Ever considered pre-arranged marriages ??

[CTrain]

Originally posted by: Azraele
The whole idea of pre-arranged scares me. It sounds like a disaster in the making.

Can't be any worst than the 50% divorce rate in America.

 

[JEDI]

Originally posted by: Kaieye
One of my 48 year old friend who married a nice lady from China about 8 years younger than him had a pre-arranged marriage. They have a five or six year old boy now. They are now in the process of getting a divorce...

hope he had a prenup

 

[AreaCode707]

I think, if you trust your mom to know you and look to your interests, that arranged marriages really can work. Love is a learned skill anyway, IMO (not the feelings, the day-to-day living) and the feelings follow the actions. If you and your bride are resolved to make it work, I think it can truly make a wonderful marriage. The people I know (no close friends) who had arranged marriages have terrific relationships.

[edit]

What if you brought her over and got to know her before actually committing to marrying her?

 

[JEDI]

Originally posted by: SubZeroX

Originally posted by: CTrain
You know marrying for love is great and everything but when:

1) I don't hang around Asians and I like to have an Asian wife......thats kinda hard.
2) I work about 55-65 hrs a week and when I'm off work, I so tired that I just sit around the house and do nothing.

So with those 2 scenarios, I'll be hitting 40 before you know it and still be single.

I know about alot of these mail order brides that doesn't work out but I not talking about just finding some random girl.
Like I was saying my family still knows alot of people back home, and it'll be someone that my family knows her family sort of thing.

My 2 biggest fear in life:

1) Getting old and still with NO career
2) Getting old and still single and lonely

Just need to worry about #2 for right now.

Ctrain, are u my long lost twin brother??

u and I think almost think exactly the same! Although I have an opportunity to meet a girl coming up (see my YAGT thread), i do have trouble meeting girls also.

hey, check out friendster.com, lot's of girls on there. You can put me down as a friend (PM me).

Good luck dude.

link to your YAGT?

 

[JEDI]

Originally posted by: CTrain

Originally posted by: beamme84

Originally posted by: CTrain

Originally posted by: Soybomb
Seems a little desperate to me, instead of complaining about how you never get out why don't you quit posting and go meet some ladies? Why do you work so much? Start working less.

I don't considered myself desperate.
For Asians in particular, arranged marriages work quite well.

I'm a store manager at a restaurant, I CAN'T work less.
I can always demote myself but I got to this position so it'd be stupid for me to go backward.

Man, you're a restaurant manager, then there are plenty of women at your age who would look into you. The thing is you need to approach them.
Again, you need to make time available. No wife would want a husband so busy with work and have no time for them.

LOL, sorry I didn't want to say it so LOUD, but I'm a store manager at a McDonalds.
Not much to choose from if you know what I mean.
And no, I'm not going for those underage females

I'm not that deperate man. Just an idea I've been thinking since I saw my cousin did it.

How much do McDonalds store managers make? Walmart store mgr's make $110k on avg. the #2 guy makes $60k. and asst mgr (dept mgr) makes ~$35k. It's goes up if it's a Super Walmart

 

[Soybomb]

You work 55-65 hours a week as a mcdonalds manager and then are too tired to do anything else. Are you really happy living your life like that? Can't you cut back to 40-50 hours and get an assistant manager to help you out? Whats a career worth if you don't have a life? A wife isn't something to have to have like a sports car or big screen tv. If you're too tired to go out and do stuff now, why do you want a wife? You're presumably going to be too tired to go out and have fun doing stuff with her then too. Sounds like you're looking for either sex or a maid more than companionship to me.

 

[weezergirl]

I can see where you are coming from. Once you get out of college and start working it's REALLY hard to meet someone that you click with. I think more and more people are ending up old and single. It just doesn't work like in the movies where one day you wake up and meet "the one". I think if you are that old and ready to settle down then pre-arranged marriages can work. I've seen them work. But I have also seen them not work. You are lucky though because "most" viet girls straight from vietnam are very docile, obedient, quiet, etc. Easy to get along with. If that's the type of wife you are looking for (which I can imagine there are guys out there who prefer this type of wife) then go for it.

Of course there are downsides to this situation. It's not easy being married to someone, let alone a complete stranger. My uncle did the go back to viet and pick up a wife thing and although their relationship works, she's really stupid and lazy. She does NOTHING all day long and refuses to do anything. She doesn't work, clean, or cook.

