Help please... GF's dad has stomach cancer.

[Zeze]

He's had this lump on his stomach that he discovered since last summer. Few months ago, he was diagnosed with stomach cancer.

GF just got off the phone with someone and she was sniffling a bit. They've been handling it the best they could, but this news hit the family hard- the cancer is inoperable because it's too close to a major artery.

Now, I know almost nothing about cancer or hospital procedures and will start my research. And I've always appreciated the collective mind of an internet forum, I have few questions for those who know better or went through a similar experience:

1. Hospitals are all vastly different in terms of capabilities and funding. He is consulted by Englewood Hospital, NJ. Where do I start in terms of how good this hospital is for stomach cancer? Also there must be websites that point out what the best hospitals are for specific diseases?

2. Any doctors here (or know one) have a good landscape knowledge of hospitals around the Tri-state and New England? Better yet, what's the best hospital in US for stomach cancer?

3. How does one get a second opinion? You just request the documentations/test results and send it to different hospitals of your choice? How much does getting a second opinion cost? (As a generally young and healthy person, I'm completely oblivious of hospital logistics)

He is currently just receiving radiation, no chemo. Thank you very much everyone. If you want more info, I could certainly find out for you.

 

[BlahBlahYouToo]

sloan kettering.

 

[Stifko]

sloan kettering.

I came to suggest that too.

http://www.mskcc.org/

 

[The-Noid]

He's had this lump on his stomach that he discovered since last summer. Few months ago, he was diagnosed with stomach cancer.

GF just got off the phone with someone and she was sniffling a bit. They've been handling it the best they could, but this news hit the family hard- the cancer is inoperable because it's too close to a major artery.

Now, I know almost nothing about cancer or hospital procedures and will start my research. And I've always appreciated the collective mind of an internet forum, I have few questions for those who know better or went through a similar experience:

1. Hospitals are all vastly different in terms of capabilities and funding. He is consulted by Englewood Hospital, NJ. Where do I start in terms of how good this hospital is for stomach cancer? Also there must be websites that point out what the best hospitals are for specific diseases?

2. Any doctors here (or know one) have a good landscape knowledge of hospitals around the Tri-state and New England? Better yet, what's the best hospital in US for stomach cancer?

3. How does one get a second opinion? You just request the documentations/test results and send it to different hospitals of your choice? How much does getting a second opinion cost? (As a generally young and healthy person, I'm completely oblivious of hospital logistics)

He is currently just receiving radiation, no chemo. Thank you very much everyone. If you want more info, I could certainly find out for you.

Sorry to hear about everything. I have a father and also a mother-in-law going through chemo currently. We live close to Mayo clinic who are 1 and 2 in their respective cancers for both of our parents so they chose to stay around here. My mother-in-law did get a second opinion from MD Anderson out of Texas who will generally look over all of the diagnostics and give you a reply within 72 hours whether it is worthwhile to come down. MD Anderson is going to be one of the more aggressive in the US if you are looking to go that route.

As far as hospitals that are in your area Sloan-Kettering among the best in the USA but Mass. General is highly regarded in a lot of the lymphoma fields (I don't have good knowledge of their solid tumor studies, however).

Second opinions will generally not cost anything and be covered by insurance, just make sure he contacts his insurance company first. The other point is if you go to MD Anderson, Sloan Kettering or come out to Mayo Clinic (1,2,3 in almost all cancer fields) you can begin your treatment at an outside hospital and have your local hospital pick up the treatment when you move to a maintenance schedule. You are not stuck in one place or the other.

Good luck with everything. Keep in my mind the local hospital gave my dad three months, four years ago...

Also take into account I am not a doctor...

 

[Mr. Pedantic]

A second opinion would not be worth all that much to me. If your doctor is any kind of decent, he should have already considered differentials and different treatment regimes. And if he decides that a tumour is inoperable, if you ask he should be willing to enquire around and see if anyone is willing to pick up your case.

 

[IEC]

A second opinion would not be worth all that much to me. If your doctor is any kind of decent, he should have already considered differentials and different treatment regimes. And if he decides that a tumour is inoperable, if you ask he should be willing to enquire around and see if anyone is willing to pick up your case.

You place too much faith in doctors.

 

[CrazyAznDriver]

Sorry, that is a bad one. They often find it to late to do anything. My condolences.

