How many of you are married to someone who is different now than he/she was when you met them?

[jobert]

Met the little woman in '55.
She was quite the looker back then...
5-2, 280 lbs, buck teeth, almost no hair,
a couple of big warts on her cheeks...
you know the type... we've all fallen in love
with lookers like her at least once in our lives.

Today... well yes, I guess she's changed a bit.
5-8, gorgeous legs, 110 lbs, blond, gives out the
prizes on The Price Is Right.
But what can you do? Change is inevitable.

 

[Stallion]

I saw this yesterday and told the wife about it as she says that in some ways I have changed..

We started dating in 93 and got married in 94. We used to talk on the phone for hours now minutes. I used to give her roses quite often, now just ocasionally. Does it hurt our relationship, not that much. but she has noticed. We still love each other but we are both alot busier now and it is hard to make time for the little things. I will tell you what I do though. I vacuum, do dishes,laundry/fold clothes,clean bathromms,take out trash,pay the bills,and make sure her car always has gas in it, and get her bath ready.

 

[Moonbeam]

Wasn't it the great Hairyclitorus of Ephesos who said that you can't dip your thing in the same girl once.

 

[Fathom5]

Stallion your marriage is very close to my own and while I did all the things you have mentioned and more, my wife still got bored with our relationship and started an affair with another man that she wouldn't let go of. Part of her reasoning is she got bored with our relationship because we had fallen into a similar "rut" that you and Mrs. Stallion are in.

She would have been the last person on earth I would ever have thought to do something like this. Her affair became an addiction she couldn't live with out. Now she no longer has me, her family or her affair as that doomed relationship is over also. There is no hope of reconciliation as she has no integrity and can not be trusted. So now we are both very alone and just doing our best to be the best parents we can.

Do me a favor, send the Mrs. a dozen roses and plan at weekend away. You'll both be glad you did.

One thing that came out of our marriage counseling. Our counselor has a firm belief in the need for a husband and wife to have time alone together to talk and stay close. His rule is:

An hour a day. (quiet time, no tv, no kids)
A day a week. (just the two of you to do something together)
A weekend month.

He said he realizes that's a lot to schedule but if you at least try you will be spending enough time together to hopefully avoid the mess I'm in. I'll definitely try to adhere to this in any future relationships. I won't take anything for granted that's for sure.

Best of luck.

Fathom

 

[Stallion]

Fathom5, thank you for the advice. In fact we are going out the Saturday night. Since my Son was born in Feb of 99 only twice have we been away for the weekend from him. We definetly need time alone as she sometimes says ,when she goes to bed early and I just sit there and talk to her , that this is what she needs. Just to spend 15-20 minutes talking about the day and theplans we have for the weekend. I often blame my work schedule for me always being tired(GraveYard) and wanting to sleep alot but she often gets very little sleep either as she is home with him at night and gets up with him. Thank you for helping me to see that I can only get out what I put into it.

Looks like I need to go to the florist.

 

[Stallion]

On a side note Fathom5, I got your PM but me Nutscrape here at work wouldn't let me reply or send you one. Sometimes it will sometimes it won't.. I will get to it ASAP when I get home. Thanks for the kind words.

 

[I'm Typing]

Been married 16 years and two weeks. Knew wife for 14 months before we married. Knew it was right almost from the start. One thing that I have found to be true though:

A woman marries a man, hoping she will be able to change him...and he almost never changes.

A man marries a woman, hoping she will never change, and she almost always does (because of statement one, probably).

Bobby: when a man leaves a woman for a younger one, and cleans up his act, it is a failure of the relationship, not the cause of any one person.

Chrichton's Girl: Whatever happened, you should not take what other people say personally. Anger is counterproductive. I hope you are working with someone to get over it.

 

[sgtbehymer]

Been married almost 6yrs. Knew each other for about 14 months before we were married. Since then, we have found out that no kids are in our future unless we adopt (thats o.k.) My wife really wants kids, but likes to spend money. She noticed this while we were watching a friends little girl for 6 months while the mom was on a short tour overseas for the army. We didn't expect any money from the mother, since it was only the 2 of us. But when my wife had to dip into her own check every day to pay for items for the little girl she figured out how expensive kids can be. Now she is not reall in a hurry to adopt. Probably in about 3 years we will. She will be 31 then.
The big differences in her? Weight-- but it happens. She asks me if she has gained weight, I say " You tell me"! That is a question you dont answer!!!
But she is only about 125 5-6 so not bad!!!
The big difference in me? I worry about money too much. She loves my personality, but gets pissed off cause I joke around too much. Always be like that!!!
That is the biggest change, which isn't too bad, and doesn't bother me. We work in the same building, have lunch together almost every day. Jog together (some times), and argue, like any other couple, but no fighting!!! I love her more then when we first got married, didn't think it was possible!!!

 

[kassy]

<< kassy, that's one hell of an edit job >>



I decided not to edit because there wasnt a polite way of saying what I said (about my first husband),
I didnt remove it because of its content, I removed it because it offended someone, so I ruled out 'editing', besides beating around the bush isnt my strong point.

Anyway, I just want to apologize to anyone who read what I wrote and was offended by its content, I will try to express myself with more finesse in the future.

 

[Isla]

<< Bobby: when a man leaves a woman for a younger one, and cleans up his act, it is a failure of the relationship, not the cause of any one person. >>



ImTyping, thank you. My formal education (Psychology) backs up your sentiments completely. Anyone who thinks otherwise is wrong... and that includes those of us who subconsciously choose doomed relationships. See, I can admit it.


kassy Hey, I love your style, you are unique and you are feisty. Just don't make the mods mad and you should be fine.

Stallion: Wow. If MR Isla could be that way, I sure would appreciate it and reward him greatly! Ya gotta have a talk with that boy.

 

[kassy]

Isla - Thanks, I didnt say anything that was that explicit, but I guess it created a mental image that some could have done without, which is fair enough.
Put it down too many years of being one of very few females in male dominated fields. I have lost my 'feminine social graces', anyway its no biggie.

 

[cxim]

I am married to several women &amp; they have all chanaged.

You would just not believe what happens to their available credit limit. I am sooo disappointed !!!

We start dating &amp; they have unlimited credit... Then we get married &amp; in just a few short months... That credit goes to zero..

Why do I keep making this same mistake over &amp; over ???

I guess it's love...

 

[I'm Typing]

Isla: Thanks for agreeing with me. I think it is easier nowadays to dispose of a relationship than work on it, and that leads to the divorce rate being so high here. It is also easier now to get a divorce, so one situation feeds on the other.

 

[OS]

<< I think it is easier nowadays to dispose of a relationship than work on it, and that leads to the divorce rate being so high here. It is also easier now to get a divorce, so one situation feeds on the other. >>



In general, that's not really true. I had a pysch class a while back and studies have shown that divorces are almost always heavily postponed and put off as long as possible. Almost always, it is only used as a very very last resort. Generally speaking, married couples don't decide one morning that it's easier to get a divorce than to try to work things out, the emotional, personal and financial investment is too great to just leave.