Fiance's car TAKEN!

[imported_griffis]

Originally posted by: Mackie2k
You should have trashed the car....and dropped it off.

Honestly he could never have proved it was you that did it...and he would have had to eat it.

This was my first idea. Then I realized I didn't want to go to jail before I saw my baby boy

 

[imported_griffis]

Originally posted by: mugs
22 and pregnant and excited about it? I think the old man is right, you're too young to be having kids. You're scambling to find a used car for only a few thousand? Doesn't sound like you're financially prepared for kids.

Now don't get me wrong, people can have kids at a young age and do just fine. My parents had me when they were 21, and I have a brother who is 3 years older than me. But it's not easy. That baby will be your life for the next several years. I have a friend who is my age who had a kid when he was 23 - they're great parents, but it's tough to do anything with them because you always have to consider the baby.

I think her father is probably just concerned that you don't know all that having a baby involves. His solution is a bad one, because it makes the situation worse - but it's also a wake-up call. You have to be able to live without any financial support from your father-in-law.

And by the way, threatening to not let him be a grandparent to the kid because he took the car away was not a smart move. Grandparents come in handy as babysitters.

No i am not necessarily scrambling, I mean we have had one car for a week and no problems but there are times where a second car will be needed. My car is the daily driver. I also could care less about what a car looks like as long as it gets me from point a to point b.

 

[Bryophyte]

Originally posted by: griffis
I am thinking about all that. If he DOES come around then I will let him see him, you are right it's not place to make that judgment. But, it will be supervised by either me or my fiance. The reason I mentioned the abuse is because it's not an afterthough but because beyond physical abuse he still abuses her emotionally. he calls her stupid and tells her she isn't worth a ****** and tells her she will never amount to anything.

She needs to set limits with her father. When he calls her names, she needs to immediately tell him that she will not tolerate it and cut off the contact, whether it's on the phone or in person (get up and leave.) She is an adult and does NOT have to give him the opportunity to continue to berate her. She also needs to tell him that if he DOES berate her that she expects an apology from him before she will speak to him again, EVERY SINGLE TIME. She probably doesn't feel safe telling him this in person, so I would suggest a letter, delivered certified if possible. Make him sign for it. Something on the order of:

"Dear Dad,

I respect your right to hold your own opinions, but I am an adult now and I expect to be treated with respect whether you agree with my choices or not. I will no longer tolerate you calling me names and insulting me. From this day on, I will only speak to you when you can discuss things rationally and refrain from being verbally abusive. If you say something inappropriate to me, I will immediately stop the conversation with you and will not continue until you have apologized. Etc, etc, etc......

Your daughter,
XXX"

Something like that. Rationally set forward her terms for contact with him, without returning his verbal abuse or calling him names, without threats over grandchildren, just address it one conversation at a time.

 

[GuitarDaddy]

Being almost 50 and the parent of a 17yo I can certainly understand why he is upset, but I can say with certainty that he is making a HUGE mistake that he will likely regret for a long time.

My wifes father did the same shite and worse, to the point we severed all ties with him before our son was born. My wife got feeling guilty when our son was about 4 and tried to bring him back into our sons life, in three vists over a couple of months he was such an ass that she again removed him from our lives and never spoke to him again. This last year at age 64 he was killed in a car wreck, never having known his only grandson

As parents we spend many years controlling our children and are never prepared to give them up, but time marches on and the day comes when we lose control. And we can't even control when that day will come. When this happens we have to accept it and our childrens decisions regarding their own life, wether we like it or not. Doing stupid hurtful things to your own children will hurt nobody but yourself in the end

 

[imported_griffis]

Originally posted by: mugs
22 and pregnant and excited about it? I think the old man is right, you're too young to be having kids. You're scambling to find a used car for only a few thousand? Doesn't sound like you're financially prepared for kids.

Now don't get me wrong, people can have kids at a young age and do just fine. My parents had me when they were 21, and I have a brother who is 3 years older than me. But it's not easy. That baby will be your life for the next several years. I have a friend who is my age who had a kid when he was 23 - they're great parents, but it's tough to do anything with them because you always have to consider the baby.

I think her father is probably just concerned that you don't know all that having a baby involves. His solution is a bad one, because it makes the situation worse - but it's also a wake-up call. You have to be able to live without any financial support from your father-in-law.

And by the way, threatening to not let him be a grandparent to the kid because he took the car away was not a smart move. Grandparents come in handy as babysitters.

