How many of you are 35 or older.....with no kids

[BurnItDwn]

Married with no kids. We want to adopt some day, though but no urgent plans

That DINK life is pretty good.

Hey Platypus, I may have mised the news, a belated congratulations to you and your partner!

 

[Platypus]

Hey Platypus, I may have mised the news, a belated congratulations to you and your partner!

Thanks! It's been 4 years or so now, coming up on 10 years together

 

[BurnItDwn]

Thanks! It's been 4 years or so now, coming up on 10 years together

wow, very belated. Sorry. And 10 years, that is awesome!

 

[Platypus]

Hah no apologies needed, I didn't exactly announce it or anything Thank you

 

[WiseUp216]

37, no kids by choice, same girlfriend for 10 years. We're not getting married either. It is a good life.

 

[brianmanahan]

Damn bro, that's less than me!

it's like alky never left... wait

 

[ch33zw1z]

37, two boys, 11 and 7. It's fun, challenging, exhausting. I respect those who choose not to have kids. Ama?

 

[snoopy7548]

32, zero kids, single. I have like four nieces/nephews and I see them a few times a year. That's more than enough for me. Sometimes it's funny when you get them all riled up and running around screaming, then their parents have to yell at them to calm down. Ahhh... payback for being picked on when we were growing up.

 

[Mr.IncrediblyBored]

37, two boys, 11 and 7. It's fun, challenging, exhausting. I respect those who choose not to have kids. Ama?

Some times I wish I had kids earlier like you. By the time my kid is that old I'll be well into my 40's.

 

[ch33zw1z]

Some times I wish I had kids earlier like you. By the time my kid is that old I'll be well into my 40's.

It's a different challenge in many ways. For my older son, the age group of parents is 5-10 years older than us, had kids in their 30's tend to be more financially secure when they had kids.

For my younger son, we're the old parents, and it's kind of fun to see all the parents with their first kids kinda fumbling through it like we did.

I dunno, it's a trade off. It is nice to know that when I'm 48, both my kids will be out of high school, my wife will be 45.

 

[The Stigenator]

38 (almost 39), no kids, though the pressure is now on me to at least have kids with the gf. We're not ready as yet. Figure she has a good 4 years while we figure out some of the technical troubleshooting stuff.

 

[vi edit]

38 (almost 39), no kids, though the pressure is now on me to at least have kids with the gf. We're not ready as yet. Figure she has a good 4 years while we figure out some of the technical troubleshooting stuff.

I'd want no part of having an 18 year old when I was pushing 60. No thank you. I had a coworker that was 43 when she had a kid on a second marriage. She already had 20 year old kids. At that age I want to be worrying about securing my own retirement and ease of living. Not moving a kid into college and dealing with that tab. Even at 35 I have some regrets on waiting that long to have my 2nd.

 

[Tweak155]

47, married, no kids, and completely by choice. I have zero regrets and I think I'd slit my wrists if weekends revolved around endless soccer games for Billy, music lessons for little Susie, and all that stuff, along with practices through the week.

Regardless of all of that, I'd like to hear from the childless married folks about how their families reacted. My family was 100% fine with my decision, while my wife's family poked and prodded for years until they finally got the picture that we were dead serious. My MIL went as far as calling us selfish, which is the dumbest and most illogical thing I've heard but unfortunately, seems to be the insult of choice towards people like us. After calling us "selfish," her very next comment was literally "Who is going to take care of you when you're old?" I'm so glad she showed us how "selfless" her intentions were.

While I'm not one to judge other's decisions unless it impacts me, if bolded is the explanation you gave her (or similar), what other conclusion did you expect her to draw other than you being selfish? All of the reasons you listed are selfish ones. I'm just a little baffled.

I also don't think parents should be persistent though. My wife's parents and my one parent kept asking fairly regularly and we just kept saying we don't know yet. They eventually backed off (way too long until they did that IMO) and assumed we weren't going to have any, and then when we were pregnant, they kept asking if it was intentional haha. (it was)

It should be up to the couple whether or not they have kids, period. They are the only ones that know whether or not they are prepared and want to or not. I will likely at least ask my daughter one day, but I'm not going to pressure her to do it even if I want her to.

 

[snoopy7548]

While I'm not one to judge other's decisions unless it impacts me, if bolded is the explanation you gave her (or similar), what other conclusion did you expect her to draw other than you being selfish? All of the reasons you listed are selfish ones. I'm just a little baffled.

I also don't think parents should be persistent though. My wife's parents and my one parent kept asking fairly regularly and we just kept saying we don't know yet. They eventually backed off (way too long until they did that IMO) and assumed we weren't going to have any, and then when we were pregnant, they kept asking if it was intentional haha. (it was)

It should be up to the couple whether or not they have kids, period. They are the only ones that know whether or not they are prepared and want to or not. I will likely at least ask my daughter one day, but I'm not going to pressure her to do it even if I want her to.

IMO, being selfish is probably the best reason for not having kids. The idea of having kids is nice, but no way in hell am I going to give up 95% of my free time, naps in the afternoon, being able to do whatever I want when I want, and having a lot of money. You can get like 75% of the joy of having a kid with a dog, for maybe 1% of the cost and anxiety.

