friend who can't even hang out to have a beer at a bar anymore after getting married

[Texashiker]

friend who can't even hang out to have a beer at a bar anymore after getting married

Bar is no place for married people or married couples.

When you get married your needs change. You want to have a few drinks, go to your friends home and drink there.

 

[pcgeek11]

Lots of immaturity in this thread.

 

[crashtestdummy]

Has anyone here ever heard of striking a good balance? I'm married and have two boys (age 7 and 11), and I seem to get out of the house for some "me time" at least a couple of times a week. I have hobbies and my wife encourages me to pursue them (currently roller derby) because she knows those hobbies add to my enjoyment of life. The other days I'm doing family stuff or we're doing stuff together as a family with other married with children couples.

It's always possible, but there has to be a sufficient desire on the guy's part. There's really not a whole lot that I want to do that I don't want to invite the wife along on. She likes hiking, climbing, beer and football, and most of my guy friends think she's cooler than I am. I go on a couple guys weekends, but it also probably helps that nearly all of my guy friends are in long-term relationships as well.

 

[Texashiker]

Has anyone here ever heard of striking a good balance? I'm married and have two boys (age 7 and 11), and I seem to get out of the house for some "me time" at least a couple of times a week. I have hobbies and my wife encourages me to pursue them (currently roller derby) because she knows those hobbies add to my enjoyment of life. The other days I'm doing family stuff or we're doing stuff together as a family with other married with children couples.

There is a big difference between "hobbies" and going to a bar. If your "hobby" is going to a bar for drinks, you might consider going to rehab.

Yes there needs to be a balance between your personal time and time with your spouse. But going to a bar, having drinks and being tempted to lust after someone else does not fit into a marriage.

If you and you spouse have an open marriage and you can meet other people, sure, go to a bar and meet people. But most people have closed marriages. And if you do meet someone else, your spouse will probably want to be there to join in on the fun. If your wife sent you to a bar to pick up someone to bring home for her, hey that is great.

If your wife does not mind you nailing someone else, that is none of our business. Want to meet another guy for a trip to the bathroom? More power to you.

Call me a traditional marriage type of guy all you want. But when you get married your bar hoping days are over.

 

[brainhulk]

Sounds like your buddy's wife has some serious trust issues. I can understand if it's every night, but once in a while? That's a marriage that's not going to last.

We all have families now. We are all busy at work. We hardly hang out anymore. Our friend from florida was in town and gave notice 1 month in advance. He flakes out last minute, gives no reason and says next time man. I know he wanted to hang out because he had us all plan around his schedule. And this is just to have a couple of drinks.

Disappoint

 

[iwajabitw]

My wife of 20yrs, always prefered to be around my friends in the beginning. She said being around a bunch of bitches was too much of a buzz kill. But I easily moved into the stay home type. Ya come home, hang out, eat, enjoy some beers, get laid and fall a sleep, repeat...yeah it was easy..

 

[gorcorps]

It's always possible, but there has to be a sufficient desire on the guy's part. There's really not a whole lot that I want to do that I don't want to invite the wife along on. She likes hiking, climbing, beer and football, and most of my guy friends think she's cooler than I am. I go on a couple guys weekends, but it also probably helps that nearly all of my guy friends are in long-term relationships as well.

I think that's key. If your friends are single they don't seem to understand, and they feel slighted when they want to do something and you choose the GF/wife over them. I have a buddy who ALWAYS assumes the GF/wife is keeping somebody from going hunting or fishing. It doesn't cross his mind that people actually enjoy being with their partners, and would choose that over hanging with a single guy that's going to rag on them for "getting a get-out-of-jail card from the Mrs huh?"

Hope you're not that kind of guy OP, because they're real downers.

 

[Texashiker]

Ya come home, hang out, eat, enjoy some beers, get laid and fall a sleep, repeat...yeah it was easy..

If you want to keep your wife happy, that is what you do.

Lets throw some sexism out there and stir the pot.

Women are very jealous. Going to a bar whether by yourself or with your wife, where other women are at, you might as well throw a truckload of insecurity into your marriage.

