feeding tubes, nursing homes, etc.

[rh71]

Anyone have experience with a loved one going through the usual elderly issues such as a nursing home? My grandfather has terminal cancer and recently had to be admitted to the hospital - pneumonia. He's unable to swallow and now it's either feeding tube or he's simply going to pass soon, judging from what people have indicated. I don't really need to discuss the ethical dilemma here, but I wanted to know if nursing homes are as bad as everyone says they are. If he gets a feeding tube put in, the homecare worker is not allowed to help with that type of feeding, so he has to be placed in a nursing home to help with that type of thing. Also if you have any info on how difficult it is to deal with a feeding tube, please share.

 

[sjwaste]

What are his wishes? I think that's the #1 question that matters.

My grandmother spent some time in a rehab/nursing home. She was on the rehab side, so she only spent a few months there. It did seem depressing. She certainly said the motivation that kept her going was seeing all of the people there that would never leave.

I'm sure there are nicer facilities, but it really depends on the level of function that your grandfather has left, and whether he will ever regain function. Since he has terminal cancer, something else I've experienced in my family, the best bet is to keep him comfortable, and if he is conscious and can communicate, to respect his own preferences.

I wish your family the best. There is nothing tougher to go through than this.

 

[I Saw OJ]

I think in my old age I would rather die than spend the rest of my time alive in a nursing home.

 

[skrilla]

Sorry to hear that man. My grandpa was diagnosed with cancer last year and only spent a short amount of time in a nursing home before he died. Honestly, he didn't even know he was in a nursing home half the time, but when he did, he wanted to go home.

The only reason I thought it was bad was because it was so depressing going in there. But the staff was nice and they were helpful.

I agree with the poster above me... find out what his wishes are if you can. Some of my family took it pretty hard that we didn't get him out of there before he died so he could die at home.

 

[Mo0o]

Nursing homes really vary by price

As far as palliative care goes, i think most major studies show palliative care really raises the QoL of patients for that specific time period vs. really fighting tooth and nail for every last second which can really make the last period a really miserable experience. But I think overall, it's an incredibly personal decision. What does your grandfather want to do wrt his healthcare?

 

[WA261]

My grandmother was in one for a few weeks. She hated every second of it...when she knew she was there, that is. She had moved in with my parents, as she was unable to care for herself. She had a live-in for yrs. but it got to hard. While with my parents she had to go into the hospital for something (i do not recall) and had to like do a rehab type deal with one. Most of the time she did not know where she was, but when she would she hated it.

 

[Gooberlx2]

My dad strongly feels that a nursing home only depressed my grandfather and accelerated his deterioration. I'm not positive why he was put in to a home, though it's possible there were some particular health issues that required 24/7 care aside from alzheimer's. I was pretty young.

That said, we went with home care for my grandma, and she remained alert and happy in to her final days. Sadly, cost considerations weigh pretty heavily in these matters for most people.

 

[marincounty]

When my dad was sick with cancer, they released him to his home and I prepared and fed him through his feed pump. I also took care of his central line and wound care. It was a lot of work but I am glad my dad was able to live his last days at home. He did not want to go to a nursing home at any cost.

When it got near the end we got help from the local hospice care org, and what a blessing those people are. Look into it.

I'm not sure most of the things I was doing shouldn't have been done by trained medical people, but if it allowed pops to stay at home I would do it all again.

He was in the hospital for over a year. One time when he was on IV they let him come home for an hour, to see his kitty and look at his mail. The next time he was going to get a home visit they denied him at the last minute, due to legal questions. My dad was crushed, so I just told him to chill for a while. After an hour or so I left, and told my dad to take his walk around the ward and then take the elevator to the lobby. My car was just outside and we escaped the hospital for about an hour and went to the house, about 5 mins away. When we returned to the hospital the nurses and everyone were freaking out, they had security searching for him. I just told them we were just sitting in the car, still on hospital property.

 

[rh71]

Thanks for the responses... my mom is seeing him nearly everyday and every time it's "I want to go home right now" but he doesn't seem to understand he can't survive there, at least right now he can't. It seems he feels he'll worry about it when the next thing happens (which btw, this is the 3rd time he's sent to the hospital recently - I drive him actually, since 911 takes him to a shitty hospital that's just closest). So it's not as cut & dry as "I want to live out my remaining days comfortably in my home"... he just doesn't like being alone at the hospital 24/7 (even with visitors), which is also understandable. So this is where we are.

After reading these responses I'm pretty sure the nursing home isn't an option, then neither is the feeding tube since he wont' be able to manage it himself. What exactly does hospice care consist of? If it's anything short of coming to your home multiple times a day for the feedings, then it wouldn't help his situation. I'm reading they can come to your home but we are still the primary hands-on caregiver, which we can't be given our distance and need to be at work. We've had a homecare worker that takes care of his cooking/cleaning/bathing but they are not allowed to give insulin shots, take sugar-level readings, etc. which will include the feeding tube restriction. It doesn't seem like they would qualify as the "hands-on" people even with hospice care onboard.

 

[Mo0o]

Originally posted by: rh71
Thanks for the responses... my mom is seeing him nearly everyday and every time it's "I want to go home right now" but he doesn't seem to understand he can't survive there, at least right now he can't. It seems he feels he'll worry about it when the next thing happens (which btw, this is the 3rd time he's sent to the hospital recently). So it's not as cut & dry as "I want to live out my remaining days comfortably in my home"... he just doesn't like being alone at the hospital 24/7, which is also understandable.

After reading these responses I'm pretty sure the nursing home isn't an option, then neither is the feeding tube since he wont' be able to manage it himself. What exactly does hospice care consist of? If it's anything short of coming to your home multiple times a day for the feedings, then it wouldn't help his situation. I'm reading they can come to your home but we are still the primary hands-on caregiver, which we can't be given our distance and need to be at work. We've had a homecare worker that takes care of his cooking/cleaning/bathing but they are not allowed to give insulin shots, take sugar-level readings, etc. which will include the feeding tube restriction. It doesn't seem like they would qualify as the "hands-on" people even with hospice care onboard.

There should be social workers at the hospital that are knowledgeble about hospice and can tell you what your options are at this point

 

[Vette73]

My grandfather got cancer (drank a lot and also smoked) but did not want to be on a machine. So we just got a hospital type bed and he stayed home. A nurse came by a couple times a week to help my grandmother and he passed away at home.

 

[skyking]

First of all, let me say I am very sorry you and your family are in this place.
It sounds to me that your grandfather's needs would really be best served in a nursing home. He would most likely have to move in with one of you and that person would have to stay with him, if you wanted to go the hospice route.

 

[purepolly]

Can you tell us what type of ca he has?

 

[rh71]

^ sinus cancer, growth underneath his right eye