1. Gift Cards - they are the devil's tool. If you DARE speak anything positive of Gift Cards, you will get burnt at the stake.
2. Bicycles - they are the devil's tool. If you DARE speak anything positive of bicycles, you will get burnt at the stake.
3. Law Enforcement Officers - they are the devil's tool. If you DARE speak anything positive of Law Enforcement Officers, you will get burnt at the stake.
4. Have a problem? Well, stop having it. Example: have cancer? Stop having cancer.
5. Feel free to complain about someone else's spending habits. And, be sure to 10 up them. Example: someone pays $1 for a slice of pizza? Well, that's just too damn expensive. Also, they are idiots for paying a $1 a slice. Honestly, who pays a $1 for a slice of pizza?! I pay $1 for two pizza pies, with unlimited toppings, 4 one liter bottles of soda, a six pack of beer, garlic knots AND a small tray of lasagna - you go RIPPED OFF, sucker.
6. Tipping. Oh. Sweet. Jesus. You BETTER not tip ANYONE, ever, ON ANYTHING!! You hear me?!