favorite professor quotes

[cHeeZeFacTory]

EE Prof: Engineers don't get rich.

 

[ArmchairAthlete]

Student: Wow, I graduated. What do I do now Bill?

Prof: Start sending Tech 10% of your before tax earnings. Earmark it for my discretionary fund. It will be put to good use.

 

[MotionMan]

On the first day of law school, the Prof. went around the room and asked everyone their name and what college they went to. He gets to the pretty blond girl and she responds: "Christine, San Diego St." The Prof. pauses and says; "The party's over, honey."

They built a nice new addition to the Southern California law school building on top of a hill (a cliff, really). The first day of school in the first class ever held in the building, the Prof. says: "Do not worry about earthquakes - the addition has been built to withstand an 8.5 quake. Unfortunately, the hill goes at 6.0 (pause for laughter) But at least we will all roll down in one piece!"

MotionMan

 

[Furyline]

EE prof asking class a question:
"OK, what is a reasonable value for gm?"
Nobody answers
"Come on, it is okay, just somebody give me a value."
student, gingerly: "um... fifty?"
prof: "FIFTY?!?!?!!!!??"

 

[SVT Cobra]

Originally posted by: Furyline
EE prof asking class a question:
"OK, what is a reasonable value for gm?"
Nobody answers
"Come on, it is okay, just somebody give me a value."
student, gingerly: "um... fifty?"
prof: "FIFTY?!?!?!!!!??"

The correct answer was obviously tree fitty.

 

[flunky nassau]

Biochem class; professor with heavy chinese accent:

"...afterwards, it get poo'd out of the cell.... "
" ...then the cell poo's it out... "


After about 10 minutes of constant snickering & chuckling, we finally realized that he meant to say "pulled" "pull" & "pulls"

 

[YoungGun21]

Originally posted by: eleison
me: "I'm so tired.. thanks for holding these office hrs..."
physics prof: "no problem.. glad to help students.."
me: "yea, its hard to pay attention to the lectures in the morning, I've been only getting 3hrs of sleep for the past few days.."
prof: "thats not a lot of sleep.."
me: "yea, out of curiosity, being a professor, how much sleep do professors get?"
prof: "I'm not quite sure. I haven't slept since I was 15."

Found out later that he had some kind of disorder... but he was very intelligent... strange; this was at UIUC @champaign/urbana..

Little repetitive? lol

What did you major in there? I'm still in HS but I'm really hoping to go there. I will probably go chemical engineering.

Oh yea and these quotes are freaking hilarious!

 

[imported_Imp]

Oh ya... just remembered a hilarious series of classes where we were using Ultimate Failure Stress and other concepts for steel construction...

"...erection..."

"...F.U....."

Many people picked up on the use of that word, and people were giggling. After a while, people held back, but then the professor says:

"I saw that smirk."

Class exploded (kinda)...

 

[txrandom]

Originally posted by: eleison
me: "I'm so tired.. thanks for holding these office hrs..."
physics prof: "no problem.. glad to help students.."
me: "yea, its hard to pay attention to the lectures in the morning, I've been only getting 3hrs of sleep for the past few days.."
prof: "thats not a lot of sleep.."
me: "yea, out of curiosity, being a professor, how much sleep do professors get?"
prof: "I'm not quite sure. I haven't slept since I was 15."

Found out later that he had some kind of disorder... but he was very intelligent... strange; this was at UIUC @champaign/urbana..

I wish I had that.

 

[OOBradm]

Liberal Arts Prof talking about feminine hygiene:

"There are 2 things in this world that smell like fish."

*pause*

"and one of em is fish"

 

[Fullmetal Chocobo]

Not necessarily a professor, but the Commanding Officer of my last ship (USS Oriole MHC-55) used to say "If it flies, float, or fucks, rent it".

 

[ChaoZ]

"Arm and Hammer trash can deodorizer is the greatest product ever created. As soon as you bring it home, you throw it away. Marketing genius."
- Marketing professor

 

[IrishBells86]

My philosophy teacher on paper intros:
"Think of paper intros like sex. A longer paper is like a long weekend with your lover, take your time. A short paper is like a nooner; drop your pants and go."

 

[Stoik]

In Advanced Math for Engineers class, in Russian accent (talking about Fourier transforms)

"How did so many of you get this problem wrong on test? It so simple, use the equation. I thought that what engineers do best, get equation from mathematician and plug numbers in."

 

[eleison]

Originally posted by: YoungGun21

Originally posted by: eleison
me: "I'm so tired.. thanks for holding these office hrs..."
physics prof: "no problem.. glad to help students.."
me: "yea, its hard to pay attention to the lectures in the morning, I've been only getting 3hrs of sleep for the past few days.."
prof: "thats not a lot of sleep.."
me: "yea, out of curiosity, being a professor, how much sleep do professors get?"
prof: "I'm not quite sure. I haven't slept since I was 15."

