Happiness comes after your parents die

[JEDI]

CNN

-people are "emotionally liberated" after a parent's death

-The death of a mother or father can be emotionally wrenching -- particularly for children who had a difficult or complicated relationship with their parents. But for others, it can also be a time for personal growth and renewal.

-it may take the death of a parent to allow adult children to feel liberated and do things they never dared when their parents were alive. (They feel emotionally liberated when they no longer are dominated by someone else's values.)


wont work for me i dont care about what my parents think. i live my own life. if it makes them happy, great. if they dont like what i'm doing, tough. i still do it anyway. what they think/feel has no impact/weight on whether i do this or that.

if you're no longer financially dependant on your parents, do their negative opinions stop you from doing what you want and being free?

Edit:
Why? Why not?

 

[Modeps]

I'm 30 and I really don't know what I'd do without my parents generosity and compassion. Even when I have my own family, my own house, and my own life, I can still count on them 100% of the time. I don't see how it could be emotionally liberating at all.

 

[Gibson486]

For some reason, my mom's opinion matter alot to me. Soemtimes I feel like a kid because it does, but it matters alot.

 

[Lonyo]

I don't talk to my parents much (21 atm, in college). I'm not sure how I'd feel if either of them died.
I am pretty independent in terms of what I do anyway, although I do sometimes ask for advice, but it doesn't really dictate how I live.

The main person holding me back is me.

 

[ShadowOfMyself]

Hmmmm I have no idea how I would feel, but I do care alot about what they think, well, about what my father thinks, because he is a great person and I always look up to him, which means I will always give high importance to what he has to say

I really dont picture it being "liberating", it would only be liberating if they were holding me back, but they are always supportive, so thats not an issue

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: JEDI
CNN

-people are "emotionally liberated" after a parent's death

-The death of a mother or father can be emotionally wrenching -- particularly for children who had a difficult or complicated relationship with their parents. But for others, it can also be a time for personal growth and renewal.

-it may take the death of a parent to allow adult children to feel liberated and do things they never dared when their parents were alive. (They feel emotionally liberated when they no longer are dominated by someone else's values.)


wont work for me i dont care about what my parents think. i live my own life. if it makes them happy, great. if they dont like what i'm doing, tough. i still do it anyway. what they think/feel has no impact/weight on whether i do this or that.

if you're no longer financially dependant on your parents, do their negative opinions stop you from doing what you want and being free?

Edit:
Why? Why not?

i felt no emotional liberation when my father died. i felt the emotional weight of a great loss.

 

[DaWhim]

I don't let my parents make any decision for me, nor do I tell them what I am up to.

 

[PlatinumGold]

http://forums.anandtech.com/me...=2163843&enterthread=y

i love the juxtaposition between this thread and the thread i linked.

Originally posted by: JEDI
CNN

-people are "emotionally liberated" after a parent's death

-The death of a mother or father can be emotionally wrenching -- particularly for children who had a difficult or complicated relationship with their parents. But for others, it can also be a time for personal growth and renewal.

-it may take the death of a parent to allow adult children to feel liberated and do things they never dared when their parents were alive. (They feel emotionally liberated when they no longer are dominated by someone else's values.)


wont work for me i dont care about what my parents think. i live my own life. if it makes them happy, great. if they dont like what i'm doing, tough. i still do it anyway. what they think/feel has no impact/weight on whether i do this or that.

if you're no longer financially dependant on your parents, do their negative opinions stop you from doing what you want and being free?

if i were a psychoanalyst, i might point out that you seem to go to far out of your way, making a point of your independence. seems a bit strange to me.

 

[Kalvin00]

Didn't work for me. Of course I was 16 at the time my dad died, so not out on my own or anything.

 

[TehMac]

Uh, it's CNN. Why are we even talking about this?

 

[StormRider]

I would be sad if my parents die but I can understand and relate to this article.

I felt trapped by my parents during the prime years of my life. I had to help out in their restaurant, and always "explain" things to them because their English wasn't that good etc. Many times I wondered if they were acting helpless and clueless as a way to keep control over me. The restaurant situation really irked me. They wouldn't hire anyone so I couldn't be free to pursue my own life without being burdened by this responsibility. And it was socially isolating which was bad because I was already naturally shy -- so now at 44 years, I can't relate to people and feel especially uncomfortable in social situations.

