OK, Poofyhairguy, I read your OP, and being a human being with the same DNA for the most part I can, of course, relate and have some ideas right off the bat.
Firstly, your jerky idea isn't as bad as you think. I was in Costco around 3 months ago and one of their many jerky offerings looked really good to me. It was Krave brand, cherry flavored, was cheap at IIRC ~$10/lb., had no nitrite/nitrate/preservative on the ingredients list. I bought a bunch, around 5-6. Turns out I love the stuff. After opening a package, I keep it in the fridge.
Secondly, I've been in the habit for some time of taking a cheap cut of the leanest beef I see at Costco or Safeway, usually top round steak, cut it into 1 lb. amounts and freeze in plastic bags. When wanted, I let one of these defrost in the refrigerator, then cut into cubes maybe a little smaller than 1 square inch, put in a covered saucepan with a little water, add a tablespoon, maybe a bit more, of New Mexico chili powder and simmer for about an hour, being careful not to let it dry out and burn. I like it when 90% of the moisture has come off as steam. By this time it is really tender and delicious. I let this cool some and store in a container in the refrigerator. I find that this keeps far longer than 2 days. In fact it has been keeping for me well over a week, longer than I'm apt to keep it around, even two weeks. IMO, heating this in the microwave with other burrito fixings does NOT ruin it. I throw some of this into a quick pasta sauce (with my home canned Italian sauce) for a great quick meal, too.
Thirdly, I drink a LOT of milk, specifically NONFAT milk, and I invariably make it from a cheap source:
4 lb. box at Walmart for $14.98, free shipping in orders at least $50. I ordered 3 boxes of this a couple days ago along with 1/2 dozen T shirts. Should be on my porch in a day or two. I weigh out ~1.63 oz of this on my kitchen scale, pour with funnel into a 16 oz. plastic bottle (from juice, originally), fill with water, shake, keep in the refrigerator. As long as you go through it reasonably quickly, it does not spoil. It's a very cheap nonfat source of fairly low carb complete protein and I like it in my coffee, add to cereal, cooking, whatever. Others will say they prefer other sources of milk to mine, but I'm used to it and love it! It's said that NFDM tastes better if let sit a while before drinking. That may or may not be a wives tale. Anyway, I like it, have consumed massive amounts of it over many years, always have it on hand.