Found out later that he had some kind of disorder... but he was very intelligent... strange; this was at UIUC @champaign/urbana..

Little repetitive? lol

What did you major in there? I'm still in HS but I'm really hoping to go there. I will probably go chemical engineering.

Oh yea and these quotes are freaking hilarious!

I was comp sci... Oh, last time I heard, UIUC has a chicago campus... not to be confused with UIC... yea, so many acronyms.. you can, IIRC, go to UIUC but be located in chicago...

good luck with the chemical eng.. you're going to meet a whole bunch of weird people

 

[bastula]

Check sig. From high school chemistry.

 

[Connoisseur]

I had an African professor with a very thick accent for an international econ class and he had his TA in the room. While trying to explain a theory to the class, he suddenly exclaims: "Hey guys you have to fvck-us. If you don't fvck-us, you'll never get it right. Fvck-us is the key." The class just went dead silent for a a few minutes and then exploded with laughter when we realized what he was trying to say: "focus". Funny thing is, we kept asking him to repeat what he said and sure enough he dropped the F-bomb several more times before someone let him in on the joke.

Also, one of our Electrical Engineering profs (who was also the head of the dept and a royal douche) was giving out the teacher evals one day. He says, "Here are the evaluations. I'm supposed to leave the room but I don't care. If you have anything bad to write it doesn't matter because i'm the one reading it anyway." Ahh EE.... god that sucked.

 

[frostedflakes]

Funny stuff so far people, keep posting.

Nothing really good pops into my head immediately, I should write this stuff down when I hear it. Only thing I can think of is my current Calc 2 TA, he's foreign but is surprisingly easy to understand and seems to have a pretty good grasp of the language. But every now and then he'll just completely butcher a word. It's hard for me to keep from snickering every time he calls a reciprocal "the receptacle."

 

[eldorado99]

The only one I can think of... My Comp-sci prof who is very well-spoken and proper, who even has the obligatory fancy English accent one day put his giant pile of notes on top of the overhead projector and they slid off and fell all over the floor. He very calmly said "....fvck...."

 

[Aikouka]

Originally posted by: moshquerade
My Sociology Prof: "Everything relates back to sex, Everything. Every commercial that has ever been made has sexual references and undertones."

This guy made me feel more uncomfortable with every class, because HE related EVERYTHING to sex.

He's not the only one .

"It's like taking candy from half a baby!"

Crazy Sri Lankan math professor that wore a dress to classes one day. He was awesome though.

 

[Suspicious-Teach8788]

*talking about Wulff plots, and for those of you that don't know this is dealing with solidification theory with thermo*

Prof: If you try to draw tangents to the parent surface on a midterm, I will draw a tangent through your grade.

Edit: I believe the correct way to do Wulff Plots (I failed this question on the midterm, but I didn't fail it in the way he warned us against doing) is to draw lines normal to the line that is intersecting the parent surface from the center (polar plot)

 

[LordMorpheus]

I had a mechE prof at Rice, an entry level thermo class. The guy was old and had been at Rice forever, we are talking tenure and emeritus. he had a foot and a half in the grave. Anyway, the last mech 200 class before spring break was the famous chapman drinking game. Every mech student turns up to his class with tons of alchohol, and we drink on his strange mannerisms. Of course he knows - there are three times as many people there as even signed up for the class, throwing beer cans to each other or drinking from vodka bottles - hell, last year we even had a keg and people were doing kegstands. He just lectures like nothing is going on. Of course he knows the list by know and every so often he'd hit 10 or 15 items on the list real quickly in a row for fun.

The most bizarre classroom scene I have ever scene.

 

[toolboxolio]

"The only thing that can be predicted in the future is time. Everything else is subject to chaos."

 

[Cooler]

I had a CS professor who yelled "sort by descending order". Afterwards every one stop taking and was confused. A student then asked why he yelled it. He said calling for order in a cs class required more information or it would be another bad algorithm written by some code monkey.

 

[911paramedic]

We were following along and when he hit paradigm he was lost.

Instructor reading from book, "...and that is a pear-uh-dig-um."

Yes, some lady in the class said, "That's "pear-a-dime".

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You guys realize that you are eating fireman Smith's shit right now.

Following a long morning of FM Smith and his horrendous gas, the instructor was fed up. That's when he went into explaining how if you smell something that means a particle of it is in your nose/mouth, so when you smell a fart you are also tasting it.

Ahhh, the memories of Naval schools...