Funniest Joke I've ever heard.

[Scarpozzi]

Why do girls always masturbate with these two fingers? *scarpozzi holds up his index and middle fingers together*

Because they're MINE!

 

[woowoo]

Originally posted by: XZeroII
Violence solves everything. If it's not fixing the problem, you're not using enough of it.

Move to the war thread?

 

[Spooner]

Originally posted by: FrankyJunior

Originally posted by: diamondgoat53<br
thousands of women battered each year, and here i've been eating mine plain.

HA HA HA HA HA!!

Hahah... that's just great

 

[ThisIsMatt]

Originally posted by: kermalou
Why do women wear white on their wedding night?



so they match the washing machine and dryer

You guys are botching all sorts of jokes ...this one is much more funny with the punchline, "So they match all the other household appliances."

 

[Yax]

Originally posted by: TheUnhappyCamper

Originally posted by: cheapbidder01
I've heard a lot of funny jokes, but the one that strikes me as the funniest was the cannibal one that I read on the Internet back in 92, must have been the simplicity in it.

Two cannibals were eating a clown. One turns to the other and asks: Does this taste funny to you?

Still LMAO whenever I think of it.

That joke sucks. I didn't even chuckle. This is definitely not deserving of it's own thread.

Go whine in your own thread! We're having fun here.

 

[TheNinja]

It is sort of a visual joke but I'll explain the best I can, if you go through the motions that I tell you it will be much funnier.

A little boy named Timmy who was in the 3rd grade walks to school everyday past a whorehouse. And everyday the ladies would be on the porch and would yell to him "Hello, timmy" and wave their little pinky finger at him with their hands up by their mouth/face (at this point you hold you hand by your face and wave with your little pinky and say, "Hello Timmy" in a girly voice). On the way home the same thing would happen (go through the motion of waving with pinky and saying Hello again). This went on for a week or two and finally Timmy asked one of the older kids at school why they would wave their pinky finger at him when he walked by. The older kids said that they were telling Timmy that is how big his penis was. On the way home that day, Timmy walks past the whorehouse again and the girls do the same thing (Say "Hello Timmy" in your girly voice while waving your pinky). Timmy turns to the ladies and.....(now use both hands to pry open your mouth up as wide as you possibly can and say "Hello ladies").

 

[toant103]

Originally posted by: cheapbidder01
I've heard a lot of funny jokes, but the one that strikes me as the funniest was the cannibal one that I read on the Internet back in 92, must have been the simplicity in it.

Two cannibals were eating a clown. One turns to the other and asks: Does this taste funny to you?

Still LMAO whenever I think of it.

i don't get it

 

[tarheelmm]

funny funny funny funny

 

[Yax]

Originally posted by: toant103

Originally posted by: cheapbidder01
I've heard a lot of funny jokes, but the one that strikes me as the funniest was the cannibal one that I read on the Internet back in 92, must have been the simplicity in it.

Two cannibals were eating a clown. One turns to the other and asks: Does this taste funny to you?

Still LMAO whenever I think of it.

i don't get it

Think Clown and Funny.

 

[InFecTed]

A man traveling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility, but each time he tried, it was occupied. A female flight attendant, aware of the traveler's predicament, suggested he use the attendants' ladies' room but cautioned him not to press any of the buttons.
When he arrived in the attendants' ladies' room, he noticed that next to the toilet paper rolls, there were four buttons marked: WW, WA, PP, and ATR. His curiosity got the best of him and he disregarded what she said. He carefully pressed the WW button, and immediately a gentle flush of Warm Water sprayed onto his bare bottom.
He thought, "Wow, these gals really have it nice!" So a little more boldly, he pressed the WA button, and body temperature warm air blew across his wet bottom and dried it comfortably.
"Ahh," he thought, "no wonder these women take so long in the bathroom with these kinds of services!" So he pushed the next button, PP, with anticipation. A soft, disposable powder puff swung below him and dusted his bottom lightly with talc.
"Man, this is great!" he thought as he reached out for the ATR button.
When he awoke in the hospital, the morphine was just wearing off. Confused, he buzzed the nurse to find out what had happened. He explained that the last thing he remembered was intense pain in the ladies' room of the plane.
The nurse explained, "Yes, you must have been having a great time until you pushed the 'Automatic Tampon Removal' button."

 

[JeffSpicoli]

Jokes I heard from an 8 yr. old:

Did you hear about the two antennae that got married? The wedding wasn't much but the reception was excellent.

What did one fish say to the other when it ran into the wall? Dam.