 

[disappoint]

I came to suggest that too.

http://www.mskcc.org/

3rded

 

[dougp]

Sorry to hear about everything. I have a father and also a mother-in-law going through chemo currently. We live close to Mayo clinic who are 1 and 2 in their respective cancers for both of our parents so they chose to stay around here. My mother-in-law did get a second opinion from MD Anderson out of Texas who will generally look over all of the diagnostics and give you a reply within 72 hours whether it is worthwhile to come down. MD Anderson is going to be one of the more aggressive in the US if you are looking to go that route.

As far as hospitals that are in your area Sloan-Kettering among the best in the USA but Mass. General is highly regarded in a lot of the lymphoma fields (I don't have good knowledge of their solid tumor studies, however).

Second opinions will generally not cost anything and be covered by insurance, just make sure he contacts his insurance company first. The other point is if you go to MD Anderson, Sloan Kettering or come out to Mayo Clinic (1,2,3 in almost all cancer fields) you can begin your treatment at an outside hospital and have your local hospital pick up the treatment when you move to a maintenance schedule. You are not stuck in one place or the other.

Good luck with everything. Keep in my mind the local hospital gave my dad three months, four years ago...

Also take into account I am not a doctor...

I was going to come in and recommend MDA - I know a few people who've undergone treatment there with success.

 

[Mr. Pedantic]

You place too much faith in doctors.

That is what we are taught to do.

 

[Bignate603]

Does he have a good family doctor? It sounds kind of silly because they don't treat cancer directly, but a good general practitioner can be invaluable to help you find the right specialist. They are more knowledgeable about the medical community in his area and can suggest places to go.

Also, have him gather the info he'll need about any medical coverage he might have. It may affect the choice on where to go for treatment. For example, if hospital A and hospital B both are great at the treatment he needs but hospital A is out of network you'll want to make sure you go to hospital B to minimize the cost. Research all the options, sometimes the cost for identical care can be very different.

 

[nanette1985]

My father died of stomach cancer many years ago when I was a teenager. It got bad really quickly and didn't take very long to kill him. Hopefully treatment has improved since then. This was back in Ohio so I have no advice about it in this part of the country.

I have, however, been through a lot of serious medical stuff with family & close friends & myself. My first suggestion is to find a friend or relative who is a doctor, preferably a MD who knows something about the cancer field. When you can't get answers, a doctor can.

Second suggestion (not a suggestion, an order) is to document everything. If it's not documented, it didn't happen. And you need a good organizational setup, cross-indexed by subject, date, and person.

Your first stop for a second opinion is insurance. What and who do they pay for? Document their answers.

Sending hope, prayers and good vibes to you, GF and her father.

 

[MrChad]

My father died of stomach cancer many years ago when I was a teenager. It got bad really quickly and didn't take very long to kill him. Hopefully treatment has improved since then. This was back in Ohio so I have no advice about it in this part of the country.

I have, however, been through a lot of serious medical stuff with family & close friends & myself. My first suggestion is to find a friend or relative who is a doctor, preferably a MD who knows something about the cancer field. When you can't get answers, a doctor can.

Second suggestion (not a suggestion, an order) is to document everything. If it's not documented, it didn't happen. And you need a good organizational setup, cross-indexed by subject, date, and person.

Your first stop for a second opinion is insurance. What and who do they pay for? Document their answers.

Sending hope, prayers and good vibes to you, GF and her father.

All good advice. The best advice I can give you, your GF and her father is to be your own advocate. Don't immediately accept what doctors or nurses tell you without question. Do your own research and don't hesitate to ask questions or discuss alternative approaches. Realize that oncologists tend paint an optimistic picture, primarily because they want to keep the patient's spirits up. While this can be helpful, you also may need to push the doctor to give you a realistic timetable so that the family can prepare for what's coming and make the most of their time together. Good luck.

 

[woodsman]

God bless!!

 

[Lyfer]

My sister-In-law was diagnosed with this as well. Luckily very early. God bless and good luck to both of you.

 

[chipy]

sorry i can't answer any of your questions, but i'll be praying for you and your GF.

 

[RocksteadyDotNet]

You place too much faith in doctors.

This. I've met countless dumb doctors.

