How do you react to homeless people?

[Atreus21]

Forgive me if this seems like a diary entry, but it troubles me.

Being in New Orleans, I see homeless people every day on corners with signs. White, Black, Hispanic, men, women, sometimes even young adults.

This morning after I parked the car and began walking to my job, I saw a guy lying down on the pavement, apparently asleep. This is in the middle of downtown.

I was conflicted about whether to walk past him or not, but I indeed walked right on past him. As I ascended the elevator I felt more and more disturbed; like I should've done something for him. But, this is the crucial question, is it my responsibility to help this man not just superficially, but fundamentally? Do I not just get him a meal, but take him into my home? With my wife and children?

I'm flat broke right now for a few days, so I couldn't buy anything for him. I wound up getting him a hot chocolate from the company coffee maker. I woke him and offered it to him. Now that I saw his face, he looked about my age, mid to late 30s, although significant facial hair probably added to his apparent age. He thanked me, took the cup and started to drink it. I warned him that it was very hot, and walked away.

I feel just plain shaken from the experience. I don't know why. I feel like I shouldn't have just walked away. I should've stayed a bit, even in silence. Been a friend for a moment.

Anyway, I wanted to know if any of you guys have had similar experiences.

 

[Fanatical Meat]

This sounds cruel but I mean it in a loving way. Some people are just too damaged to be able to care for themselves. We really need to institutionalize again and be willing to fund it enough that they're treated with respect.
From working in a big city, having friends in a big city I've learned directly giving cash is a waste it will never be used appropriately. I have brought old clothes and food on occasion an old water proof coat is always good.
You do have to keep in mind many homeless are homeless because they have lost all friends and family contact from drug/alcohol abuse. Think of yourself if you lost you home I'd bet there is someone you know that will take you in. Now imagine if your Brother/Sister has to kick you out because you keep stealing money from them and pawning their stuff to get a few dollars.

 

[Sonikku]

I'm sympathetic and want to be helpful but am not always entirely sure as for how. One time a guy was walking through burger king telling everyone he had really bad day, had no money and just wished he had enough for a frosty or something. I gave him some money and he turned right around and walked out. I'm been wary of simply giving people money ever since.

 

[Fanatical Meat]

I'm sympathetic and want to be helpful but am not always entirely sure as for how. One time a guy was walking through burger king telling everyone he had really bad day, had no money and just wished he had enough for a frosty or something. I gave him some money and he turned right around and walked out. I'm been wary of simply giving people money ever since.

Exactly, that's why you need to buy the frosty.
Sad but very true.
The moment that broke me was a Woman outside on a hot day with a kid holding a need food sign. I gave $5 or $10 I can't remember. Within me taking 10 steps I see her run across the street to the liquor store.

 

[feralkid]

I'm sympathetic and want to be helpful but am not always entirely sure as for how. One time a guy was walking through burger king telling everyone he had really bad day, had no money and just wished he had enough for a frosty or something. I gave him some money and he turned right around and walked out. I'm been wary of simply giving people money ever since.

Why would he not walk out?...to Wendy's, since that's where they sell Frosties.

 

[purbeast0]

I ignore them for the most part. When they ask me if I have any cash, I simply say "no" even if I have money in my wallet (which is rare though, just credit cards) . I don't say "no sorry" like a lot of people do, because I'm not sorry that I don't have money to give them. Even if I had money I wouldn't give it to them. I'm not going to give them handouts so they continue to beg for money. Get your lazy ass off the streets and go get a job.

It's amazing how while in Spain and France, I saw probably 2-3 homeless people total while in the major cities. But you know what I did see a lot of? People trying to sell stuff like junk souvenirs and selfie sticks. Sure it may be annoying to be bombarded by people asking you to buy their junk, but at least they aren't asking for handouts.

There are way too many lazy people in the country as it is, and I won't support someone who is a lazy POS. And that is the majority of homeless people.

"Give a Man a Fish, and You Feed Him for a Day. Teach a Man To Fish, and You Feed Him for a Lifetime"

 

[NetWareHead]

Just keep walking and put it out of your head. I've donated to homeless shelters including my own time there to volunteer. Wont give my cash to homeless as the potential for misusing it is high. Truth is, most cities and even large towns have a homeless shelter where those in need can eat and even sleep. Those who truly need something to eat and want to get a leg up will be taken care of. Those who cannot follow the shelter's rules or are belligerent wont get service and have to live in the street.

