How do you plan to live with your parents after they are retired?

[Mixolydian]

I doubt you will sit idly by when your parents are unable to care for each other on their own.

No, I wouldn't sit idly by. But I wouldn't do something I'm not comfortable with either. For example, I would never let my parents move in with me.

Ok but NOBODY is forcing ANYONE.

What are you talking about willis?

Really? According to you we are morally obligated to care for elderly parents.

 

[thecrecarc]

Sure, no one is arguing that.

Let me add on to that: there is a wide variety of morally acceptable middle ground. While it is admirable to take care of your parents by living with them constantly, it is also not immoral to take a slightly less extreme approach.

 

[davis_lsu]

Not sitting idly by is one thing, being forced into an obligation to take care of them constantly is another.

Personally, I feel an obligation to not sit idly by. While I admit I would not be too thrilled to have them come live with me, I certainly would quickly offer my home if necessary.

 

[Vdubchaos]

Really? According to you we are morally obligated to care for elderly parents.

Obligation is not a FORCE or FORCED upon you.

It's your choice, do what you want....I don't really give a shit.

Karma is a bitch.

Personally, I feel an obligation to not sit idly by. While I admit I would not be too thrilled to have them come live with me, I certainly would quickly offer my home if necessary.

x2

But I tend to put a lot of emphasis on the whole "family" thing. It's the most important thing in my life (even though my family is FAR from perfect....and some).

My mom/father did a good job raising me and I will make sure I will be there as much as possible/help them at the most crucial period of their life. I think companionship/love is EXTREMELY important at that stage.

Mind you its no different than what I do on daily basis TODAY with my parents.

Also, there is the whole thing of "treat others the way you want to be treated". I do want my kids to be close to me my entire life (not just when I'm old).......so I apply the same thing to myself/my parents TODAY.

 

[davis_lsu]

According to you we are morally obligated to care for elderly parents.

Do you think this is not true? Isn't that what a civilized society does? Help those who cannot help themselves?

 

[KeithTalent]

I'd put a bullet in my head before ever living with my Mother again.

KT

 

[fuzzybabybunny]

Are you considering not caring for them?

No, not at all. I've told them straight up that I will take care of them, but I'm just uncomfortable with the level of "care" that they want and just how utterly incompatible it is with the culture that they live in.

1. I don't get along with my mom at all. She has a very "either/or" conviction on life. Just yesterday she was saying how wanting to have children and a family is a universal human desire that everyone should have and I should have it. Now. She can't fathom that some people just don't want kids and have no desire to ever have kids. But that's Chinese culture for you. She doesn't get that that's culture and not universal fact. That is just a light example. She also happens to be the one most needing and wanting to have things taken care of for her, and she currently uses my dad for that - dad does absolutely everything for her, including holding her wallet/purse, filling up her car with gas, doing all of her taxes, while she is essentially an armchair commander who philosophizes about how things should be done. And most of the time she's wrong. Like investing in the stock market. Which they lost tens of thousands of dollars in because my mom became convinced from listening to a friend to invest in XYZ, with no idea of the intricacies (or even generalities) of the company and of the competition. She makes a lot of money, for sure, but currently that is all she does. And I'm not asking for any of that money. She does not contribute happiness to the family. Or mental health. She contributes discord and just pisses everyone off (and she has a large family). I predict that she will be the first to have dementia. She has always been very forgetful and absent minded though.

2. My dad is fine. He's even keeled, and even though we don't agree on a lot of things and he requires more physical care than my mom, I'd have no problem caring for him. He is very attached though to the point where he wants to actually sleep in the same bed together. Like a dad sleeping with his little toddler son. He's definitely got a soft side.

 

[fuzzybabybunny]

I'd put a bullet in my head before ever living with my Mother again.

KT

This is the same way I feel. Unfortunately this is where I will be headed.

 

[Mixolydian]

Do you think this is not true? Isn't that what a civilized society does? Help those who cannot help themselves?

To what extent, though?

 

[Vdubchaos]

This is the same way I feel. Unfortunately this is where I will be headed.

Look, I can TOTALLY understand that MANY people here have shitty parents.

And I can TOTALLY understand why you and the other person would say the things you said.

No disagreements there.

What I said applies to decent/good parents. I realize there isn't MANY in this country. Although I do tend to think there is more good than bad in this world.....

 

[Fritzo]

My parents are approaching 70 and probably have more energy than I do. I think they'll live on their own until they die, like most people.

