Have you dated a girl you were friends with?

[Paratus]

Maried a girl who was my friend

 

[yllus]

I've never been able to jump ladders.

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: Orsorum

Originally posted by: DaShen

Originally posted by: her209

Originally posted by: animalia
dating a good friend can lead to a healthy LTR

GIRL: I think of you as a good friend.

GUY: SCORE!!!!

Guys can be equally strange

Or at least totally oblivious.

Elaborate.

Sorry, it was late, and I was just checking my email.

But yeah, most guys are too dense to get the hint. They immediately tie a girl being friendly to the girl wanting them. :roll: Nice people are friendly people. It doesn't always have to mean anything. And if a girl say she thinks of you as a "good friend" that is her way of saying that you are JUST a good friend. If a girl comes out and says something that defines the relationship, that is usually what it means. If she says she thinks of you as a brother, then that means you are a really nice guy that will make some other girl very happy but there is no SO spark. Just saying it like it is.

I have some good female friends, but there is an emotional boundary I just will not cross with them (otherwise that would be manipulative and hurtful in the end). That stuff I keep to myself, a few of my close guy friends, and eventually my SO. It would be nice though if some of those friends who are girls would just come out and say what they needed though. I am a cool enough guy that it wouldn't bother me even if they needed space. <sigh> :roll: Womenz

 

[Tobolo]

Originally posted by: nkgreen
Tried, but it never worked out. Damn, she had a great ass

:beer: I feel your pain brother. I tried for years and now you should see the guy she married. Looks like a crodd from Shrek and Sloth from the goonies. No i'm not joking.

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: her209

Originally posted by: DaShen

Originally posted by: her209
What if the only reason you became friends was so you could date her?

Not necessarily a bad thing. What is bad is if they get 'rejected' as a SO and then they decide they want nothing to do with the girl who they pretended to be friends with. It shows something about the persons character.

Maybe its awkward after the fact?

Yes, it is. But that just takes time. For me, it doesn't take that much time actually because I know the girl that I eventually get together with will be very happy and it isn't a problem for me to get a girl if I wanted to have an SO, so I don't sweat it much. After the initial ego hit, you can still be respectful and a friend. It is the guys who are ungenuine that I am talking about.

I know guys (even somewhat decent guys) that will pretend to be a girl's friend and then if she says no will have nothing to do with her unless there is a chance later on for a SO relationship. I know guys who are only decent guys to the people they are attracted to, but total assholes to everyone else. Guess what, those guys sometimes get the girl, and eventually the girl is miserable because of it because after the initial wooing, they treat the girls like dirt.

One guy I know said he doesn't want to be <a certain girl's> friend, he has enough friends. And he can be a big jerk to people sometimes. He has asked her out before, and now she is starting to be ready for a relationship again, I see him pretending to be her friend again and trying to woo her. It is sad because I recognize the situation, but because of my own affections, I stay out of it. I hit and missed with this girl as well (I didn't know the situation at the time). Too bad, she could have been a really good friend, but at least for now she still feels awkward about it even though she won't actually say it. But I can treat her as a friend by giving her, her space. Time will tell.

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: DefDC

Originally posted by: Gnrslash4life
Ive had numerous girls tell me that they dont want to date their best friend they want to date someone that becomes their best friend.........no i havent been shot down this way its just something thats been discussed...and i havent dated someone that i was friends with before hand.

Heh... I'm going to assume that young girls talking. They tend to want to the mysterious stanger who ends up becoming exactly what they always wanted. A few years of harsh reality will knock that out of 'em... Damn Cosmo...

BINGO... It is sad, but girls don't really know what they want. Guys don't either, or they just want sex, which usually ends badly.

 

[Zenmervolt]

I've been friends with girls I've dated, but never dated a girl I was friends with first.

I'd love to help you test this HC, but the only girls with whom I'm really friends right now are you and your sister, and attempting either would get me killed by your husband or you respectively.