 

[CTrain]

Originally posted by: Soybomb
You work 55-65 hours a week as a mcdonalds manager and then are too tired to do anything else. Are you really happy living your life like that? Can't you cut back to 40-50 hours and get an assistant manager to help you out? Whats a career worth if you don't have a life? A wife isn't something to have to have like a sports car or big screen tv. If you're too tired to go out and do stuff now, why do you want a wife? You're presumably going to be too tired to go out and have fun doing stuff with her then too. Sounds like you're looking for either sex or a maid more than companionship to me.

I had the most carefree life for about 31yrs.
Didn't have a real job after college and didn't do anything.
Thats 6 yrs of being a bum after college so I do need to work hard for a change.

My long time buddy's parents own the 19 stores.
I wasn't going to find a job in my field after 6 yrs of college and I didn't want to go back to school.
I needed a stable job if I was ever going to settle down which is why I'm at McDonalds.
Basically my motive is that I wanted to start a family, didn't want to be OLD and LONELY.
Yeah, the sex is a requirement , no I don't need a maid.

 

[CTrain]

How much do McDonalds store managers make? Walmart store mgr's make $110k on avg. the #2 guy makes $60k. and asst mgr (dept mgr) makes ~$35k. It's goes up if it's a Super Walmart

I'm making about $40K right now but of course I've only been a store manager for about 4 months.
BUt I've only been back with McDonalds for about 1 yr.(worked there when I was a kid)
The most I'll ever make as a store manager is about ~$50K.
I do have connection in the company so I need to stick it out for a while.

I can imagine the store manager of a Super Walmart makes about 150-200K ??

 

[CTrain]

Originally posted by: weezergirl
I can see where you are coming from. Once you get out of college and start working it's REALLY hard to meet someone that you click with. I think more and more people are ending up old and single. It just doesn't work like in the movies where one day you wake up and meet "the one". I think if you are that old and ready to settle down then pre-arranged marriages can work. I've seen them work. But I have also seen them not work. You are lucky though because "most" viet girls straight from vietnam are very docile, obedient, quiet, etc. Easy to get along with. If that's the type of wife you are looking for (which I can imagine there are guys out there who prefer this type of wife) then go for it.

Of course there are downsides to this situation. It's not easy being married to someone, let alone a complete stranger. My uncle did the go back to viet and pick up a wife thing and although their relationship works, she's really stupid and lazy. She does NOTHING all day long and refuses to do anything. She doesn't work, clean, or cook.

Docile, obedient, quiet, etc. Easy to get along....YUP, thats what I had in mind.
And if She does NOTHING all day long and refuses to do anything, she'd be getting the big BOOT back to where she came from.

The girl that my cousin married was not only attractive, shes very educated too.
Doesn't look like the type that will just sit around the house.

 

[TommyVercetti]

Originally posted by: HotChic

What if you brought her over and got to know her before actually committing to marrying her?

Can't bring someone here without first being married to them.

 

[AreaCode707]

Originally posted by: TommyVercetti

Originally posted by: HotChic

What if you brought her over and got to know her before actually committing to marrying her?

Can't bring someone here without first being married to them.

For a visit?

 

[TommyVercetti]

Originally posted by: HotChic

Originally posted by: TommyVercetti

Originally posted by: HotChic

What if you brought her over and got to know her before actually committing to marrying her?

Can't bring someone here without first being married to them.

For a visit?

Oh didn't think about that. It's actually kinda hard nowadays to come to the US for a visit if you are not coming from Europe. They suspect that you are going to go to the US and marry someone and just live there. They actually suspect single people coming to the US for this.

 

[Booster]

Originally posted by: CTrain
Anyhow, I not getting any younger(33 in August).
The problem is that I'm Asian(Vietnamese) but I grew up here and pretty much Americanized.
So most everyone I know is are non-Asian.

Ive pretty much ruled out marrying someone non-Asian.
1) I don't know if the culture diferences gonna work(too mmany divorces here)
2) My parents would be very disappointed.
3) Plus, I'm very attracted to Asian women.

I like to marry an Asian girl but I don't hang out with Asian, hence my problem.
Plus, I work so damm much now that I hardly go out anymore(hence I'm here)

Anyway, a few months ago, a cousin of mine went back to Vietnam and married some girl he was set-up with.
He brought back pictures and I was truely impressed. She was beautiful and educated.

It got me thinking that this is the best way for me to go.
My mom knows alot of peole back home and she can pretty much find me someone that I'll find incredibly attractive.
I'm a decent looking guy with a stable career so I can pretty much pick who ever I want.

The biggest PLUS about the situation is that I'll be able to have that sweet, wholesome wife that most guys are looking for.
The NEGATIVE is the time it'll take for us to know each other and my native language is not strong.

