Having a married life without having kids

[StageLeft]

A lot of people with children, myself included, know that those without them are missing out on a key major part of humanity. Often, they don't realize this, so without being too patronizing, ignorance is bliss. Some people are so intent on having kids and waste money with fertility (and still don't have them) or end up with premie twins who're half-retarded (three of the couples we know who had fertility had twins and in one case the twins are good, another they're delayed a good bit, the other they're basically half-vegetable). Others should realize adoption is a real possiblity. Others don't have kids and are happy with it. Many others don't have them, think they're happy, but I'm positive they'd be happier with them.

WHere was I going with this...

 

[JackBurton]

Originally posted by: Skoorb
A lot of people with children, myself included, know that those without them are missing out on a key major part of humanity. Often, they don't realize this, so without being too patronizing, ignorance is bliss. Some people are so intent on having kids and waste money with fertility (and still don't have them) or end up with premie twins who're half-retarded (three of the couples we know who had fertility had twins and in one case the twins are good, another they're delayed a good bit, the other they're basically half-vegetable). Others should realize adoption is a real possiblity. Others don't have kids and are happy with it. Many others don't have them, think they're happy, but I'm positive they'd be happier with them.

WHere was I going with this...

LOL, yeah dude, you keep thinking that.

 

[Flyback]

To supplement the lack of children with financial freedom is considered "bad" and "greedy" by most people, so I won't say "but look how much more money you will have..."

What you will have is time. And I really can't understand how anyone would ever get bored in life. There are so many things to do, to learn.

All that matters in the marriage is that you love each other. People get married for wrong reasons (just to have kids) and I'd say that if it's just the two of you and it works well, that means you love each other and don't just stick together for "the kids". You have each others company and that is far more than enough--a best friend through life.

The idea that marriage is just a step in the process for having children is absurd and a 1950s style of thought. Don't buy into it. You certainly don't need children to live a very fulfilling life.

(Besides, women who don't have kids end up looking better, for longer )

 

[Cattlegod]

Start reading medical journals for fertility. You might be able to be test subjects on some new cutting edge procedure. Maybe some stem cells or cloning of some sort.

 

[dmcowen674]

Originally posted by: Cattlegod
Start reading medical journals for fertility.

You might be able to be test subjects on some new cutting edge procedure.

Maybe some stem cells or cloning of some sort.

Both illegal in the U.S.

 

[allies]

Originally posted by: Glavinsolo
Nohr, besides your pets what else do you do in your "childfree" time. I understand this can be seen as a blessing and a curse. We never even put much thought into what we would do without the possibility of having kids. We aren't really career people either, we put life first career 2nd. Travel seems to be the most attractive course.

Travel... do it!

 

[JackBurton]

Originally posted by: Flyback
To supplement the lack of children with financial freedom is considered "bad" and "greedy" by most people, so I won't say "but look how much more money you will have..."

What you will have is time. And I really can't understand how anyone would ever get bored in life. There are so many things to do, to learn.

All that matters in the marriage is that you love each other. People get married for wrong reasons (just to have kids) and I'd say that if it's just the two of you and it works well, that means you love each other and don't just stick together for "the kids". You have each others company and that is far more than enough--a best friend through life.

The idea that marriage is just a step in the process for having children is absurd and a 1950s style of thought. Don't buy into it. You certainly don't need children to live a very fulfilling life.

(Besides, women who don't have kids end up looking better, for longer )

Exactly.

 

[NikolaeVarius]

I think there's also a new type of Acupunture that supposedly helps with infertility. You could research that.

 

[tw1164]

Who's going to change your dirty diapers when you get old?

 

[JackBurton]

Originally posted by: tw1164
Who's going to change your dirty diapers when you get old?

The nursing home your kids dropped you off at.

 

[RaistlinZ]

Has the OP addressed the suggestion of adoption yet?

 

[AreaCode707]

My husband and I aren't interested in having kids. At the moment, we're planning to build a house. We've both got challenging jobs, intend to get a few dogs (and he wants to get goats, so that's on the list too) and we spend a lot of time with family and friends, go see plays, etc. I'm much more cut out to be the cool aunt (whether or not that's by blood) than I am to be a mom.

If we ever did change our minds about wanting kids, there are many who need homes already. Whether or not you contributed genetic material to the child, you can still give the same love. My boss adopted a little girl from Columbia a year or so ago, and she's about the cutest little thing you've ever seen.

 

[postmortemIA]

Originally posted by: HotChic
My husband and I aren't interested in having kids. At the moment, we're planning to build a house. We've both got challenging jobs, intend to get a few dogs (and he wants to get goats, so that's on the list too) and we spend a lot of time with family and friends, go see plays, etc. I'm much more cut out to be the cool aunt (whether or not that's by blood) than I am to be a mom.

Are you that bad in the bed

 

[HeroOfPellinor]

Originally posted by: JackBurton

Originally posted by: Flyback
To supplement the lack of children with financial freedom is considered "bad" and "greedy" by most people, so I won't say "but look how much more money you will have..."

What you will have is time. And I really can't understand how anyone would ever get bored in life. There are so many things to do, to learn.

All that matters in the marriage is that you love each other. People get married for wrong reasons (just to have kids) and I'd say that if it's just the two of you and it works well, that means you love each other and don't just stick together for "the kids". You have each others company and that is far more than enough--a best friend through life.

The idea that marriage is just a step in the process for having children is absurd and a 1950s style of thought. Don't buy into it. You certainly don't need children to live a very fulfilling life.

(Besides, women who don't have kids end up looking better, for longer )

Exactly.

