How do I get over a girl?

[Kadarin]

Originally posted by: mjuszczak

Originally posted by: Leper Messiah
you are a bit naive man. She says it her, not you, then she's boning someone else. 99.9999999% of the time. If you want to get over her DO NOT TALK TO HER AT ALL. all it will do is tear open the wounds. Find some other chicks and get with them.

She isn't boning anyone else.... at least I sure hope not. We were each other's first and only up until she left this past weekend, and she would never lie to me.

Quit living in dreamland. If she is not boning anyone now, she will be.

 

[Rudee]

Originally posted by: mjuszczak

Has anyone ever felt like I do now (real sad because they lost someone who meant the WORLD to them) and then picked back up and met someone even better?

Yup. Dated girl for 2 yrs in Jr. High. Broke up and thought I would never find another like her. I found another... Dated that new girl for two and a half years, broke up and thought I would never find another like her... I found another... Dated that new girl for 4 yrs, broke up.. yada yada yada. repeat 5 more times. To sum it up I've had many medium to long term relationships when I was in my teens all the way up to my early 30's. Today, at 39 I'm engaged to a wonderful woman who makes me melt at the mere thought of her. You're young and you have lots of time to meet many more women. Just enjoy it for what it is and don't get hung up on the breakups. It's a part of life's learning experience.

 

[ggnl]

Originally posted by: mjuszczak

Originally posted by: DP
hey bro, if it's meant to be, things will fall into place. persistence(sp?) pays off.


time is the only thing unforunately. alcohol is a temporary fix so remember that.

This is actually a response that makes me feel somewhat good. And I think (correct me if I'm wrong) I have a better shot at getting back with her if I focus on my three goals (losing weight, better health, graduate, no debt, etc.) so that this May when she comes home, I'm ahead of the game, and if she wants to be together again awesome, and if not, at least I accomplished a lot.

She left knowing that I loved her. AND she brought memories of us with her: pictures of us kissing, etc. So I Know she still cares, and if she finds someone out there who makes her happier than I did, good for her... I love her and I want her to be happy. But I wish I could be with her.

This is probably the worst frame of mind you can take in this circumstance. All you'll do is end up waiting around for her like a dope while she does whatever the fvck she pleases.

Get over it. Find someone more deserving of your attention. Unless you don't mind the fact that she broke up with you so she could get slammed by other guys. Then, by all means, sit around and cry until she maybe comes back to you.

 

[manlymatt83]

Originally posted by: Zap Brannigan

Originally posted by: EngenZerO
beer... lots of it...

also couple in mingling by going out to bars and meeting girls while drinking beer... and lots of it...

Thats the most retarded advice I've ever heard.

Crying in your beer is not going to help you get over anything.

Going on a sex spree with random girls is not going to help you get over anything.

As long as you don't drink the pain will get less and less over time.

Agreed and like I said, it will probably come back once she starts emailing me and calling me, but I have to treat her like a friend, no matter how she's acting. If she care(d/s) about me as much as I think she does, I doubt she'll meet someone head over heals while she's gone and call me and tell me. I told her I loved her and I didn't want to know if she was hooking up with people or whatever, because I supported her going away and support her seeing what else is out there (I can't blame her for feeling the way she does, she's only dated me and I know if I only dated one girl I might have questions). I told her I only wanted to know if she fell for someone else...

The way I look at it is that I'm a good guy. I actually think I'm a very good guy, and didn't get the respect I deserved from her family. So even though I love her, if I have no chance with her anymore, hopefully someone else out there will make me just as happy.

I just don't want to get hurt.

 

[Zap Brannigan]

Originally posted by: mjuszczak

Originally posted by: Leper Messiah
you are a bit naive man. She says it her, not you, then she's boning someone else. 99.9999999% of the time. If you want to get over her DO NOT TALK TO HER AT ALL. all it will do is tear open the wounds. Find some other chicks and get with them.

She isn't boning anyone else.... at least I sure hope not. We were each other's first and only up until she left this past weekend, and she would never lie to me.

I agree with the not talking to her at all, good advice.

She would and has lied to you, far more than you know at this point.

