Friend wants to re-enlist.....

[Mackie2k]

My buddy (who is now 40) is having a midlife crisis of sorts. He was in the Army and fought in Panama. He's been out of the army for almost 20 years now, but now that he's nearing the cutoff age for re-enlisting, he's freaking out and wants to join the reserves "Before it's too late". He wants to be a Army Chaplin, in the Army Reserves. Over the past couple years, he's been going to night college to get his "bible" degree to be a pastor, but I think it's taking too long so he wants to join the Army to have them help pay for it.

I think he's just having a mid-life crisis and wants to feel apart of something again (friend totally fell into Church over the past couple years) but I'm concerned he's not making a well informed choice. He's the kinda guy that will jump from project to project, one period of time it's a Mustang obsession, the next 6 months it's Art, the next 6 it's guns.

I'd always support him in what he does, he's like a brother to me, but I need some advice on how I can pull him back over the the sanity fence.

He has 3 kids, a young wife and a big mortgage to pay. I know his wife and she's not the kind that can deal with her husband being deployed.

EDIT: This is not a knock on anyone in the service or who wants to re-enlist, I have tons of respect for our military and their families. I just feel it's not right for my friend.

 

[HannibalX]

He runs his family, not you. Be a good friend and leave him alone.

 

[rudeguy]

Originally posted by: iFX
He runs his family, not you. Be a good friend and leave him alone.

Yep.

 

[evident]

Originally posted by: iFX
He runs his family, not you. Be a good friend and leave him alone.

i think being a good friend is being concerned about them, not leaving them alone. you can voice to him your concerns and where you're coming from, but if he's not going to listen to you, there's not much you can do.


I have a bunch of friends who made bad choices, as a friend i called them out on it and they didn't listen to me anyways, but i felt like i said what i had to get my opinion known to them since i don't think they thought everything out enough

 

[Gooberlx2]

Just engage him in discussion about it. I don't think really it's your place to influence his decision, outside of helping him to consider all the variables and impact on his loved ones' lives.

 

[Mackie2k]

Originally posted by: evident

Originally posted by: iFX
He runs his family, not you. Be a good friend and leave him alone.

i think being a good friend is being concerned about them, not leaving them alone. you can voice to him your concerns and where you're coming from, but if he's not going to listen to you, there's not much you can do.


I have a bunch of friends who made bad choices, as a friend i called them out on it and they didn't listen to me anyways, but i felt like i said what i had to get my opinion known to them since i don't think they thought everything out enough

I agree, and I would never try to run his family. That was a totally Ahole comment, but I've come to expect it from Anandtech. Being a true friend means being honest and open about everything, not just blindly supporting every choice someone makes.

 

[Newbian]

Shoot him in the leg so they don't accept him.

It's the only way.

 

[BoomerD]

The fact that you disagree with it probably won't matter to him if it's what he has his mind set on.


One of my neighbors who was a mechanic and service writer for a couple of local car dealerships up and quit his job to move to Oregon to attend "preacher school"
(no family or friends there)

They went from having a decent income to NO income except some financial aid while he went to school.

Didn't matter to him that everyone thought it was a stupid idea...it was what HE wanted to do. (and his family was uber-religious, so they supported his decision)

 

[waggy]

hmm unless you are his fuck buddy i don't see where you really have a say in it. His choice his family.

 

[Mr Pickles]

An Army Chaplin in the Army Reserves isn't exactly the "front lines" in Iraq. If this is something he wants to do then this is his choice. I'd only be worried if he signed up for something more dangerous with kids and a family. But even then I'm not sure I'd try and stop him. He's a grown man, not an 18 year old run-a-way.

 

[lupi]

Military chaplain isn't such a bad job, I'm just not sure about him joining, contiuning his school and then becoming a comissioned chaplain unless he has it in binding writing.

 

[Injury]

Tell him you're gonna screw his wife if he gets deployed. That'll do it.

 

[darkxshade]

Originally posted by: Injury
Tell him you're gonna screw his wife if he gets deployed. That'll do it.

If he's 40, he's been married long enough to consider this as an incentive to joining the Army.

 

[ScottyB]

Originally posted by: darkxshade

Originally posted by: Injury
Tell him you're gonna screw his wife if he gets deployed. That'll do it.

If he's 40, he's been married long enough to consider this as an incentive to joining the Army.

Does he have an 18yo daughter?

 

[Mackie2k]

Originally posted by: ScottyB

Originally posted by: darkxshade

Originally posted by: Injury
Tell him you're gonna screw his wife if he gets deployed. That'll do it.

If he's 40, he's been married long enough to consider this as an incentive to joining the Army.

Does he have an 18yo daughter?

No, 3 young children

 

[Deviant Grasshopper]

Originally posted by: Mackie2k

Originally posted by: ScottyB

Originally posted by: darkxshade

Originally posted by: Injury
Tell him you're gonna screw his wife if he gets deployed. That'll do it.

If he's 40, he's been married long enough to consider this as an incentive to joining the Army.

Does he have an 18yo daughter?

No, 3 young children

How young?

 

[BeauJangles]

After reading your entire post, I'd just sit down and talk with him. Don't press an agenda on him, but ask him why he wants to re-enlist, how he thinks it's going to impact his family, etc. It IS his life and his choice, but that doesn't mean you can't help him make sure it's the right one.

 

[Sasiki]

You have no dog in this fight. Besides, he's doing it as a favor to you and all the rest of us not in the service. Someone else has to fight for our freedom if we aren't going to.

 

[ViviTheMage]

he has a wife, 3 kids...can't you not do that as a pastor??

 

[Wreckage]

If we pull out of Iraq (or at least pull back), maybe service won't be so bad.

 

[JS80]

Originally posted by: NSFW

Originally posted by: iFX
He runs his family, not you. Be a good friend and leave him alone.

Yep.

Wrong, if he's indeed a good friend he'll talk to him about it and help him come to the decision he will make with all info and opinions. However, it does not mean you should be convincing him not to.

 

[AreaCode707]

Originally posted by: ViviTheMage
he has a wife, 3 kids...can't you not do that as a pastor??

The only mainline Christian denomination that restricts marriage/kids for their spiritual leaders is Roman Catholicism. All others that I can think of allow priests/pastors to be married and have kids.

 

[OutHouse]

the guy wants to be a Army Chaplin and you are worried about that? dude here is a bit of advice.

stay the fuck out of other people business.

besides that its teh reserves not active duty. Reserve chaplins dont get deployed that much and when they do its for shorter rotations than front line troops.

 

[TallBill]

Originally posted by: Wreckage
If we pull out of Iraq (or at least pull back), maybe service won't be so bad.

Whys that? I loved my time in, and spent 22 overseas. So much that my plan is to go back active duty after college.

 

[EagleKeeper]

If the Reserves will take him on his terms, let him go. He is old enough to know what he wants.
It is not going to kill his income.