GF wants to get marry - Reason why I dont want to!

[Adul]

Originally posted by: Adul
married by 21? Wtf are you talking about. maybe it is afamily thing with her, but for the most part I met plenty of people in thailand that where not married by 21. Hell there is a good number not married by 30.

Forget the marraige, focus on your life and getting things settled. She need to grow up anyways. So need a good 3 o 4 years to grow up.

 

[Fulcrum]

Marrying her doesn't sound like a good idea to me. If you really think she could be the one, then you should wait a few years and see how things go. If anyone cheated on me, they would be gone for good. If you can look past the cheating, then wait a few years. In my book, your GF has a lot to prove to you and that will take time. As for her family, I'm all for helping out family when they are in need, but you can't possibly expect to support your own family when you earn most of the income and a large chunk of it goes to her family. It's just too much for you to take on, no matter how noble you are. You have take care of "you and yours" as well as others.

 

[Fulcrum]

After what happened a month ago, I really dont care if she does cheat again.

I didn't read your second post before posting my first relpy. After reading the above comment, I feel there is only one thing for you to do. Dump her!!! Right now!!! Never have anything to do with her ever again!!! Your future happiness depends on it!!!

 

[yellowperil]

Marrying right out of high school + money problems + past incident with infidelity = never going to work.

Just my opinion

 

[Siddhartha]

Do you love her?

 

[Ulfwald]

I found out the hard way, You marry the girl, you marry the family.

Dump her now. All she will do is bring you down, and eventually you will be unhappy, then unhappy with only half your stuff if she gets a good lawyer.

She really needs to grow up.

 

[notfred]

a lot of ppl are wondering why I'm with my gf becuz they think I could
do better.

That would be me.

 

[Hoeboy]

I see one of two things:

1) You say she wants to get married cuz she's stuck to you knowing she can't do better. Sounds like you're describing yourself. Why would you still be with someone like this? Do you not feel like you can find a girl who can not only treat you right, but does not carry baggage?

2) You feel guilty if you let her go given her condition. Then again you should realize you two are not married yet so there is really no obligation or ties for you to keep supporting her. From her situation, it might be good for her ass to be on her own supporting her parents to realize how lucky she was. She might learn a good thing or two about the hardships of life and that would be more beneficial in the long run than if you stay with her simply out of guilt.


Take the first step man. Looks like you're starting on a career soon. You shouldn't have this kind of things holding you down.

 

[joohang]

If in doubt, don't marry.

 

[Evadman]

Originally posted by: joohang
If in doubt, don't marry.

Truer words were never spoken.

 

[Alex]

Originally posted by: Astaroth33
lilcam, the fact that you'd be going into this expecting her parents/family to live off of your income says to me that it's doomed to fail. You have to decide what's right for you, but between this and the cheating incident, I certainly wouldn't jump right into it.

totally... if she only cheated recently then maybe ya wanna wait a while longer before totally trusting her again...

why don't ya talk to her about her family's financial problems? make it clear that ya can't afford to have 'em leechin' off ya...

 

[Muadib]

I don't think you've given us enough data. All you've done is put down this girl and her family, and yet you still post this thread. Either you've left out a whole bunch, or you're one of those types that loves to wallow in misery. Why do I feel that it's both?

 

[quirky]

Sorry but you're a freaking idiot for not taking our advice

 

[Rainsford]

Originally posted by: joohang
If in doubt, don't marry.

Nothing more I can add to that

 

[Geekbabe]

I ignored rumors that my then husband to be couldn't keep it in his pants to save his life.. I married him anyway.. I lived to regret that choice. If they're screwing on you before the wedding,they'll have no problem doing so afterwards.

 

[BCYL]

Originally posted by: Muadib
I don't think you've given us enough data. All you've done is put down this girl and her family, and yet you still post this thread. Either you've left out a whole bunch, or you're one of those types that loves to wallow in misery. Why do I feel that it's both?

Search for his previous thread about his gf cheating... there's a lot more info in that one...

I dont think many ppl would still be with this girl, let alone marrying her...

 

[Valinos]

A wise man once told me...

The most freedom in your life is between the ages of 18 and 30. Go out and do the things you enjoy. Make money, party, sit at home on the computer, take some trips to Cancun or something, but DO NOT GET MARRIED!!

This guy is about 38 and got married at 30 and then had some kids. He loves his life, but says he would not have got hitched until 30 regardless of circumstances. You still have your freedom and there's tons of stuff to do at your age. Especially if you are about to graduate and make big bucks. Save that money and invest it....blow it on a nice car, put money down on a nice house, buy yourself a big screen TV and a pimp computer. Girlfriends are fine, just don't GET MARRIED!!

