Elderly woman racist to us at starbucks, what would you do?

[Squeetard]

Let's go to a packed Starbucks and have a private conversation.

 

[waffleironhead]

This thread sounded surprisingly familiar...until I realized the op had a name change.
Search freedomsbeat212 and overreaction.

 

[Kelvrick]

Have YOU been to NYC? I *live* here and it's very weird for a person to sit at your crowded table, especially when we were single person seats available (we had the last table).

And my wife, don't make this thread about her because you don't know a think about her and are making up theories in your head.

My apologies then. When I hear a "packed" starbucks in NYC, I was thinking of all my times in coffee stands in Manhattan commercial districts.

In the end, I don't think you're going to get much more sympathy here and it might go against you even more. Nobody except some trolls will say the crazy old lady was in the right. The tide is turning against you in the way that you expected management to handle the situation when there was no real way to win for them. If someone is already yelling expletives in a public restaurant, management trying to get them to leave is probably going to cause a commotion that might just end up as a youtube video of a crazy old lady or an incident where the crazy goes totally batshit crazy and someone may get hurt. The best win you can get in the situation is "losing" and just moving on.

 

[SP33Demon]

EXACTLY, it was Queens crowded not 42nd Street crowded. It was very weird, she wedged herself in between my wife and myself so that if I spoke to my wife she would be in the middle (sitting so close that my leg pressed against this woman's).

How is this normal to anyone else and how am I rude for asking for some privacy? Then, instead of punching her for saying what she did I went to the manager for help, to let cooler heads prevail yet, again on this thread I'm the bad guy. Are you guys saying that old white people can say or call other people anything they want and we're the overly sensitive uppity ones for being upset about it and not just eating it?

Wait, why did you leave a seat between you and your wife?

 

[slackerinabox]

Wait, why did you leave a seat between you and your wife?

She was tending to the youngest who was sitting perpendicular to us

 

[SP33Demon]

She was tending to the youngest who was sitting perpendicular to us

Ok, so then why didn't you sit next to her in the seat and leave the one on the end open for other people?

Also, in a previous post you said she was dropping the F bomb in front of your kids. Why wasn't that in the OP?

 

[slackerinabox]

Ok, so then why didn't you sit next to her in the seat and leave the one on the end open for other people?

Also, in a previous post you said she was dropping the F bomb in front of your kids. Why wasn't that in the OP?

Because she was leaning and I wasn't going to move in real time to how my wife reacted and ran around for the kids. There was also a mini sound recorder on the table I was huddling near. And I have the day off from school so have the time to be argumentative here

I didn't mention it in the OP because I think it was long winded enough and assumed i got my point across that she was belligerent and rude, Mr. Perry Mason.

 

[poofyhairguy]

Sorry man, that sucks.

 

[jlee]

This thread sounded surprisingly familiar...until I realized the op had a name change.
Search freedomsbeat212 and overreaction.

ahhh, I was unaware of this!

 

[pauldun170]

EXACTLY, it was Queens crowded not 42nd Street crowded. It was very weird, she wedged herself in between my wife and myself so that if I spoke to my wife she would be in the middle (sitting so close that my leg pressed against this woman's).

How is this normal to anyone else and how am I rude for asking for some privacy? Then, instead of punching her for saying what she did I went to the manager for help, to let cooler heads prevail yet, again on this thread I'm the bad guy. Are you guys saying that old white people can say or call other people anything they want and we're the overly sensitive uppity ones for being upset about it and not just eating it?

This just sounds odd

 

[Kelvrick]

This thread sounded surprisingly familiar...until I realized the op had a name change.
Search freedomsbeat212 and overreaction.

Holy crap, now everything makes sense. I'm not going to bother with this thread anymore.

 

[GasX]

EXACTLY, it was Queens crowded not 42nd Street crowded. It was very weird, she wedged herself in between my wife and myself so that if I spoke to my wife she would be in the middle (sitting so close that my leg pressed against this woman's).

How is this normal to anyone else and how am I rude for asking for some privacy? Then, instead of punching her for saying what she did I went to the manager for help, to let cooler heads prevail yet, again on this thread I'm the bad guy. Are you guys saying that old white people can say or call other people anything they want and we're the overly sensitive uppity ones for being upset about it and not just eating it?

