Happiness comes after your parents die

[mrizvi66]

Originally posted by: Gibson486
For some reason, my mom's opinion matter alot to me. Soemtimes I feel like a kid because it does, but it matters alot.

me too.

 

[Sqube]

Happiness comes after the death of your parents? I suppose that would be the case if you chafed under an authoritarian home regime, or they were just absent, or they did something to fuck up your world.

But if they were loving and generally awesome people, how are you supposed to be happier when they're dead? Part of them being loving and generally awesome is that they let you fly on your own. If there are things you wouldn't dare do while they were alive because you fear their disapproval, that reflects on you just as much as it reflects on them. I know my parents don't approve of some of the things I have or haven't done. However, they also know that at this point (I'm turning 24 this year) there really isn't anything they can do besides voice their opinions.

I give their opinions due weight because they're my parents and they're wise. But in the end, I make my own decisions. If this hasn't been your experience, then I suppose I could understand why the death of your parents would be liberating. I think that's kind of sad, and speaks to the type of relationship you had, but I could be wrong.

 

[meltdown75]

^_^ o rly?

 

[radioouman]

I'm 28, and I still want to do things that my parents would be proud of. I never want to do anything that would make them ashamed of me. Therefore, I'm making decisions by how they would react.

 

[SpunkyJones]

Originally posted by: dug777

Originally posted by: Modeps
I'm 42 and I really don't know what I'd do without my parents generosity and compassion. Even though I have my own family, my own house, and my own life, I can still count on them 100% of the time. I don't see how it could be emotionally liberating at all.

Edited for me!

 

[Nitemare]

Originally posted by: mrizvi66

Originally posted by: Gibson486
For some reason, my mom's opinion matter alot to me. Soemtimes I feel like a kid because it does, but it matters alot.

me too.

just don't tell them things that you do that they would not approve of.

Works for me

 

[Megatomic]

I was 30 when my mother passed away from multiple cancers. Now I'm 38 and I'm still grieving for her. There was no liberation at all, just sadness. She was very supportive of me in everything I did, she never held me back.

 

[PingSpike]

Why would I feel liberated...not only would it be emotionally crushing, I would have lost my best resource of knowledge and experience as well as people that I know I could trust and depend on.

 

[SoulAssassin]

Originally posted by: Modeps
I'm 30 and I really don't know what I'd do without my parents generosity and compassion. Even when I have my own family, my own house, and my own life, I can still count on them 100% of the time. I don't see how it could be emotionally liberating at all.

You're 30 and you don't own a house? Maybe it's time to get out of the basement.

 

[KeithTalent]

I have a feeling I will be affected a lot more than I currently lead myself to believe.

KT

 

[HomeBrewerDude]

750 words to sum up something as varied and complex as the impact of death on family relationships is a recipe for a guaranteed fail.

 

[Anubis]

unless they are goning to leave me untold amnts of riches when they die i cannot see happiness coming from their death

 

[paulxcook]

Originally posted by: SoulAssassin

Originally posted by: Modeps
I'm 30 and I really don't know what I'd do without my parents generosity and compassion. Even when I have my own family, my own house, and my own life, I can still count on them 100% of the time. I don't see how it could be emotionally liberating at all.

You're 30 and you don't own a house? Maybe it's time to get out of the basement.

There are plenty of 30 year olds that live in apartments or share houses with others.

I don't think I'll feel anything but sad when my parents die.

 

[GG02]

Originally posted by: HomeBrewerDude

750 words to sum up something as varied and complex as the impact of death on family relationships is a recipe for a guaranteed fail.

Agreed.

I was 19 when my mom died. My little bro was 11. I guarantee that it didnt anything but help him/liberate him.

It will be 5 years this year, and Im still very upset about it. I dont see how losing a parent could help someone develop. This 'study' fails.

 

[steppinthrax]

Originally posted by: JEDI
CNN

-people are "emotionally liberated" after a parent's death

-The death of a mother or father can be emotionally wrenching -- particularly for children who had a difficult or complicated relationship with their parents. But for others, it can also be a time for personal growth and renewal.