 

[Kaido]

My history teacher taught us, on a field trip, that if we wanted to give money to homeless people, check to see if their fingernails are dirty. There are a lot of scammers out there. There's a couple that pulls in $40k a year panhandling:

http://www.seattletimes.com/seattle-news/affluent-beggars-draw-scrutiny-for-their-lifestyle/

If I can tell someone is really in need, I'll hook them up. I'm not saying that as a humblebrag, but if you're living a decent life, it's hard not to feel guilty when you see people in crappy situations, so really, how are you supposed to deal with those situations? Like, I ran into an old dude on the corner at a stoplight like a year ago, looked like he was 90 years old, hardly wearing a coat in the middle of winter...you could tell he was in bad shape. If it's something that obvious, then sure, I can spare a few bucks. My wife has a good method to weed out the system abusers...if she sees someone who looks like they're in bad shape & has some free time, she'll loop over to a fast food place, buy a value meal, and stick a few bucks in it. If they take the food, they get the money. But it's surprisingly how many people reject handouts for whatever reason...maybe they just want drugs or booze or whatever.

One of the things that changed my perspective on homelessness was having some homeless people come in & speak to our high school. I don't quite know what I expected, but I learned that there are a lot of different lifestyles involved in being homeless. Some people just got a couple bad breaks & went from being middle-class to living on the street. Some people are addicts & can't get their lives together. Some people have mental issues & the system can't manage them as adults, especially when they have no family safety net. And yet there are still others who choose to be homeless because you're free from responsibilities...no taxes, no job, no bills, free to do whatever you want with your day & go wherever you want to go. In America, we have plenty of assistance too...shelters, work programs, soup kitchens, food stamps, it's not an impossible situation like it is in other countries. I've see photos of the ultra-poor in places like India bathing in rivers with animal & human corpses, and then I see people, people I know personally, who don't work, but could, but live off welfare & still complain despite living in government housing with free cell phones & free food.

We live in a screwed-up world.

 

[monkeydelmagico]

I feel just plain shaken from the experience. I don't know why. I feel like I shouldn't have just walked away. I should've stayed a bit, even in silence. Been a friend for a moment.

Anyway, I wanted to know if any of you guys have had similar experiences.

Tugs at your heartstrings. Feels like we should be able to do more. Our individual efforts are well intended but not necessarily helpful or effective. Fortunately there are many worthy organizations that you can spend time or money on that excel at helping. Go to the pros like National alliance to end Homelessness or Habitat for Humanity. They will definitely use your time, talents, and donations. You can make a difference.

 

[KMFJD]

I ignore them for the most part

 

[Rumpltzer]

My undergrad college campus was a haven for homeless/panhandlers. Visiting cities like Chicago and San Francisco and living in Los Anglese makes you pretty immune to people asking for money.

In college, I had no money to give and I learned a lot of common (repeated) stories. "I need a few bucks for gas/bus fare." "I have this coupon for baby diapers, and I need $5 to buy them." "My car broke down, and I need to get to XXXX."

I won't give anyone money; I just won't.

There have been those few, rare occasions when someone said, "I'm hungry. Can you buy me something to eat?" Of course I will, and I have. But I think it's only been asked of me three or four times in like twenty-some years.

 

[Kaido]

This sounds cruel but I mean it in a loving way. Some people are just too damaged to be able to care for themselves. We really need to institutionalize again and be willing to fund it enough that they're treated with respect.
From working in a big city, having friends in a big city I've learned directly giving cash is a waste it will never be used appropriately. I have brought old clothes and food on occasion an old water proof coat is always good.
You do have to keep in mind many homeless are homeless because they have lost all friends and family contact from drug/alcohol abuse. Think of yourself if you lost you home I'd bet there is someone you know that will take you in. Now imagine if your Brother/Sister has to kick you out because you keep stealing money from them and pawning their stuff to get a few dollars.

Yeah, I remember my dad telling me that when he grew up, they didn't have any homeless people because of institutions, which blew my mind. I've never lived in a place that didn't have homeless people on at least a few street corners. I have a buddy here in CT who has lived here all his life & said a lot of towns vastly changed because they just kicked people out to the street & closed up shop at the institutions, during Reagan I think, so the crime rate & homeless went from 0 to 60 like overnight. That's crazy!