You dont need to be smart to become a doctor. If you're prepared to work hard and have a good memory almost anyone can become an M.D..

ALWAYS get a second opinion.

 

[Zeze]

Thank you so much for your invaluable answers so far.

I will get in contact with those top 3 centers on Monday and get some first-hand info about his insurance. How did you guys find out those 3 are the top anyway- a medical magazine?

 

[Gibson486]

Dana Faber in Boston? You are in NY, so you should have some very competent docs.

You should always get a 2nd opinion. It's life, so cost should not be a concern.

 

[Fritzo]

That's terrible. I'm sorry for the family.

I seem to remember reading somewhere that the University of Chicago Medical Center had the cutting edge treatments for digestive cancers.

 

[alent1234]

He's had this lump on his stomach that he discovered since last summer. Few months ago, he was diagnosed with stomach cancer.

GF just got off the phone with someone and she was sniffling a bit. They've been handling it the best they could, but this news hit the family hard- the cancer is inoperable because it's too close to a major artery.

Now, I know almost nothing about cancer or hospital procedures and will start my research. And I've always appreciated the collective mind of an internet forum, I have few questions for those who know better or went through a similar experience:

1. Hospitals are all vastly different in terms of capabilities and funding. He is consulted by Englewood Hospital, NJ. Where do I start in terms of how good this hospital is for stomach cancer? Also there must be websites that point out what the best hospitals are for specific diseases?

2. Any doctors here (or know one) have a good landscape knowledge of hospitals around the Tri-state and New England? Better yet, what's the best hospital in US for stomach cancer?

3. How does one get a second opinion? You just request the documentations/test results and send it to different hospitals of your choice? How much does getting a second opinion cost? (As a generally young and healthy person, I'm completely oblivious of hospital logistics)

He is currently just receiving radiation, no chemo. Thank you very much everyone. If you want more info, I could certainly find out for you.

good cancer hospital in NYC on the east side in the 30's. can't remember the name but it's right by NYU

 

[Orignal Earl]

As a recent cancer survivor, I just want to pipe in and say the most important thing is make sure he is always surrounded by family and friends. And I mean always, 24-7
No medical people in the family?
My Aunt is a retired nurse and was always on the Doc's cases and followed my treatment very closely.
I was pretty much unable to make any real decisions
My family and friends got me through it, and the Docs can take the credit for killing the lymphoma

 

[the DRIZZLE]

I live in the area. There is nothing wrong with Englewood hospital but it is nowhere near as a good as the big hospitals in NYC.

 

[LegendKiller]

My wife had an aggressive and very rare form of thyroid cancer about 6 years ago. As a result she got into MSKCC with a very good surgeon. Her experience with the doc was top notch, very good guy with great bedside manner. His interns weren't as good and the nurses were horrible. After the surgery my wife was in a tremendous amount of pain, I had to keep asking the night nurses for pain killers. One scoffed at me while she was planning her wedding, like...how dare I interrupt her planning with her real job. Some wouldn't even change the bandages until just before the morning shift started.

That being said, it's still one of the best, if not the best, cancer center in the country. Just be prepared to pay to stay up in NYC. The Bently Hotel on 60th (IIRC) was where we stayed for a discounted rate.

As far as having the "best" hospital - that was a huge debate inside my wife's family. I wanted to go to John's Hopkins since it was close to DC and the proximity to the doctors would be more beneficial. Having one far away has severe drawbacks that you need to consider, including transportation, stress, connection to doctors, follow-up care...etc. All of that may counter any marginal benefits to care vs a great hospital in your area.

For flights to NYC, check with the Corporate Angels network. If they can, they will get a flight for you on a corporate jet. We were able to take a corp. jet out of Dulles, to Teterborough, then the corp. would shuttle us to midtown. All for free. It's truly an amazing service. (Edit: Didn't see you were in NJ already - I'll keep it here though)

As far as medical insurance - never stop requesting, or demanding if need be, that MSKCC or any other hospital be covered in-network. It was out for our insurance but my wife fought them like crazy and got it classified as in-network due to referralls.

As somebody above said, the medical part is only part of the battle. Mentally he needs to be bolstered by you and your family.

Sorry for the news, it's very hard to get something like that. Hope he gets better. PM me if you have any questions.

 

[rasczak]

Good luck to your GF's father OP.