 

[JS80]

I think you have to post pic of girl to get more accurate advice.

 

[Zap Brannigan]

Originally posted by: mjuszczak
[Q hopefully someone else out there will make me just as happy.

You'll be far happier with someone else when ever you meet her. Thats a fact. Give it time, be yourself and don't get bitter. You'll be so much more better off you don't even know yet!

 

[manlymatt83]

Originally posted by: DP
yes, another thing i forgot to mention that someone did above. do not talk to her. if she calls you, it's cool to answer but not EVERY time. don't let her know it's killing you and don't let her know you still care for her.

even if it takes a little bit out of you, when she calls act like everything is fine and act like you're having the time of your life. don't call her because if she really does care for you and believe the things she told you, she will come back to you.

if you give her your attention, she knows she has you and can get you back anytime.

I AGREE with this... and i don't like playing games, but I think I have to force myself to do this. I wanted to send her an email today saying that I missed her and was thinking about her, but then I wouldn't be sticking to my gun. I told her that I would show her how much I care until she left... she left the other day and I was still saying I Love you I Miss you... etc... but now, I need to see how she REALLY feels, and the only way to know that is if I see how she acts towards me intially. If I send her an email saying I love her and miss her, I won't know how she truly feels, like you say above. Also, like I said, I don't think I could take her back right away... there's a lot of issues that would have to be worked out. And to get rid of tension, I'd almost have to go out there and see what else is out there myself... otherwise I'd always have something against her and that wouldn't be fair to her.

As far as the multiple threads, I'll keep this one going... promise, won't start a new one. I'd like to continue talking about this issue over the next few weeks and will use this thread to do so.

 

[Buck Armstrong]

Originally posted by: mjuszczak

Originally posted by: Rudee
That line she fed you "knew I was the one for her but couldn't stay with me knowing I was her only boyfriend".. that's a crock of $hit. She simply grew tired of the relationship and wants to move on. If a woman truly wants you in her life, she will overcome all obstacles to keep the relationship in tact, otherwise, they'll give you some sappy line like the one she gave you, have herself a good cry, then move on to something new and exciting. Your relationship with her is just another chapter in the big book of life. Time to end that chapter and begin a new one. She is, so I suggest you do the same.

She wanted to stay with me. She told me that before she left. She was just tired of the long distance ... she couldn't do it anymore.

If she wanted to stay with you, she would have. Face it. She wants to "see whats out there", ie, do other guys, but know she has you to come back to after they abuse her. The best thing you can do is ignore her and not let her know how you feel.

 

[manlymatt83]

Originally posted by: Leper Messiah
basically, she wants you for emotional support, but wants to bang other guys. You get all the negitives, and none of the postives.

"Bang other guys" is not the term I would use. I would use "see what else is out there". She's a VERY self-respecting individual and I don't think she would just go out and have sex.... her and I waited a really long time.

 

[crownjules]

Girls are great at not lieing. Even girls I never would have imagined lieing to me have "bent the truth" when it comes emotions. She wanted to let you down without completely crushing you. It's a natural feeling unless you're the most cold-hearted bastard in the world.

Put yourself in the shoes everyone is telling you she is in. If you were growing old of the relationship and had potential girls waiting in the wings, would you tell her that you're breaking up with her because you've grown tired of the relationship and you want to go nail other girls?

There's a great saying: out of sight, out of mind. Do it. For your purposes, she is now gone for the next five months. Go find other chicks. Hang out with friends. Enjoy a single life. If you're still single when she comes back in five months then so be it, maybe you can get back together then if things really are what she says they are. Don't count on it. A lot will happen in five months. Definitely for her, if not for you as well. It's your choice really. Pine around for a girl you dated in your early twenties, who was your self-proclaimed "first"...or get out an experience life. How do you know she's the one when you haven't shopped around? Now's a perfect opportunity.

 

[Zap Brannigan]

Or after she abuses them? Like she abused a certain someones trust?

 

[manlymatt83]

Originally posted by: Zap Brannigan
Oh, and don't get bitter, not all girls are like that.

Not all girls are like what?