So, if they die before me, I will be really sad -- but I can also imagine feeling a little bit of weight lifting off my shoulders.

 

[Bibble]

Well, I suppose I can understand why this would be true in some cases. A family friend of mine is a good example. The father, aged about 65, had his mother move in with them because she couldn't take care of herself anymore. She was a huge burden on the family, financially and mentally. She wasn't even fully cognizant. When she died this burden was lifted.

However, very little happiness came from my own father's death. It just depends on the circumstances.

 

[BoomerD]

It always mattered what my folks thought of me, but it never stopped me from doing what I wanted or thought I should...even when it was VERY wrong.

Both my parents are long dead as are my in-laws, making my wife and I the old folks in the family now. (she has an older brother, but he's an alcoholic waste-oid)
When you get to that point in life, you no longer have to please anyone but yourself...it is liberating...and a bit scary as well. Having family you can fall back on gives a certain sense of security...even if you never need it.

 

[Random Variable]

We have very little respect for the elderly. Yet when we get old and infirm, we expect someone to take care of us (or maybe we just think we'll never get old).

 

[Inspector Jihad]

what a stupid 'study'

 

[nanette1985]

Originally posted by: BoomerD


Both my parents are long dead as are my in-laws, making my wife and I the old folks in the family now. (she has an older brother, but he's an alcoholic waste-oid)
When you get to that point in life, you no longer have to please anyone but yourself...it is liberating...and a bit scary as well. Having family you can fall back on gives a certain sense of security...even if you never need it.

Same here - well, my older brother is a neoNazi gun freak who lives in a compound in New Hampshire, but it's the same idea.

It's sort of like I've been playing backup to the star of the show, and now finally I get to appear on stage in the lead role by myself. Awesome, scary and great.

And I know perfectly well that there's another generation coming along to replace me someday.

 

[se7en]

Originally posted by: Modeps
I'm 30 and I really don't know what I'd do without my parents generosity and compassion. Even when I have my own family, my own house, and my own life, I can still count on them 100% of the time. I don't see how it could be emotionally liberating at all.

You answered your own question.

Learning to live on your own is the awesome.

 

[FoBoT]

i don't think i fall into all that

 

[FlashG]

I miss both my mom & pop and would bring the back in a heart beat if I could. I didn't need their deaths to "bloom". They helped me by example.

 

[alkemyst]

My parents opinions matter, but in the end I make my decision on what's right for me.

My parents know enough that I am an adult and realize the pros and cons to what I do/decide.

There are a lot of adults out there that still rely on their parents for almost everything yet wonder WTF they are always interfering.

 

[spidey07]

I was emotionally liberated because my parents let me do what I wanted. Let me make my own mistakes and help guide me through them. Thier knowledge has helped me beyond belief. I never had to prove anything but oh how proud my mom was of me. It didn't drive me as thanks to them I have my own motivations.

It's through their knowledge that I listened to (or in many ways didn't until I became an adult and realized to listen to them) that I am who I am today. OP - to care so little of your parents is really sad. Before my mom died 4+ years ago I told here she was a great mom and she told me I was a great son. That kind of family bond and mutual respect is why I think that article is pure bunk.

Losing a parent can be the most gut wrenching thing you will ever go through in your life - only trumped by the loss of a child. And if it takes this to be "emotionally liberated" then one is a sad person and is still a child.

 

[andylawcc]

this may be true for conservative family

 

[elmro]

In my life this is definitely true - I felt the 2 milestones of personal growth in my life came when each of my parents passed away.

 

[rh71]

Fvck liberation - I want my parents around.

30 and going on 2 new grandchildren coming for them...

I think at some point when we get to be much older we don't want the financial/mental drain of the elderly around, but how can people at our age wish they didn't have their parents around? I can only see it if they're crack addicts or something. This "liberation" should be different from the feeling of responsibility, which I think a lot of people are mistaking to be the same.

 

[dug777]

Originally posted by: Modeps
I'm 24 and I really don't know what I'd do without my parents generosity and compassion. Even when I have my own family, my own house, and my own life, I can still count on them 100% of the time. I don't see how it could be emotionally liberating at all.