How do you deal with a miscarriage, aborting due to health reasons?

[Ryan]

A close friend of mine found out yesterday that she was pregnant, but she also found out that the baby had no heart beat. She went to the hospital today and had the baby removed. I called her today to see how she was handling it, she seemed fine (at least - better than last night when I dropped her off some flowers and a card, and basically told her I was sorry it had to happen).

It just seemed so surreal - one day you're out partying, having a good time with your friend - the day after, she's having a dead baby removed that she didn't even know about. What's even weirder, is that since yesterday, every woman I've talked about this too has told me they've miscarried, even my mother Is it really that common?

 

[RCN]

Yes it is common..................however based on the info you provided the story doesn't add up............

She is fine cause she wanted an abortion........

 

[Ryan]

Originally posted by: RCN
Yes it is common..................however based on the info you provided the story doesn't add up............

She is fine cause she wanted an abortion........

I never said she was find because of the abortion - she was just handling the situation really well for just having one. She wasn't as upset as she was last night.

 

[Kadarin]

It's just nature.. the baby wasn't viable for some reason.

 

[RCN]

Originally posted by: Ryan

Originally posted by: RCN
Yes it is common..................however based on the info you provided the story doesn't add up............

She is fine cause she wanted an abortion........

I never said she was find because of the abortion - she was just handling the situation really well for just having one. She wasn't as upset as she was last night.

I know you didn't say it.......I did.

So how pregnant was she? Ultrasound? If so why?

 

[Ryan]

Originally posted by: RCN

Originally posted by: Ryan

Originally posted by: RCN
Yes it is common..................however based on the info you provided the story doesn't add up............

She is fine cause she wanted an abortion........

I never said she was find because of the abortion - she was just handling the situation really well for just having one. She wasn't as upset as she was last night.

I know you didn't say it.......I did.

So how pregnant was she? Ultrasound? If so why?

6-8 weeks IIRC.

 

[rezinn]

That sucks, but it does happen to a lot of women. If the embryo had no heart function at that time then it was already dead, so she had no choice. I don't think such a short period of time between becoming pregnant and the abortion would have given her a chance to bond with her unborn child, so it's probably easier on her. It's not like she ever felt it kick.

 

[RCN]

Originally posted by: Ryan

Originally posted by: RCN

Originally posted by: Ryan

Originally posted by: RCN
Yes it is common..................however based on the info you provided the story doesn't add up............

She is fine cause she wanted an abortion........

I never said she was find because of the abortion - she was just handling the situation really well for just having one. She wasn't as upset as she was last night.

I know you didn't say it.......I did.

So how pregnant was she? Ultrasound? If so why?

6-8 weeks IIRC.

http://www.drspock.com/article/0,1510,9851,00.html

 

[Bassyhead]

Originally posted by: RCN

Originally posted by: Ryan

Originally posted by: RCN

Originally posted by: Ryan

Originally posted by: RCN
Yes it is common..................however based on the info you provided the story doesn't add up............

She is fine cause she wanted an abortion........

I never said she was find because of the abortion - she was just handling the situation really well for just having one. She wasn't as upset as she was last night.

I know you didn't say it.......I did.

So how pregnant was she? Ultrasound? If so why?

6-8 weeks IIRC.

http://www.drspock.com/article/0,1510,9851,00.html

What doesn't add up? The article you linked says the heart beat can be picked up by ultrasound as early as 4 weeks.

 

[Bryophyte]

It IS very common. My genetics prof in college told us that the VAST majority of fertilized eggs never makes it through a full-term pregnancy, something like 1 in 6 will make it. Most of the rest spontaneously abort before the woman ever even knows she's pregnant. If she wasn't planning on this pregnancy, I can say that she is probably feeling a little sad and a lot relieved. It's a strange thing to go through and it makes you grow up quite a bit in the process.

 

[iamwiz82]

Originally posted by: Bryophyte
It IS very common. My genetics prof in college told us that the VAST majority of fertilized eggs never makes it through a full-term pregnancy, something like 1 in 6 will make it. Most of the rest spontaneously abort before the woman ever even knows she's pregnant. If she wasn't planning on this pregnancy, I can say that she is probably feeling a little sad and a lot relieved. It's a strange thing to go through and it makes you grow up quite a bit in the process.

They talked about this in a show on TLC the other night. Women simply think it's just a heavier period.

 

[waggy]

it is rather amazing how many women have miscarriage or something happen. the firs tri-mester is very dangerous

 

[dullard]

Yes it really is that common. The vast majority of babies are aborted (miscarried if you don't like that word) for one reason or another. Having a viable baby is just a lot harder than most people think.

The way to deal with it is to be supportive of your friend. Don't harp on the issue, and keep bringing up the bad reminder. But if she brings it up, be there and listen to her. Support her in any way that she needs.

 

[Accipiter22]

SCARY fact......most (MOST) pregnancies end in miscarriage before the woman even knows she's pregnant....

 

[Accipiter22]

and to answer your question......just be there for her in whatever way she needs it...there's nothing you can do directly to 'make it better'

 

[pontifex]

if she didn't know about and didn't want it, i don't see why she would be upset about it.

 

[Codewiz]

A co-worker of mine had the worst possible thing happen to his wife. She carried the baby to full term. They went in for a checkup and eveyrthing was fine. They said they woud induce labor in two days. Two days later, they go in and there is no heartbeat on the ultrasound.

She had to give birth to a stillborn baby knowing the fate prior to birth.

 

[Bryophyte]

Originally posted by: pontifex
if she didn't know about and didn't want it, i don't see why she would be upset about it.

It really shakes you up and makes you think about what would have happened if the fetus had been viable. Like I said, makes you feel a little bit sad and greatly relieved at having dodged a bullet.

 

[pinion9]

About this time last year my wife miscarried at 14 weeks or something like that. It is rare in that case and she had to have a D&C to remove the fetus. They think the baby was dead for 2 weeks or so. It really sucks because we were having a product go live (actually 7 project go lives in one day) and I couldn't make it to that particular checkup...I wasn't there for her when the doc told her he couldn't find a heart beat.

We received a lot of flowers from people at work, and they pitched in and bought a really nice angel statue for us. It depends on what type of person she is, but my wife and I feel an attachment to children before birth...

 

[SearchMaster]

The first time my wife got pregnant it turned out to not be viable. I balled up in the doctor's office feeling like I'd been punched in the stomach. The next three turned out great though . And yeah, when I talked to my mom about the first one, she'd had two miscarriages.

That's why they tell you not to tell anybody for AT LEAST 8 weeks, preferably 12.

 

[SearchMaster]

Originally posted by: pinion9
About this time last year my wife miscarried at 14 weeks or something like that. It is rare in that case and she had to have a D&C to remove the fetus. They think the baby was dead for 2 weeks or so. It really sucks because we were having a product go live (actually 7 project go lives in one day) and I couldn't make it to that particular checkup...I wasn't there for her when the doc told her he couldn't find a heart beat.

We received a lot of flowers from people at work, and they pitched in and bought a really nice angel statue for us. It depends on what type of person she is, but my wife and I feel an attachment to children before birth...

BTW, on my wife's miscarriage, I had just switched jobs so she happened to not be covered under my insurance at the time. A D&C in the hospital would have been $5-7K, we ended up going to an abortion clinic where the same exact procedure was around $500. That was a sad place to be.

 

[GasX]

Miscarriages suck. We have been through a couple. I was pretty torn up the first time, but my wife was REALLY upset and she was already bonding with it...

Third time is the charm, though, and we now have a thriving 12 week old...