 

[vi edit]

IMO, being selfish is probably the best reason for not having kids. The idea of having kids is nice, but no way in hell am I going to give up 95% of my free time, naps in the afternoon, being able to do whatever I want when I want, and having a lot of money. You can get like 75% of the joy of having a kid with a dog, for maybe 1% of the cost and anxiety.

Or if you have a sibling with kids, be an awesome uncle and spend some time with them.

 

[vi edit]

The real hard question for a lot of people to answer is this - do I do not want kids because I simply don't like kids? Or do I not want kids because I don't want to be a parent?
They are two very different questions.

[EDIT] I guess there is the third "Why not both?" option as well.

 

[Mai72]

47, married, no kids, and completely by choice. I have zero regrets and I think I'd slit my wrists if weekends revolved around endless soccer games for Billy, music lessons for little Susie, and all that stuff, along with practices through the week.

Regardless of all of that, I'd like to hear from the childless married folks about how their families reacted. My family was 100% fine with my decision, while my wife's family poked and prodded for years until they finally got the picture that we were dead serious. My MIL went as far as calling us selfish, which is the dumbest and most illogical thing I've heard but unfortunately, seems to be the insult of choice towards people like us. After calling us "selfish," her very next comment was literally "Who is going to take care of you when you're old?" I'm so glad she showed us how "selfless" her intentions were.

Yep. Also, whose life would you be living? Your life our your mother in laws? Imagine having children and then living with that regret.

 

[The Stigenator]

I'd want no part of having an 18 year old when I was pushing 60. No thank you. I had a coworker that was 43 when she had a kid on a second marriage. She already had 20 year old kids. At that age I want to be worrying about securing my own retirement and ease of living. Not moving a kid into college and dealing with that tab. Even at 35 I have some regrets on waiting that long to have my 2nd.

We want to have kids, it's not that we hadn't considered the situation almost 18 months ago, but life happens and we had some changes that took precedence over stuff. We know that we have a medical condition on her side that we have to deal with. Chances are we will have to find a surrogate for the entire process, and her cousin in Mexico is willing to be a surrogate. However, we have to figure out details. We're going to Mexico in 2 weeks, to start the process of figuring out how that would work.

I am well aware that I'll be in my 60s when my kids coming out of college.. seesh! But if I dont have kids, basically the only grandchild is my sisters daughter...

 

[Mr.IncrediblyBored]

The real hard question for a lot of people to answer is this - do I do not want kids because I simply don't like kids? Or do I not want kids because I don't want to be a parent?
They are two very different questions.

[EDIT] I guess there is the third "Why not both?" option as well.

How about a fourth option? If you believe this is a true statement, in any way shape or form, please for the love of Christ don't have children:

You can get like 75% of the joy of having a kid with a dog, for maybe 1% of the cost and anxiety.

 

[BurnItDwn]

How about a fourth option? If you believe this is a true statement, in any way shape or form, please for the love of Christ don't have children:

Dog ownership costs are perhaps a bit underestimated here. Its likely around 5% the cost and anxiety. Having a cat is likely closer to the 1% figure that snoopy posted.

 

[vi edit]

Yeah, pets add up. Boarding if you go on vacation, vet bills, destruction of your house, ect all add up. It's still a lot cheaper than kids. But it's not a non-negligible amount.

 

[highland145]

You all have convinced me. How do I RMA a 17 y.o. and get my $$ back?

 

[IndyColtsFan]

While I'm not one to judge other's decisions unless it impacts me, if bolded is the explanation you gave her (or similar), what other conclusion did you expect her to draw other than you being selfish? All of the reasons you listed are selfish ones. I'm just a little baffled.

I also don't think parents should be persistent though. My wife's parents and my one parent kept asking fairly regularly and we just kept saying we don't know yet. They eventually backed off (way too long until they did that IMO) and assumed we weren't going to have any, and then when we were pregnant, they kept asking if it was intentional haha. (it was)

It should be up to the couple whether or not they have kids, period. They are the only ones that know whether or not they are prepared and want to or not. I will likely at least ask my daughter one day, but I'm not going to pressure her to do it even if I want her to.

What on earth ever gave you the impression I said that to my MIL? Frankly, no one deserves an explanation - if I said I don’t want kids, I certainly don’t have to justify it to her.

Saying those reasons are selfish while pretending that parents’ intentions are wholesome and selfless is ridiculous. People have reasons for wanting kids and those reasons are selfish as well.

 

[IndyColtsFan]

Yep. Also, whose life would you be living? Your life our your mother in laws? Imagine having children and then living with that regret.

Yep, and I would regret it. The whole idea makes me cringe.

 

[clamum]

35, single, no kids. I think my eHarmony profile says "Wants kids" but I think I'd be happy with just my partner and I too. But I don't see kids happening anytime soon since I seem to be a leper to most girls anyway. Oh well I'll just die alone in a puddle of my own tears, no biggie.