And the babysitter thing would not work out. He has two 4 year olds and he's 50, you do the math on whether or not that would work out. Besides I have parents of my own and her mother who are all completely willing ot help out

 

[imported_griffis]

Originally posted by: GuitarDaddy
Being almost 50 and the parent of a 17yo I can certainly understand why he is upset, but I can say with certainty that he is making a HUGE mistake that he will likely regret for a long time.

My wifes father did the same shite and worse, to the point we severed all ties with him before our son was born. My wife got feeling guilty when our son was about 4 and tried to bring him back into our sons life, in three vists over a couple of months he was such an ass that she again removed him from our lives and never spoke to him again. This last year at age 64 he was killed in a car wreck, never having known his only grandson

As parents we spend many years controlling our children and are never prepared to give them up, but time marches on and the day comes when we lose control. And we can't even control when that day will come. When this happens we have to accept it and our childrens decisions regarding their own life, wether we like it or not. Doing stupid hurtful things to your own children will hurt nobody but yourself in the end

Perfect example of why we are being more adult about the situation than he is

 

[Stuxnet]

Originally posted by: griffis
Some of you people actually agree that since the car was in his name that he had a right to beat her as a child and emotionally beat her up as well?

WTF are you talking about? I don't recall seeing anyone say that there was ANY relationship between the car's title and beating her up. What the hell...

[edit]
BTW, the guy sounds like an ass, but I somehow doubt we're getting the whole story.

 

[MisterJackson]

The Dad sounds very very controling.....welcome to the family, there's nothing you can do about it.

Prove him wrong. Man up and take charge of this situation, look at it as a way to better yourself. Buy what you can afford right now and worry about you new family only. Fvcking forget him.

Now understand, he likely will give the car back, down the road in order to win her affection back. He's likely planning on doing that anyway, after she leaves you. At least that's what he hopes will happen by taking the car from her.

His whole take is that if he takes it away from the daughter there's a chance she'll look at you to blame for this "hardship". If she does, she wasn't worth it, if she doesn't and she sticks by your side, she's a keeper.

Is the other car you drive nice? If so, give that to your fiance and buy yourself a beater. You be a man and make the sacrifice. You'll reap the rewards ten fold later.

Good luck man.

 

[imported_Shivetya]

Originally posted by: griffis
His name was on the title. I don't think it's stupidity for not putting her name on it as well. My dad's name is still on my title along with mine. We only did that for insurance purposes.

I am a little shocked for some of the reactions here. Some of you people actually agree that since the car was in his name that he had a right to beat her as a child and emotionally beat her up as well? Especially when she's pregnant? I mean just seems a little harsh is all

Originally posted by: BroeBo
Not that you should care about my opinion, but I also think 22 and 23 is far to young for having children. Live life a little before you sign it away to a child.

I do understand your opinion here but I graduated college early and can afford the child on just my salary alone. She works to pay for misc. stuff. Not that I can't afford another car just kind of sucks being thrown into a situation with no preparation.

I think its pathetic you attempt to villify his actions today by dredging up the past. Trying to connect two unrelated events to support your side only proves you know he is well within his rights to take the car back.

As for her being pregnant, hell why should you or her get points for that? Out of marriage pregancies are just a sign of lack of responsibility.

 

[waggy]

Originally posted by: griffis
His name was on the title. I don't think it's stupidity for not putting her name on it as well. My dad's name is still on my title along with mine. We only did that for insurance purposes.

I am a little shocked for some of the reactions here. Some of you people actually agree that since the car was in his name that he had a right to beat her as a child and emotionally beat her up as well? Especially when she's pregnant? I mean just seems a little harsh is all

this alone makes me beleive you are not ready for being married and having a child.
Just because some are saying if his name is on the title then its his car does not go to say that they are saying its ok to beat on her. makeing that leap shows your immaturity.

while true if its only his name on the title then its car there are ways to get around that. Who paid for the car? just him? do you have any proof of him giving the car away? if you have something you might be able to win. doubtfull but it is a possiblity.

good luck. hope you find a good cheap car.

 

[Stuxnet]

Originally posted by: Shivetya
As for her being pregnant, hell why should you or her get points for that? Out of marriage pregancies are just a sign of lack of responsibility.

I wouldn't go that far. Are you saying you didn't have sex until you got married? Birth control isn't 100% effective. Assuming the OP and his SO used BC (acronym hell), maybe they just got the luck of the draw. And if the pregnancy was unplanned - which it sounds like it was - I applaud him for being so positive (and excited) about it.

 

[Kadarin]

Damn, there are some negative and judgemental freaks on this board. I applaud the OP and his choices, and wish them all the best for the future. :thumbsup:

It sounds to me like the father is a piece of work, and they are best off phasing him out of their lives.

