These Cowboys suck.
I want the old Cowboys back.
Word! The old cowboys systematically exterminated the natives and were very, very close with their horses on that lonesome prairie at night, if you get my drift. Their diet consisted exclusively of beans and burnt coffee. They expelled more methane gas than the cattle they herded. They were MEN, gawddurnit!
The current Cowboys are overpaid prima donnas who shop lift underwear and get into high-pitched hissy fits with each other in the locker room. They are America's team in the same way that obesity, serial violence and flat earth fundamentalism define so many of us.
Face it, they are the Kardashians of the NFL.
If you need more proof, look no further than smackababy's bedroom, where numerous full-color, two-page fold-outs of Tony Romo are scattered about the room, the pages mysteriously stuck together by some sticky white substance which he fiercely maintains is Elmer's Glue.