Dumbest thing you ever did while drunk?

[PeeluckyDuckee]

I drove. The one and only time in my life. Yeah I know, one too many.

 

[AznAnarchy99]

I have never done stupid pissing like that before, but i have gotten with ugly chicks 5 times my size.

 

[RU482]

Originally posted by: Steve
Drove home. Glad I don't do that anymore.

obligatory drunk driving is stupid response in a drinking thread

 

[Steve]

Originally posted by: redly1

Originally posted by: Steve
Drove home. Glad I don't do that anymore.

obligatory drunk driving is stupid response in a drinking thread

Seriously, it was the most scared I've ever been my life. I'm glad (and lucky) I made it home without incident. I threw up like hell the next day. Twice.

 

[digiram]

Buddy of mine said he was fine as I was a bit Woozy, so I let him drive. I fell a sleep, woke up, and we were on the other side of the road. Needless to say, I woke him up, had him stop, and let my 16 yr. old cousin drive(supposed to be our designated driver anyhow).

Mistake could've cost our lives. Please don't try that at home.

 

[zinfamous]

Blackout #1: took friend up on challenge of foot race. made it about 5 feet (slanty asphalt parking lot) then face-planted into the pavement. shredded left side of face (I got better). Also threw-up on a cat.

Blackout #2: New years in Venice. woke up the next morning on the Lido (ritzy island off of the city proper). Apparently, I had ruined some expensive-ass couch in the ballroom of the Grand Hungarian Hotel. Also vomited all over myself. All parties seemed amused, however.

No more black outs for me.

 

[MisterJackson]

Let's see....

First time drunk (13 or 14 years old) stole my moms car (I'd never driven before and I obviously had no D.L.). Picked up two friends, drank some nasty flaor of mad dog (is there such a thing as a good flavor?). Was able to get the car and myself home unoticed but the next morning my mom couldn't figure out why the radio ant was broken and there were muddy shoe prints on the INSIDE of the back window. When she asked me about it I just said "I dunno" and she assumed someone broke into the car and did it

I feel really bad about that one. That was the start of my stupid decade. I need to tell my Mom the truth about that one tonight now that I think about it.


There was my ex wife, gf at the time, who took care of my drunk ass one night after almost two fifths of Jack. I had to pee and actually made it to the bathroom, unlike you noobs here , but I was to drunk to figure out how to get my zipper open or even stand for that matter. She knew this and helped me stand up, unzip, and even pulled it out, held it and aimed it for me. I'd only known her for two months by then, but as I'm pissing I looked over my shoulder to her behind me and said "If this isn't true love I don't know what is....don't forget to shake it when I'm done baby.". From there I passed out and since she couldn't move me she brought me a pillow and blanket. I slept on the cold bathroom floor (which felt great actually) and she slept in the tub to keep an eye on me and make sure none of the other numerous people at the party messed with me. Keep in mind she maybe had three beers that night so she did all this for me sober.


Then there was my brand new S-10 pickup truck I got when I was 19. First NEW car I ever had, even got it on my own. After a liter of everclear and god knows how much half and half everclear/koolaid used to chase it I proceeded to drive to my ex's house in the pouring rain because she was mad at me and I wanted to go over and make things better . I had NO business driving and regret it to this day. What I hate more is that my best friend didn't even TRY to stop me.

I wrapped that truck around a tree. I was so stupid drunk I thought just the hood had popped open and I could close it and buff it out in the morning. The front end was an accordian, and I sure as hell wasn't backing out considering there was an 8 foot embankment right behind me at almost a 45 degree angle. Apparently I didn't see that on the way down. Soooo...I proceeded to cut through a real rich neighborhood in the pouring rain after I walked the main road trying to hitchhike (my genius self only hitching for cars going in the opposite direction for some reason). Of course no one stopped to pick up some dude staggering in the middle of the road soaking wet with blood on his hands.

I finally made it to my ex's parents house. She tried to sneak me in but her Dad woke up. I thought for sure I was in for it but he seemed very concerned more than mad and did what he could to sober me up.

The state trooper and I sat in his patrol car the next morning (well, late afternoon) and he asked how it happened. I told him I saw a racoon and slid in the rain to avoid it. He said "Uh huuhhhh. I bet you saw a racoon. I still smell the grain alcohol on you." This was even after a few hours sobering up, a shower, and lots of food and coffee. Tell me the truth and I'll write this up as only reckless driving/too fast for conditions.". I told him the truth, he let me off with a stern talk (all he could do really) when I clearly deserved MUCH MUCH worse.

In the end losing my truck was punishment enough, but I'm more thankful that no one was with me and I didn't hit anyone. After that I never drove drunk again.


Drunk dialing used to be a problem for me, but I haven't done that in years. I did talk to a good female friend of mine a month or so ago and said something stupid. We used to date long ago and she comes to me for guy advice once in awhile. This new guy she'd been seeing was giving her the cold shoulder. I just laid it out and said "He's about to leave you unless the sex is mind blowing, then it may be awhile before he checks out.". I also said "You know how to tell if a guy really loves you? If he's feeling horny and he wants to call you to see you....lets say he 'relieves himself' before calling you....if after he takes care of business himself he still wants to call you then it's love.".

Boy, she stayed mad for about a week. The bad thing was he broke up with her a week later.....

I could go on but I believe this is enough of a glimpse into how stupid I can be sometimes.

Nothing good comes from alcohol, nothing.

 

[JohnCU]

this thread makes me feel much better about my drinking stories

 

[hanoverphist]

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus

Originally posted by: 40Hands
Haha.... I once pissed on my computer while drunken sleep walking. Case was open...sooo yeah, I'm lucky I didn't electrocute myself.