Especially with that worthless low-life bitch who cheated on you. I got cheated on once....and then I forgave her...then she cheated on me 3 months later. Like everyone above has said...once a cheater always a cheater.

Just give yourself some years to yourself to make you happy. You don't want to be supporting anyone right out of college and just beginning your new job. If you get married, then you'll end up having kids a year later.

Heed the wise ATers' warnings. Just chill and dump that sack of rocks. Get yourself someone who is really worth the time.

 

[Nefrodite]

help her thru colllege, then decide

 

[Type-R]

sorry lilcam, but it looks like you're an idiot and you're getting used for all you're worth. actually, i know you are, there's really no logical pathway for her to be a loyal loving girl.

here's the deal on your girl. she's 19, she cheated on you last month, and she is/her family is poor. now think about what you mean to her. she cheated on you but stayed with you. i would bet that the guy she cheated on you with does not have the money you have OR isn't willing to GIVE HER the money that he has. to her, you are a financial tool. listen to me, NO GIRL cheats on a guy and wants to marry him soon after for love. she probably wanted you to find out she was cheating on you so she could see how you reacted. once she saw how loyal you are she decided that you're at least a multiple year investment and you wouldn't catch on to her lying self.

okay so that's my pessimistic argument. here's my optimistic one : she cheated on you but she still likes your money, which is cool because she loves you. but even though she loves you and you want to forgive her, the fact that her family will be leeching off of you does not change. THEY ALREADY DO. as much as you would like to help them and keep them from the damage they've done to themselves, they are only going to bring you down. look, this is where i'm coming from. i'm really smart and i know what i'm talking about. i really want to help you and guide you to success but (in all honesty) it's not worth my time. however if you want to call me and talk to me, PM me and i'll send you my phone number and we can talk about it.

here's another point. (i'm indo-beloved patriot so i am kind of familiar with the societal stuff) you don't like the asian traditional crap- but she's asking you to fall into it by marrying her when she's young. you live in america, you're american. she knows you don't like it and is still asking you to marry her. all i see from your description of her is how she's selfish and her parents are selfish. selfish enough to cheat on you, selfish enough to ask you to go traditional, she was raised in a selfish enough family that it would ask you for money, selfish to ask you to marry her. it's nice that you love her and you want to marry her, but i PROMISE YOU that there will be more girls you will fall in love with. you're a guy, you don't have to worry about getting married early. finish your masters, get a good job, and then get a really high quality chick with the paycheck you'll be bringing in.

i can't emphasise enough how bad of an idea it would be to even consider marrying this girl. there are hundreds of flags and alarms going off in my head telling me to tell you to dump this girl and move on with your life. i only touched a few of them and it's not worth my time to keep thinking about it. you're crazy for even staying with her so far. get out while you can.

if you love her : it's a nice though, but it would turn out to be horrible and haunt you. no.
if you're not sure : oh, hell no
if you dont love her : GET THE HELL OUT

oh and one last word of advice, if you don't listen to anything i said and you still want to marry this selfish immature (19 is immature, trust me. nobody should be seriously considering marriage that young, our cultures are f$#cked up) get a prenup or you will regret it. i promise that too.

 

[dfi]

Run. Run fast and hard.

In the opposite direction of marriage, for clarification.

dfi

 

[olds]

You're kidding, right? This has to be a joke or a seroius cry for help.

 

[Alphathree33]

Asian girls = very manipulative, IMHO

3/4 of my female friends are asian (echo, said that a lot of times here)

Forget about girls. Find something in life that you enjoy and do that. Find many things in life that you enjoy and do those things. And if you can earn a living while doing said thing(s), all the better. If not, find a decent job and do said thing(s) in your free time.

Think about what you're going through right now. Do you think this is fun? Interesting? Exciting? Romantic? Didn't think so.

This is not a racist comment, it is however a broad generalization which I hope you will forgive me for: the culture barrier between asians and everybody else is too much to handle in most cases.

A lot of asian girls are not allowed to have boyfriends at a young age. They aren't allowed to go out very often. They are expected to stay home and study and go to university ("college" for the 99% of you that are american) to either become successful by themselves or marry someone who is, or both.

The pressure on said girl is so strong that they will marry anyone who gives them any degree of success in their desperation. Their objective is not to please themselves or their partner, it is to appease their family.

With that realization, I suggest you tread carefully.

 

[Alphathree33]

Why do I always have to kill threads, for christ sakes? Am I really that boring?

 

[Gulzakar]

I believe the saying goes "to forgive is divine"

 

[recha]

She might just be using you for your money in return for her love. But yeah, mmm...since you kind of have a bad past w/ her, maybe you shouldn't.