 

[CVSiN]

Originally posted by: Shivetya

Originally posted by: griffis
His name was on the title. I don't think it's stupidity for not putting her name on it as well. My dad's name is still on my title along with mine. We only did that for insurance purposes.

I am a little shocked for some of the reactions here. Some of you people actually agree that since the car was in his name that he had a right to beat her as a child and emotionally beat her up as well? Especially when she's pregnant? I mean just seems a little harsh is all

Originally posted by: BroeBo
Not that you should care about my opinion, but I also think 22 and 23 is far to young for having children. Live life a little before you sign it away to a child.

I do understand your opinion here but I graduated college early and can afford the child on just my salary alone. She works to pay for misc. stuff. Not that I can't afford another car just kind of sucks being thrown into a situation with no preparation.

I think its pathetic you attempt to villify his actions today by dredging up the past. Trying to connect two unrelated events to support your side only proves you know he is well within his rights to take the car back.

As for her being pregnant, hell why should you or her get points for that? Out of marriage pregancies are just a sign of lack of responsibility.

good post bravo

 

[imported_griffis]

Originally posted by: jbourne77

Originally posted by: griffis
Some of you people actually agree that since the car was in his name that he had a right to beat her as a child and emotionally beat her up as well?

WTF are you talking about? I don't recall seeing anyone say that there was ANY relationship between the car's title and beating her up. What the hell...

[edit]
BTW, the guy sounds like an ass, but I somehow doubt we're getting the whole story.

Your not getting the whole store you are right. I gave you the recent things he's done not the past things, besides the abuse. I am giving him more credit than he deserves, trust me

 

[imported_griffis]

Originally posted by: MisterJackson
The Dad sounds very very controling.....welcome to the family, there's nothing you can do about it.

Prove him wrong. Man up and take charge of this situation, look at it as a way to better yourself. Buy what you can afford right now and worry about you new family only. Fvcking forget him.

Now understand, he likely will give the car back, down the road in order to win her affection back. He's likely planning on doing that anyway, after she leaves you. At least that's what he hopes will happen by taking the car from her.

His whole take is that if he takes it away from the daughter there's a chance she'll look at you to blame for this "hardship". If she does, she wasn't worth it, if she doesn't and she sticks by your side, she's a keeper.

Is the other car you drive nice? If so, give that to your fiance and buy yourself a beater. You be a man and make the sacrifice. You'll reap the rewards ten fold later.

Good luck man.

That is exactly what we are doing but I have found a coulpe decent cars for a couple thousand. SO, thats what I am doing. My car is brand new

 

[imported_griffis]

Originally posted by: Shivetya

Originally posted by: griffis
His name was on the title. I don't think it's stupidity for not putting her name on it as well. My dad's name is still on my title along with mine. We only did that for insurance purposes.

I am a little shocked for some of the reactions here. Some of you people actually agree that since the car was in his name that he had a right to beat her as a child and emotionally beat her up as well? Especially when she's pregnant? I mean just seems a little harsh is all

Originally posted by: BroeBo
Not that you should care about my opinion, but I also think 22 and 23 is far to young for having children. Live life a little before you sign it away to a child.

I do understand your opinion here but I graduated college early and can afford the child on just my salary alone. She works to pay for misc. stuff. Not that I can't afford another car just kind of sucks being thrown into a situation with no preparation.

I think its pathetic you attempt to villify his actions today by dredging up the past. Trying to connect two unrelated events to support your side only proves you know he is well within his rights to take the car back.

As for her being pregnant, hell why should you or her get points for that? Out of marriage pregancies are just a sign of lack of responsibility.

Seriously, go fvck yourself man. People like you is what drains the society that makes everyone think if you are not married it's irresponsible. We were already engaged sometimes things happen.

 

[imported_griffis]

Originally posted by: waggy

Originally posted by: griffis
His name was on the title. I don't think it's stupidity for not putting her name on it as well. My dad's name is still on my title along with mine. We only did that for insurance purposes.

I am a little shocked for some of the reactions here. Some of you people actually agree that since the car was in his name that he had a right to beat her as a child and emotionally beat her up as well? Especially when she's pregnant? I mean just seems a little harsh is all

this alone makes me beleive you are not ready for being married and having a child.
Just because some are saying if his name is on the title then its his car does not go to say that they are saying its ok to beat on her. makeing that leap shows your immaturity.

while true if its only his name on the title then its car there are ways to get around that. Who paid for the car? just him? do you have any proof of him giving the car away? if you have something you might be able to win. doubtfull but it is a possiblity.

good luck. hope you find a good cheap car.