 

[manlymatt83]

Originally posted by: Zap Brannigan

Originally posted by: mjuszczak

Originally posted by: Trikat
You guys had to lie to each other atleast once during the relationship!!!

never. I believe in never lieing. I mean, about the IMPORTANT things... she always knew how I felt, we could both trust each other so far away because we wouldn't lie to each other ... ever

Honesty is a good quality, keep that. Unfortunatly she lacks this quality. Know that.

Why does she lack that quality? Do you think she lied to me during our relationship? Or do you think she was honest with me up until we broke up and then started making excuses?

 

[manlymatt83]

Originally posted by: JS80

Originally posted by: mjuszczak

Originally posted by: DaShen
The only thing that will heal it is time and friends.

Hang out with your buddies more and give it time.

This is hard. I'm at a point in my life where I'm a 5th year College student, most of my friends graduated, yet I still live near College. I am graduating this May and then maybe can move back where my friends are (about 3 hours from here).

What's your major?
Move to Southern California. Babes galore.

Computer Science with a minor in Pols. I also have over two years work experience as a UNIX Sys Admin at a large ISP.

 

[manlymatt83]

Originally posted by: Astaroth33

Originally posted by: mjuszczak

Originally posted by: Leper Messiah
you are a bit naive man. She says it her, not you, then she's boning someone else. 99.9999999% of the time. If you want to get over her DO NOT TALK TO HER AT ALL. all it will do is tear open the wounds. Find some other chicks and get with them.

She isn't boning anyone else.... at least I sure hope not. We were each other's first and only up until she left this past weekend, and she would never lie to me.

Quit living in dreamland. If she is not boning anyone now, she will be.

I know ... and we were each other's first and we were both happy. I just wish we could have been happier.

 

[Zap Brannigan]

Originally posted by: mjuszczak

Originally posted by: Zap Brannigan
Oh, and don't get bitter, not all girls are like that.

Not all girls are like what?

Not all girls are dishonest or have other negative qualities that some others posters are claiming that they have. Ceratinly some do, but this is the vast minority which we all can be thankful for.

 

[ggnl]

Originally posted by: mjuszczak

Originally posted by: Leper Messiah
basically, she wants you for emotional support, but wants to bang other guys. You get all the negitives, and none of the postives.

"Bang other guys" is not the term I would use. I would use "see what else is out there". She's a VERY self-respecting individual and I don't think she would just go out and have sex.... her and I waited a really long time.

The sooner you realize what women are capable of the better off you'll be. Seriously, if she just wanted to hang out with other guys she wouldn't have had to break up with you to do it. Just consider yourself lucky she had the decency to break up with you first.

 

[manlymatt83]

Originally posted by: Rudee

Originally posted by: mjuszczak

Has anyone ever felt like I do now (real sad because they lost someone who meant the WORLD to them) and then picked back up and met someone even better?

Yup. Dated girl for 2 yrs in Jr. High. Broke up and thought I would never find another like her. I found another... Dated that new girl for two and a half years, broke up and thought I would never find another like her... I found another... Dated that new girl for 4 yrs, broke up.. yada yada yada. repeat 5 more times. To sum it up I've had many medium to long term relationships when I was in my teens all the way up to my early 30's. Today, at 39 I'm engaged to a wonderful woman who makes me melt at the mere thought of her. You're young and you have lots of time to meet many more women. Just enjoy it for what it is and don't get hung up on the breakups. It's a part of life's learning experience.

This girl makes me melt on the mere thought of her too... her smile, the things she does with her eyes, her dimples, the way she moves her hands in front of her like a little kid and gives me the sourpuss face that makes me do anything. I really love her.

 

[SampSon]

Three steps:

1. Cry river.
2. Build Bridge.
3. Get over it.

hehe

 

[Zap Brannigan]

Originally posted by: mjuszczak

Originally posted by: Zap Brannigan

Originally posted by: mjuszczak

Originally posted by: Trikat
You guys had to lie to each other atleast once during the relationship!!!

never. I believe in never lieing. I mean, about the IMPORTANT things... she always knew how I felt, we could both trust each other so far away because we wouldn't lie to each other ... ever

Honesty is a good quality, keep that. Unfortunatly she lacks this quality. Know that.