On the whole though, I tend to disagree with the idea of the "friend zone" and I think that any lasting relationship is predicated by friendship and the only difference that I see in a dating situation is that there's a mutual belief that the friendship has the potential to be something more if it develops well. A solid relationship, be it a friendship or a dating/married relationship, will always need the same core of trust and mutual care.

ZV

 

[bleeb]

considering where I am in life, I focus less on friendships with women, and more on relationships with them.

Friend-zone sucks. I have enough friends already =)

 

[her209]

Originally posted by: DaShen

Originally posted by: her209

Originally posted by: DaShen

Originally posted by: her209
What if the only reason you became friends was so you could date her?

Not necessarily a bad thing. What is bad is if they get 'rejected' as a SO and then they decide they want nothing to do with the girl who they pretended to be friends with. It shows something about the persons character.

Maybe its awkward after the fact?

Yes, it is. But that just takes time. For me, it doesn't take that much time actually because I know the girl that I eventually get together with will be very happy and it isn't a problem for me to get a girl if I wanted to have an SO, so I don't sweat it much. After the initial ego hit, you can still be respectful and a friend. It is the guys who are ungenuine that I am talking about.

I know guys (even somewhat decent guys) that will pretend to be a girl's friend and then if she says no will have nothing to do with her unless there is a chance later on for a SO relationship. I know guys who are only decent guys to the people they are attracted to, but total assholes to everyone else. Guess what, those guys sometimes get the girl, and eventually the girl is miserable because of it because after the initial wooing, they treat the girls like dirt.

One guy I know said he doesn't want to be <a certain girl's> friend, he has enough friends. And he can be a big jerk to people sometimes. He has asked her out before, and now she is starting to be ready for a relationship again, I see him pretending to be her friend again and trying to woo her. It is sad because I recognize the situation, but because of my own affections, I stay out of it. I hit and missed with this girl as well (I didn't know the situation at the time). Too bad, she could have been a really good friend, but at least for now she still feels awkward about it even though she won't actually say it. But I can treat her as a friend by giving her, her space. Time will tell.

I think for a lot of guys, they are just puzzled by why the girl turns down the nice guy and says yes to jerk and then has to hear about the constant complaining from said girl to begin with.

 

[SurfNSand]

To each his own really. It's probably more of where you are in life.

I've tried the dating girls who were good friends and it always seemed to turn out horribly for me. I'm at this point where I'd rather date and if there's anything, the friendship and everything else will develop along the way.

 

[Tiamat]

I was acquaintances with my girlfriend for about a year and friends for a half year before we started dating.

 

[MercenaryForHire]

Originally posted by: SurfNSand
To each his own really. It's probably more of where you are in life.

I've tried the dating girls who were good friends and it always seemed to turn out horribly for me. I'm at this point where I'd rather date and if there's anything, the friendship and everything else will develop along the way.

newbieoutoff*ckingnowhere.jpg :Q

Very accurate too IMO. If you're well-meshed as friends, you'll generally become friends regardless of the order in which it happens.

In all of my experiences so far, it's been "date, then friends" - and as I'm married now, I don't think I'll be able to perform further study.

- M4H

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: her209

Originally posted by: DaShen

Originally posted by: her209

Originally posted by: DaShen

Originally posted by: her209
What if the only reason you became friends was so you could date her?

Not necessarily a bad thing. What is bad is if they get 'rejected' as a SO and then they decide they want nothing to do with the girl who they pretended to be friends with. It shows something about the persons character.

Maybe its awkward after the fact?

Yes, it is. But that just takes time. For me, it doesn't take that much time actually because I know the girl that I eventually get together with will be very happy and it isn't a problem for me to get a girl if I wanted to have an SO, so I don't sweat it much. After the initial ego hit, you can still be respectful and a friend. It is the guys who are ungenuine that I am talking about.

I know guys (even somewhat decent guys) that will pretend to be a girl's friend and then if she says no will have nothing to do with her unless there is a chance later on for a SO relationship. I know guys who are only decent guys to the people they are attracted to, but total assholes to everyone else. Guess what, those guys sometimes get the girl, and eventually the girl is miserable because of it because after the initial wooing, they treat the girls like dirt.