LIke I said don't really want the car back, the guy will just use it as leverage over her and me and I for one would rather buy a beater and deal with it

 

[DeadByDawn]

Originally posted by: MisterJackson
The Dad sounds very very controling.....welcome to the family, there's nothing you can do about it.

Prove him wrong. Man up and take charge of this situation, look at it as a way to better yourself. Buy what you can afford right now and worry about you new family only. Fvcking forget him.

Now understand, he likely will give the car back, down the road in order to win her affection back. He's likely planning on doing that anyway, after she leaves you. At least that's what he hopes will happen by taking the car from her.

His whole take is that if he takes it away from the daughter there's a chance she'll look at you to blame for this "hardship". If she does, she wasn't worth it, if she doesn't and she sticks by your side, she's a keeper.

Is the other car you drive nice? If so, give that to your fiance and buy yourself a beater. You be a man and make the sacrifice. You'll reap the rewards ten fold later.

Good luck man.

well said. OP read this post again.

 

[imported_griffis]

Originally posted by: jbourne77

Originally posted by: Shivetya
As for her being pregnant, hell why should you or her get points for that? Out of marriage pregancies are just a sign of lack of responsibility.

I wouldn't go that far. Are you saying you didn't have sex until you got married? Birth control isn't 100% effective. Assuming the OP and his SO used BC (acronym hell), maybe they just got the luck of the draw. And if the pregnancy was unplanned - which it sounds like it was - I applaud him for being so positive (and excited) about it.

Yes she was on BC and was also told that her chances of getting pregnant were slim to none. We consider it a miracle and I am damn excited about it

 

[imported_griffis]

Originally posted by: DeadByDawn

Originally posted by: MisterJackson
The Dad sounds very very controling.....welcome to the family, there's nothing you can do about it.

Prove him wrong. Man up and take charge of this situation, look at it as a way to better yourself. Buy what you can afford right now and worry about you new family only. Fvcking forget him.

Now understand, he likely will give the car back, down the road in order to win her affection back. He's likely planning on doing that anyway, after she leaves you. At least that's what he hopes will happen by taking the car from her.

His whole take is that if he takes it away from the daughter there's a chance she'll look at you to blame for this "hardship". If she does, she wasn't worth it, if she doesn't and she sticks by your side, she's a keeper.

Is the other car you drive nice? If so, give that to your fiance and buy yourself a beater. You be a man and make the sacrifice. You'll reap the rewards ten fold later.

Good luck man.

well said. OP read this post again.

Totally agree, I am ranting because I just am shocked that a father would treat his daughter this way period. I don't mind manning up and taking over the situation at all, I love her and love taking care of someone becasue she does the same things back

 

[Turin39789]

Originally posted by: Shivetya
*snip*


I think its pathetic you attempt to villify his actions today by dredging up the past. Trying to connect two unrelated events to support your side only proves you know he is well within his rights to take the car back.

As for her being pregnant, hell why should you or her get points for that? Out of marriage pregancies are just a sign of lack of responsibility.

LOL, how old are you son?

 

[imported_griffis]

Originally posted by: Astaroth33
Damn, there are some negative and judgemental freaks on this board. I applaud the OP and his choices, and wish them all the best for the future. :thumbsup:

It sounds to me like the father is a piece of work, and they are best off phasing him out of their lives.

Thanks!

 

[MisterJackson]

Waggy is dead on by the way. When I read that comment about saying we agree with him beating her by saying it's ok to take the car since it's in his name.......well, wtf dude? I know this is an emotional situation, but we're here to help you, period. We have nothing to gain by doing otherwise. For you to lash out because you hear something you don't want to hear doesn't mean we aren't trying to help. It just means you aren't really listening.

good luck dude, handle it right and let the past stuff go. It's her demon to deal with.

 

[Golgatha]

Originally posted by: griffis
His name was on the title. I don't think it's stupidity for not putting her name on it as well. My dad's name is still on my title along with mine. We only did that for insurance purposes.

I am a little shocked for some of the reactions here. Some of you people actually agree that since the car was in his name that he had a right to beat her as a child and emotionally beat her up as well? Especially when she's pregnant? I mean just seems a little harsh is all

Originally posted by: BroeBo
Not that you should care about my opinion, but I also think 22 and 23 is far to young for having children. Live life a little before you sign it away to a child.

I do understand your opinion here but I graduated college early and can afford the child on just my salary alone. She works to pay for misc. stuff. Not that I can't afford another car just kind of sucks being thrown into a situation with no preparation.

