how do I deal with a CHEAP bf?

[Ally24k]

my bf is REALLY cheap. he is living by himself for the first time this summer and he refuses to spend money to buy food. all the food he has i've bought for him or he's asked someone for. he has mostly junk food like chips and he eats cereal all day long. how do i deal? we are both making money this summer but i am making like twice as much as he is. that is why i've bought him a lot of food and i pay a lot when we go out. is this bad? he has enough money in the bank to buy himself decent meals but he refuses to touch his savings acct because he says that it is his "life savings." what should i do? i care for him so much but he has got to be one of the cheapest guys i've ever met. i feel like i have to use my hard earned to support both of us. but if i dont, we end up not doing anything and eating chips and cereal for every meal cuz he doesnt wanna fork over any cash. help please .

 

[pyonir]

dump him and date some geek off of AT. they have lots of money to spend on computer parts, so a few dollars on you shouldn't be a problem.

good luck.

 

[Ameesh]

i hate to say it but he sounds like a loser. (no offense to you)

 

[Geekbabe]

You know, of all the relationship problems I've encountered,this isn't one of them. I have no idea what to advise that you do .

 

[Jimbo]

Cut him off from sex.

 

[mrCide]

theres a difference between just being a cheap bastard and being cheap like that.. give him a break.. its probably only temporary

 

[kgraeme]

First, do not buy him things!

Second, assess the situation. What are you looking for in a person? All the qualities that make up a person are what you will have to live with long-term. If he's a cheapskate now, he's going to be a cheapskate for life. Do you want to live your life with a cheapskate eating cereal for dinner?

 

[etalns]

Originally posted by: Jimbo
Cut him off from sex.

That's not right... you're cruel...

 

[HomeBrewerDude]

can he discuss it rationally? if not, there may not be much you can do. Stop buying him food. Tell him you are putting money into your life savings. Of course, he might be saving all that money for your engagement ring so who know what you should do. AT least tell him how stressed out you are.

 

[LaBang]

first off, if they are his "life savings" tell him they need to be in a retirement fund. if it's not in an IRA or something he is loosing money. After he has invested for life, he should realize that he has extra money that can be spent. I'd say don't buy food for him. If he has nothing then he will have nothing to eat. This will either mean, more trips to restaurants or more trips to the store. You should hope that he goes to the store. If so, go with him. Let him push the cart and you put a lot of things in it. Don't let him leave with just cereal. Force some real food into the cart but don't buy expensive things. Once he has a week or two with real food in the apartment it might become a habit. People don't usually go from eating steak to slimjims if they don't have to.

 

[Jzero]

Originally posted by: kgraeme
First, do not buy him things!

Second, assess the situation. What are you looking for in a person? All the qualities that make up a person are what you will have to live with long-term. If he's a cheapskate now, he's going to be a cheapskate for life. Do you want to live your life with a cheapskate eating cereal for dinner?

Like my mom says "When you're dating someone, that's as good as it gets. You can't change people. The things that bother you now will drive you nuts when you're married. If you think 'Oh, they'll change. I can train them,' you're dead wrong and you're setting yourself up for disaster."

Jzero's mom spake thusly, and thusly it cometh to be.

 

[Jimbo]

Quote
Originally posted by: Jimbo
Cut him off from sex.

That's not right... you're cruel...


OK, Make him pay for sex. Same diff.

 

[Ally24k]

well he thinks very far off into the future. like he says his life savings is for after graduation like buying a house, a car, etc. so he has a bank acct that he does not touch for any reason and puts a little bit of money in each paycheck. he'd rather be in debt (now he's in debt almost 200 dollars) than touch that acct. i'd like it if the relationship were equal where we take turns paying for stuff and we spend relatively the same amount of money. but now it seems that i am forking over the cash a lot more because he wont touch his money. for me, i dont have a life savings acct because i never save up enough money because i end up having to pay for so many things. but i care for him so much and i feel like he's someone i will have a long future with. so does his cheapness not matter because he's looking out for the future?

 

[Koing]

Originally posted by: Ameesh
i hate to say it but he sounds like a loser. (no offense to you)

If hes older then 16 he should have the sense to feed himself properly. Feeding yourself with good food isn't a luxury it should just be done. If he doesn't offer to pay for things when you go out he doesn't care.

I have this rule about girls. If she doesn't offer to pay for something by the 5th time I see her then I am not going to bother and call her again. She can come chase me as I don't care and am not prepared to care for a girl that doesn't 'offer' to pay. I don't have to take the offer but its a good sign if she offers to pay.

 

[DaiShan]

Originally posted by: Ally24k
my bf is REALLY cheap. he is living by himself for the first time this summer and he refuses to spend money to buy food. all the food he has i've bought for him or he's asked someone for. he has mostly junk food like chips and he eats cereal all day long. how do i deal? we are both making money this summer but i am making like twice as much as he is. that is why i've bought him a lot of food and i pay a lot when we go out. is this bad? he has enough money in the bank to buy himself decent meals but he refuses to touch his savings acct because he says that it is his "life savings." what should i do? i care for him so much but he has got to be one of the cheapest guys i've ever met. i feel like i have to use my hard earned to support both of us. but if i dont, we end up not doing anything and eating chips and cereal for every meal cuz he doesnt wanna fork over any cash. help please .

Heh, do you honestly think he is going to let himself starve to death? Just don't feed him for a few days, I gaurantee he will go out and get his own then.

 

[StageLeft]

Interesting - but let me remind you that financial troubles are one of the key motivators in a lot of divorces. Though you aren't married your relationship is just as vulnerable. Find a middle ground or else you're in for a rocky future. By the sounds of it he is in the wrong here trying to save when he can't even break even on basic living such as eating properly.

Heh, do you honestly think he is going to let himself starve to death? Just don't feed him for a few days, I gaurantee he will go out and get his own then.

Good advice actually. It's like a kid unwilling to eat his greens. Show me a kid who would rather starve to death than eat sprouts and I'll give you $100.

 

[m2kewl]

Originally posted by: Jimbo
OK, Make him pay for sex. Same diff.

Wait! Wouldn't that technically make her a <insert here>???

Now that's wrong.

 

[StageLeft]

Originally posted by: m2kewl

Originally posted by: Jimbo
OK, Make him pay for sex. Same diff.

Wait! Wouldn't that technically make her a <insert here>???

Now that's wrong.

The only difference between whores and girlfriends is that with girlfriends instead of money it's in the form of movies and dinners.

--

I didn't say that.

 

[A5]

He's not gonna change. It's nice of him to worry about the future, but he should live in the present a little more...

 

[HomeBrewerDude]

oh this is easy.


just stop paying for more than your half. You will see what the relationship is worth very quickly. Of course you got to be strong and not cave into him. if he gives you a hard time then he isn't worth it.

 

[Shelly21]

You should'nt buy anything for him....

Next time, when he's eating cereal. Eat your take out sushi heaven special (for 1) in front of him.

 

[StageLeft]

Originally posted by: A5
He's not gonna change. It's nice of him to worry about the future, but he should live in the present a little more...

He may do. I used to be a big spender but overnight I turned into a meiser. Course I'm finding it harder to go back to spending a bit more and finding the middle ground *shrug*

 

[torient]

listen to Jzero

 

[XZeroII]

Let him see what happens when he is cut off. If he starves to death, you know it wasn't meant to be.

 

[Jimbo]

so does his cheapness not matter because he's looking out for the future?

You are assuming that you are part of his future.
You are being used.