Frustrating GF problem...*Plz help

[Storm]

Originally posted by: canonfodder01
it is so hard, i don't want to leave her.

she does still love me, she never loved me any less.

the thing that i am afraid of is that, if i let her go, and mr. X is better, than she won't come back to me.
or that something else happens when we were apart (me doing something stupid with another girl.),
to me, things will only get worse when we are separated.

You definitely sound as if you are overly infatiuated with her. You could end up putting yourself in a whole world of hurt if she starts being greedy but then end up choosing Mr. X over you.

 

[her209]

I wouldn't dump her. I'd just go find some sorority girl to have some fun with and see how she likes it. If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen.

 

[EvilYoda]

ouch...can't say that I know how it feels exactly, but something close. But man are you in the wrong place for advice, I don't have to read the replies and i know they're ripping on you. Talk to your friends, talk to her friends, don't ask people on ATOT who know nothing about the situation and don't know either of you. That's my suggestion.

 

[canonfodder01]

i am thinking that, if i can somehow fix this, we can go through anything. I am not just going to give up, i am not like that. I want to try till i sense that it is not going no where.
this is not a long distance relationship, my college is in the same state as her HS, we live 15 minutes away.

anyway i can make her feel that he is not the one for her? because he is the only person that is the problem. no one else will now, and no one else in the future(i am sure) will cause us problem again.

 

[Masas]

Originally posted by: canonfodder01
it is so hard, i don't want to leave her.

she does still love me, she never loved me any less.

the thing that i am afraid of is that, if i let her go, and mr. X is better, than she won't come back to me.
or that something else happens when we were apart (me doing something stupid with another girl.),
to me, things will only get worse when we are separated.

well...I think the best thing would either be for you to end things with her,
OR
let her go to prom with Mr. X

its a lose-lose-lose situation...

1) if YOU go to prom with her and Mr. X is there, how awkward is it going to be, not only for you, but even more so for her?
doing this also won't settle anything, it would just make things even harder than it is now...

2) she gets pressured and decides not to go to prom at all...so then she COULD end up blaming you for not "letting" her go (I know it isn't your fault, but girls can do that)
and just cause more tension/trouble...leading to an even worse break up or worse...

3) she goes to prom with Mr. X....i know it'll be hard for you to do, i think if she goes, she can either be happy for a night, and find out that Mr. X is just a friend and come back to you ever-so grateful, or she can sort her feelings and decide Mr. X is who she wants to be with...

they're all unattractive solutions, but like i said before, breaking up would be the quick/clean solution, with letting her go to prom as she wants to being the next best thing...

good luck...

 

[Nutdotnet]

There are temptations EVERYWHERE. She may be a real sweet girl, but she's what, 18 years old? Dude, I know it sucks, but you cannot expect to have a relationship at that age to last forever. Look at it this way, she is being honest with you, that is very mature of her. Nothing you say or do is going to change the way she feels about him.

This is what I would do. No matter how much it sucks, break things off with her. Let her do what she needs to do, give her time and let her realize what she wants.

Good luck!

 

[Orsorum]

Originally posted by: canonfodder01
it is so hard, i don't want to leave her.

she does still love me, she never loved me any less.

the thing that i am afraid of is that, if i let her go, and mr. X is better, than she won't come back to me.
or that something else happens when we were apart (me doing something stupid with another girl.),
to me, things will only get worse when we are separated.

If that happens, that happens. What we think is "love" at 19 isn't always true love, or it is, but only for a time.

Relationships come and go, that is the way life goes. Give her her freedom, and take advantage of yours. If she comes back, then that's the better for the both of you. If not, then that is the way it was meant to be (very fatalist of me, but hey); this, too, will be for the best.

The vast majority of girls under the age of 24 are too immature to know what they want; they can get confused easily about close guy friends and ex's, and, unfortunately, that dangerous or captivating ex-bf often wins out over the guys they should be trusting. I should add here that the majority of guys (of all ages) are very similar.

Give her freedom, and let her make her own choice - yes, it hurts, and, yes, you feel betrayed. But the more you hold on, the harder it's going to be to move on with your life.

I went through a situation similar to yours in high school, and my high school 'sweatheart' and I broke up two weeks after I went to college (she had been at school for a month and a half, and *surprise* ended up hooking up with a guy there); during that whole process of letting go and moving on, my mom gave me a quote that I still keep on my wall.

Abraham Lincoln
In this sad world of ours, sorrow comes to all... it comes with bitterest agony... Perfect relief is not possible, except with time. You cannot now realize that you will ever feel better...And yet it is a mistake. You are sure to be happy again. To know this, which is certainly true, will make you some less miserable now. I have had experience enough to know what I say.

 

[Fixxors]

Here is my two cents, though from the sound of your post it looks like you may have developed some dependancies that won't let you take this course:


You can realize one thing from this situation. She is not completely focused on you. Whether it be the other guy, or her friends or prom or whatever, she has other things influencing her right now. In a way this is a nice thing. After a bad relationship, youl find youself thinkin, "man, I wish I acted on the first signs" My friend, she has just put up a flashing neon sign. Her actions are selfish and insensitive, and she is hurting and confusing you. Because she has other agendas, and she's made it clear! See it! Make yourself see it even if it hurts!

The best course is to decide you don't need the chaos caused by someone who isnt doing whats best for you right now. If her friends are too important, or some dude, or her image, whatever it be, you have the power to defend youself, by walking away. You can be nice bout it, just tell her you have some things to sort out, and cut ties for a while. No calling her, no asking friends about her. This will not only show yourself you own confidence and personal strength, but also shows everyone involved how much power and self control you have. A very respectable thing. Much more that letting a confusing girl turn you into a pile of mush.

You will learn this eventually, but I hope there's a chance you could see it now if you can really clear your mind of your dependancies (it's very hard to do so without your own experiences to back you up) If you don't see this,a lot of bad things happen. Everything from she see's she can push you around, and do things that would hurt ANYONE and you will tolerate it, to you, her, and friends loosing a tad bit o respect for you because everyone senses codependancies, even unconciously.

I would never date someone else, even a friend, because it would hurt my wife. She wouldn't either. We would never want to hurt each other, because we love each other. Go find yerself some good love. It's worth the wait!

Good luck!

 

[her209]

Originally posted by: Masas

Originally posted by: canonfodder01
it is so hard, i don't want to leave her.

she does still love me, she never loved me any less.

the thing that i am afraid of is that, if i let her go, and mr. X is better, than she won't come back to me.
or that something else happens when we were apart (me doing something stupid with another girl.),
to me, things will only get worse when we are separated.

well...I think the best thing would either be for you to end things with her,
OR
let her go to prom with Mr. X

its a lose-lose-lose situation...

1) if YOU go to prom with her and Mr. X is there, how awkward is it going to be, not only for you, but even more so for her?
doing this also won't settle anything, it would just make things even harder than it is now...

2) she gets pressured and decides not to go to prom at all...so then she COULD end up blaming you for not "letting" her go (I know it isn't your fault, but girls can do that)
and just cause more tension/trouble...leading to an even worse break up or worse...

3) she goes to prom with Mr. X....i know it'll be hard for you to do, i think if she goes, she can either be happy for a night, and find out that Mr. X is just a friend and come back to you ever-so grateful, or she can sort her feelings and decide Mr. X is who she wants to be with...

they're all unattractive solutions, but like i said before, breaking up would be the quick/clean solution, with letting her go to prom as she wants to being the next best thing...

good luck...

Or how about not having feelings for guys that are not your bf? I'm sure she would be fvcking p.o.d if he did the same thing with a college girl. Freakin Hollywood! :|