****EXPERTS ONLY**** Tough Girl question ****EXPERTS ONLY****

[hpkeeper]

Okey dokey... this is a tough one. Alright let me first off tell you that I'm 17, and this person I'm about to describe is an ex-girlfriend who is also 17 and we're trying to build back up to a friendship that we had before we went out, previous to going out, her and I Had probably been BEST friends for 10-12 years

Here we go.... I haven't talked to her face to face since April of last year, most of it has been e-mailing/attempted phone calls which are usually at the wrong time because usually I don't want anything to do with her. She goes to my school and what word is spoken to me by her is usually a hesitant "Hi" for fear that I'll bite her head off (which used to be true but no longer do I waste the anger because it's a waste of my time to turn and acknowledge her). But like I said... day by day we are building, as of recent I've heard a confirmed rumor that she's getting married to her current boyfriend (who BTW: she cheated on me with). When they first started going out she was all twitter pattered and I was trying to convince her that this isn't the guy for her because the guy is a complete bum. She's probably going to graduate in the top 10 of my class and he's going to flunk out of college (yeah, he's a junior in college going out with a senior in high school that should say something for him). Anyways, they haven't been going out for a year yet and I guess that they're getting married. So what I'm wondering... is suppose I'm invited to the wedding should I go? I don't like either of them really. Should I try to be friends with her, it's been made obvious to me in the past that she really wants me back (as a friend), but I'm worried that she'll hurt me again, because she hurt me mentally when I was friends with her and when we where going out, I just don't want it to happen again and lastly, should I Tell her what I think about him? or no?


Help!,

ThE KeEp

 

[ecrespol]

This seems to be a real touchy subject, I would tell her what I thought of this guy. As for the rest it depends on what you feel comfortable doing.

 

[MrAnderson]

When I was your age, or about, I used to give people relationship advice all the time. Now, If you are ready to become friends with her again now is the time to test that friendship. First off, you need to talk to her about this "marriage". My sister just got married and is already expecting at age 20. I can't believe anyone that REALLY wants to get married at 17!@# She needs someone to talk to and just pull her down to earth. Getting married that young takes away many possibilities you have in your life....you haven't even started really living it yet. So like I said, I think she really needs to have a good friend to talk to about life, marriage, and any other thing she may be going thru. If she has been seeing this guy for less than a year, the first strike of love, passion, or whatever it is needs to wear off before you KNOW if that person is the right one for the rest of your life. Keep us posted and Good Luck!

edit>>If you do decide to become friends again, don't let past feelings get to you. Make it strictly friendship and nothing else. She sounds like she has not done too much good to you in the past...

 

[hpkeeper]

yeah, really touchy, it's allot more in-depth than what I gave all of you to look at. I don't know what I feel comfortable doing, right now being away from her is most comfortable, but I also am one to look out for the feelings of others, that's why the question popped up as to me being friends with her/going to her wedding.

 

[madmacks]

dont go to the wedding. if you truly feel the way you do then why would you want to. to please her? screw that! do whats comfortable for you. i have no sympathy for people who cheat on their partners. move on with your life and just leave what happened behind you. its something you can learn from but you dont have to let it pain you anymore than it already has. just tell her you dont feel comfortable going. we all lose things in life... even friends sadly. just take it in as a learning experience. youre only 17 so you have a lot more of living to do and friends to make.

hope this helped

 

[nullshark]

<...usually at the wrong time because usually I don't want anything to do with her.>

<...it's a waste of my time to turn and acknowledge her).>

<(who BTW: she cheated on me with)>





Move on. Sever the tie and let the pain and the memories fade. (You also won't have to worry about whether or not she'll hurt you again).

 

[hpkeeper]

Yeah... the two things that bother me the most are:

-She's getting married at age 17 (not sure if it'll be 17, but I saw the ring), when the wedding comes along I have no idea.

- 12 years of friendship down the drain for a lousy 4 months that I went out with her?

 

[saxman]

Whatever you do...be honest. Both to yourself and her.

 

[hpkeeper]

man, you guys are quick... I can't finish my post without another one of you guys posting.

