Fiance's car TAKEN!

[Beau]

Originally posted by: dabuddha
Be the bigger man and go to the dinner. But don't apologize for anything.

100% agreed.

 

[imported_griffis]

Thanks for the advice, what everyone was saying was my general consensus. I was going to the dinner regardless because thats what she wants. I want to keep an open mind and it be productive. He is a business man and so am I so relating to him in that sense won't be difficult, I just want it to go well for her sake. I could care less if I ever see him again. Thanks everyone

 

[chambersc]

tell him to blow a goat and you would be much better off not even knowing that scum of a human. a man who "beats" their children, to me, isn't worth knowing and would be better off dead.

 

[Kadarin]

I haven't read the entire thread (just the OP and the update). I'd suggest talking to her father, but would advise against welcoming him with open arms. Be wary, and be prepared mentally and emotionally to cut him out of your lives. It's up to him to prove himself after his actions, and IMO the chances of him being truly sincere and having your best interests at heart are not great.

Good luck!

 

[MisterJackson]

Go to dinner and be the bigger man.

He is TRYING after all. This is no garuntee he'll change, but it's a step in the right direction and for you to refuse it now will only make matters worse. ESPECIALLY if your girl is asking you to go.

and the whole "hand in marriage asking thing" did not come up all of a sudden as a topic your girl wants you to broach at this dinner. My guess is he's old fashioned and had beef with you not asking to meet him/ask for her hand to begin with. That's his right as a father to expect that, reasonable or not.

I'd go into the dinner tonight like the whole mess with the car had not even happened and just have dinner with the man.

 

[djheater]

Update!

 

[imported_griffis]

Ok, so I went to the dinner. It started off kind of rocky, him saying he didn't agree with us having a child so young, saying he thought his daughter's life was ruined and so on and so forth. Before he even finished I interrupted and said " Listen, I understand this is alot to take in but the best thing for you to do is embrace this child, after all that is what we are doing. Your daughter wants you to be a part of her life but in order for you to do that, just deal with the fact she is pregnant and will be having your grandson. If you have a problem with that you need to let me know." Obviously that wasn't word for word but somethign along those lines. Anyways, he suprisingly admitted to me that his actions were overreactive and as a father he should have not walked away from her or the unborn child. He ensures he will aplogize to her but we shall see. There was obviously alot more things discussed over the 2 hour period but me and him both got alot off our chests and laid the law of the land down for both sides. I'm still hesitant of him of course because of his past actions but I believe for my lady this is something good for her. He is trying and I can't force him out of her life casue she will end up hating me. Basically, things are now kind of in his court. He agreed to help pay for the wedding if we wanted, I dont, and now wants to come to the baby shower. ATOT, don't think I have changed my opinion on this guy but I will give him a chance under extremely strict supervision. It is her father after all. Im just happy I walked away with the dinner without punching dude in the face, thats an accomplishment for me, haha. Ok, ready for the trolling, any thoughts questions and comments?

 

[Thorny]

Originally posted by: griffis
Ok, so I went to the dinner. It started off kind of rocky, him saying he didn't agree with us having a child so young, saying he thought his daughter's life was ruined and so on and so forth. Before he even finished I interrupted and said " Listen, I understand this is alot to take in but the best thing for you to do is embrace this child, after all that is what we are doing. Your daughter wants you to be a part of her life but in order for you to do that, just deal with the fact she is pregnant and will be having your grandson. If you have a problem with that you need to let me know." Obviously that wasn't word for word but somethign along those lines. Anyways, he suprisingly admitted to me that his actions were overreactive and as a father he should have not walked away from her or the unborn child. He ensures he will aplogize to her but we shall see. There was obviously alot more things discussed over the 2 hour period but me and him both got alot off our chests and laid the law of the land down for both sides. I'm still hesitant of him of course because of his past actions but I believe for my lady this is something good for her. He is trying and I can't force him out of her life casue she will end up hating me. Basically, things are now kind of in his court. He agreed to help pay for the wedding if we wanted, I dont, and now wants to come to the baby shower. ATOT, don't think I have changed my opinion on this guy but I will give him a chance under extremely strict supervision. It is her father after all. Im just happy I walked away with the dinner without punching dude in the face, thats an accomplishment for me, haha. Ok, ready for the trolling, any thoughts questions and comments?

Good job. You made the right decision to go. Me and my wife were in almost the exact same boat when we were engaged(22 and college senior). No preggers, but dad bought her a brand new car for doing well in school and then took it away when he didn't approve of our engagement. They also immediatly left me with all of her school debt and I was stuck paying for her school/housing until we married and qualified for financial assistace. I went the other route and told him exactly what i thought of him and his actions and we ended up not speaking for years. Last weekend was the second time in 3 years he has been to our house, though we visit them at least once a month (70 mile drive one way) and we just started speaking to one another a couple of months ago.

Go the easy route and make things work now, it hasn't been healty for me and my wife to hold this grudge for so long.

 

[SearchMaster]

I think he'll end up respecting you more than he did before, and if he doesn't, so what - move on with your life, marry the girl and be a better father than he ever dreamed of being.

 

[Alex]

interesting story dude... first off that's downright WRONG what he did... I don't agree either with having parents just give you a car... I'd much rather work for my car cause that way i'll appreciate it more... but either way that's done...

if both of you are certain about what you are doing with the marriage, kid etc then go nuts! I wouldn't get over-excited though... I'm not sure how long you've been together and whether you live together or not but personally I'd want to spend lots of time together with my girl and live together and enjoy being a couple before having a kid... you realize that having a kid means you'll barely be able to go out together and it'll take a huge emotional and physical toll on you but i'm sure having a kid is awesome and rewarding!

basically what i'm saying is just cause your fiancé is pregnant right now doesn't mean you have to have a kid right now!!! it's great that you're both excited about it but i'd maybe pull the plug on this one (prepares flame suit) and wait till you are more stable financially and as a couple to be able to provide everything your child needs!

gl dude!

 

[imported_griffis]

Originally posted by: franguinho
interesting story dude... first off that's downright WRONG what he did... I don't agree either with having parents just give you a car... I'd much rather work for my car cause that way i'll appreciate it more... but either way that's done...

if both of you are certain about what you are doing with the marriage, kid etc then go nuts! I wouldn't get over-excited though... I'm not sure how long you've been together and whether you live together or not but personally I'd want to spend lots of time together with my girl and live together and enjoy being a couple before having a kid... you realize that having a kid means you'll barely be able to go out together and it'll take a huge emotional and physical toll on you but i'm sure having a kid is awesome and rewarding!

basically what i'm saying is just cause your fiancé is pregnant right now doesn't mean you have to have a kid right now!!! it's great that you're both excited about it but i'd maybe pull the plug on this one (prepares flame suit) and wait till you are more stable financially and as a couple to be able to provide everything your child needs!

gl dude!

Totally understand what you are saying. Good thing is we have lived together for two years, together for three when she got pregnant, I have a pretty good paying job so financially things should be ok. As far as pulling the plug, she's almost 7 months pregnant and thats illegal, haha, but we had the change and didn't want it, we are both pro-lifers. Thanks for the GL though!!

 

[j00fek]

best thing to do it see of he changes , in the mean time hang in there it wont happen over night.