Didn't Mythbusters do a show on this once? I seem to recall that you cannot get electrocuted in this way.

ya they busted that rumor. pee on that third rail all you want!

 

[nakedfrog]

Originally posted by: MisterJackson
There was my ex wife, gf at the time, who took care of my drunk ass one night after almost two fifths of Jack. I had to pee and actually made it to the bathroom, unlike you noobs here , but I was to drunk to figure out how to get my zipper open or even stand for that matter. She knew this and helped me stand up, unzip, and even pulled it out, held it and aimed it for me.

When we tried that, she was having entirely too much fun with it and urine went everywhere. She was probably approximately as drunk as I was, though

 

[James Bond]

This happened to a friend, and it is explicit -- I will tell it from first person perspective:
We all went out for a night of partying on campus, things went fine for a few hours and we picked up a couple girls who said they were also students. We end up taking them back to our place, two of them, and we all get annihilated.

One of these two girls is big, big and black. She probably weighed almost a couple bills, and she was definitely not the most pretty thing, especially when drunk. One of my roommates decides to take her upstairs so they can fool around. After about 20 minutes go by, she comes downstairs screaming. She gets down to us, and she is completely covered in puke. Her exact words were... well, about what you would expect, "He fucking puked all over me!". We all went upstairs to check our the roommate, who is also covered in puke, and completely passed out at this point. We wake him up and help him clean himself off some, then let him rest.

Some time goes by, and somehow my other roommate decides that he wants to give this girl a try. He takes her upstairs to his room, which is connected to roommate #1's room (there is a bathroom in-between that connects them), and has anal with her. Once this is over, he decides he wants to go make fun of roommate #1 -- To get to his room, he goes through the bathroom in the middle, only to find the roommate there, sitting on the toilet, more puke on the ground, and it smells like utter shit. Upon investigation, he finds that the pants which are at this guy ankles are also completely full of shit.

They later found out that the girls were still in high school, ouch.

I'm not sure if that falls in the stupid category or what, but I find most of that fairly stupid.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: Tizyler
This happened to a friend, and it is explicit -- I will tell it from first person perspective:
We all went out for a night of partying on campus, things went fine for a few hours and we picked up a couple girls who said they were also students. We end up taking them back to our place, two of them, and we all get annihilated.

One of these two girls is big, big and black. She probably weighed almost a couple bills, and she was definitely not the most pretty thing, especially when drunk. One of my roommates decides to take her upstairs so they can fool around. After about 20 minutes go by, she comes downstairs screaming. She gets down to us, and she is completely covered in puke. Her exact words were... well, about what you would expect, "He fucking puked all over me!". We all went upstairs to check our the roommate, who is also covered in puke, and completely passed out at this point. We wake him up and help him clean himself off some, then let him rest.

Some time goes by, and somehow my other roommate decides that he wants to give this girl a try. He takes her upstairs to his room, which is connected to roommate #1's room (there is a bathroom in-between that connects them), and has anal with her. Once this is over, he decides he wants to go make fun of roommate #1 -- To get to his room, he goes through the bathroom in the middle, only to find the roommate there, sitting on the toilet, more puke on the ground, and it smells like utter shit. Upon investigation, he finds that the pants which are at this guy ankles are also completely full of shit.

They later found out that the girls were still in high school, ouch.

I'm not sure if that falls in the stupid category or what, but I find most of that fairly stupid.

I call shens on the very fact that once puked on why the hell did the girl stick around. Don't know what being black had to do with anything though.

 

[Oceandevi]

Originally posted by: shinerburke

Originally posted by: se7en
Guy I used to live with was a total idiot when he got drunk. We lived in this apartment complex and one night we were kinda visiting people we knew as we were drinking. Now this guy was kinda big probably 6'0 around 260lbs mostly chubby not really any muscle. Anyway he goes up to some door we don't know, takes the pink bicyccle on the porch /w training wheels / tassles and rides that damn thing all over the parking lot.

He wouldn't get off it as he is an idiot so we got some dog biscuits and told him we were going to eat some granola bars. Hes always down to eat so left the bike to go eat "granola".

Not about me sorry worst I ever did was pass out on my front steps before I could get inside b/c the steps were too complicated.

This story had potential...then it went pfffffffffffffffffffffffffft.

Here is a better version:


Guy I used to live with was a total idiot when he got drunk. We lived in this apartment complex and one night we were kinda visiting people we knew as we were drinking. Now this guy was kinda big probably 6'0 around 260lbs mostly chubby not really any muscle. Anyway he goes up to some door we don't know, takes the pink bicyccle on the porch /w training wheels / tassles and rides that damn thing all over the parking lot.

He wouldn't get off it as he is an idiot and then the owners of the bike came out and shot him in the gut. he died a horrible death. I am now an alcoholic wife beater.

 

[jadinolf]

Got married?

No, I'm kidding.

 

[lokiju]

I drank 18 beers one night and then someone said "You wanna try a pill"

I don't remember anything after that until about 10AM the next day when I woke up with a stranger driving my car while I'm in the back seat and my friend is in the front passenger seat.

I freaked and started yelling "pull the fvck over!!!!" and he did and I woke my friend up and told him to drive me home cause I couldn't hardly keep my eyes open.

I still don't know who it was that was driving my car.

Apparently I tried to fight my friends brothers roommate for some reason and he just laughed it off apparently

Drugs are bad.

FWIW I was probably about 17 when I did all that and am now 27, married and don't drink much anymore.

 

[ew915]

i think i've done more stupid things when i was sober than when i was drunk.