 

[eakers]

she;s 17 and getting married?!?!?!?!

go to the wedding there will probley be lots of young girls for you to pick up there. *giggles*

shes 17 and getting married and really values your 12 year friendship then tell her what you think and how you feel. but in doing so know that she'll get mad and probley not wanna talk to you anymore but maybe shell think twice about marrying this guy. just stress to her how much you care about her and your 12 year friendship and that you dont want to see her hurt.

if you feel too uncomfortable to go to the wedding then dont go, it'll just cost you heartache. She should understand how much shes hurt you and should understand why you dont want to go. obviously you care about her if you dont want to see her throw her life down the toilet.

i have no idea if that helps
goodluck with this.

*kat. <--not much help at all i bet

 

[KarsinTheHutt]

If you are her friend, you should give her your honest opinion.

If she's really been that bad to you... leave her be and let her suffer the consequences.

I'd hope that you pick the first option, but thats just my opinion.

 

[Passions]

why you gotta play dat

 

[nippyjun]

First of all, both of them are too young to get married. But that aside, you should go to the wedding only if you really want to. Personally, before I was married, i would stay away from x's... too much pain.

 

[hpkeeper]

Karsin the hutt, you are contradicting yourself, you have me lost.

 

[MrAnderson]

Like Madmacks said, you are 17 and alot of people will come in and unfortunately out of your life. It just depends on how you feel about this one (as a friend)

 

[madmacks]

if you do contact her make sure that you see her as a friend ONLY... seems to me that you still have &quot;feelings&quot; for her otherwise there would be no discussion on this. unless theres another issue why you are not friends with her like she set your car on fire or something

 

[hpkeeper]

No, i have no &quot;feelings&quot; other than friendly feelings, I was just wondering if that friendship beforehand is shot.

 

[Namuna]

Hp,
The specific answer to your question is...NO! By no means should you go to that wedding. It is obvious, to me at least, that the failed relationship with her is still an unhealed wound to you.

Not to the mention the incredibly uncomfortable feeling of being at the wedding of an ex-girlfriend marrying a guy she cheated on you with??!!

Your state of mind right now should be that you had a failed relationship with this person based on her actions. If there is to be an attempt at friendship, then it can ONLY begin AFTER she's made proper amends to you for the wrongful deeds she's done.

I do not accept excuses of she's only 17 and naive to proper ethics in relationships and BULL like that. Cheating on you hurt you deeply, if she didn't know it would then she's an idiot and if she DID know it would then she's a thoughtless, selfish and uncaring person.

Either case, you deserve better than this person.

 

[madmacks]

i think it will be shot because she has a friend in her new bf. wont be much time to bond and get that back unless there are issues and shes need another voice other than that dude. just remember, you dont have to do anything thats uncomfortable for you. make sure you do everything you can as long as you are not in a position to get hurt. only you know what that is and is not. good luck

 

[nullshark]

I seriously doubt that, deep down, you will ever be able to trust her again. Be civil to her; say hello and goodbye but don't go to the wedding and don't worry about not having her in your life anymore (when it comes to being cheated on... Scrape 'em off).

 

[Celstar]

I wouldn't go to the wedding. If she does invite you, it would just be a lame attempt to try to mend things and make things all pretty so she wouldn't have to have a guilty conscience while she's married to him. If you go, she'll take it as acceptance and forgivness. But you don't forgive her do you? And why should you?

 

[Elita1]

oooooooooh that is a toughy!

and all I can say is do what you feel is right so that your mind is at peace. And like Saxman said, whatever you do be honest with yourself as well as her.
Above all I wish you luck!

 

[rahvin]

Cheating is the highest form of betrayal and the biggest destroyer of trust. It also speaks volumes about a cheaters character. If you aren't comfortable being friends, don't. Friends come and go, college friends are often completely different than HS friends.

 

[Ender510]

rahvin: how are college friends completely different? Is it because they are more trusted or less? I have a similar situation with hp here, except my ex didn't cheat on me and she isn't getting married. The thing is, we both have feelings for each other and she is now dating someone new.. i feel as if she is waiting for me to ask for her back, and yet i don't because I don't want to get hurt either. Relationships just suck.. so much easier to write a program or work on a project or work out then think w/ the heart..

 

[Optimus]

Hp - sounds like your relationship didn't end the friendship, her cheating did.

In your shoes:

If I were not her friend, I wouldn't go. Why suffer the pain of watching the wedding and go through all that?

If I were her friend or wanted to be, I still wouldn't go. I would sit down with her privatly and tell her how I felt and then tell her that as a friend I would be taking a stand and NOT bearing witness as she threw her life away marrying a jerk at 17.

It is a very tough situation, and you likely have a lot of emotions pulling at you. Good luck, man.