You're arguing against a straw man. Nobody has said your life is incomplete without children nor that marriage is a stepping stone towards having kids nor that exercising financial freedom is bad. But those of us who've had them and actually committ to raising them and being involved in their lives can speak from personal experience that there's just nothing else comparable you can do in life.

 

[FrancesBeansRevenge]

I've been married over 9 years and to this point we have no desire or plans for children.
If my wife ever decides she would like a child I would almost certainly learn to love the idea but, so far, that's not the case.

We do have 2 cats and 2 dogs though... lovely little buggers

 

[I Saw OJ]

Why are all these people do adopt do it from other countries like China, Korea, BFE? There are tons of parentless children right here in our own backyard.

 

[Molondo]

Its a lonely world without kids. Sorry op.

 

[Antisocial Virge]

I love hearing people tell me how I'm missing out by not having kids and I'm selfish etc, etc, you can even see some of it in this thread. Then you see their kids and they are the biggest brats in the world from poor parenting.

EDIT: Guy I work with keeps telling me "Its the best thing in the world" but he has had to call the cops on his boys several times.

 

[D1gger]

Originally posted by: Skoorb
A lot of people with children, myself included, know that those without them are missing out on a key major part of humanity. Often, they don't realize this, so without being too patronizing, ignorance is bliss. Some people are so intent on having kids and waste money with fertility (and still don't have them) or end up with premie twins who're half-retarded (three of the couples we know who had fertility had twins and in one case the twins are good, another they're delayed a good bit, the other they're basically half-vegetable). Others should realize adoption is a real possiblity. Others don't have kids and are happy with it. Many others don't have them, think they're happy, but I'm positive they'd be happier with them.

WHere was I going with this...

What a load of bull crap. Many many people are not happier because they have children. I know several couples who have no children because they choose not to. They would definitely not be happier with children, as they have no desire to tie themselves down for 18 - 25 years. They love the freedom of deciding what they want to do with each waking moment without the burden of caring for a child.

Each person has to make the decision for themselves. It is simply not logical to believe that everyone would be happier with kids.

(By the way, I have two kids and love them dearly, but there have been times that I questioned why we did it.)

 

[JackBurton]

Originally posted by: Antisocial Virge
I love hearing people tell me how I'm missing out by not having kids and I'm selfish etc, etc, you can even see some of it in this thread. Then you see their kids and they are the biggest brats in the world from poor parenting.

EDIT: Guy I work with keeps telling me "Its the best thing in the world" but he has had to call the cops on his boys several times.

I get the same thing. And then they start complaining about my son did this my daughter did that. Well buddy, while you're trying to figure out what you're going to do with your kids, I need to plan my vacation with my wife on what beach we want to visit. Oh, you don't have any money to do that because you have kids? Well that sucks. There's nothing like having kids, right? I'll send you a post card.

 

[JackBurton]

Originally posted by: HeroOfPellinor

Originally posted by: JackBurton

Originally posted by: Flyback
To supplement the lack of children with financial freedom is considered "bad" and "greedy" by most people, so I won't say "but look how much more money you will have..."

What you will have is time. And I really can't understand how anyone would ever get bored in life. There are so many things to do, to learn.

All that matters in the marriage is that you love each other. People get married for wrong reasons (just to have kids) and I'd say that if it's just the two of you and it works well, that means you love each other and don't just stick together for "the kids". You have each others company and that is far more than enough--a best friend through life.

The idea that marriage is just a step in the process for having children is absurd and a 1950s style of thought. Don't buy into it. You certainly don't need children to live a very fulfilling life.

(Besides, women who don't have kids end up looking better, for longer )

Exactly.

You're arguing against a straw man. Nobody has said your life is incomplete without children nor that marriage is a stepping stone towards having kids nor that exercising financial freedom is bad. But those of us who've had them and actually committ to raising them and being involved in their lives can speak from personal experience that there's just nothing else comparable you can do in life.

Maybe not in this thread, but rest assured, they do. And I just look at their life and I'm glad it's not mine.

Hey if people want to have kids, knock yourself out. But I tell you what, I never want any.

 

[Flyback]

Originally posted by: JackBurton

Originally posted by: HeroOfPellinor
You're arguing against a straw man. Nobody has said your life is incomplete without children nor that marriage is a stepping stone towards having kids nor that exercising financial freedom is bad. But those of us who've had them and actually committ to raising them and being involved in their lives can speak from personal experience that there's just nothing else comparable you can do in life.

Maybe not in this thread, but rest assured, they do. And I just look at their life and I'm glad it's not mine.

Hey if people want to have kids, knock yourself out. But I tell you what, I never want any.

I hate the stigma associated with not having kids. You're treated like a selfish demon. Worse, though, is the way people talk down to you. Like you don't know what you're missing out.

But so what? Some people realize that they'd rather do other things life and that bringing a life into this world is too demanding for all the time it takes. They deserve props for holding back the urge and making a responsible decision.

Two working adults who farm their kids off to daycare a few hours after school, and end spending 1 or 2 hours a day with overall is not the way it should be done (though that is another discussion in entirety).

Everyone should just do what makes them happy (but it must be responsible). People with kids need to realize that those without can live an extremely fulfilling life, and that it isn't just about supplementing children with material possessions (though that is one nice benefit--saved money). Their lives are far from hollow and boring.

 

[skyking]

Who knows all the factors that got us to where we are, but we are not having kids either.
We've been together for 21 years now, and do travel a great deal.

 

[judasmachine]

Yeah going on seven years of having a dingo and a pointer, and being the cool couple that gets to do stuff, and not drive minivans, huzzah! Selfish? You betcha!

 

[McGyver]

look at the bright side, no birth control, no late night crying, no diapers changing... should i keep going???