Elderly woman racist to us at starbucks, what would you do?

[dave_the_nerd]

I wouldn't hold it against the manager too bad: when two customers have an issue, you have to try and appease them both.

 

[Schmide]

From the managers perspective: When crazy confronts something, it's probably best to deal with the rational element crazy is confronting.

 

[allisolm]

If I were the manager, you just put me in a no win situation. The place is packed and there are no other tables to separate you guys. Either I piss you off or the cranky old lady. I would think that it would be easier to reason with you instead of an old bigot. That may explain why he asked you to move.

Why would anyone in their right mind think that it would be easier for a party of 5 including 2 children to just find another place to sit in a packed Starbucks than for one woman to move to another table?

 

[Humpy]

Based on your assumption.... Move the fuck on.

I have to agree with this.

 

[slackerinabox]

Based on your assumption.

This is the problem that permeates the race card. You assume she was playing it, so you played it yourself. So what if she did? Move the fuck on. People like that aren't worth the time, and her life will be over soon enough.

Congratulations on perpetuating the cycle.

I didn't assume anything, "I'm FROM here, I deserve to be here, you're not even from here. This isn't your neighborhood." She was either being racist or classist (again, I was not dressed inappropriately for a 34 year old, or at all like a gangster).

 

[slackerinabox]

Why would anyone in their right mind think that it would be easier for a party of 5 including 2 children to just find another place to sit in a packed Starbucks than for one woman to move to another table?

Exactly, and my kids have some plump to them - they were noshing through expensive bakery items and the woman most likely to buy a discount cup of coffee, if that. It's illogical from a business perspective, hurtful when the only recourse was waiting outside for 40 minutes (there were no other tables big enough for all of them and it was 50ish out, fine for us but not the 18 month old)

 

[Humpy]

I didn't assume anything, "I'm FROM here, I deserve to be here, you're not even from here. This isn't your neighborhood." She was either being racist or classist (again, I was not dressed inappropriately for a 34 year old, or at all like a gangster).

Maybe she is tired of population growth and wishes it was like the old days when one could easily find a seat in a coffee shop.

Based on your posts (tipping to combat stereotypes?) it seems like you are hypersensitive to your "color" and it has affected how you perceive things.

 

[Fanatical Meat]

Would gave been funny if you started talking about something gross or sex stuff after she refused to leave for your private conversation.

 

[SunnyD]

I didn't assume anything, "I'm FROM here, I deserve to be here, you're not even from here. This isn't your neighborhood." She was either being racist or classist (again, I was not dressed inappropriately for a 34 year old, or at all like a gangster).

Or simply being a crotchety old bitch. Ever stop to think of that? Nope. You pulled out the race card right from the start.

For all you know maybe when she sat down she thought you were cute... then your opening snide remark turned her off. You know what they say when you assume!

 

[madoka]

Why would anyone in their right mind think that it would be easier for a party of 5 including 2 children to just find another place to sit in a packed Starbucks than for one woman to move to another table?

Because of what I already said, which was restated by the poster immediately above your post:

From the managers perspective: When crazy confronts something, it's probably best to deal with the rational element crazy is confronting.

I spend an inordinate amount of time in cafes (30-50 hours per week), so I've seen a lot of wacky stuff happen. Over the years, I learned how the workers and managers think. Starbucks managers will avoid dealing with crazy as much as possible.

 

[Childs]

My wife is a caucasian special ed teacher, we're not a threatening sort: https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.ne...=8556f81e972277a50e86db2c4e7ad4ac&oe=56B0FD7A

Unfortunately you are brown enough to look black (shaved head doesnt help) but not "black" enough to prevent people from talking shit to you. To be honest, you seem somewhat in the wrong here. She's right, she can sit anywhere she wants. Obviously it was a POS move on her part to use the "you dont even belong here".

Whats funny is she could have been insulting you on many levels. Could be a mostly white neighborhood and she mistook you for being black. She knew you were Indian and was telling you to go back home. She thought you were too poor to be in the neighborhood. Or thought you were too brown and too poor!

So I would have said "I havent raped an old white woman in awhile, so I dont know if this is going to be quick or if I'll make it last and steal your purse after. What did you mean by that remark?"

 

[slackerinabox]

Maybe she is tired of population growth and wishes it was like the old days when one could easily find a seat in a coffee shop.

Based on your posts (tipping to combat stereotypes?) it seems like you are hypersensitive to your "color" and it has affected how you perceive things.

So you're you're saying she specifically means people under 60? Doubtful since they're very much the minority at Forest Hills. The "starbucks" is also only a few years old, there was no "starbucks of the good old days." I remember them, it was a wendys. If she misses the less crowded mom and pop it's still empty, because of starbucks which is relatively new.

