I have been doing a little thinking over Christmas Break and all of a sudden I felt like theres no real purpose in living (yeah school sucks that much). I'm not suicidal or anything, I just fail to see the purpose. *opinionated rant starts here* Supposedly we live because we are selfish and want to attain happiness. The zenith of happiness can be anything we designate, but most would agree it is successful socialization. Its direct, and ultimately negative contrast is loneliness, right? But isn't the act of seeking socialization to avoid being alone and feeling inadequate the epitome of loneliness? Do we need to confirm our existence and value through other people? In successful socialization, what is really gained? Is it the satisfaction that all of your positive attributes gratify your ego and reaffirm your self worth the ultimate desirable outcome? What if one no longer desires that outcome(in my case, just identifying it makes it lose its trappings of grandeur. I developed an attitude that self worth should be derived from choice). Naturally you would turn to an alternative that suits what you excel in. What if you no longer derive pleasure from what you excel in because you realize it's just another way of reaffirming your self worth? Aren't all the positive attributes we desire and envy just an individual's familiarity and affinity for a particular task? What if I no longer want to seek satisfaction from competing with others just because I am better suited at something? What if I no longer want to seek satisfaction from "aiding" another person (which is a selfish action because ultimately, I want to feel good about myself)? Is my thinking flawed? All of us were brought up with the belief that individuality is desirable and collaboration helps us realize individuality. How can one feel like they have attained a unique identity if all of our experiences have been carried out similarly by the bagillions of humans that have existed and that we all have the singular desire of self satisfaction? How can collaboration and community be any different if it is just a machine to attain self satisfaction? I know the obvious answer to all of my bitching is that I have to designate what makes me happy and
carry it out. What's getting in the way is that that i developed an attitude of disgust towards blind and instinctive action. I cannot designate what will make me happy because I am bored and already take satisfaction in identifying the components, methods, and general outcome of every possible pursuit of happiness. Overall, I think human existence is pointless, redundant, and full of contradictions (IMO, contradictions are poorly described measurements of a larger entity; eg. there is no difference between a rich man and a poor man, their lives are insignificant considering that both are seeking out ways to reaffirm their self value).
carry it out. What's getting in the way is that that i developed an attitude of disgust towards blind and instinctive action. I cannot designate what will make me happy because I am bored and already take satisfaction in identifying the components, methods, and general outcome of every possible pursuit of happiness. Overall, I think human existence is pointless, redundant, and full of contradictions (IMO, contradictions are poorly described measurements of a larger entity; eg. there is no difference between a rich man and a poor man, their lives are insignificant considering that both are seeking out ways to reaffirm their self value).