just about any person or group of people.

maybe you'd like to define "vibe", and also "advanced social skills"

I would say it is possible to have poise and self-confidence, and a fairly high level of awareness of social requirements in various situations, and that that can facilitate establishing and building relationships with a wide variety of types of people.

"Vibing" with "just about any person or group of people" sounds highly undesirable to me. In fact, if you are able to "vibe" with just about anyone, then chances are there is nothing much distinctive about your personality, at all. You'd really have to be extroadinairily bland to "vibe" with the entire planet. If you are such a person, then you definitely won't be "vibing" with me - in fact, I'll be avoiding you, perhaps even telling you to get away from me because I find you to be so repulsively bland and uninteresting.

like i said you don't get it yet. vibing has alot to do with the energy your bring to an interaction and very little to do with the content of the interaction. Have you ever had an exchange with a complete stranger that just left a big smile on your face for the rest of the day?

No, I don't walk around with a dopey sh1t eating grin on my face after banal, meaningless exchanges with empty-headed strangers.

cry me a river. did your mommy not love you enough when you little were you not popular in highschool.... is that why your such a hateful chode?

 

[aidanjm]

Originally posted by: gigapet

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: gigapet

Originally posted by: kravmaga
I have social anxiety but I'm able to mesh and relate to different types of people without much effort. I just don't really get close to anyone these days nor do I really care what others think of me. Just be natural and try to be relaxed in any situation or environment you're in (easier said than done) People are like predatory savage apes, they'll feed off of you if you let them. So stop being a baby and buck up and put yourself above them. If someone connects, good for you, but chances are 98% of the people you encounter on a daily basis won't even acknowledge you exist in their own minds.

you have a very negative outlook on people and you probably carry that over to your interactions. Im not at all surprised that its become a self fulfilling prophecy for you.

I perceive the banal "positivity" that you bring to social interactions as noxious and revolting. You are the person who is incapable of depth or complexity, because you're so hung up on maintaining a harmonious 'vibe'. I look at people like you and I see... nothing. :disgust:

likewise.

and incapabe of depth or complexity..... oh excuse me your so deep and complicated now that you are a hateful and depressing sack of emo sh1t. Do everyone a favor and end your misery and self loathing.

excuse me? did you just suggest I go kill myself? You're not exactly "vibing" with me now, are you? But don't worry, just slap another dopey, sh1t eating grin on your face and continue on your merry, empty-headed way..

 

[Jzero]

Originally posted by: aidanjm
I perceive the banal "positivity" that you bring to social interactions as noxious and revolting. You are the person who is incapable of depth or complexity, because you're so hung up on maintaining a harmonious 'vibe'. I look at people like you and I see... nothing. :disgust:

I'm starting to think that you're that proverbial guy in the room that I get stuck talking to when no one else wants to...

 

[aidanjm]

Originally posted by: gigapet

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: gigapet

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: gigapet

Originally posted by: aidanjm
Also, you have absurdly unrealistic expectations. I mean, how realistic is it to expect to fit in "everywhere you go"..? That's just fvcking absurd. No-one fits in everywhere they go.

people with advanced social skills may not be able to "fit in" but they will be able to vibe with just about any person or group of people.

maybe you'd like to define "vibe", and also "advanced social skills"

I would say it is possible to have poise and self-confidence, and a fairly high level of awareness of social requirements in various situations, and that that can facilitate establishing and building relationships with a wide variety of types of people.

"Vibing" with "just about any person or group of people" sounds highly undesirable to me. In fact, if you are able to "vibe" with just about anyone, then chances are there is nothing much distinctive about your personality, at all. You'd really have to be extroadinairily bland to "vibe" with the entire planet. If you are such a person, then you definitely won't be "vibing" with me - in fact, I'll be avoiding you, perhaps even telling you to get away from me because I find you to be so repulsively bland and uninteresting.

like i said you don't get it yet. vibing has alot to do with the energy your bring to an interaction and very little to do with the content of the interaction. Have you ever had an exchange with a complete stranger that just left a big smile on your face for the rest of the day?

No, I don't walk around with a dopey sh1t eating grin on my face after banal, meaningless exchanges with empty-headed strangers.

cry me a river. did your mommy not love you enough when you little were you not popular in highschool.... is that why your such a hateful chode?

Wow, you're really vibing with me now! I can see your advanced social skills allow you to relate to me with ease..

 

[gigapet]

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: gigapet

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: gigapet

Originally posted by: kravmaga
I have social anxiety but I'm able to mesh and relate to different types of people without much effort. I just don't really get close to anyone these days nor do I really care what others think of me. Just be natural and try to be relaxed in any situation or environment you're in (easier said than done) People are like predatory savage apes, they'll feed off of you if you let them. So stop being a baby and buck up and put yourself above them. If someone connects, good for you, but chances are 98% of the people you encounter on a daily basis won't even acknowledge you exist in their own minds.

you have a very negative outlook on people and you probably carry that over to your interactions. Im not at all surprised that its become a self fulfilling prophecy for you.

I perceive the banal "positivity" that you bring to social interactions as noxious and revolting. You are the person who is incapable of depth or complexity, because you're so hung up on maintaining a harmonious 'vibe'. I look at people like you and I see... nothing. :disgust:

likewise.

and incapabe of depth or complexity..... oh excuse me your so deep and complicated now that you are a hateful and depressing sack of emo sh1t. Do everyone a favor and end your misery and self loathing.

excuse me? did you just suggest I go kill myself? You're not exactly "vibing" with me now, are you? But don't worry, just slap another dopey, sh1t eating grin on your face and continue on your merry, empty-headed way..

you hate yourself and it shows.

