Gotten divorced? Young kids involved?

[Bulk Beef]

I have a friend in the early stages of a divorce - recently separated, papers will probably wind up getting signed next spring. The animosity is mutual, although she tries not to let that show in front of the 2 1/2 year old boy that's going to wind up stuck in the middle of this.

So her son just recently came back from a few days with his dad, and he's been acting out, hitting and stuff like that. It's upsetting for him, and upsetting for her, and while I know there's no way to make this whole ordeal easy for the two of them (my friend and her son - I don't really give a rat's ass about her husband), I'm hoping for something I can do to help, or something I can tell her about how to deal with this that will make it less difficult, but I have zero firsthand experience with marriage/divorce/kids.

Any input from the folks that have dealt with this situation?

 

[ohtwell]

They need to go to counseling. Divorces are extremely difficult on the children involved because they love both their parents, and don't want to be seperated from either. Maybe he's acting out because he feels like his mom is somehow responsible for the relationship ending, or that she could have done something to stop it but didn't. He needs help in dealing with the changes, and she may not be able to give it to him. The mother should also try hard not to put down the dad in front of the child. This may cause her son to push her away, or act out against her, out of loyalty to his father.

I've never dealt with this situation personally though.


: ) Amanda

 

[Kipper]

:thumbsdown:

Best of luck to the kid...divorces are always tough, so most of my friends who went through it had parents who stuck together for the sake of kids and separated once their kids were in HS or college...alternatively, the parents have sometimes lived very close to each other and the kid bounces from one house to the other, without so much as a thought - ironically, it ends up being even more convenient, because when they have a fight with parent #1, they can just go to parent #2's house.

 

[Nitemare]

Best of luck to you. I'm glad there aren't any kids involved with me because I am in the same boat.

Might want to try divorcenet, they have a forum I think

 

[HomeBrewerDude]

I dunno man, at least it sounds like they are going to get through this quickly so that the boy can get a new routine.

My wife's brother and his wife are seperated and they have a 4 year old. What's confusing for the boy (and me) is that his parents still sleep together sometimes, especially when they travel to the grandparents lake house, and yet they fight about just about everything that involves responsibility, including about who is going to be 'responsible' for the next 2 hours. Its pretty twisted.

 

[Lioness]

Been there, done that with three children. This is how I approached it and it?s worked well for my children. My X eventually chose the same pathway.

Under no circumstances should either parent say anything bad to or in front of the child about his/her mother or father. You stated, "I don't really give a rat's ass about her husband." I hope the child isn't hearing any of this from you.

Never argue in front of the children.

Never use the child as a weapon to hurt his mother or father. Example: If he/she does not pay or is late in child support, don?t withhold visitations. Nonpayment of child support is settled in or out of court, not in front of the child.

Allow the child to make some decisions on their own. How much, depends on age.

Encourage the relationship between the child and the parent who does not live at home.

Setup visitations, holidays and vacations in the divorce contract but bend those rules when it?s of benefit to the child, not you or your X.

In conclusion, always, always think what?s best for the child, not you or your x!

 

[MisterJackson]

"$.02 on"

You sir, are a moron and need to butt out. It seems to me if you wanted to really help you'd mind your own business.

I would bet my left nut that your only agenda is to cause enough strife to ensure that divorce does in fact ensue, at which point you'll try to get the nookie.

You will reply to this post tellling me that I am wrong and that you have nothing but the utmost respect for your female friend, but that would make you a liar as well as a drama queen.

Divorces are ugly for all involved. The only opinions that matter in events such as these are those of the children and the parents (and a counselor if requested).

Believe it or not they can handle this one way or another without you.

Kids will act out in this, especially at that age since they have no other way of dealing with it. Let alone the fact that they cannot comprehend what a divorce is.

I have fulll custody of my son after a brutal divorce. It was wanted/warranted on both sides, but it still scarred all involved.

My advice to you is........STFU!

"$.02 off"

 

[Bulk Beef]

Thanks for the input - After you lose your left nut, you can kindly suck mine.

 

[ohtwell]

Originally posted by: MisterJackson
"$.02 on"

You sir, are a moron and need to butt out. It seems to me if you wanted to really help you'd mind your own business.

I would bet my left nut that your only agenda is to cause enough strife to ensure that divorce does in fact ensue, at which point you'll try to get the nookie.

You will reply to this post tellling me that I am wrong and that you have nothing but the utmost respect for your female friend, but that would make you a liar as well as a drama queen.

Divorces are ugly for all involved. The only opinions that matter in events such as these are those of the children and the parents (and a counselor if requested).

Believe it or not they can handle this one way or another without you.

Kids will act out in this, especially at that age since they have no other way of dealing with it. Let alone the fact that they cannot comprehend what a divorce is.

I have fulll custody of my son after a brutal divorce. It was wanted/warranted on both sides, but it still scarred all involved.

My advice to you is........STFU!

"$.02 off"

Awwwww.... somebody needs attention. :roll:



: ) Amanda