And yeah, that's the thing with addicts...they get into a situation where they just can't help themselves, even when it's in their best interests to not bite the hand that feeds them. This behavior was kind of confusing to me until I ran into it personally...I had a buddy who started to get his act together a few years ago after falling pretty low...started driving him to rehab every week to help him out because his mom had cut him off, lost his job, the usual story. We were hanging out one day after I picked him up and lo & behold his hookup swung by. He tried to be sneaky about his little exchange but I was like, really? C'mon. 110% done. You're an adult, you're in rehab, I'm literally driving you there every week, and you're still using. Give me a break. You hate to get to that point where you have to cut people off, but it's given me more appreciation for people who get into these situations because he just couldn't fight it. I don't know if it's because he didn't want to, or didn't have the willpower, or what. But I can see how quickly people could become homeless when they are fighting something like an addiction & get cut off from their friends & family because they get locked in by their habits.

 

[Kaido]

My undergrad college campus was a haven for homeless/panhandlers. Visiting cities like Chicago and San Francisco and living in Los Anglese makes you pretty immune to people asking for money.

In college, I had no money to give and I learned a lot of common (repeated) stories. "I need a few bucks for gas/bus fare." "I have this coupon for baby diapers, and I need $5 to buy them." "My car broke down, and I need to get to XXXX."

I won't give anyone money; I just won't.

There have been those few, rare occasions when someone said, "I'm hungry. Can you buy me something to eat?" Of course I will, and I have. But I think it's only been asked of me three or four times in like twenty-some years.

I don't think I've ever had a single person actually ask me for food. Just money. That's pretty rare.

 

[Fanatical Meat]

Yeah, I remember my dad telling me that when he grew up, they didn't have any homeless people because of institutions, which blew my mind. I've never lived in a place that didn't have homeless people on at least a few street corners. I have a buddy here in CT who has lived here all his life & said a lot of towns vastly changed because they just kicked people out to the street & closed up shop at the institutions, during Reagan I think, so the crime rate & homeless went from 0 to 60 like overnight. That's crazy!

And yeah, that's the thing with addicts...they get into a situation where they just can't help themselves, even when it's in their best interests to not bite the hand that feeds them. This behavior was kind of confusing to me until I ran into it personally...I had a buddy who started to get his act together a few years ago after falling pretty low...started driving him to rehab every week to help him out because his mom had cut him off, lost his job, the usual story. We were hanging out one day after I picked him up and lo & behold his hookup swung by. He tried to be sneaky about his little exchange but I was like, really? C'mon. 110% done. You're an adult, you're in rehab, I'm literally driving you there every week, and you're still using. Give me a break. You hate to get to that point where you have to cut people off, but it's given me more appreciation for people who get into these situations because he just couldn't fight it. I don't know if it's because he didn't want to, or didn't have the willpower, or what. But I can see how quickly people could become homeless when they are fighting something like an addiction & get cut off from their friends & family because they get locked in by their habits.

Being fair to Reagan, he closed the institutions after Geraldo Rivera (sounds odd but its true) made a report on some NY facilities that were basically underfunded and most of what little money came in was siphoned off to others but not the residents. The residents were essentially caged and living in filth with no treatment and minimal staff. Reagan thought this practice was cruel so he cut funding and closed them with the assumption they would be better cared for with family. He did not anticipate that many would burn their family bridges and end up on the street.

 

[Kaido]

Being fair to Reagan, he closed the institutions after Geraldo Rivera (sounds odd but its true) made a report on some NY facilities that were basically underfunded and most of what little money came in was siphoned off to others but not the residents. The residents were essentially caged and living in filth with no treatment and minimal staff. Reagan thought this practice was cruel so he cut funding and closed them with the assumption they would be better cared for with family. He did not anticipate that many would burn their family bridges and end up on the street.

Yeah, I've read some pretty bad stories about institutions & the living conditions in there. Sounds like they should have put a better structure for accountability in place rather than just ditching the project altogether.

 

[feralkid]

"Give a Man a Fish, and You Feed Him for a Day. Teach a Man To Fish, and You Feed Him for a Lifetime"

But you do neither...all you do is call them lazy.

 

[Elganja]

I much rather donate (via money, clothes, or other goods) to homeless shelters and other charities then give a homeless person cash.

I never give a homeless person, begger or what have you; any cash.

 

[Fanatical Meat]

Yeah, I've read some pretty bad stories about institutions & the living conditions in there. Sounds like they should have put a better structure for accountability in place rather than just ditching the project altogether.

