Do you think it's smart to marry your first SO?

[Feldenak]

Originally posted by: Rudee

Originally posted by: shortylickens

Originally posted by: Geekish Thoughts
I'll create one -- just a sec.

Fictional situation -- you've been in this relationship for say, 2 years, and you both still feel strongly on getting married.

I swear we just had this issue come up within the last week.
How long have we been living together?
I still maintain that marriage is bad unless I've dated her for at least 2 years and lived with her for ONE WHOLE YEAR (12 months). Nothing less.

I agree with the living together before marriage part. A year minimum, preferrably 2 or more. I've dated women in the past that I thought were marriage material UNTIL I let them move into my house with me. Things quickly fell apart and within a year I was regretting it. My current gal whom I plan on marrying has been living with me for a few years now and things are so incredibly comfortable it's going to be a painless transition to marriage when that day comes.

The problem with living together before getting married is that most people can't make the leap from a "sure, we can split the bills" relationship to a full-on marriage responsibility. They get in the mindset of, if things don't work out I can "break the lease and bail". That being said, my wife and I lived together first...we dated for 6 years, engaged for the last 2 and lived together for the last 2.5 years...we moved intogether when we knew we were going to get married (just a matter of when I was going to get a ring and propose).

 

[Poulsonator]

Originally posted by: CadetLee

I'll be the wrench in the works here..if you live with someone before you're married and things don't work out, you're basically 'practicing' divorce -- if you're prepared to enter a relationship with marriage in mind, I believe you'll have a better chance of ironing out any difficulties along the way - and you won't have half a dozen other people that you'll always compare your SO to.

If you're going to live with someone before you get married, what's to look forward to in marriage?

Why would anyone ever consider getting married without ironing out all petty differences FIRST? I don't understand your logic whatsoever. The point of dating and living with your SO for a considerable amount of time is to make sure you CAN do these things. If you can't, then you break up and move along. Sh!t happens. It's better to end a dating relationship than a marriage, no?

Even though marriage is nothing more than a piece of paper, it's still easier to work out the silly problems beforehand so you can then actually enjoy being married, and not "tied-down" or whatever metaphor you want to use.

To answer your question - the rest of your lives is what you look forward to when getting married.

FYI, my wife and I dated for 6 years and lived together for the last 2 of those before getting married (been married for almost 6 years now...12 years together...whoa). By the time we were married, all of the stupid crap was ironed out and we were 100% sure we were compatible. Sure, anything can happen, but the route we took has really helped to ensure our lasting relationship.

 

[AdamSnow]

If you both love each other and want to get married... do it...

If you break up you may never find someone that you feel for the same again...

Just like everything else in life - there's a chance... but that doesn't matter if it's your first or five hundredth...

 

[LookingGlass]

Flat out, h3ll no.

 

[quakefiend420]

i'm kind of mixed here...it could work out, it might not

but the way i see it...you only live once...what if you split with your first SO to " play the field" and later on realize what you had but he/she has already moved on?

personally, i say go for whatever feels right...and if it turns out later you were wrong, at least you won't wonder about what "could have been"

 

[SampSon]

Sure if you want to.

But why would you want to go through life only having sex with one person? That's really boring.

 

[Dacalo]

Originally posted by: Poulsonator

Originally posted by: CadetLee

I'll be the wrench in the works here..if you live with someone before you're married and things don't work out, you're basically 'practicing' divorce -- if you're prepared to enter a relationship with marriage in mind, I believe you'll have a better chance of ironing out any difficulties along the way - and you won't have half a dozen other people that you'll always compare your SO to.

If you're going to live with someone before you get married, what's to look forward to in marriage?

Why would anyone ever consider getting married without ironing out all petty differences FIRST? I don't understand your logic whatsoever. The point of dating and living with your SO for a considerable amount of time is to make sure you CAN do these things. If you can't, then you break up and move along. Sh!t happens. It's better to end a dating relationship than a marriage, no?

Even though marriage is nothing more than a piece of paper, it's still easier to work out the silly problems beforehand so you can then actually enjoy being married, and not "tied-down" or whatever metaphor you want to use.

To answer your question - the rest of your lives is what you look forward to when getting married.

FYI, my wife and I dated for 6 years and lived together for the last 2 of those before getting married (been married for almost 6 years now...12 years together...whoa). By the time we were married, all of the stupid crap was ironed out and we were 100% sure we were compatible. Sure, anything can happen, but the route we took has really helped to ensure our lasting relationship.

It all depends on how you view marriage.

You may debate that "living together before marriage is bad" may not be true because it worked out well for you. Usually it doesn't.

I, for one, do not plan on living with my SO before marriage.

 

[quakefiend420]

Originally posted by: SampSon
Sure if you want to.

But why would you want to go through life only having sex with one person? That's really boring.

because at that point it's more than just sex

when i finally got in a long term relationship for 2 years i never cheated on her, and i was perfectly content...i never even considered ****** around with someone else...and the oppurtunity did present itself a couple of times

and it's not like she was my first...i slept with 9 other girls before she came along, i just had never got into a serious relationship...so i knew what i was missing

 

[MisterJackson]

The "love is real side of me" says yes


the practical, logical, wisen up dumbass side of me says NO!

 

[SampSon]

Originally posted by: quakefiend420

Originally posted by: SampSon
Sure if you want to.

But why would you want to go through life only having sex with one person? That's really boring.

because at that point it's more than just sex

when i finally got in a long term relationship for 2 years i never cheated on her, and i was perfectly content...i never even considered ****** around with someone else...and the oppurtunity did present itself a couple of times

and it's not like she was my first...i slept with 9 other girls before she came along, i just had never got into a serious relationship...so i knew what i was missing

So you slept with at least 9 other women before her, so the rest of your post is moot.