 

[RonC]

What organization uses the acronym DAM?












Ans: Mothers Against Dyslexia

 

[XZeroII]

Originally posted by: InFecTed
A man traveling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility, but each time he tried, it was occupied. A female flight attendant, aware of the traveler's predicament, suggested he use the attendants' ladies' room but cautioned him not to press any of the buttons.
When he arrived in the attendants' ladies' room, he noticed that next to the toilet paper rolls, there were four buttons marked: WW, WA, PP, and ATR. His curiosity got the best of him and he disregarded what she said. He carefully pressed the WW button, and immediately a gentle flush of Warm Water sprayed onto his bare bottom.
He thought, "Wow, these gals really have it nice!" So a little more boldly, he pressed the WA button, and body temperature warm air blew across his wet bottom and dried it comfortably.
"Ahh," he thought, "no wonder these women take so long in the bathroom with these kinds of services!" So he pushed the next button, PP, with anticipation. A soft, disposable powder puff swung below him and dusted his bottom lightly with talc.
"Man, this is great!" he thought as he reached out for the ATR button.
When he awoke in the hospital, the morphine was just wearing off. Confused, he buzzed the nurse to find out what had happened. He explained that the last thing he remembered was intense pain in the ladies' room of the plane.
The nurse explained, "Yes, you must have been having a great time until you pushed the 'Automatic Tampon Removal' button."

LOL, that's too much!

 

[davestar]

a buddist monk goes to a hot dog stand and says to the vendor, "make me one with everything." (get it?)




and if you don't get that one:

what did one lesbian vampire say to the other?

see you next month

 

[Entity]

What's the worst part about eating vegetables?































Their damned wheelchairs.

 

[InFecTed]

A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by two female teachers went on a field trip to the local race track to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry.
During the tour, some of the children needed to go to the washroom, so it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.
As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men's restroom, one of the boys came out and told her that he couldn't reach the urinal. Having no choice, the teacher went inside and began hoisting the little boys up by their armpits, one by one.
As she lifted one up in this manner, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed for an elementary school child. "I guess you must be in fifth," she said.
"No ma'am," he replied, "I'm in the seventh, riding Silver Arrow. But thanks for the lift anyhow."

 

[AMDfreak]

Originally posted by: RonC
What organization uses the acronym DAM?












Ans: Mothers Against Dyslexia

ROFLMAO!!!

 

[AMDfreak]

OK, since surprisingly no one has pulled them out yet, I'll throw in a blonde joke.

How did the blonde fry her computer one morning?



















She poured milk on the serial port.


and for us Catholics....

What does a priest and a Christmas Tree have in common?

















The balls are just for decoration.

 

[AMDfreak]

What do you call two skunks doing the 69?



































Oder eaters.

 

[bujuranks]

Ripped from google, probably already burned toast

At the site of a plane crash, one lone survivor sat with his back against a tree, chewing on a bone. As he tossed the bone onto a huge pile of bones, he noticed the rescue team.

"Thank God," he cried out in relief. "I am saved!"

The rescue team did not move, as they were in shock to find a pile of human bones beside this lone survivor. Obviously, he had eaten his comrades. The survivor saw the horror in their faces and hung his head in shame.

"You can't judge me for this," he insisted. "I had to survive. Is it so wrong to want to live?"

The leader of the rescue team stepped forward, shaking his head in disbelief. "I won't judge you for doing what was necessary to survive, but my God, man, your plane only went down yesterday!"

 

[The Sauce]

This one's for ffm

What do all battered women have in common?









They just don't know when to shut the f&ck up.

 

[The Sauce]

A penguin is driving through the city when his car breaks down. He gets towed to a mechanic and is told to come back in an hour. To kill some time he goes to the supermarket frozen foods section, dumps several containers of vanilla ice cream on the refrigerater floor and snuggles in for a nap. He wakes up an hour later, looks at his watch, and runs over to the mechanic covered with ice cream. When he gets there the mechanic reviews the repair bill, looks down at the penguin and says "tsk...looks like you blew a seal." Blushing the penguin replies "No, it's just ice cream."

 

[geno]

My girlfriend comes up to me the other day and says "Eric, do me with 9 inches and make it hurt"



So I banged her 3 times, then hit her over the head with a brick

 

[Muse]

Yo, Entity, your sig is the funniest:

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. -Groucho Marx

 

[SuperSix]

My favorite:

WHy do dogs lick themselves?




























Because they can't make a fist!

Bwahahahahahaha!!!