Its tricky because we're taking away someones freedom and who gets locked away? Does a guy with Downs Syndrome get locked away, how about a similar guy who is pretty functional just needs help with money and getting around town? When is drugs too much meth use or pot use? When is someone "cured"? A kid with severe ADD or Autism, what if the Parents have tons of assets but don't want to be bothered? Whats appropriate care, how much will it cost how much will it inflate over the years? Who decides who gets locked away?
Tough discussions to have but I agree its time we as a Country start having them.

 

[purbeast0]

But you do neither...all you do is call them lazy.

They are lazy, otherwise they wouldn't be asking for handouts for alcohol and they would be learning how to fish.

 

[GagHalfrunt]

You can't save the world. If you help one what about the next one or the one after that? It's okay to have empathy and sympathy for those people, but you can't let that cross the line into guilt. Their plight is not your fault and if you feel bad about someone you can't help you're going to feel bad 24/7 because there's always going to be someone like that.

 

[Kaido]

But, this is the crucial question, is it my responsibility to help this man not just superficially, but fundamentally? Do I not just get him a meal, but take him into my home? With my wife and children?

Number one, nope, don't take people home. I've read horror stories in the news of people doing stuff like this & getting robbed or worse. iirc there was someone who simply bought a homeless guy a hotel room for a couple nights out of generosity to get him off the streets for a few days, walked him to get him setup, and they found the good Samaritan's body the next day. You have no idea if someone is mentally unstable or what their history is. Growing up, there were a lot of scams where a pretty good would be hitchhiking & then claim rape or steal from you after you gave them a ride. Lately, that's been happening again at night with girls going door-to-door doing the same thing with some lame story...there have been news articles about it because people have video doorbells now that record what goes on & they can see the scam in action.

This is why we need places like government-funded institutions...a safe place for people to go, where the dangerous ones can also be kept away from society. Plus, there are so many resources already available if you choose to use them...shelters, soup kitchens, donation places, and so on. So it's not like it's a 100% hopeless situation out there if you're willing to reach out a little bit. But I know what you're saying...it's a difficult thing to see people in troubling situations & not be able to help them jumpstart their lives. Some people do & some people have been helped (do a google search for "the man with the golden voice"), but there's always some risk. And not everyone wants to be helped or is capable of being helped long-term without having constant support. I've traveled a lot within the U.S. and it is amazingly poor in a lot of areas. For being "the #1 country in the world", we certainly have our fair share of issues.

 

[Sonikku]

I'm kind of hungry. Maybe if I beg the good Doctor he'll hook me up with some top tier Pizza...

 

[BurnItDwn]

Give a beggar a dollar, you lose a dollar.
Don't give a beggar a dollar, you'll probably be ok, but sometimes they will find a way to ruin your day.

 

[Kaido]

You can't save the world. If you help one what about the next one or the one after that? It's okay to have empathy and sympathy for those people, but you can't let that cross the line into guilt. Their plight is not your fault and if you feel bad about someone you can't help you're going to feel bad 24/7 because there's always going to be someone like that.

That's something that has rolled around my mind a lot over the years: you literally cannot save the world. Partly because there's not enough of you & partly because there are plenty of people that don't want saving. It's a really interesting concept to think about though, especially because there are lots of people who join stuff like Doctors Without Borders, the Peace Corps, etc. that are oriented towards people who want to "help". And something I learned from debate is that, morality aside, you can argue any point any way you want. You could even argue that people who join organizations like those are being selfish because they should stay within their own communities to provide services where they live & give back to the community instead of leaving & ditching everyone to go help some strangers. Ultimately, you have to figure out where your line in the sand is - what matters to you, what kind of person you want to be, what situations you're willing to help in, where you want to put your time. I think just working in a job can be considered service to others, you know? Same as raising kids. If you can help out at a soup kitchen once in awhile, more power to you. I think if everyone helped out those around them, the world would be a better place, but that's not how the world as a whole operates. But there are enough good people to balance out the rest that it's tolerable, haha. But like you said, if you choose to focus on all of the negativity in the world, you're going to feel bad 24/7 because that's out of your control. Do what you can, when you can, and that's about the best you can do in life.

 

[Kaido]

Give a beggar a dollar, you lose a dollar.
Don't give a beggar a dollar, you'll probably be ok, but sometimes they will find a way to ruin your day.

I dunno, I don't really feel bad even if they choose to use the money for something like alcohol or some other fix. If your life has hit the point where you're bumming for change on a street corner instead of working at a great career, getting an education, spending time with family & friends, providing service to others, doing things that you love - even if it's just Netflix & fast food at home - then maybe you really do need that release...