-it may take the death of a parent to allow adult children to feel liberated and do things they never dared when their parents were alive. (They feel emotionally liberated when they no longer are dominated by someone else's values.)


wont work for me i dont care about what my parents think. i live my own life. if it makes them happy, great. if they dont like what i'm doing, tough. i still do it anyway. what they think/feel has no impact/weight on whether i do this or that.

if you're no longer financially dependant on your parents, do their negative opinions stop you from doing what you want and being free?

Edit:
Why? Why not?

Let's see here. I never as a child had any kind of emotional bond to my parents. They never hugged me and neither of us said "I love you". The family was strictly a business relationship. What your saying of I always felt. My parents were extreamly opinionated of what I'm suppoed to do in my life and didn't care too much for my current wife. I left my parents house at 18. I got into college, graduated (woking on M.S. Applied IT) and bought a house. I also have a small 3yo daughter. I'm 25....

My parents placed a lot of emphisis on their daughter. They made a big deal out of her. She was their "favorite child". They projected and thought she would do real well for herself. Well lets see here. Right around the time I got into college (which my parents didn't pay for because they felt I wouldn't do well). Their daughter ended up flunking out of H.S. and dropped out eventually. She took up "Evening high school" went into community college and took 4 years to make 40 credits with a 1.0 gpa!!!!!!!! Got in trouble with the law numerous times and is currently thinking about transfering to some sort of vocational school (cake major). She's 20 something now.

My parents are very untrusting type of people and my mom dosen't have a mind of her own and always listens to her husband by which I can mention they have a useless marriage. So yeah I would say the same if they did all die I woudn't care too much. As a matter of fact if they did I would be a little bit happier.

 

[Gooberlx2]

Originally posted by: JEDI
if you're no longer financially dependant on your parents, do their negative opinions stop you from doing what you want and being free?

Edit:
Why? Why not?

Sometimes. I may be financially, spiritually and politically independent, but I still look at my parents as pillars of experience and wisdom, especially considering how well they did for themselves. I take their opinions of matters very seriously, because they matter to me greatly. It's also a form of respect.

I imagine it's a different scenario for my wife who became more successful, educated and rife with more diverse experiences than her parents ever did. If anything, they look to us for advice.

I know it irritates my wife that I sometimes feel obligated to and encumbered by my parents still on certain issues. Understandably so, but its' really something I can't help.

In any case, I certainly don't see my parents passing as potentially liberating. I feel like I'm going to lose a great resource of love and wisdom.

 

[SoulAssassin]

Originally posted by: paulxcook

Originally posted by: SoulAssassin

Originally posted by: Modeps
I'm 30 and I really don't know what I'd do without my parents generosity and compassion. Even when I have my own family, my own house, and my own life, I can still count on them 100% of the time. I don't see how it could be emotionally liberating at all.

You're 30 and you don't own a house? Maybe it's time to get out of the basement.

There are plenty of 30 year olds that live in apartments or share houses with others.

Unless you live in NYC or make like 20k a year, by 30 most people should own a home. I bought mine at 24.

 

[Alphathree33]

Originally posted by: SoulAssassin

Originally posted by: paulxcook

Originally posted by: SoulAssassin

Originally posted by: Modeps
I'm 30 and I really don't know what I'd do without my parents generosity and compassion. Even when I have my own family, my own house, and my own life, I can still count on them 100% of the time. I don't see how it could be emotionally liberating at all.

You're 30 and you don't own a house? Maybe it's time to get out of the basement.

There are plenty of 30 year olds that live in apartments or share houses with others.

Unless you live in NYC or make like 20k a year, by 30 most people should own a home. I bought mine at 24.

How do you know he doesn't have $300K sitting in the bank due to living in his parents basement? He could own a home tomorrow and not have a single mortgage payment

 

[judasmachine]

my parents don't care much what i do as long as i'm happy, and come see them from time to time. they were never the helicopter parents.

 

[Queasy]

The only thing that would be easier is deciding where we would be going to visit during the holidays. It would suck horribly otherwise and totally not be worth it.