Man and wife arrive back home, you make the moves on her for sex, she starts talking about how she saw you looking at another woman. She starts with this, "You were looking at her, why dont you go back to the bar and have sex with her."

Then the fight is on. Yelling, screaming, throwing stuff.

Next thing you know you are sleeping in the garage or in the shed.

Women want security. They want to know her husband is not off with another woman.

You might as well burn your eyes out with battery acid than look at another woman.

 

[soulcougher73]

Oh yes. Most married people are like this. It sucks. Were the only couple we know who isnt having kids. Its like once your friends have kids they only want to hang out with other people who also have kids. My wife hasnt seen her so called best friend in like 3 years. Sickening.

 

[Texashiker]

Oh yes. Most married people are like this. It sucks.
<snip>
My wife hasnt seen her so called best friend in like 3 years. Sickening.

Girlfriend gets mad, you break up, no big deal.

Wife gets mad, you get divorced, she gets half of everything, she gets the kids, and she gets at least 20% of your income in child support.

Ever hear the saying, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned?

When you get married your life changes. If you want to have drinks with friends, do it at home.

 

[Red Squirrel]

Most of my high school friends ended up that way. In high school and a bit after we'd go hang out and stuff, go fishing and what not. Then they got married and suddenly they don't have time to hang out anymore. I have friends who arn't married and not even interested in it, so I spend more time with them since they can actually be bothered to go out.

It's kinda sad when it's me as an introvert trying to get friends to go out. :awe:

 

[senseamp]

Anyone have a friend like this. Used to be the dude first to down a drink and hit on a girl. But now is so locked down, he can't play outside at all anymore.

Im giving him a hard time about it. But i guess his wife knows how we were in school and doesn't think we are good influences. Lol. What a bunch of crap

Maybe he was just there to hit on girls, and hanging out with you and drinking was secondary to that. Now that he's married, he is no longer interested in it. I know I am not interested in bar hopping and clubbing anymore.

 

[manimal]

I hate smoky bars and the atmosphere at most clubs. I have lived trough the 90s in LA where clubs were mythical in their nature and saw shit so crazy I cant write about it. After parties were even crazier.


Now bars smell bad and have overpriced drinks and the girls pale in comparison to my wife. Sure some of them are younger but what the hell. She puts up with me.


I have a stocked bar with basement entertainment thats good enough for me. I dont have as many acquantances as I used to but my life is pretty much drama free other than the rare opera I direct.

 

[Zargon]

Bar is no place for married people or married couples.

When you get married your needs change. You want to have a few drinks, go to your friends home and drink there.

what?


pre-kids my wife and I still went to bars all the time(now we have no time, I still do on occasion, or whenever she has the kid at her parents)


going to a friends to drink is great though, and cheaper, the people watching sucks tho





hulk you bugging him daily or something? how long they been married?

 

[IronWing]

In threads like this, posters ought to qualify their marrital status. That way folks could know if the relationship advice and/or perspective offered is coming from a married person, a never-married person, or a divorced person.

 

[Zargon]

In threads like this, posters ought to qualify their marrital status. That way folks could know if the relationship advice and/or perspective offered is coming from a married person, a never-married person, or a divorced person.

married almost 6 years now, 19 month old and another on the way :ninja:

 

[Texashiker]

In threads like this, posters ought to qualify their marrital status. That way folks could know if the relationship advice and/or perspective offered is coming from a married person, a never-married person, or a divorced person.

Married twice, 14 years first marriage, 11 years current marriage.

4 kids, 4 step kids, 13 grandkids and another grandkid on the way.

 

[manimal]

Married 9 years. Been together 20 plus. We lived in Sin a long time

 

[Newell Steamer]

I have a better one; a friend who is married and will not hang out, with anyone, unless his wife wants to hang out as well. If she does not like the venue, person, food, drink, weather - he does not get to go out,.. because she won't come along. Now, here comes the good part: she hangs out with whomever, whenever and wherever - no questions / no restrictions.