 

[aidanjm]

Originally posted by: Jzero

Originally posted by: aidanjm
I perceive the banal "positivity" that you bring to social interactions as noxious and revolting. You are the person who is incapable of depth or complexity, because you're so hung up on maintaining a harmonious 'vibe'. I look at people like you and I see... nothing. :disgust:

I'm starting to think that you're that proverbial guy in the room that I get stuck talking to when no one else wants to...

Lol, actually you don't seem interesting enough for me to spend much time with you. Maybe if you were really hot

 

[bigrash]

I fit in very easily everywhere I go. I never was anti-social like most people here, so it comes easy for me

 

[Jzero]

Originally posted by: aidanjm
Lol, actually you don't seem interesting enough for me to spend much time with you. Maybe if you were really hot

Thank god for small miracles. You must be the life of the MENSA meetings!

 

[gigapet]

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: gigapet

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: gigapet

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: gigapet

Originally posted by: aidanjm
Also, you have absurdly unrealistic expectations. I mean, how realistic is it to expect to fit in "everywhere you go"..? That's just fvcking absurd. No-one fits in everywhere they go.

people with advanced social skills may not be able to "fit in" but they will be able to vibe with just about any person or group of people.

maybe you'd like to define "vibe", and also "advanced social skills"

I would say it is possible to have poise and self-confidence, and a fairly high level of awareness of social requirements in various situations, and that that can facilitate establishing and building relationships with a wide variety of types of people.

"Vibing" with "just about any person or group of people" sounds highly undesirable to me. In fact, if you are able to "vibe" with just about anyone, then chances are there is nothing much distinctive about your personality, at all. You'd really have to be extroadinairily bland to "vibe" with the entire planet. If you are such a person, then you definitely won't be "vibing" with me - in fact, I'll be avoiding you, perhaps even telling you to get away from me because I find you to be so repulsively bland and uninteresting.

like i said you don't get it yet. vibing has alot to do with the energy your bring to an interaction and very little to do with the content of the interaction. Have you ever had an exchange with a complete stranger that just left a big smile on your face for the rest of the day?

No, I don't walk around with a dopey sh1t eating grin on my face after banal, meaningless exchanges with empty-headed strangers.

cry me a river. did your mommy not love you enough when you little were you not popular in highschool.... is that why your such a hateful chode?

Wow, you're really vibing with me now! I can see your advanced social skills allow you to relate to me with ease..

You should write an emo poem about this interaction and post it for us.

 

[insaneanna]

And what would your life be like if you were "normal"? How would your life be different? I.e., what would you do differently each day? Spend more time with people? Or what?

[/quote]

I am sure that webster's definition is a little different, but to me "normal" is a small town in Illinois.
Fitting in, especially in a work setting, is not something that is popular these days. Everyone wants to have their own identity and everyone wants to be accepted for their own choices but tend to not accept others. If you were really honest with yourself, do you accept other people for their individual opinions, clothes style, choice of car, religion, political views, etc.?

 

[aidanjm]

Originally posted by: fritolays

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: fritolays
I don;t know... I rarely experience loneliness or depression... I just feel down at times.
I know what it feels like to be the confident guy with lots of friends who is enjoying life to the fullest.
Then I look at the path my life has taken and where I'm at now.... I yearn to be the old "me" again. I think I didn't develop during some crucial psychological stages in h.s and have problems on a everyday basis. I want to be normal again

And what would your life be like if you were "normal"? How would your life be different? I.e., what would you do differently each day? Spend more time with people? Or what?

maybe I would have a close group of friends instead of that guy that always does stuff by himself. I know I was born an introvert and still one to this day since I need my own time. I don't mind being independent at ALL...

If you were born introverted (if that is the nature of your personality) then it does mean you will have to work a bit harder at maintaining social relationships (than if you were more extroverted). I think introverted people tend to cultivate different types or pattenrs of social interactions than extroverts - usually introverts tend to do better with one on one connections, conversations, rather than e.g., being in larger groups. I am introverted by nature myself, and I agree with you about needing personal time, away from others.

Originally posted by: fritolays
but the reason why I reject invitation is because of the uncomfortable silences. I don't like the feeling of carrying conversations but maybe I'm expecting too much. Maybe I just lack basic social skills or I'm too paranoid of what others are thinking of something. I'm just not comfortable enough in my own skin and people sense this vibe.

It sounds a bit like you are to some extent hampered in social situations due to a fear of behaving 'inappropriately'. For example, you have a feeling that there should be no silences, or that you should somehow be able to fill the silences with conversation. People might sense you are uncomfortable, then again that could be entirely in your head. And even if they do sense you are uncomfortable, what are they going to do? Think less of you? Ever considered reading a book on social phobia? Or even just googling and reading articles about it on the web? Some of what you are describing sounds like social phobia, which is in a nutshell the fear of being disliked or criticized by others.

Originally posted by: fritolays
I also have trouble maintaining relationships since I'm the pick up and leave type person.
Maybe I would have more confidence... more experience... and not afraid of rejections. Not afraid to try. I wouldn't have trouble relating to others and etc.
All the essential things that most humans can do and take for granted, I seem to have problems doing.

Have you ever considered seeing a psychologist or counselor for your shyness or social phobia (or whatever you want to call it)? That could be useful. (Unless people in your life would object to you seeing a psychologist). The only reason I ask is because your social difficulties seem to be causing you a fair bit of concern and worry at the moment. So maybe now is the time to try and do something about the issues you are dealing with. Sometimes when I read your posts, I detect a fatalistic attitude, almost as if you feel that deep down, your problems will never be solved, and that you are damaged beyond repair. Am I reading too much into your posts? I do believe that the problems you are describing can be overcome.