I think we know what she really meant. We can grant her classism but me and my entire family were being featured for a dissertation and put on the designer duds. We were not sloppy, we not untucked, and I even was wearing cologne. How did she make her class distinction? Why didn't she say my wife didn't belong there, but me specifically the person of color?

The overtipping thing- It was a joke. I tip well because my wife and more than a few exes were waiters or bartenders, it's a shitty job with little respect. If someone had to clean up after a hypothetical ker-fuffle, I would have slipped them 2 hours pay. That's all I'm saying.

POC are constantly accused of being overly sensitive because it make things easier on you, it removes you of some guilt. I don't believe in white liberal guilt! Don't have any guilt! But don't assume we're just overly sensitive either. We're sensitive because fucked up shit like this happens. I assure you I love white people. I've been attracted to white women since I was 6, I've listened to "white music" since I was 10, every person invited by me to my wedding was white, and man do I love bbq. I'm am not an uppity brown person who has a thing against white people and plays the race card, my kids have dirty blonde hair for christ's sakes and are in some weird mayflower society as well as daughters of the revolution - they know far more about their white culture than their brown one, and I'm fine with that because they're american and have a right to be proud. /high horse.

 

[purbeast0]

n/m

 

[slackerinabox]

OP, this is one of those unfortunate situations with no truly good solution. Your one recourse is to complain to Starbucks corporate. This will mostly drag out the annoyance of this experience, and, at best, you will receive some anodyne "solution" like a pittance of a gift card and some distant, pallid, corporate speak apology.

The whole thing sucks.

Just take solace that you and your wife are the future and that this bitter old bigot is the part of the past still leaking into this imperfect present. Be glad you have your life and not hers. The only real question is which of her sons is a prolific P&N posting member here. j/k

Yes, she was sitting there pretending to wait for someone, then pretended to call someone to complain about us. She wasn't crazy, just very sad and very uptight old new york. You're right, at the end of the day my kids are part of the future and hers have probably already disowned her.

Complained to starbucks, hopefully the manager is given better suggestions on how to deal with situations like this in the future.

 

[slackerinabox]

Or simply being a crotchety old bitch. Ever stop to think of that? Nope. You pulled out the race card right from the start.

For all you know maybe when she sat down she thought you were cute... then your opening snide remark turned her off. You know what they say when you assume!

I was not rude or snide, there was single seating elsewhere. I said "excuse me, this interview is of a personal and confidential nature, do you mind moving?" I shit you not, a voice recorder was going on me so I was not dropping the f-bombs. You ASSUMED I was being snide. My wife is the one who alerted me to the waspy subversive racism, I thought she meant i looked poor (my wife said "i'm wearing a $400 scarf, how do we look poor? she means you look black and don't belong here." I was naive to the insult and focused on the interview). The more this woman said it directly to me and no one else (remember, my wife was calling her f-bombs, i was not and instead went straight to management) the more I think it had to do directly with my complexion.

 

[Ackmed]

I wouldn't have moved, the manager could not make you. If she called the police, report it to them. They would have had no legal reason to move you. If they did, make a report against them. Fuck her, and now she won.

 

[slackerinabox]

I wouldn't have moved, the manager could not make you. If she called the police, report it to them. They would have had no legal reason to move you. If they did, make a report against them. Fuck her, and now she won.

You're right, but we had to make a showing of "Peanuts" at the local theater and just wanted to get the whole thing over with I do wish i had just a bit more backbone in retrospect

 

[Humpy]

So you're you're saying she specifically means people under 60? Doubtful since they're very much the minority at Forest Hills. The "starbucks" is also only a few years old, there was no "starbucks of the good old days." I remember them, it was a wendys. If she misses the less crowded mom and pop it's still empty, because of starbucks which is relatively new.

I think we know what she really meant. We can grant her classism but me and my entire family were being featured for a dissertation and put on the designer duds. We were not sloppy, we not untucked, and I even was wearing cologne. How did she make her class distinction? Why didn't she say my wife didn't belong there, but me specifically the person of color?

The overtipping thing- It was a joke. I tip well because my wife and more than a few exes were waiters or bartenders, it's a shitty job with little respect. If someone had to clean up after a hypothetical ker-fuffle, I would have slipped them 2 hours pay. That's all I'm saying.

