Originally posted by: Bryophyte
Originally posted by: griffis
I am thinking about all that. If he DOES come around then I will let him see him, you are right it's not place to make that judgment. But, it will be supervised by either me or my fiance. The reason I mentioned the abuse is because it's not an afterthough but because beyond physical abuse he still abuses her emotionally. he calls her stupid and tells her she isn't worth a ****** and tells her she will never amount to anything.
She needs to set limits with her father. When he calls her names, she needs to immediately tell him that she will not tolerate it and cut off the contact, whether it's on the phone or in person (get up and leave.) She is an adult and does NOT have to give him the opportunity to continue to berate her. She also needs to tell him that if he DOES berate her that she expects an apology from him before she will speak to him again, EVERY SINGLE TIME. She probably doesn't feel safe telling him this in person, so I would suggest a letter, delivered certified if possible. Make him sign for it. Something on the order of:
"Dear Dad,
I respect your right to hold your own opinions, but I am an adult now and I expect to be treated with respect whether you agree with my choices or not. I will no longer tolerate you calling me names and insulting me. From this day on, I will only speak to you when you can discuss things rationally and refrain from being verbally abusive. If you say something inappropriate to me, I will immediately stop the conversation with you and will not continue until you have apologized. Etc, etc, etc......
Your daughter,
XXX"
Something like that. Rationally set forward her terms for contact with him, without returning his verbal abuse or calling him names, without threats over grandchildren, just address it one conversation at a time.