Broheim
Diamond Member
- Feb 17, 2011
- 4,587
- 2
- 81
stay with family.
Reason
1. when you have kids they dont have anyone to play with.
erm they're called friends
stay with family.
Reason
1. when you have kids they dont have anyone to play with.
If you are historically close, then maybe it just needs time for the dust to settle. You can stop having contact with anyone, but I don't know if that is the best thing in your scenario.
Wow, there are a lot of clueless folks on this thread.
I cut ties with my oldest brother many years ago. He's ex-Navy and he and a bunch of his buddies founded a Neo-Nazi compound in New Hampshire.
There are some people you don't ever want to be family with.
How to cut ties? Just do it. Ignore them at family funerals. Remove from Christmas Card list. Don't split those winning lottery tickets with them. Say nasty things to reporters and investigators who are looking for info.
Works for me.
Here is where I am at. Deciding whether just not attending/declining all of their invites, while not inviting them to my family's events is the way to go....
OR...
Informing them now, to avoid them just showing up uninvited. I'm not sure if the confrontational method is the most viable option at this point. I plan to host the coming holiday in my home. I am not planning on inviting them. But they will speak to my parents/siblings who will undoubtedly inform them that they will be with me.
My plan is to not say anything unless confronted. But I feel as though this may be a less respectable/more passive approach. I also want to avoid confusion... So I am a bit torn.
Here is where I am at. Deciding whether just not attending/declining all of their invites, while not inviting them to my family's events is the way to go....
OR...
Informing them now, to avoid them just showing up uninvited. I'm not sure if the confrontational method is the most viable option at this point. I plan to host the coming holiday in my home. I am not planning on inviting them. But they will speak to my parents/siblings who will undoubtedly inform them that they will be with me.
My plan is to not say anything unless confronted. But I feel as though this may be a less respectable/more passive approach. I also want to avoid confusion... So I am a bit torn.
Here is where I am at. Deciding whether just not attending/declining all of their invites, while not inviting them to my family's events is the way to go....
OR...
Informing them now, to avoid them just showing up uninvited. I'm not sure if the confrontational method is the most viable option at this point. I plan to host the coming holiday in my home. I am not planning on inviting them. But they will speak to my parents/siblings who will undoubtedly inform them that they will be with me.
My plan is to not say anything unless confronted. But I feel as though this may be a less respectable/more passive approach. I also want to avoid confusion... So I am a bit torn.
Ignore them long enough (delete from contacts, etc.) and they should get the hint. Worked for me.
KT
Why Tribe
by Gary Snyder (c.1969) (Pulitzer Prize winner)
We use the term Tribe because it suggest the
type of new society now emerging within the
industrial nations. In America of course the
word has associations with the American
Indians which we like. This new subculture is
in fact more similar to that ancient and
successful tribe, the European Gypsies-- a
group without nation or territory which
maintains its own values, its language and
religion, no matter what country it may be in.
The Tribe proposes a totally different style:
based on community houses, villages and
ashrams; tribe-run farms or workshops or
companies; large open families; pilgrimages and
wanderings from center to center. A synthesis
of Gandhian "village anarchism" and I.W.W.
syndicalism. Interesting visionary pamphlets
along these lines were written several years
ago by Gandhians Richard Gregg and Appa
Patwardhan. The Tribe proposes personal
responsibilities rather than abstract centralized
government, taxes and advertising-agency-
plus-Mafia type international brainwashing
corporations.
In the United States and Europe the Tribe has
evolved gradually over the last fifty years--
since the end of W.W.I-- in response to the
increasing insanity of the modern nations. As
the number of alienated intellectuals, creative
types and general social misfits grew, they
came to recognize each other by various
minute signals. Much of this energy was
channeled into Communism in the thirties and
early forties. All the anarchists and left-
deviationists-- and many Trotskyites-- were
tribesmen at heart after W.W.II. Another
generation looked at Communist rhetoric with a
fresh eye and saw that within the Communist
governments (and states of mind) there are too
many of the same things as ware wrong with
"capitalism"-- too much anger and murder. The
suspicion grew that perhaps the whole Western
Tradition, of which Marxism is but a (Millennial
Protestant) part, is off the track. This led many
people to study other major civilizations-- India
and China to see what they could learn.
It's an easy step from the dialectic of Marx and
Hegel to an interest in the dialectic of early
Taoism, the I Ching, and the yin-yang theories.
From Taoism it is another easy step to the
philosophies and mythologies of India-- vast,
touching the deepest areas of the mind, and
with a view of the ultimate nature of the
universe which is almost identical with the most
sophisticated thought in modern physics-- that
truth, whatever it is, which is called "the
Dharma".
Next comes a concern with deepening one's
understanding in an experiential way: abstract
philosophical understanding is simply not
enough. At this point many, myself included,
found in the Buddha-Dharma a practical
method for clearing one's mind of the trivia,
prejudices and false values that our
conditioning had laid on us-- and more
important, an approach to the basic problem of
how to penetrate to the deepest non-self Self.