POC are constantly accused of being overly sensitive because it make things easier on you, it removes you of some guilt. I don't believe in white liberal guilt! Don't have any guilt! But don't assume we're just overly sensitive either. We're sensitive because fucked up shit like this happens. I assure you I love white people. I've been attracted to white women since I was 6, I've listened to "white music" since I was 10, every person invited by me to my wedding was white, and man do I love bbq. I'm am not an uppity brown person who has a thing against white people and plays the race card, my kids have dirty blonde hair for christ's sakes and are in some weird mayflower society as well as daughters of the revolution - they know far more about their white culture than their brown one, and I'm fine with that because they're american and have a right to be proud. /high horse.

Color is clearly a big issue for you.

There is a very good chance the old lady is racist as hell. There is also a good chance you over-reacted. I think it's best to reserve claims of racism for the thousands of daily overt cases rather than events that could be simple asshole-ishness.

 

[slackerinabox]

Color is clearly a big issue for you.

There is a very good chance the old lady is racist as hell. There is also a good chance you over-reacted. I think it's best to reserve claims of racism for the thousands of daily overt cases rather than events that could be simple asshole-ishness.

How did I over react? I basically did nothing and let her win! Why should I let you decide what is racist and what is not, why not let the victim decide? "Victim" is slight in this case, no big deal - let her get suckled by her kitteh's tonight and no human, while I'll move on surrounded by my family. It is no big deal, but what makes you the decider of what is racist and what is not? You weren't there to judge her body language, the way she emphasized "YOU," her hatred leveled only at me and not the other people who were actually cursing at her. I never rose above a calm NPR voice as I was trying to seem smart infront of the student interviewing me.

 

[Ackmed]

You're right, but we had to make a showing of "Peanuts" at the local theater and just wanted to get the whole thing over with I do wish i had just a bit more backbone in retrospect

Ah, well having a prior engagement makes things more difficult. There are always things we wish we had done looking back. It probably caught you off guard and didn't really process all your options. Hopefully it doesn't happen again, but if something like that does then you may make a different decision. Sorry that it happened, sadly things such as this still do, in every direction.

 

[Humpy]

How did I over react? I basically did nothing and let her win! Why should I let you decide what is racist and what is not, why not let the victim decide? "Victim" is slight in this case, no big deal - let her get suckled by her kitteh's tonight and no human, while I'll move on surrounded by my family. It is no big deal, but what makes you the decider of what is racist and what is not? You weren't there to judge her body language, the way she emphasized "YOU," her hatred leveled only at me and not the other people who were actually cursing at her. I never rose above a calm NPR voice as I was trying to seem smart infront of the student interviewing me.

Agreed. I wasn't there and I have to accept that your sense of what was going on is correct.

What ever over-reaction I see comes only from reading this thread and doesn't amount to much.

 

[slackerinabox]

Agreed. I wasn't there and I have to accept that your sense of what was going on is correct.

What ever over-reaction I see comes only from reading this thread and doesn't amount to much.

Kudos, won't argue for the sake of arguing

 

[pauldun170]

My wife and family (and a student who was interviewing us) were at a Starbucks yesterday when an elderly woman rudely sat at the table we were already sitting at. We were paying customers and she was not - I asked her if she minded because this was a personal conversation and she was literally 3 inches away from me..

NYC, the place was PACKEDhttps://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.ne...=8556f81e972277a50e86db2c4e7ad4ac&oe=56B0FD7A

You are in a packed Starbucks in NYC and you expect to have a private conversation AND buffer space?

The proper response from the old lady should have been a simple "Go fuck yourself asshole." She has no obligation to give a seat or move away form you. It's a Starbucks.

As for old crowd, they hate on everyone who is different. You'd be surprised to see who else they'll complain about. Hanging out with Old Italian women in NYC is like hanging out with any old Korean or old people from Hong Kong. The difference is the old white lady just comes out and says what she is thinking.

People don't like change and they will blame what ever represents that change.
In some parts they'll paint the "The Orientals" as the baddies. Others will complain about the Russians. Way back when all they had to complain about was "The Puerto Ricans" and "The Blacks". To this day, watch their face when you tell them you are not Catholic or that you don't go to Temple.

Summary - If you truly were from "her" neighborhood you wouldn't have had such thin skin where you run to the manager after asking some crotchety old lady to hit the road.

 

[GasX]

I just read the three pages of this thread and conclude this:

OP is a whiny prat and she is a crazy old bat. The biggest difference between the two is that the old lady will sleep well tonight and OP will stay up refreshing this thread looking for validation for having a stick up his backside.

 

[BurnItDwn]

Old lady was a racist bitch, manager handled things wrong. Yes, you are the victim, and you were wronged, but, need to get over it. You survived and lived to tell the tale.Your pride was hurt, and you were offended, but, you will survive. Keep on Keeping on, and just let it go, she will die soon enough.