One time, we (this friend and another friend) made plans to see Gravity, in 3D - all were invited (wives, girlfriends, friends, etc.). She did not want to see it in 3D and refused to allow these plans to happen. She insisted on the most out of the way restaurant before the movie, to ensure we were going to be late. She picked the latest time for dinner plans (she is a teacher and was done with work at 4,.. but, didn't want to meet up until 10 or so,.. and there was no reason; i.e. I need to shave my back). And, she would not let go of refusing her husband to see this movie in 3D,.. because she wanted to see the movie without 3D. And, none of this was stated from her (in the e-mail exchange), my friend typed all these rules out, with her CC;ed.

Anyway, none of the other women wanted to come along (they were disgusted with her behavior and agreed they would NOT show up, to make her not show up - she would be the only girl in the party) and we (the guys) ended up eating at normal after work hours, saw the movie at a normal time after dinner. And, we all were done before midnight (her plans would have been see the movie AT midnight,.. so she could complain it's too late and ditch it last second).

My friend was punished for this act of defiance; we did not get to hang out with him for 1 full year.

 

[brainhulk]

hulk you bugging him daily or something? how long they been married?

Other way around. He is the one that insisted we change the hangout time to a Tuesday after he gets off work so he doesn't have other stuff goin on. Really sure he wanted to go but got some guilt trip or command from da boss. They have been married 5 years and has 2 toddler kids.

He is always shooting the shit like normal on group text. Hanging out is very seldom anymore if its not a kid thing. Maybe ill set up a camping trip so the girls can chat and the guys can go hunt some badgers while drinking beer...

 

[Newell Steamer]

,... hunt some badgers while drinking beer...

Be a real man and hunt an animal that ISN'T in inebriated.

:awe:

 

[nageov3t]

one of my best friends from college has been completely dead to the world since he got married about 8 years ago... other than family and a couple of his wife's friends, I don't think he hangs out with anyone anymore.

he was a big, big pothead and drinker who somehow fell in love with this hardcore straight edge girl (imagine your stereotypical uptight PTA Jesus freak mom in hot topic clothing)... despite the fact that he was the biggest drinker/drug user among us, and was the chief instigator, I think she blamed all his friends for his "bad habits."

sometimes my boyfriend pulls the "if you're not going out, I don't want to go out either," but I'll force him to go without me because I don't want him to end up resenting me just because some nights I'd rather stay in and play video games than hang out at a crowded bar until last call.

 

[IndyColtsFan]

My friend was punished for this act of defiance; we did not get to hang out with him for 1 full year.

Your friend sounds like a humongous pussy, like the guys I posted about earlier. Of those 3 guys, 2 ended in divorce and fortunately the third guy dumped her before he got married. I predict your friend will wise up one day and dump her.

 

[smackababy]

Sometimes, I wish my SO would try this kind of nonsense like telling me who I can and can't hang out with.

I have a friend who did this kind of thing though. As soon as he started dating this girl, she immediately tried to get him to stop hanging out with us. Eventually, he stopped being such a pussy and started coming back out to us. And, once his GF came out a couple times, she really warmed up to the idea of it. They are married with a toddler now, so probably haven't gone out much the past few months due to that.

 

[Newell Steamer]

Your friend sounds like a humongous pussy, like the guys I posted about earlier. Of those 3 guys, 2 ended in divorce and fortunately the third guy dumped her before he got married. I predict your friend will wise up one day and dump her.

He is a nice guy - in fact, THE nice guy.

He would not dump his wife. She would dump him, but, he would never get rid of her.

His last ex dumped him (a controlling woman as well - she realized he was too 'safe' for her). And, the ex before that one,.. it took TWO years for them to break up. He decided to call it quits (she was a controlling & overbearing woman too,..) and she refused to let him see other women,.. all the while she dated a bunch of dudes to help her 'get over the break up',.. for two years.

Could you imagine that?

Break up with someone, not be allowed to date,... and watch the girl you broke up with suck face with a bunch of other guys,... who allows that in their life? Answer: my friend.