 

[jupiter57]

Reminds me of my older Brother.
He's 59 YO, and still lives with our Mother who is ~80 YO.

Only she has to take care of him, as he cannot cook, clean, do laundry, or anything, I have never even seen him microwave food! (He could, I'm sure, it's just that he has just never had to! Actually, the man has NEVER, EVER had to do anything other than dress himself!)

And no, he is not physically or mentally disabled, he was just raised that way, firstborn son. (He is also an alcoholic and substance abuser since High School)

 

[Red Storm]

I imagine at some point my parents will move in. We don't dump our parents off at homes to be other people's problems.

 

[Mixolydian]

Reminds me of my older Brother.
He's 59 YO, and still lives with our Mother who is ~80 YO.

Only she has to take care of him, as he cannot cook, clean, do laundry, or anything, I have never even seen him microwave food! (He could, I'm sure, it's just that he has just never had to! Actually, the man has NEVER, EVER had to do anything other than dress himself!)

And no, he is not physically or mentally disabled, he was just raised that way, firstborn son. (He is also an alcoholic and substance abuser since High School)

I'll take care of you, dad! ():sneaky:

 

[D1gger]

It is much safer for my parents to look after themselves, even to the point of moving into a retirement home when it is time. My mother says so many stupid, mean hurtful things that I'm sure I'd strangle her if she lived in my home.

 

[shadow9d9]

Reminds me of my older Brother.
He's 59 YO, and still lives with our Mother who is ~80 YO.

Only she has to take care of him, as he cannot cook, clean, do laundry, or anything, I have never even seen him microwave food! (He could, I'm sure, it's just that he has just never had to! Actually, the man has NEVER, EVER had to do anything other than dress himself!)

And no, he is not physically or mentally disabled, he was just raised that way, firstborn son. (He is also an alcoholic and substance abuser since High School)

It wasn't that he was raised that way.. it is that he is a lazy bum with no ambition and doesn't mind living a pathetic life... Don't make excuses for him...

 

[Vdubchaos]

It wasn't that he was raised that way.. it is that he is a lazy bum with no ambition and doesn't mind living a pathetic life... Don't make excuses for him...

One can say "enabling" him to do so is AS BAD

Clearly his mother should've kicked his ass out on the street at 18....but that's not exactly easy to do from a mother's stand point.

I do believe in tough love though.

 

[zCypher]

I have one grandmother that is about to turn 90 and only recently went to a group residence, my other grandmother is only a few years younger and still lives at home. She has a lot of kids though and they stop by often which makes it possible.

As for my parents, barring any unexpected unfortunate events, I probably have quite a few years before I have to worry about it. I'd like to think us kids could take care of them, after everything we've put 'em through.

 

[ultimatebob]

If your parents want to live with you, you're going to need to get a bigger car Fuzzy. Maybe a station wagon or minivan would fit the bill

Oh, and my grandfather is 95 and still lives by himself. He outlived his wife by 20 years, and his new girlfriend by 10.

He owes his long life to drinking scotch (Mostly J.W. Black Label), eating lots of red meat, and smoking cigars. Oh, and he has a nicer PC than I do. Now there is a man who knows how to live!

 

[dud]

My parents died when I was in my lates 30s/early 40s. When they were decliningthey lived in their own home until they had to enter a nursing facility. Any way to look at it ... it was a living hell. Imagine watch someone die a miserable death ... and you can't do anything about it.

 

[piasabird]

The problem is that often your parents need more care than you can physically provide. In recent history, Asian households use to have servants or slaves to do tasks like cleaning and cooking. It is a lot harder to do all of this by yourself.

 

[piasabird]

Maybe keeping everyone living longer does not really mean a better quality of life. Being able to die in dignity is also important.

 

[Born2bwire]

Can I interest you in the purchase of the new ACME Model 1440 Guilt Projector? It shoots rainbows out the back end as you sweep away all before you.

He's absolutely fascinating. He looks down upon people who rely on their parents to feed them as teenagers but at the same time expects them to take of their parents in their old age.

 

[Vdubchaos]

He's absolutely fascinating. He looks down upon people who rely on their parents to feed them as teenagers but at the same time expects them to take of their parents in their old age.

And where did you get the "look down" part?

Or "expect" part?

You wouldn't be the first or last to put words in my mouth of make bunch of bs assumptions about me.

 

[Mixolydian]

And where did you get the "look down" part?

Or "expect" part?

You wouldn't be the first or last to put words in my mouth of make bunch of bs assumptions about me.

From the attitude of your posts.