Anyone else ever thought about going this route ????

This is all very interesting, of course. But... where is the love? You're going to marry just about anyone after you've lived a lifetime of loneliness. Makes no sense to me. My motto is always go fo the best you can, do not settle for a pityful compromise. And I'm speaking from experience, I know what you're talking about and I can feel what you mean. All the people I know (of my age) are married, some have kids. Sometimes I catch myself having some lonely feeling in the chest when I look at other people who are not alone. But I know it's my destiny and I'll never marry someone I don't really like just for the heck of it.

 

[fatbaby]

I have a little comment about going to asia to pickup a wife.

A neighbor of mine recently got hooked up with a girl in china. Now this guy is kind of flaky, and probably won't get any of the high maintanence women here..

Well, they got married and now have kids. My neighbor owns this restuarant that is about a 1.5 hour commute from their home. The wife does not speak english. She cannot get a job. She doesn't understand anything about american life.

All she does is stay home and take care of the kids.

Would you really want to put someone in that position? They have nowhere to go in life. They have reached the top of their ladders.

 

[Angrymarshmello]

Originally posted by: fatbaby
I have a little comment about going to asia to pickup a wife.

A neighbor of mine recently got hooked up with a girl in china. Now this guy is kind of flaky, and probably won't get any of the high maintanence women here..

Well, they got married and now have kids. My neighbor owns this restuarant that is about a 1.5 hour commute from their home. The wife does not speak english. She cannot get a job. She doesn't understand anything about american life.

All she does is stay home and take care of the kids.

Would you really want to put someone in that position? They have nowhere to go in life. They have reached the top of their ladders.

I can't necessarily say that's much better than their life in China, under a Communist government. There's only a very small portion of China that's wealthy and has the "luxuries" that we take for granted here in America. I can't speak for her but maybe her "boring" dreary life here in the US is 10x better than what it was in China. I feel bad for people like that myself - my grandparents on my father's side can't speak English and just sit inside the house most of the time, but from what my parents tell me, it's a better life than what they experienced in China.

 

[JEDI]

Originally posted by: weezergirl
I can see where you are coming from. Once you get out of college and start working it's REALLY hard to meet someone that you click with. I think more and more people are ending up old and single. It just doesn't work like in the movies where one day you wake up and meet "the one". I think if you are that old and ready to settle down then pre-arranged marriages can work. I've seen them work. But I have also seen them not work. You are lucky though because "most" viet girls straight from vietnam are very docile, obedient, quiet, etc. Easy to get along with. If that's the type of wife you are looking for (which I can imagine there are guys out there who prefer this type of wife) then go for it.

damn, so that's where they are. Ctrain, can you hook me up w/one too?

 

[CTrain]

Originally posted by: fatbaby
I have a little comment about going to asia to pickup a wife.

A neighbor of mine recently got hooked up with a girl in china. Now this guy is kind of flaky, and probably won't get any of the high maintanence women here..

Well, they got married and now have kids. My neighbor owns this restuarant that is about a 1.5 hour commute from their home. The wife does not speak english. She cannot get a job. She doesn't understand anything about american life.

All she does is stay home and take care of the kids.

Would you really want to put someone in that position? They have nowhere to go in life. They have reached the top of their ladders.

This type of situation pertain to mail-order bride.

My situation is different.
Basically I would reply on my mom to contact people she knows in Vietnam and I'm sure they'll find many canidates.
I mean I do know the langauge a little. I can comunicate in Vietnamese.
I do know the cultures so its not like some old dude who has absolutely nothing in common with a Chinese girl in your example.
I know many Vietnamese who came where in their 20s, 30s and were able to go to college and did well for themselves.

 

[godspeedx]

Originally posted by: fastz28
Sure. Why not.

The traditional way isn't working any better, as evident by the divorce rate. Arranged marriage, on the other hand, tend to have better records.

Is there a study or something?
It might be that most people who would do a pre-arranged marriage are forbidden religiously/culturally to divorce?

BTW: I would never consider it.

 

[astroview]

poll?

 

[Miramonti]

Originally posted by: HotChic
I think, if you trust your mom to know you and look to your interests, that arranged marriages really can work. Love is a learned skill anyway, IMO (not the feelings, the day-to-day living) and the feelings follow the actions. If you and your bride are resolved to make it work, I think it can truly make a wonderful marriage. The people I know (no close friends) who had arranged marriages have terrific relationships. [edit] What if you brought her over and got to know her before actually committing to marrying her?

I agree with your thoughts, nice post.