You are in the wrong here for so many reasons. If this lady falls into the crazy old bat category, then you are a complete idiot for taking it personally and not just getting the hell away from her because there is no winning in such a scenario. If she is simply a foul mouthed bigot, then you are wrong for not acting like a man and handling it. You chose to be the victim, blamed the starbucks manager and ran off to cry like a bitch on an internet forum. Then your thread is titled like a buzzfeed article and is worded to cast you as a victim. Yet as each new detailed is presented you look like more and more of a self-indulgent entitled pussy.

Seriously, your "interview" was ruined by a crazy lady. You need to get over yourself already.

 

[momeNt]

I think there are multiple things going on here.

Her reaction, on its face and regardless of anything to do with the circumstances of the situation, is wrong.

You may have made an unreasonable request of her to move, you did not say if there were open seats or tables, all you said thus far that the place was "PACKED". Where was the next available seat, were people at it? What kind of conversation were they having?

Asking the manager to do something about it. Being that its an old person, asking them to move is generally considered rude in itself, asking the younger people to move is considered better.

Calling corporate, what will this accomplish? Getting the manager fire? Do you really want that?

There isn't ever an easy answer with etiquette. The lady obviously had none, she didn't ask to sit and her response was extremely rude. The manager has a tough job resolving disputes. They are trained to handle upset customers at the amount of cream and sugar in their coffee not race or age relationions.

 

[jlee]

I think there are multiple things going on here.

Her reaction, on its face and regardless of anything to do with the circumstances of the situation, is wrong.

You may have made an unreasonable request of her to move, you did not say if there were open seats or tables, all you said thus far that the place was "PACKED". Where was the next available seat, were people at it? What kind of conversation were they having?

Asking the manager to do something about it. Being that its an old person, asking them to move is generally considered rude in itself, asking the younger people to move is considered better.

Calling corporate, what will this accomplish? Getting the manager fire? Do you really want that?

There isn't ever an easy answer with etiquette. The lady obviously had none, she didn't ask to sit and her response was extremely rude. The manager has a tough job resolving disputes. They are trained to handle upset customers at the amount of cream and sugar in their coffee not race or age relationions.

And then the manager does basically the only thing he could reasonably do, i.e. offer free shit, and he freaks out about that because somehow that means the manager thinks he's poor! :awe:

 

[Schfifty Five]

I think the biggest issue is how OP thinks he's entitled to privacy when he's sitting in a Starbucks.

If the interview was that important, probably should have thought about picking a more private place, no?

 

[Brainonska511]

I think the biggest issue is how OP thinks he's entitled to privacy when he's sitting in a Starbucks.

If the interview was that important, probably should have thought about picking a more private place, no?

It's one thing if a person at a nearby table overhears you. It's a completely different thing if a random stranger just plops down at your table.

I think the OP needs to relax and stop getting worked up over it at this point, but I don't think he was in the wrong or that the manager handled it appropriately. The woman's behavior doesn't follow normal etiquette.

 

[TechBoyJK]

My wife and family (and a student who was interviewing us) were at a Starbucks yesterday when an elderly woman rudely sat at the table we were already sitting at. We were paying customers and she was not - I asked her if she minded because this was a personal conversation and she was literally 3 inches away from me.. Her reply was "this is my neighborhood, you don't belong here and I have a right to be here and you don't." As a person of color I was livid by her assumption (based on the color of my skin, I assure you) and calmly walked to report this to the manager. Instead of hearing the 3 witnesses the manager instead took the white woman's side and suggested that I find another table, he did not speak to her at all. When my wife was obviously livid by the suggestion that WE move, he then offered us free stuff, adding insult to injury. We didn't take the free stuff, obviously.

What would you do in this situation? I knew I couldn't lose my temper because the older white woman will always get the sympathy from onlookers..

Why not just move to a new table? Don't let crazy people bother you.

 

[Exophase]

EXACTLY, it was Queens crowded not 42nd Street crowded. It was very weird, she wedged herself in between my wife and myself so that if I spoke to my wife she would be in the middle (sitting so close that my leg pressed against this woman's).

How is this normal to anyone else and how am I rude for asking for some privacy? Then, instead of punching her for saying what she did I went to the manager for help, to let cooler heads prevail yet, again on this thread I'm the bad guy. Are you guys saying that old white people can say or call other people anything they want and we're the overly sensitive uppity ones for being upset about it and not just eating it?

Making a point of showing restraint by not punching her isn't really helping. Just saying.