What he's doing with the car is legal. There is no excuse for the past abusive BS though. However, it sounds to me like a parent who likes to control their kids lives through money. My mother-in-law is the de facto standard of this type of behavior. She even went so far as to bitch about the purchase of a TV my wife and I agreed to purchase several years ago. She invited us over one night and proceeded to lecture us (we were 21 and 22 at the time); that was the last time she tried that BS. Even to this day, she still has her name on several large CDs that are legally her daughters' money. If I thought my wife would back me up on it, I'd file a lawsuit to get her name off of absolutely everything that's legally my wife's property.

 

[theNEOone]

Originally posted by: slsmnaz

Originally posted by: griffis
His name was on the title. I don't think it's stupidity for not putting her name on it as well. My dad's name is still on my title along with mine. We only did that for insurance purposes.

I am a little shocked for some of the reactions here. Some of you people actually agree that since the car was in his name that he had a right to beat her as a child and emotionally beat her up as well? Especially when she's pregnant? I mean just seems a little harsh is all

What did you expect? She has no legal right to the car, period. Everything else is just filler for your story. Do I agree w/ his actions? No, but you can't argue who owns the car.

And I find your "abuse" claims a little out there. No one puts physical abuse in a P.S. at the end of their post unless they're looking for a reason to keep people feeling sorry for them.

You learned a lesson and you will be learning many more. The only advice I have is to remember how her father acted and NEVER turn out like him.

good post. i'm going to be harsh here, simply because of my initial reaction, and also because i'm in the mood.

i too, am skeptical of a post that includes a little side note that can in no way be verified and has little to do with the original message. the relationship between the father and the daughter has to be relatively healthy for the father to buy his daughter a car for her academic accomplishments. it sounds like we're only getting one side of the story. You mention that he emotionally abuses her and tells her she won't amount to anything, yet he bought her a $20,000 present for doing good in school? THIS MAKES NO SENSE.

i was hit when i was a kid also, but that's part of the discipline i received. i know several people that might say that i was "beat" just to prove a particular point, when in reality it was just a well deserved spanking. i'm inclined to believe that either you're exaggerating her father's disciplinary tactics to gain sympathy, or your fiance took the liberty of embellishing the story when she told you about her childhood.

now, whether you're seeking advice or solidarity, i'm uncertain. however, considering my perspective, i'm sure you won't take my advice. i'll share it regardless, simply because i like hearing (and reading) my own thoughts.

1. one thing that you mentioned, with which i agree, is that you're never prepared prepared for a child - regardless of whether your 24 or 42, you never know what to expect. however, this is NOT the point. at 42 (and 32) you're MUCH better prepared than at 22 and 23. i don't understand how anybody can argue this point. at 23, you are better off waiting to have children.

2. you mentioned

"Some of you people actually agree that since the car was in his name that he had a right to beat her as a child and emotionally beat her up as well? Especially when she's pregnant? I mean just seems a little harsh is all"

if that's not the most ridiculous statement i've read, then it most certainly ties for second. how can you reconcile this statement with other posts? who in their right mind would condone physical abuse? i don't know if somehow you grossly misinterpreted somebody's post, or are again trying to rally sympathy and support by skewing the issue.

3. also, you mentioned

"I let him know that if he took the car away then he was also revoking his right as a grandparent, he basically laughed at me and said he didn't care."

**squint ** did i read this right?? if the grandfather takes away the car, he's revoking his rights as a grandparent?? is it just me, or does someone picture a 14 year old girl crying and yelling at her mom that she'll disown her parents if they don't let her go out with her boyfriend? honestly, i would laugh at you too. it seems rather immature (and ineffective) to wager the relationship between a GRANDPARENT AND THEIR GRANDCHILD ON A CAR.

you're both approaching the issue poorly, plain and simple. it seems as if the father still supports his daughter. this seems like a simple case of "ok, well because you didn't do your homework, i'll take away your tv rights" except that it's, "ok, if you want to live an adult life and make adult decisions, go out and support yourself like the rest of the adults, beginning with getting your own car."

he still has the right to exert some sort of influence over her - HE'S HER FATHER. he's also right to be scared about a child at this point, and he's also right in trying to convince you to reconsider. he's 50 for sh!t's sake and from the sound of it, he had a child in his late twenties and again in his late 40s. i think he is damn well qualified to tell you at what age it's better to have children.

granted, his tactics probably aren't the best. he shouldn't berate her (if your claim of emotional abuse is actually true) and he probably shouldn't take away the car. as far as the car's concerned, maybe you should suggest to pay a monthly amount equal to the car payment (or what the car would normally cost).

and for the benefit of your child - for christ sake, reconcile your differences with your fiance's father. you don't want a rift in the family. you, your fiance, and your child will need all the support they can get.


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