Have you seen instances where parents really wanted their children to date?

[Locut0s]

Depressing thread is depressing.

I'm actually much less depressed than I have been in some time. Though I still go through periods.

 

[dighn]

Depressing thread is depressing.

see, that's not helping

 

[lxskllr]

Depends on what you mean by that. I certainly have the same biological drive to get laid that most men do, I watch pr0n instead, I'm just not emotionally prepared to go there. I'm not interested in going out on the prowl for women, clubbing and the like etc... That aspect I'm not interested in. Long run I would certainly like to find a GF that I would have something in common with, share interests with etc.., and could be genuine friends with along with being romantically involved with.

If you're happy enough with what you're doing, I'd just keep on keeping on. I was never comfortable picking up chicks "out". I'm much better when I can get to know someone, and ease into a relationship. I'm guessing you're the same way from your description, and you should have many more opportunities when you get back to school. Don't pressure yourself, and rush into anything cause you think you should, and it'll all work itself out. With you back into the work scene, you're getting practice interacting with guys, and you can apply that to women when you get in school. just be mellow and natural, and everything else will fall into place :^)

 

[Imp]

Meh, I'm 20 and Asian and I haven't gone on a single date.

I prefer hanging out with friends, and considering I'm studying Engineering, the pool of females is incredibly small. Much of that pool happen to be the craziest people I have ever seen. Also, I'm pretty sure most of my friends think I'm gay, but that's a non issue

Studying and my own life takes precedence over females. I have no interest in getting laid or dating before I actually make something of myself.

The pool available in the engineering field is either super nerdy and asian, batshit crazy, overly career driven with sticks up the ass, or trying extremely hard to be a guy with accompanying "sluttiness". There are a few 'normal-ish' ones of course.

Being unapologetically metrosexual, I get the 'gay' a lot.

From my experience, the problem usually comes from a lack of confidence, an unwillingness to open up, and put yourself out there. Being a recluse, it's hard to bust out of your habits, especially if it's all you've ever known.

 

[Mermaidman]

FAQ

 

[Locut0s]

FAQ

I answer NO to just about every one of those questions.

 

[Bateluer]

I'm actually much less depressed than I have been in some time. Though I still go through periods.

Didn't mean to insult you, wasn't my intention. I see a lot of myself in you and get a lot of flak from parents and grandparents for not dating. I'll be turning 28 in a few weeks, never been on a date. Its not that I don't hang out socially, its not often, but I go with friends occasionally. Its just they're all married, fun people to hang out with most of the time, but I never discuss women with them. They sometimes try, but I always push it away. Its not a priority for me, but constantly bringing it up can be both depressing and irritating at the same time.

see, that's not helping

See above.

 

[Eli]

It's not true that you HAVE to go out to meet women. I've met most of the women I've dated/slept with online, including my current fiancee. The bar/club scene just isn't for me.

I was in the same situation as you until I was 20. Then I met someone, we hit it off and were together for 4 years.

That's why I suggested something like POF(for dates) or fling(to go on dates with a strong chance of getting laid).

Want to know the secret to getting women? Talk to them. Seriously. That's it. They're just people too. They want affection and sex too. Humans are sexual beings, whether we admit it or not.

 

[tontod]

I was like you, had only gone out on a handful of dates till my late 20's, until I moved to Boston and made much more conscious attempts at going out, finally got laid at 30, (33 now) better late than never. Before I moved to Boston, I would just go to work, come home in the evening and stay home, I didnt really know anyone in the area, and let that stop me from actively going out and trying to meet people. Didnt help that I'm no good at picking up women in bars, but I'm much better in a more controlled social setting, such as a house party, or a get together with friends who bring girls.

Being Asian my parents are really pushing me to get married. Its more than simple nagging which I would be fine with. I guess a lack of dating until a few years ago hasnt helped, I've had a couple of relationships which lasted a few months. I'm doubling up my efforts, got 1 date lined up for this week, planning for more this weekend/next week. I've definitely gotten more outgoing, social, easier to talk to girls.

 

[jingramm]

I was like you, had only gone out on a handful of dates till my late 20's, until I moved to Boston and made much more conscious attempts at going out, finally got laid at 30, (33 now) better late than never. Before I moved to Boston, I would just go to work, come home in the evening and stay home, I didnt really know anyone in the area, and let that stop me from actively going out and trying to meet people. Didnt help that I'm no good at picking up women in bars, but I'm much better in a more controlled social setting, such as a house party, or a get together with friends who bring girls.

Being Asian my parents are really pushing me to get married. Its more than simple nagging which I would be fine with. I guess a lack of dating until a few years ago hasnt helped, I've had a couple of relationships which lasted a few months. I'm doubling up my efforts, got 1 date lined up for this week, planning for more this weekend/next week. I've definitely gotten more outgoing, social, easier to talk to girls.

what did you do to change that after moving to the new place where you didn't know anyone? Did you start going out to more events or make some key friends or what?

 

[tontod]

what did you do to change that after moving to the new place where you didn't know anyone? Did you start going out to more events or make some key friends or what?