Today we have many who are exploring the
Ways of Zen, Vajrayana, Yoga Shamanism,
Psychedelics, The Buddha-Dharma is a long,
gentle, human dialog-2,500 years of quiet
conversation-- on the nature of human nature
and the eternal Dharma-- and practical
methods of realization.
In the course of these studies it became
evident that the "truth" in Buddhism and
Hinduism is not dependent in any sense on
Indian or Chinese culture; and the "India: and
"China" - as societies- are as burdensome to
human beings as any others; perhaps more so.
It became clear that "Hinduism" and
"Buddhism" as social institutions had long been
accomplices of the State in burdening and
binding people, rather than serving to liberate
them. Just like the other Great Religions.
At this point, looking once more quite closely at
history both East and West, some of us noticed
the similarities in certain small but influential
heretical and esoteric movements. These
schools of thought and practice were usually
suppressed, or diluted and made harmless, in
whatever society they appeared. Peasant
witchcraft in Europe, Tantrism in Bengal,
Quakers in England, Tachikawa-ryu in Japan,
Ch'an (Zen) in China. These are all
outcroppings of the Great Subculture which
runs underground al through history. This is the
tradition that runs without break from Paleo-
Siberian Shamanism and Magdelenian cave-
painting; through megaliths and Mysteries,
astronomers, ritualists, alchemists and
Albigensains; Gnostics and vagantes, right
down to Golden Gate Park.
The great Subculture has been attached in part
to the official religions but is different in that it
transmits a community style of life, with an
ecstatically positive vision of spiritual and
physical love; and is opposed for very
fundamental reasons to the Civilized
Establishment.
It has taught that man's natural being is to be
trusted and followed; that we need not look to
a model or rule imposed from outside in
searching for the center; and that in following
the grain, one is being truly "moral". It has
recognized that for one to "follow the grain" it is
necessary to look exhaustively into the
negative and demonic potentials of the
Unconscious, and by recognizing these
powers-- symbolically acting them out-- one
releases himself from these forces. By this
profound exorcism and ritual drama, the Great
Subculture destroys the one credible claim of
Church and State to a necessary function.
All this is subversive to civilization: for
civilization is built on hierarchy and
specialization. A ruling class, to survive, must
propose a Law: a law to work must have a hook
into the social psyche-- and the most effective
way to achieve this is to make people doubt
their natural worth and instincts, especially
sexual. To make "human nature" suspect is
also to make Nature-- the wilderness-- the
adversary. Hence the ecological crisis of today.
We came, therefore, (and with many Western
thinkers before us) to suspect that civilization
may be overvalued. Before anyone says "This is
ridiculous, we all know civilization is a
necessary thing," let him read some cultural
anthropology, Take a look at the lives of South
African Bushmen, Micronesian navigators, the
Indians of California; the researches of Claude
Levi-Strauss. Everything we have thought
about man's welfare needs to be rethought.
The tribe, it seems, is the newest development
in the Great Subculture. We have almost
unintentionally liked ourselves to a
transmission of gnosis, a surviving from
prehistoric times.
The most advanced developments of modern
science and technology have come to support
some of these views. Consequently the modern
Tribesman, rather than being old-fashioned in
his criticism of civilization, is the most relevant
type in contemporary society. Nationalism,
warfare, heavy industry and consumership, are
already outdated and useless. The next great
step of mankind is to step into the nature of his
own mind-- the real question is "just what is
consciousness?"-- and we must make the most
intelligent and creative uses of science in
exploring these questions. The man of wide
international experience, much learning and
leisure-- luxurious product of our long and
sophisticated history-- may with good reason
wish to live simply, with few tools minimal
clothes, close to nature.
The Revolution has ceased to be an ideological
concern. Instead, people are trying it out right
now-- communism in small communities, new
family organization. A million people in
American and another million in England and
Europe. A vast underground in Russia, which
will come out in the open four or five years
hence, is now biding. How do they recognize
each other? Not always by beards, long hair,
bare feet or beads. The signal is a bright and
tender look; calmness and gentleness,
freshness and ease of manner. Men, women
and children-- all of whom together hope to
follow the timeless path of love and wisdom, in
affectionate company with the sky, winds,
clouds, trees, waters, animals and grasses- this
is the tribe.
Be direct. People can't get into your mind and just know what you're thinking... especially people who have gotten so hard to deal with in your regular life that you need to avoid them in the first place.
Be firm, direct, emotionless and let them know exactly what you want from them. Don't get sucked into their drama, don't placate them or put up with their retorts, once you've said what you need to say, just go your separate ways and avoid contact with them.
If they are talking shit about you or your family or causing pointless drama, you need to check that behavior directly, not passively.
I've directly confronted them about the negative comments regarding myself and my family. They simply deny it. How do you argue with someone who just denies and places blame elsewhere, even when you have proof? It's a dog chasing its tail.
I've cut off friends etc, but never family before.
I've directly confronted them about the negative comments regarding myself and my family. They simply deny it. How do you argue with someone who just denies and places blame elsewhere, even when you have proof? It's a dog chasing its tail.
I've cut off friends etc, but never family before.
You should try to solve your differences rather than run from them.