One guy I know said he doesn't want to be <a certain girl's> friend, he has enough friends. And he can be a big jerk to people sometimes. He has asked her out before, and now she is starting to be ready for a relationship again, I see him pretending to be her friend again and trying to woo her. It is sad because I recognize the situation, but because of my own affections, I stay out of it. I hit and missed with this girl as well (I didn't know the situation at the time). Too bad, she could have been a really good friend, but at least for now she still feels awkward about it even though she won't actually say it. But I can treat her as a friend by giving her, her space. Time will tell.

I think for a lot of guys, they are just puzzled by why the girl turns down the nice guy and says yes to jerk and then has to hear about the constant complaining from said girl to begin with.

Nah, I am not puzzled by it. And this girl is pretty mature, so I don't need to worry about her. This guy I know may or may not get this girl, but either way, I am not going to worry about it unless he treats her like crap. I told this girl that I would treat her as a friend and the little sister I never had, and I intend to do that. (I am probably too nice for my own good) She was going through way too much at the time to be dating (which I had NO clue about at the time). Too bad she keeps thinking I am trying to win her over. I am not. I am just being that guy. Any person that makes me be anything less than the nice guy I am supposed to be isn't worth my time. What sucks is that I can see some of the guys who know about the situation (and are fenagling things their way <being manipulative> ). I am not, but she feels weird around me, while these guys are actually doing things. It gets frustrating, but meh, I decided a little while ago that there is nothing I can do about it, and I need to stop worrying about it. If and when she stops feeling weird, I think we could be very good friends. If not, I can be a distant friend she respects.

 

[SurfNSand]

Originally posted by: MercenaryForHire

Originally posted by: SurfNSand
To each his own really. It's probably more of where you are in life.

I've tried the dating girls who were good friends and it always seemed to turn out horribly for me. I'm at this point where I'd rather date and if there's anything, the friendship and everything else will develop along the way.

newbieoutoff*ckingnowhere.jpg :Q

Very accurate too IMO. If you're well-meshed as friends, you'll generally become friends regardless of the order in which it happens.

In all of my experiences so far, it's been "date, then friends" - and as I'm married now, I don't think I'll be able to perform further study.

- M4H

I've been roaming around for years in OT, just reading at work. Figured I finally participate in something that makes sense to me. I didn't think I had to introduce myself like some people have done in the past (plus I'm not a girl, so your interest level would be 0).

 

[blackdogdeek]

i married her.

we were friends for 6 years before we started dating. we were married 1.5 years later. we have 2 girls and a house.

she's still my best and closest friend.

 

[Spineshank]

Originally posted by: DefDC

Originally posted by: Gnrslash4life
Ive had numerous girls tell me that they dont want to date their best friend they want to date someone that becomes their best friend.........no i havent been shot down this way its just something thats been discussed...and i havent dated someone that i was friends with before hand.

Heh... I'm going to assume that young girls talking. They tend to want to the mysterious stanger who ends up becoming exactly what they always wanted. A few years of harsh reality will knock that out of 'em... Damn Cosmo...

Early 20's

 

[djheater]

I dated and married a girl I was friends with for years. We went out to a concert together as we had often done, and by the end of it were totally in love with each other.

9 years and three children later, she is still me best friend.


I think it's incredibly stupid not to date friends. Ask yourself what the alternative is?

 

[her209]

Originally posted by: djheater
I think it's incredibly stupid not to date friends. Ask yourself what the alternative is?

Relatives?

 

[MercenaryForHire]

Originally posted by: SurfNSand
I've been roaming around for years in OT, just reading at work. Figured I finally participate in something that makes sense to me. I didn't think I had to introduce myself like some people have done in the past (plus I'm not a girl, so your interest level would be 0).

So you lurked before posting, have good grammar, and a grasp of logic?

I really hope you're not expecting much. :laugh:

- M4H

 

[her209]

Originally posted by: DaShen

Originally posted by: her209

Originally posted by: DaShen

Originally posted by: her209

Originally posted by: DaShen

Originally posted by: her209
What if the only reason you became friends was so you could date her?

