****EXPERTS ONLY**** Tough Girl question ****EXPERTS ONLY****

[DonaldDuck82]

i agree with mr anderson

 

[iotone]

Hp,

Someone once told me (as in the case of my ex-gf) that it takes more energy and effort to avoid and stay away from somone than not.

You may feel comfortable completely avoiding her and what not, but sometimes you gotta take a chance and put yourself out there. Go talk to her. If you know her like you say you do, then you of all people know whether or not her marriage is a mistake. And you know, chances are you could be hurt again, but your efforts will be acknowledged when she realizes that what you said is right.

Life is full of times when you gotta stick your neck out and take a chance. Sometimes you gotta take them, or else you'll miss out.

Just my 2.... hope it goes well with u...

iotone

 

[I'm Typing]

First of all, 17 year olds should not be getting married. Period.
Second of all, you are going to find that a lot of your friends will be growing up and away from you, and you from them, as you go into adulthood.
Third, don't think that just because you have been friends with someone for 12 years, it makes what you had "special." It just means that you had 12 years together.

Give it up, dude. Move on.

 

[rahvin]

What I meant, is that the friends you have in college will most likely be different people. After HS you will drift away from all the people you know and meet new people in college and form new friendships. This is especially true if you go away to college....

But there is also generally a difference the qualities of people you choose in friends in HS and college. In HS you have a limited selection and often pick friends based on proximity. In college you will pick friends based on shared interests and values.

 

[mazdarx7]

Keep your nose out of the advice business regarding their realtionship/wedding or whatever. If you don't want to have anything to do with the girl, there's no problem there either. Drop it and move on with your life, christ your only 17, all you have to do is go to the mall and see all the hotties there are in this world, one of them is bound to be your type, besides you met this girl/person at a time in your life when your parents had so much of an influence on your life and the common theme of getting a basic education ruled your world, College may be around the corner, if you planned for it and you'll come to realize that the city an hour away or ont he other side of the state has quality people from it as well. These other two will make their mistakes and if it works out, you don't want to have that drive a wedge further into a friendship that may still be salvagable, if that's what you so desire. If the guys a loser, like you say, then she'll realize it, hopefully before she brings another life into the picture.

 

[mpg]

OH you think you have it bad buddy? I had a GF that has a ex-bf in jail and when he was released she went with him, a week later he was murdered guess who came crawling back? WHAT A BITCH! Yes we are both 17 this happened a week ago.

It seems you still have tremdous feelings for her since it doesn't sound like you moved on yet. Let me tell you in advanced ... THERE WONT BE A WEDDING and you WONT BE INVITED if there was one. ok ok maybe that was harsh but if there was a wedding which I HIGHLY doubt you should go so you can deal with your life and move on!

 

[ChrichtonsGirl]

My one cent on this topic:

If you receive an invitation, I think it would be unwise to go - you're opening yourself up to a lot of emotional garbage, none of it positive. Would the best case scenario be that you sit there, mildly uncomfortable while she gets married to the guy she cheated on you with? That sounds like it would be painful and unnecessary. Don't go to the wedding, but do acknowledge the invitation. I would send a card (no gift) congratulating the couple and wishing them luck. It's relatively impersonal, won't piss anyone off and only requires a small monetary and emotional investment on your part. The happy couple can't say you didn't make some effort, and if this girl has a brain in her head, she won't push a situation with the potential for emotional pain on you.

If, by some weird alternate-universe reality you do decide to go, you will be miserable - having been there, done that, I can pretty much offer you an iron-clad guarantee on that one. I hate to say this about my own gender, but some women (okay, really girls) have this idea that they can round up all their exes and stand there french-kissing the guy she dumped them for, then expect all the ex bf's to still fall all over themselves wanting to be her friends. Sometimes it just doesn't work that way, and in the rare instances when it does and friendship is possible, it takes years to get over the bitterness and hurt feelings from the failed relationship.

I'm not saying you can't be friends with an ex, but it's a different situation when that ex has cheated on you and expects you to offer her happy thoughts while she marries the schmuck she cheated with.

Lastly - should you tell her what you think of the schmuck? NO! She doesn't care what you think, unless you plan on offering your seal of approval. She may ask for the truth, but what she wants is you to tell her she's doing the right thing. At this point, it's her mistake to make, and there isn't anything you can say to her to make her dump him without her blaming you.

Hopefully that makes sense, Vicodin has the weirdest effect on me. Good luck, hpkeeper!

 

[Dan]

Don't go to the wedding. Don't try to mend any fences or renew any old "friendships." Put her out of your mind and move on with your life. Trust me, in 20 years you won't even remember her.

 

[gUEv]

fvck that
she cheated on you. why should you go to her wedding, much less be her friend? if you don't want to, dont do it. have some self respect man, you cant let people treat you like trash and then be nice to them. stand up for yourself!

 

[nullshark]

Why is it that some people always use threads that ask a question as an outlet for their own experiences? I mean, I can see you bringing out a personal experience if it were to show a similar experience and recount how they dealt with it, but I don't get the "my experience is better/worse than yours" posts.

Just 2 copper tiddley winks

 

[Hoeboy]

what do you have to gain from being her friend or attending the wedding? the way i see it, unless you have mutual close friends, there should be no issue in avoiding her and not going to her wedding. actually it's not even avoiding her. she did something wrong and she's the one avoiding you. you're just moving on. do what makes you feel comfortable and sometimes guilt can get a nice guy (you) hurt even more

p.s. something i've learned. wen facing a tough decision, don't even bother stressing. most of the time you've already made the choice from the beginning and probably just need reassurance. in your case, it already looked like u don't want to go.

 

[RGN]

I was invited to the ex's wedding. I didn't go...

um, I can't explain further... it is still a wound... sorry...

 

[gUEv]

or you could bang mrs robinson?

 

[rahvin]

Dude, you are 17. Do not let guilt draw you into a friendship you don't want. You will move on and be the better person for it. She destroyed the friendship/relationship by betraying you, never forget that (that part of her character will never change).

 

[thraashman]

well if you don't at least tell her some of what you feel, then you'll regret it. I think you need to tell her that it's a little early to get married, because if he's a bum, she'll be unhappy and probably get divorced in less than 4 years, I've seen it happen. You need to talk to her, and let her now how much she hurt you. Maybe she'll listen to you if you first work through your previous problems together. I've seen enough screwed up long-term relationships to know that they won't be together long. Either that or throw the guy a bachelor party, get him laid, tape it, and send her the tape. I can guarantee the marriage part won't happen then.

 

[skywhr]

let it go dont talk to her anymore