Giving a Sperm Sample

[Nograts]

Talking to a few guys at work the other day, we're planning on getting vasectomies soon. One guy has had one, he said that after 30 days you have to give a sperm sample and then deliver it to the lab within 30 minutes of producing the sample.

Question arose:

I am really, really good at producing sperm samples. I mean, give me some material, and about 60 seconds and BAM! Sample.

Now in the movie Road Trip, they go to a facility to do this. Question is: Do you produce it as fast as you can? Or do you wait for 20-30 minutes to make yourself "seem cool", provided it was a lady receiving that sample in the end. I mean, if you go in a room, and come back out 2 minutes later, does it make you look bad?

Just curious what your thoughts were.

 

[Krazy4Real]

It's more about the size of the load. Take those 30 minutes to squeeze out as many as possible and then walk out like a boss.

 

[zinfamous]

It's more about the size of the load. Take those 30 minutes to squeeze out as many as possible and then walk out like a boss.

/thread

 

[Nograts]

It's more about the size of the load. Take those 30 minutes to squeeze out as many as possible and then walk out like a boss.

See I was thinking about that too. I don't know what the 'norm' is for a load, but if I were to wait for 20-30 minutes to seem cool, and then come out with barely anything compared to the 'norm', I think I'd look like a turd too right?

I have 3 kids, so I know my shit is working, but maybe I just get it up in there better than most?

I don't know man...some serious Hank Hill narrow urethra shit complex going on right now...

 

[HamburgerBoy]

Abstain from masturbation/sex for a couple of days while thinking about it and maintaining a long, semi-aroused state. When the time comes to procure a sample, you'll do so both quickly and in great quantity.

 

[Ruptga]

I bet Mayne knows the answer.

 

[Nograts]

Abstain from masturbation/sex for a couple of days while thinking about it and maintaining a long, semi-aroused state. When the time comes to procure a sample, you'll do so both quickly and in great quantity.

So we're going with "it doesn't matter if it takes 30 seconds, the girl will still think you're cool" idea?

 

[sandorski]

A bunch of the guys at work are going to get vasectomies?

 

[zerocool84]

Talking to a few guys at work the other day, we're planning on getting vasectomies soon. One guy has had one, he said that after 30 days you have to give a sperm sample and then deliver it to the lab within 30 minutes of producing the sample.

Question arose:

I am really, really good at producing sperm samples. I mean, give me some material, and about 60 seconds and BAM! Sample.

Now in the movie Road Trip, they go to a facility to do this. Question is: Do you produce it as fast as you can? Or do you wait for 20-30 minutes to make yourself "seem cool", provided it was a lady receiving that sample in the end. I mean, if you go in a room, and come back out 2 minutes later, does it make you look bad?

Just curious what your thoughts were.

If you're going to mention the movie Road Trip, then give the semen sample the way the guy does it, by getting the fingers up his butt.

 

[HamburgerBoy]

So we're going with "it doesn't matter if it takes 30 seconds, the girl will still think you're cool" idea?

Do you want the lady to wait? I'm not saying you have to pump it out in 30 seconds, but 30 minutes is way too long for what should be a quickie. 10 minutes sounds like a good compromise. Make sure to make gruff, manly noises of euphoria while working on it so she knows you're potent and don't have any troubles getting it hard.

 

[ControlD]

Trust me, been through this. Once you actually go through with the vasectomy, including having at least one nurse in the room for the whole thing, you will probably be humbled enough that this will have seemed like a silly thing to be worried about.

Once your nuts (and other parts) return to a natural size and color, you will be happy enough that it still works that this will seem like a silly thing to be worried about.

 

[Carson Dyle]

So we're going with "it doesn't matter if it takes 30 seconds, the girl will still think you're cool" idea?

Let's see... You're married with three kids and you just had a vasectomy?

She wouldn't think you were cool if you drove up in a red Lamborghini and asked for a second cup.

 

[Nograts]

Do you want the lady to wait? I'm not saying you have to pump it out in 30 seconds, but 30 minutes is way too long for what should be a quickie. 10 minutes sounds like a good compromise. Make sure to make gruff, manly noises of euphoria while working on it so she knows you're potent and don't have any troubles getting it hard.

This is a good point, I think I'm going to go with this.

 

[Nograts]

Let's see... You're married with three kids and you just had a vasectomy?

She wouldn't think you were cool if you drove up in a red Lamborghini and asked for a second cup.

Bro, I can impregnate chicks just by looking at them. I'm trying to impress at a cellular level here.

 

[Linux23]

um, yeahhhhh.

 

[Sulaco]

So...who were you before you were banned?

 

[Nograts]

So...who were you before you were banned?

I'm new to anandtech. I was however banned from another OT forum

 

[Berliner]

I was however banned from another OT forum

This is certainly not an OT forum.

 

[cbrunny]

Wait... "We" are planning vasectomies? Plural? Did you group plan a mass vasectomy?

 

[Carson Dyle]

Wait... "We" are planning vasectomies? Plural? Did you group plan a mass vasectomy?

They're all going to Vegas for a weekend next month to get them done. Snip snip, play some blackjack and craps, maybe see a show, fly home.

 

[RaistlinZ]

Why do you care what some woman at the counter thinks? She deals with this everyday. She's not going to be impressed by you no matter how long it takes you. Just fill the damn cup so she can move on to the next customer.

 

[cbrunny]

They're all going to Vegas for a weekend next month to get them done. Snip snip, play some blackjack and craps, maybe see a show, fly home.

No way. Is this a thing that men do? Really? Not my idea of a sweet holiday....

 

[Sulaco]

I'm new to anandtech. I was however banned from another OT forum

Shocking.

 

[RGN]

They're all going to Vegas for a weekend next month to get them done. Snip snip, play some blackjack and craps, maybe see a show, fly home.

So what's the plan for getting the sperm checked? What if one of the guys fails the sperm check?

Fucking silly ass plan.

 

[Carson Dyle]

No way. Is this a thing that men do? Really? Not my idea of a sweet holiday....

Vas Vegas, baby. There are some great package deals on surgery, room and meals. During the slow vasectomy season they even do four for the price of three, so it pays to make a guys' weekend out of it.