Not necessarily a bad thing. What is bad is if they get 'rejected' as a SO and then they decide they want nothing to do with the girl who they pretended to be friends with. It shows something about the persons character.

Maybe its awkward after the fact?

Yes, it is. But that just takes time. For me, it doesn't take that much time actually because I know the girl that I eventually get together with will be very happy and it isn't a problem for me to get a girl if I wanted to have an SO, so I don't sweat it much. After the initial ego hit, you can still be respectful and a friend. It is the guys who are ungenuine that I am talking about.

I know guys (even somewhat decent guys) that will pretend to be a girl's friend and then if she says no will have nothing to do with her unless there is a chance later on for a SO relationship. I know guys who are only decent guys to the people they are attracted to, but total assholes to everyone else. Guess what, those guys sometimes get the girl, and eventually the girl is miserable because of it because after the initial wooing, they treat the girls like dirt.

One guy I know said he doesn't want to be <a certain girl's> friend, he has enough friends. And he can be a big jerk to people sometimes. He has asked her out before, and now she is starting to be ready for a relationship again, I see him pretending to be her friend again and trying to woo her. It is sad because I recognize the situation, but because of my own affections, I stay out of it. I hit and missed with this girl as well (I didn't know the situation at the time). Too bad, she could have been a really good friend, but at least for now she still feels awkward about it even though she won't actually say it. But I can treat her as a friend by giving her, her space. Time will tell.

I think for a lot of guys, they are just puzzled by why the girl turns down the nice guy and says yes to jerk and then has to hear about the constant complaining from said girl to begin with.

Nah, I am not puzzled by it. And this girl is pretty mature, so I don't need to worry about her. This guy I know may or may not get this girl, but either way, I am not going to worry about it unless he treats her like crap. I told this girl that I would treat her as a friend and the little sister I never had, and I intend to do that. (I am probably too nice for my own good) She was going through way too much at the time to be dating (which I had NO clue about at the time). Too bad she keeps thinking I am trying to win her over. I am not. I am just being that guy. Any person that makes me be anything less than the nice guy I am supposed to be isn't worth my time. What sucks is that I can see some of the guys who know about the situation (and are fenagling things their way <being manipulative> ). I am not, but she feels weird around me, while these guys are actually doing things. It gets frustrating, but meh, I decided a little while ago that there is nothing I can do about it, and I need to stop worrying about it. If and when she stops feeling weird, I think we could be very good friends. If not, I can be a distant friend she respects.

In speaking in general terms of course. Women want their cake and eat it too.

 

[djheater]

Originally posted by: her209

Originally posted by: djheater
I think it's incredibly stupid not to date friends. Ask yourself what the alternative is?

Relatives?

good point, there's always cousins isn't there.

 

[DefDC]

Originally posted by: her209

Originally posted by: djheater
I think it's incredibly stupid not to date friends. Ask yourself what the alternative is?

Relatives?

:beer:

 

[CityShrimp]

Originally posted by: HotChic

Originally posted by: OVerLoRDI
I don't usually have serious friendships with girls. If I'm talking to a girl a lot and spending a lot of time with her I'm not looking for a friendship. Haven't you ever heard of the friend zone?

Current poll makes it look like 78% of the time, the friend zone isn't insurmountable.

Just my thought, but I don't think most of the 78% (71% now) of the people who voted yes were ever in the friend zone. Isn't it possible that even though the girl was acting like friend, yet want something more to begin with (just like guys)? I've only dated once, so my case might be less common than I thought, but my ex told me that she wanted to date me before we became good friends. And we were good friends for 2-3 years before we began dating. So couldn't that be the case for many people here?

 

[monk3y]

I have and well... It's turned into a 5 year relationship.

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: her209
In speaking in general terms of course. Women want their cake and eat it too.

Yeah, I understand that. But for the most part, this girl has treated me fairly and maturely. So no worries. I think she is just a little weirded out right now. No big deal. I am not sure if she realizes that those guys are giving her attention because of interest in that manner though, but who knows. You girls are strange, and the more I figure out about women, the less I understand.