Girl Issue

[Draco]

Can anyone tell me from experience how to really tell if a girl you've been involved with has cheated on you. Or is lieing to you about something related.

I've been involved with someone for a while now, and for some reason I still have this horrible feeling that she's not being straight with me. Like when I question her fidelity or times that we we'ren't always together. Her track record has horrible with past guys, and she's confessed that to me. So are my feelings of insecurity coming from that? Because she says I have nothing to worry about and would never do that to me. I want to be completely comfortable and trust what she is saying, but my gut won't let me. And often people have said that if you have a gut feeling about something it is often right, which I don't want to believe

I wish I could put this to rest. Anyone have any feedback? Thanks.

 

[iamwiz82]

if you arent one hundred percent confident, how can you stay with her? I have no doubt my girlfriend is being honest with me, if i thought she wasnt, i would probably tell her that its over.

 

[Linflas]

Just my .02 cents but as far as I am concerned trust is the bedrock of any relationship. If you cannot trust the other person then I do not see how the relationship can last.

 

[viewton]

are you this way with all past g/f's, or just this one? it could be that her past cheating is making you worried, or maybe you are having a gut feeling for a reason.

either way, i agree with the others - trust is fundamental - if you can't get over the feeling that's she's possibly cheating on you, it won't be a healthy relationship and won't last very long. either have to let the feelings go, or let her go.

that's just my opinion of course, and it's probably wrong.

 

[PCResources]

In my experience, if you suspect it, she most probably is cheating on you...

But then again, it takes a lot for me to even suspect it...

Patrick

 

[polm]

Draco,

Be carfeul....I went through the EXACT same thing. Turns out she was lying and cheating on me. See, if she is a lyer...she WILL lie to you. If she has cheated before, she wont necessarily do it again, but....

See, if she has claimed to have been a cheater and lier in the past. You have to determine if she is still participating in the habits that lead her to cheat. Does she still party hard ? With or without you ? My ex just love to get hammered, and get it on. We did that together for a long time. When I needed to grow up, she wasnt ready. I went to bed at 10:00pm and she stayed out till 5:00 am. It was inevitable.

 

[polm]

As far as the "gut" feeling.....trust it! I denied that feeling, and it really screwed me up. If you have trust issues, you need to confront her. Honestly...what makes you think she is Cheating on you ?

 

[Draco]

Thanks for the feedback guys... not relly what I "want" to hear, but good advice nevertheless.

Part of the problem is she's so convincing! Or maybe I just have no balls. I really like being with her, but I guess it's her past that makes me worry so much.

Funny thing is if she were to mess around on me, the act wouldn't piss me off anywhere near as much as a lie would. Like if I asked her "Have you been with anyone else in the time that I've known you?" and she said "Yes", it would suck but at least I could have some peace of mind, you know?

*sigh*

 

[Draco]

Oh, I also think she might have reason to lie to me because she's scared to death of losing me from her life. She's had a lot of losers before, and frankly I think I'm the only one that's really be worth her time, so sometimes I think she might do anything including lie, to keep me around... yet another dilemma.

I guess I'm kind of afraid too... we'r so comfortable together, and it sucks to think of how lonely my ass would be with out her. Just goes to show you that no one should ever become to dependant on a girlfriend, you end up cutting your ties with everyone else, and then the thought of losing that person is terrifying because you'll be alone.

yeesh

 

[polm]

Honestly...what makes you think she is Cheating on you ?

 

[bunker]

From your posts it seems there is no way you can trust her. I don't think the relationship is worth staying in without trust. It'll drive you nutz always wondering......

 

[Gooberlx2]

My last g/f had a horrible track record as well. She cheated on her b/f with one guy then dumped him and went to that guy. Cheated on him with me then went to me. And, guess what! She cheated on me and went with that guy. (And I'm mean she REALLY cheated). Meanwhile, I had a "hunch" that she wasn't being totally honest with me before it happened. When it turned out to be true I was devastated nonetheless. I wish a I confronted her with it, before her "feelings" had developed into something more. I would confront her about it. I don't exactly know how to go about doing that. Good luck with you!

 

[Techwhore]

<< From your posts it seems there is no way you can trust her. I don't think the relationship is worth staying in without trust. It'll drive you nutz always wondering...... >>



I agree, and you know what? No matter what we tell you or how much we tell you, you're still gonna have this gut feeling.

 

[DoubleN]

There's pretty much three things you can do...you can either let this fear control you and your relationship with your girl, or you can end it with her and try to find someone else, or you can take her at her word and relax unless you find something that proves your suspicions. After you've been around a person long enough, you can really hone down on how they're acting and you pretty much know what is up even without having to ask a thing. I'm hoping that the fear is just a result from you hearing how she's been with other guys, but if her track record is bad, then also lends itself that she might be doing it again. All I can suggest is try spending time with her...do fun stuff with her so she doesn't feel like she has to run into the arms of another (did she ever tell you why she cheated on her past b/f's? if yes, don't do what they did). This is of course assuming that she's ok upstairs and this isn't something that she always does whenever someone gets close to them because she's afraid of commitment or something like that...g'luck with this...could be a tough call, but trust your instincts and see what happens...

 

[Draco]

Thanks for all the comments.

 

[NesuD]

The reality of the situation is that while she may have done these things in the past you don't know that she still is. Until you are darn sure that she is being unfaithful you really have no right to question her. If you start questioning her and it turns out she hasn't strayed you will have instantly destroyed the bond of trust that she had with you. She will be hurt and there won't be much you can do to fix the damage. Unless you have something more than &quot;I know you have done it in the past so i think you will probably do it again&quot; you need to swallow your currently unfounded suspicions and enjoy the relationship while it lasts. If the relationship is truly strong she won't hurt you and if she does than you will have the solace of knowing you didn't abandon the trust that you shared. It is one of the gambles we have to take for the sake of love.

 

[FireGal]

Alot of good advice.

You really have to ask yourself do you or do you not want this relationship. If she has done it in the past does not mean she is doing it now. You know people can change if they are given a good reason to. As you said she is afraid of loosing you then maybe she isn't cheating. The situation is really tough because as someone else mentioned if you don't trust her when she says she isn't cheating then you can't have a good relationship. It has to be built on trust and good communication. Sit her down and tell her what you are thinking. Explain you care about here but can not be with her is she is cheating. Pay close attention to what she says and how she acts. Ultimately you are the one who has to make the decision and live with it. But don't just assume because she cheated before she is now. True people do usually go back to their old roots but not always.

I wish you the best with this decision.