<< But why the hell does every single one look like it qualifies for "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" >>
Answer:
a. G.I. Joe is in the Army.
b. This is a post-Clinton G.I. Joe.
I remember fondly the G.I. Joe Action Figures my brothers and I got around 1974 (I was 6). We used to love playing with those things. That was back in the days when you played war with your imagination. They had fuzzy hair and beards. We used to shave the beards off. I don't know why they don't make the hair fuzzy anymore. Probably because kids choked on them right after they cracked their heads open playing with click-clack balls!