Also, no matter how much people claim that relationships are so much more than sex, that's a huge crock of crap. Sex is a huge part of a relationship, people who claim otherwise don't have good sex.

 

[spaceman]

depends how old you are,how long youve been seeing one another.

 

[BrokenVisage]

Originally posted by: Buck Naked

Originally posted by: jcovercash
NO

 

[DrPizza]

I disagree with the majority here...
I don't think it's a bad idea. What's the divorce rate in the U.S. these days? And, the majority of marriages are not between childhood sweethearts? You couldn't do much worse.

But, it depends on what your focus is in finding a spouse. If you're just looking at the physical characteristics rather than more practical aspects, like so many Americans do, you will probably do no better. However, if you look at more practical aspects, your marriage may have a greater chance of success. As evidence, I offer arranged marriages in other cultures as evidence that a lasting relationship and successful marriage is quite possible with the first person you really "date." While, of course, there is always anecdotal evidence - "they couldn't get divorced, but they were miserable together," for some of those marriages, I don't believe it's the norm. Furthermore, successful marriage in other cultures is defined somewhat differently than in the U.S. (at least for many couples). As soon as the puppy-love stage is over, couples are ready for a divorce. Furthermore, popular television shows and movies have given us a distorted view of what a successful relationship is really like... it's too idealized.

And, for what it's worth, I recently spoke to someone doing some sort of study on the effects of watching porn on marriages. His research (and he's a pretty smart guy) shows that viewing porn resulted in unrealistic expectations by one spouse on the other spouse.

So, my advice: go for it. And, don't watch porn.

 

[meltdown75]

voted

 

[YOyoYOhowsDAjello]

I voted no, but I'm going to do it anyway.

Ladybuggy is too good of a catch for me to let her get away.

 

[TBone48]

Originally posted by: YOyoYOhowsDAjello
I voted no, but I'm going to do it anyway.

Ladybuggy is too good of a catch for me to let her get away.

:thumbsup:

 

[stan394]

I married my first gf.

 

[YOyoYOhowsDAjello]

Originally posted by: TBone48

Originally posted by: YOyoYOhowsDAjello
I voted no, but I'm going to do it anyway.

Ladybuggy is too good of a catch for me to let her get away.

:thumbsup:

Oh good, someone bumped it so now she can read it

 

[LumbergTech]

I think it just depends on the individuals..a lot of people should just never get married because they are to selfish..

 

[dawnbug]

Originally posted by: YOyoYOhowsDAjello

Originally posted by: TBone48

Originally posted by: YOyoYOhowsDAjello
I voted no, but I'm going to do it anyway.

Ladybuggy is too good of a catch for me to let her get away.

:thumbsup:

Oh good, someone bumped it so now she can read it

 

[YOyoYOhowsDAjello]

Originally posted by: LadyBuggy

Originally posted by: YOyoYOhowsDAjello

Originally posted by: TBone48

Originally posted by: YOyoYOhowsDAjello
I voted no, but I'm going to do it anyway.

Ladybuggy is too good of a catch for me to let her get away.

:thumbsup:

Oh good, someone bumped it so now she can read it

:heart:

 

[TBone48]

Originally posted by: YOyoYOhowsDAjello

Originally posted by: LadyBuggy

Originally posted by: YOyoYOhowsDAjello

Originally posted by: TBone48

Originally posted by: YOyoYOhowsDAjello
I voted no, but I'm going to do it anyway.

Ladybuggy is too good of a catch for me to let her get away.

:thumbsup:

Oh good, someone bumped it so now she can read it

:heart:

Get a room, you two!!

 

[YOyoYOhowsDAjello]

Originally posted by: TBone48

Originally posted by: YOyoYOhowsDAjello

Originally posted by: LadyBuggy

Originally posted by: YOyoYOhowsDAjello

Originally posted by: TBone48

Originally posted by: YOyoYOhowsDAjello
I voted no, but I'm going to do it anyway.

Ladybuggy is too good of a catch for me to let her get away.

:thumbsup:

Oh good, someone bumped it so now she can read it

:heart:

Get a room, you two!!

We're already in the same room

 

[vladgur]

Originally posted by: DrPizza
And, for what it's worth, I recently spoke to someone doing some sort of study on the effects of watching porn on marriages. His research (and he's a pretty smart guy) shows that viewing porn resulted in unrealistic expectations by one spouse on the other spouse.

Viewing Porn resulted in unrealistic expectations on the other spouse? Can your smart guy also prove that watching Nascar results in increases in speeding tckets and playing violent videogames results in increase in violent crimes? I doubt many guys watching GangBang 500 would all of a sudden have an unrealistic expectation to have 500 strangers make sweet sweet love to their wife.

IMHO marriage is just a legal concept. It does not move your long term relationship into a different stage at all. Unless of course you choose not have sex untill marriage, a night after your ceremony does not bring anything different.

 

[TBone48]

Originally posted by: YOyoYOhowsDAjello

Originally posted by: TBone48

Originally posted by: YOyoYOhowsDAjello

Originally posted by: LadyBuggy

Originally posted by: YOyoYOhowsDAjello

Originally posted by: TBone48

Originally posted by: YOyoYOhowsDAjello
I voted no, but I'm going to do it anyway.

Ladybuggy is too good of a catch for me to let her get away.

:thumbsup:

Oh good, someone bumped it so now she can read it

:heart:

Get a room, you two!!

We're already in the same room

:shocked: