- Jun 3, 2001
- 10,359
- 6
- 0
Pretty funny story. Pwned is the best description of this.
http://forums.vwvortex.com/zerothread?id=3542017
http://forums.vwvortex.com/zerothread?id=3542017
Yes, it's true. I lost the R to the popo in Canada this weekend.
You ready for the story of how my leadfoot finally did me in?
Well, crack a beer, grab a smoke of your choice and sit right back and hear a tale of a fateful trip Gilligan....
It starts after a beautiful weekend visiting my family in Ottawa. As some of you know, I go often, (maybe you followed my 'R in Canada' thread.)
Anywho, I get on the highway from Ottawa and start my journey back to New York. OK, I drive way too fast, but my 'highly-illegal-radar detector-in-Ontario' always saves my a$$ here in NY and up there as well. After saving my butt twice, I start to accelerate. I'm about a half an hour and 23 miles from the freedom of the U.S. border when an unmarked Ontario Provincial Police car car hits me with 'instant-on' K band radar going in the opposite direction. This is one of the few times a radar detector is vulnerable no matter how good it is. My K-Band signal starts going absolutely nuts, so I know he got me. I look back to see him swing a quick U-turn and floor it after me.
"Oh sh*t, I'm dead. Maybe he nailed someone else and I just caught a reflection" me thinks... NOT!
I jumped into the right lane and slowed to a legal speed. Well, lo and behold, he flies right up my a$$ and pulls me over.
-"Do you know why I pulled you over..eh?" (Eh= A Canadian term of endearment)
-"Not exactly Sir."
-"I have you on radar going 154 Kph in a 100 Kph zone" (For those who aren't Mike Solo, that's 95 Mph in a 62 Mph)
-"Really? I honestly don't think I was going that fast. Humph."
-"I have it on the display in my car. You can see it if you'd like"
*being that gadget freak that I am, I figured...*
-"Sure."
-"We have some new laws about that which I'll explain, but do you also have a radar detector in this vehicle?"
-"Yes sir, and it is off." *blatant lie*
-"May I have it sir."
-"I can't. It's permanently installed in the car."
-"Please remove the display. If you don't have something to cut it, I do."
*snips display from my car*
-"Could you please open the hood for me and remove the eye in the grill."
-"Ummm, OK."
*tears front eye from the vehicle* (Oh well...So much for that $1500 radar detector. )
-"OK, now please wait in your car for the flatbed."
At that point, I heard Kyle from South Parks' mom in my head saying,
"What, what, WHAT???"
This is also the time I started think.. "Man, I would totally flash him my t*ts right about now if I had some", but I had to settle for asking him if my NYPD leutenants' badge or the fact my brother is Canadian Special Forces would help. (Monday was Veteran's Day there too, but's it's a little bigger of a holiday meaning to Canada than it is for us)
-"Nope. Sorry, that won't help you today."
*Cue the Spicoli line in my head* "You dick!"
-"So waht do you mean, 'Wait for the flatbed.'?"
As explained to me, as of October 1st, anyone caught going 50 Kph over the speed limit can be considered wreckless driving, or as they word it, 'Stunt driving' in their law. It gets the same classification as racing, motorcycle wheelies, burn outs, donuts, etc...
It also means that there is a mandatory, on the spot suspension of your license for 7 days as well as the vehicle getting impounded for 7 days.
Now those of you thinking to yourself, 'Wait, they can't do that to someone from outside the country, or maybe they targeted you for being from NY/USA', ...think again. They can, and they don't target people from the U.S. in particular. This happens to ANYONE driving in Ontario, Canadian, American, or whomever you might be.
OK, so now you're thinking, 'well that sucks, but at least it won't go on your license abstract.' ....aaaand you'd be wrong again.
It turns out, Ontario and New York have agreements to share info and records. Anything that one gets convicted for there goes on your NY abstract.
...and oh, the fine for this infraction by itself is just ludacris. Wait 'till you hear this in a minute...
*my final plea for mercy*
-Sir, please don't do this. What do I do with my dogs? I have a ton of extremly important things I need to do that I need to get back for! Please!"
-"No, sorry. I know it's inconvenient. I can't help you.".
Great! Sso now I'm going to be stuck on the side of the highway, with the entire contents of my car and my two little dogs. (Yep, Sandy and Buddy were with me as usual) WTF now?!
At that moment, the flatbed pulled up and as I help the driver get the car up the cop takes off. Having no clue what to do, I asked the driver to just bring me to the impound yard so I can make arrangements to do something. What, I don't know, but something.
The only thing for me to do was to get a cab to the nearest rent-a-car place. The problem with that is;
#1- my license is now suspended in Ontario
and (as I had found out)...
#2-a rental car can't go from Canada to the US, only the other way around. ???
The driver and I happened to see a cab and flagged him down. Yes, he'll take me, my stuff and the dogs over the border to the nearest rental place. 'OK, cool'. Now the next problem; Just over the NY border there, only the Amish exist, (No really, I'm not kidding, Amish. No phone, no lights, no motorcars. Not a single luxury Amish.) Could someone please explain these people to me? Who the hell wants to party like it's 1699? But I digress... It turns out the only national car rental chain is miles away in Pottsdam. A fairly expensive cab ride and an hour and a half later we get to Enterprise. Sheeze.
Along the way the cab driver says to me;
-"Did the cop tell you what the fine for this is?
-*sheepishly* "Do I really want to know?"
-"It's a minimum of $2000 and up to $10000.
Nice.
I was lucky (if that's what you want to call it) that Enterprise had one lone, final vehicle sitting in it's lot. A plain white cargo van. WOOT!
My only problem is that Enterprise will only accept that van back at that office, so it's back off to Pottsdam next week before I go back to pick up the car in Canada. Oh well.
So now the the fun really begins in dealing with this mess and trying to pay for it all. I have to drive back up next Monday to go get the car. I also need to return again on December 4 for a court appearance. Now that just plain sucks a$$.
I've contacted a 'lawyer' in Canada to assist on this one. At first, I wasn't going to, but I finally just figured it's silly not to. Up there, the legal system's a bit different. For traffic tickets, an attorney doesn't have to represent you. Paralegals can represent you. There are multiple agencies filled with ex-Royal Canadian Mounted Police and O.P.P. who become paralegals who one can hire fairly inexpensively to deal with the case and from what I understand, they're pretty effective. Let's see if it helps get me reduction. Anything will help. Right now, the cost of this looks like;
$1500 radar detector
$2000-$10000 fines for 'stunt driving'
$350 fine for the radar detector ticket
$500 impound and towing fees
$200 in cab rides
$350 weekly van rental
$600 attorney fee
...walking away with my health and not getting arrested,
Priceless.
Sooooo, the lesson from this story is, when in Ontario, put your friggin' cruise control on 100 KPH and don't move from that for the love of God!
And now some bonus 'dirty R' shots in front of the Parliment building and the Hard Rock just minutes before it was hauled off to jail.