Why does she lack that quality? Do you think she lied to me during our relationship? Or do you think she was honest with me up until we broke up and then started making excuses?

All will become clearer to you in time. She was'nt making exscuses, she was abusing your trust. People just don't wake up one morning and decide that they are going to be that way.

 

[amdhunter]

Originally posted by: mjuszczak
...because she "knew I was the one for her but couldn't stay with me knowing I was her only boyfriend".

Eh? If she told you that, I'd think she was already screwing someone else. Not being an ass really, but I think she had someone else in mind, or in her already.

 

[Zap Brannigan]

That someone else will be in the same boat eventually too.

 

[manlymatt83]

Originally posted by: ggnl

Originally posted by: mjuszczak

Originally posted by: DP
hey bro, if it's meant to be, things will fall into place. persistence(sp?) pays off.


time is the only thing unforunately. alcohol is a temporary fix so remember that.

This is actually a response that makes me feel somewhat good. And I think (correct me if I'm wrong) I have a better shot at getting back with her if I focus on my three goals (losing weight, better health, graduate, no debt, etc.) so that this May when she comes home, I'm ahead of the game, and if she wants to be together again awesome, and if not, at least I accomplished a lot.

She left knowing that I loved her. AND she brought memories of us with her: pictures of us kissing, etc. So I Know she still cares, and if she finds someone out there who makes her happier than I did, good for her... I love her and I want her to be happy. But I wish I could be with her.

This is probably the worst frame of mind you can take in this circumstance. All you'll do is end up waiting around for her like a dope while she does whatever the fvck she pleases.

Get over it. Find someone more deserving of your attention. Unless you don't mind the fact that she broke up with you so she could get slammed by other guys. Then, by all means, sit around and cry until she maybe comes back to you.

You're right, but I already told her I understood her feeling that way. And my friends told me I should understand that I am her first relationship AND its long distance, and that if she wants to take a break from me its not because her feelings changed, its because of the situation. You're saying if she lets me go because the distance is too hard and because her parents are down her back about finding someone else because they don't like me ... I know she loves me, I know she wants to be with me, but she wasn't happy recently because her parents kept yelling at her to find someone else.... and she's very attached to them.

Actually, just talking about this kinda makes me realize that she should have stuck up for me.... as I always felt, but whatever...

Another question though.... this past September I joined a band and was kind of pissed at her that she wouldn't stick up for me to her parents that I didn't have as much time for her at night. That's why she kind of started pulling away: I couldn't be there for her anymore, or at least was pulling away. IF SHE had spoken up (which I've told her before) about being really upset about the band, I would have fixed things.... she left the country the other day admitting that she should have spoken up, and I left things admitting that I wish I would have given her more time, and we were happy go lucky, etc... but the issue with her parents was still there (the fact that they hated me and kept making their opinion known to her), and I guess she was going away and wanted to see what else was out there .... but her exact words, and I believe she feels this way now... and she's admitted the reason she has doubts is because she was unhappy but mostly because of her parents ... that they hate me... and the long distance.

 

[manlymatt83]

Originally posted by: Zap Brannigan

Originally posted by: mjuszczak

Originally posted by: Leper Messiah
you are a bit naive man. She says it her, not you, then she's boning someone else. 99.9999999% of the time. If you want to get over her DO NOT TALK TO HER AT ALL. all it will do is tear open the wounds. Find some other chicks and get with them.

She isn't boning anyone else.... at least I sure hope not. We were each other's first and only up until she left this past weekend, and she would never lie to me.

I agree with the not talking to her at all, good advice.

She would and has lied to you, far more than you know at this point.

How so? So you're saying I should go get tested? When we first broke up I told her that I didn't think she loved me because I didn't understand how she could just throw this away so easily. She got SO defensive over the fact that I thought she didn't love me that she went down to her parents and told them (FINALLY) she cared about me .... but then it made me think "Why did it take so long"?

I think she's young, but I don't think she's lied to me.

How has she lied to me? Give me an example. Should I be worried now that she was sleeping around? I can't imagine her doing that, in fact I KNOW she wasn't doing that. I'd put my life on it. She might be confused, but she's not that kind of person.