help save the environment: flatulence filter cushion ($39.95) and portable pad ($16.95)

[FatDragonn]

improve air quality around the home and office. if you don't want to do it for yourself, do it for those you love and care about.

Flatulence filter® Seat Cushion:

Single cushion = $39.95

2 or more cushions = $34.95 each



Flatulence Filter pad:

1 pad = $16.95

4 or more pads = $12.95 each

Additional fabric covers will be available for $1.98 each

 

[Lanyap]

Are you among the millions who suffer from flatulence as a result of a medical condition or diet? Like many others, are you concerned about taking more medication? If so, the Flatulence Filter is your solution. It is a super-activated carbon/foam filter concealed in a simple chair cushion. It absorbs the odors immediately -- Guaranteed!

The cushion is 15" x 17" x 1" thick and is enclosed in a gray tweed fabric cover. As you can see in the photos, it looks like any normal seat cushion.

The air treatment system employs a carbon air filter which absorbs the flatulence odor.

This same filtration technology purified the air breathed by the astronauts in the Space Shuttle program, and was used in the soldiers gas masks during the Gulf War.

Also available is the flatulence filter pad which can be inserted into one's undergarment.

We are happy to announce that our newest product, the Flatulence Filter pad is now available for shipment.

The Flatulence Filter pad is a smaller version of the seat cushion, allowing the wearer to insert it into their clothing.

The pad is an activated carbon filter measuring 7-1/2 inches in length, 1/2 inch thick and is enclosed in a 100% cotton fabric cover. The cover is removable so that it can be washed daily. The filter pad will last up to 6 months, (depending on amount of gas expelled.)

When you order online, the cost of the pad is $14.95 each. If ordering four more, you pay only $10.95 each.

Since the fabric cover will need to be washed daily, you may wish to order additional ones. They are available at a cost of $1.98 each.


Doctors Recommend the
Flatulence Filter

American Family Physician Journal
"The Flatulence Filter? . . . . may rescue people from the embarrassment of passing gas around others. . . . looks like a regular chair cushion, but it instantly absorbs the odor of intestinal gas."

Doctors nationwide are recommending the Flatulence Filter? to patients and the families who suffer from serious intestinal gas.

The Reuters News Service reported a story recently concerning an unsolicited, independent study conducted by a group of U.S. research doctors in Minnesota, studying the causes of flatulence odor. The research was chronicled in ?Gut Journal? published by the British Medical Association.

"A polyurethane foam cushion coated with activated charcoal can help people who suffer from flatulence. The device, known as the ?Flatulence Filter?? eliminated over 90% of the odor generated by study volunteers..."

The Flatulence Filter? worked so well, the researchers used the cushion in their study to isolate specifically what chemical elements in human flatulence causes the odor.

Everyone suffers with flatulence occasionally. Sometimes it is caused by diet other times by disease or an aging digestive tract. In fact, past studies show that the average person has 13.6 episodes a day.

So you see, it?s perfectly normal. That?s where the Flatulence Filter? saves the day.

 

[GetReal]

In fact, past studies show that the average person has 13.6 episodes a day.:Q

 

[Doomer]

These are for selfish people who don't like to share. Think I'll PASS.

 

[eugovector]

I don't suffer from flatulence at all. In fact, I think it enhances my life and it makes me happy. Well, I'm off to the store for a 3 pound can of baked beans and a case of warm Pabst.

 

[jTek]

<< The device, known as the ?Flatulence Filter?? eliminated over 90% of the odor generated by study volunteers..." >>



I wonder how they measured that??

 

[smokingjoker]

Flatulence saves me the trouble of using any insect killers in the house. I'll pass on this.

 

[Stefan2000]

Okay, so this takes care of the odor but what about the noise? Does it also include sound absorbing material for those really load out burst? You know the sound is usually the first indication of what has occured and usually gives away the identity of the guilty party. The odor comes later. Usually if there is no audible outburst, one has time to move away from the scene of the incident and one can act innocent and as if someone else must have been the perpetraiter. This gives one plausible deniability, but when there's a loud outburst there's no denying it.

 

[Jovack2]

<< At first blush you think he might be just another tasteless, money-hungry entrepreneur who?s only trying to make a quick buck. >>




<< But that?s not the case. . . . >>




<< Had he not come up with a way to absorb odor by disguising a carbon air filter as a chair cushion, he says he would have lost several employees and done irreparable harm to his marriage >>


But in this case the inventor was probably the only one in his office so when employees came to talk him the DEATH DEFYING ODOR had only one place to come from, their boss. I don't know if I would want to start a business centered on flatulence. I mean seriously you would have to promote your product every day all day.
" hello Sir this is Don Maclean from Flatulence inc. and I just wanted to tell you about our latest product the
Poot Stopper, it stops flattulence in its first wind. "
"Why yes sir this product could even be modified to stop your dogs pooter flatulence." "

"No sir I don't think it would be polite to make your guests wear Pooter Stopper pads when they come over."
"

 

[joecool]

hmm, how about that "flatulence portable pad"?! i guess you stuff it down your pants - now that sounds comfortable, and of course totally inconspicuous!

 

[Davemeister]

they should have a disclaimer that it's only effective for SBD (silent but deadly) farts and not the loud BBRRRAAPPP chitty-chitty-bang-bang type farts. unless they can come up with a sound silencer/deflector/dissipator to build into the filter. if it had a BCSS (butt crack silencer system) hump in the middle, it could muffle most of the noise. if there was a pass-thru sound deflector, it could angle the sound waves out to the sides to make it seem like the fart may have come from some other place. or how about a DSP system w/ built-in microphone so the fart's sound wave gets digitally modified and converted into a less conspicuous sound (how about a monkey scream? "did someone fart?" "it must have been the monkey in the ceiling"). maybe add DD/DTS and make it into surround sound to distract people even more. you might scare yourself when you hear weird noises from everywhere if you forget you have the system on. or if you're talented, you can entertain guests with the different sounds you can make through the system.

and instead of the portable pad, you can have a buttplug with HKS wastegate/blow-off valve and DSP system. better yet, just have the buttplug re-route the output to a fannypack you can wear around and store the gas until you can release it somewhere safe and isolated like in the bathroom or your car.

if you want to get extra fancy, you can construct a bodysuit system like the ones in Dune. you can fart and sweat all you want, and since everything is sealed, people won't see your sweat stains or smell the chitty-chitty-bang-bang sounds. plus, with the body-motion-generated filtering action, you end up with various pouches located all over the suit from which you can get fresh water and breathable (?) air. but I guess that's only necessary if you're stuck in a rough desert with some friends that you don't want to share your odor with. then again, if you're out in the desert you could probably blame it all on the camel anyways.

*sigh* okay, ranting over. *bbbbrrrrrrffffttttpppp* ummm... must have been the monkey in the ceiling...

 

[worms]

That's a pretty well done site. Not "Bonsai Kitty" caliber, but pretty funny nonetheless. I'm impressed that the shopping cart feature is functional all the way up to the point of entering your name. What really has me confused is that the domain has been registered since 1998 and the address & phone numbers, etc. listed with internic agree with those on the site. You don't suppose Kathy Littlefield actually sells enough of these to keep the gag running do you?

 

[PhoKing]

This deal smells funny.

 

[Bellgoody]

I've always smiled knowing the second definition of flatuance - to ponitificate.