I get why you're frustrated with people here not taking you very seriously or looking find blame with you over this. The thing about stories like this is that we only have your description of events and everyone knows that people tend to present things in a way that makes the people they're complaining about look really bad and make themselves look really faultless. It's really hard to avoid doing this at least subconsciously; I can think of several times where I thought someone said something really horrible to me only to later look back at it (if it was in text) and realize that I was reading more into it than was really there. Now I'm not saying you were doing this here, there's no reason to accuse you of that, but unfortunately since some shades of this are so common when dealing with complaints that are purely going off the person's account people will tend to take them with some skepticism. Especially when talking about it on a public forum as opposed to your circle of friends or whatever.

Now I do think a lot of the comments you've gotten are unfair and unwarranted, like the people saying you made it up or she definitely wasn't a racist or even calling you a racist instead. But I also think that your defensive stance has put people off and made them more argumentative with you in return. And people are picking up a lot, rightfully or wrongfully, based on your added statements here. For instance, I get this serious vibe that you're really self conscious about your perceived financial status.

Something I keep thinking about in your description of events is your wife's perceived role in this. You say you went to calmly get the manager but (if I read it right?) she was shouting swears at the old woman. If the manager saw this then I'm guessing that didn't help things much.

 

[lsd]

Supposedly the OP was a paying customer and the crazy lady was not. If it was your store and there was a problem between them who would you ask to leave?
The only thing the OP did wrong was not getting over the situation and starting this thread. Some loon is bound to play devil's advocate and turn the thread on the OP.

 

[Exophase]

Supposedly the OP was a paying customer and the crazy lady was not. If it was your store and there was a problem between them who would you ask to leave?
The only thing the OP did wrong was not getting over the situation and starting this thread. Some loon is bound to play devil's advocate and turn the thread on the OP.

How would he know if the woman wasn't going to buy something?

She's old, maybe she needed to sit down for a minute first.

 

[Exterous]

EXACTLY, it was Queens crowded not 42nd Street crowded.

Wait - earlier your were saying it was PACKED. As in so many people you felt the need to use all caps to try and describe how many people were jammed in there. But now it is only kinda crowded?

we're the overly sensitive uppity ones

Yeah so I did a search on the thread and absolutely no one has said you were uppity. In fact you are the only one here who has used that term - several times.

You made that decision before considering anything because that's how we are, overly sensitive.

Uh...you got upset that someone tried to make the situation better by giving you free stuff. You looked past the intent and went straight to being offended. In my book thats overly sensitive.

And FWIW I've been with the same woman for 15 years so not sure how that fits in with your 'lack of compassion' remark.

 

[SP33Demon]

Because she was leaning and I wasn't going to move in real time to how my wife reacted and ran around for the kids. There was also a mini sound recorder on the table I was huddling near. And I have the day off from school so have the time to be argumentative here

I didn't mention it in the OP because I think it was long winded enough and assumed i got my point across that she was belligerent and rude, Mr. Perry Mason.

Well it's good to know all the facts of the story. Like if she's dropping F bombs in front of your kids, that is escalating things to a much higher level than your OP indicated. Also, someone else indicated that your wife was swearing back at her. This was also not in the OP.

It's possible the old lady thought it was rude that you didn't leave an extra seat on the end and were hogging the entire table (with an empty seat between you) when she wanted to sit down. She could have some medical condition, who knows. Which could have contributed to why she was pissed off.

I don't know how valuable seats are in this place but maybe it's rare to get a seat there and she saw that you guys weren't using one and took it. Also, treating an old lady like a normal person is not realistic. Older people suffer from mental and physical stuff so many are off their rocker. I don't see a problem with gratuitously yelling back at her if she's cussing you out in front of your kids, but it's a lose lose situation since she's bat shit crazy. In the end, it's not worth it. I'd just move at that point, not worth listening to a crazy bitch drop F bombs continually and subjecting your kids to that as well.

 

[lsd]

How would he know if the woman wasn't going to buy something?

She's old, maybe she needed to sit down for a minute first.

She should have kept the crazy in then.
Knowing the area, old people will just sit in a mcdonald's or other fast food place for hours on end just sitting there because it's too cold to sit at the park for hours on end.

 

[nakedfrog]

I can't say I've ever felt I had the "right" to sit down at a mostly occupied table at coffee place/restaurant/what-have-you.

 

[nakedfrog]

Also, treating an old lady like a normal person is not realistic. Older people suffer from mental and physical stuff so many are off their rocker.

This is basically the one thing about getting old I look forward to. I'll be able to get away with all kinds of shit and have it just written off as me being a goofy geriatric.