After I moved to Boston in '05, I worked like crazy for a good 6 months. Then, I guess I hit a point where I said screw it, was starting to get a bit depressed, told myself that I really need to go out more. So, I joined this singles group called Events and Adventures, its super pricey, but I figured if I'm paying a crapload of money, I'm going to go to it. I also made a friend at work, who knew other friends and met some people that way. I also joined a couple of other social groups in boston - boston ski and sports club (bssc) and boston young professionals association (bypa). I went to singles events, pub crawls that those groups organized and met some girls and went out on dates. I guess it helped being in Boston as opposed to New London, CT which is just filled with sailors and their families. I've never been (and still not am) good at the pickup scene at a random bar.

 

[Eli]

Do you talk to women online? IM, videochat, etc?

 

[Locut0s]

Do you talk to women online? IM, videochat, etc?

Not yet.

 

[Bateluer]

Not yet.

Run antivirus if you do. Better to get out of the house, IMO, real world.

 

[zokudu]

Wow I'm 20 and in a similar situation. Parents find it strange that I don't enjoy going out and I have never dated before.

Actually a buddy of mine I met through the internet and myself went to NYC to hang out and I found that I felt comfortable enough talking with him as if we were just hanging out that I was able to easily speak with women because it was just as if I was at home on vent and she was there with us. Things kind of went down the tubes when he took the cue to go away and I blanked out and got very boring.

Is the issue talking with women? Are you not comfortable around them? Do you just not enjoy going out?

I really feel like that meetup helped my morale a bit. I just need to work on my talking without a wingman now and I may have a date xD

I'm sure that your capable of doing this if it is what you really want. I guess thats kind of the question. Do you WANT a girlfriend? Is this something your seeking? Or is it just something your parents are pushing you to do and you feel obligated to address the issue?

 

[lxskllr]

Run antivirus if you do. Better to get out of the house, IMO, real world.

I'm not good at small talk, especially over distances. I need input from the physical world to riff off of. I'm always uncomfortable with electronic communication outside of the forum model like here, unless it's purely business, or fact based.

 

[Locut0s]

Run antivirus if you do. Better to get out of the house, IMO, real world.

With my comp it will take more than just running antivirus. Will have to run Prime95. Truthfully though I know that a lot of people meet others on line. I would think it would actually be a good place to meet people for those who are not socially outgoing.

 

[tontod]

With my comp it will take more than just running antivirus. Will have to run Prime95. Truthfully though I know that a lot of people meet others on line. I would think it would actually be a good place to meet people for those who are not socially outgoing.

Meetup.com is a good way to meet people, not just women. I think meetup groups get together pretty much anywhere these days and they cater to various interests, so you're bound to find something interesting.

 

[tontod]

Other options to try, albeit expensive, but might be worth it is a dating service such as lunchdates, or Its Just Lunch. Have you tried online dating sites such as eharmony? I try out a combination of different things as I've mentioned.

 

[NikolaeVarius]

The pool available in the engineering field is either super nerdy and asian, batshit crazy, overly career driven with sticks up the ass, or trying extremely hard to be a guy with accompanying "sluttiness". There are a few 'normal-ish' ones of course.

Being unapologetically metrosexual, I get the 'gay' a lot.

From my experience, the problem usually comes from a lack of confidence, an unwillingness to open up, and put yourself out there. Being a recluse, it's hard to bust out of your habits, especially if it's all you've ever known.

I don't know. I generally can't hang around random people very well. I just find most idle conversation really dull. As for girls, well I just really really hate flirting and those kinds of social things, it just doesn't hold my interest.

As for sexuality, I really just don't care, at all. I've never cared about having sex. I prefer just talking and stuff like that, intellectual mind games, latest events in the world, cool science related news. I get my kicks from that.

 

[Raduque]

At least you're "not unattractive", as you claim, Locutus.

Me, I'm fat, and ugly (in my opinion), so I have no chance.

 

[prism]

I used to be in the same boat as you Locutos when it came to dating. My recommendation, if it IS something you want to do and you don't have the highest self-esteem, is to start working out if you haven't already. I would still like to lose alot more weight, but just the fact that I've broadened my shoulders, have a more noticeable v-shape and stand up straight gives me MUCH more confidence. Best of luck to ya man!

 

[rcpratt]

I'm 22. My mother makes a comment about it very rarely, but if she does it's just because she wants me to be happy. But I've dated several girls in the past including one rather long relationship. I'd certainly like to find a girl to settle down with, but I'm not unhappy at all right now.

White family, btw.

 

[Eli]

I don't really understand, honestly.. I mean, how do you not talk to women online? lol.. So you have no girls in your IM lists? FFS, 98% of the contacts in my lists are women.

Sorry, not making fun or anything, just truly trying to understand the scope of the situation. You could say that I'm socially awkward, yes.. lol. I have one leg slightly shorter than the other, causing me to walk with a limp.. which makes me goofy and awkward in the first place. I also have amblyopia, further enhancing my goofiness. :awe:

I'm just a normal person though. I get along with anyone, I'm easy to talk to, I listen well, I communicate well.. Shrug. Like I said, if I can get women, anyone can.

 

[Bateluer]

I don't really understand, honestly.. I mean, how do you not talk to women online? lol.. So you have no girls in your IM lists? FFS, 98% of the contacts in my lists are women.

Depends where and how you got the woman on your IM list. If you're trolling MySpace, POF, etc, for girls, its just creepy.

I'm not the best person to talk to though, definitely not.