How many of you deny you know anything at all about computers

[chrisms]

Originally posted by: jbourne77
Damn... I have so many stories on this I could write a BOOK... I'll write them as they come to me and as I have spare time:

I think it would have been more fitting to try to charge him some ridiculous amount and call it "5% off labor," but I can't blame you for getting mad. That is messed up of him to not even take a look at it.

 

[beemercer]

I don't advertise my knowledge, but some people already know, nothing i can do to avoid questions from them.

 

[dethman]

what's a computer?

 

[OVerLoRDI]

Originally posted by: SonnyDaze
I used to do it free. Now, if they want help, I charge. I don't get as many requests for help as I used to, but the ones that do ask will pay the $$ for the help. And normally it's not verbal advice, it's actual work (clean/repair/replace, etc.).

Aye, I won't do just free verbal advice anymore. If people need help cleaning, repairing or replacing I charge. A few years back when I didn't take it seriously it eventually got out of hand and I had people asking me all the time for help and wanting me to walk them through every step. So I started to refuse or just play dumb. The irony is how people tend to figure out that I am good with computers and I am not sure how they manage it.

 

[Stuxnet]

Originally posted by: loic2003
exhaust systems aren't that hard to repair...

Neither are computers.

Originally posted by: loic2003
I'd like to read some more stories. You guys spoken to that couple since?

The Lawyer

My wife's father referred one of his partners to me. His computer wouldn't boot up so I went to his house on my day off to take a look at it. It was sitting in a 2 inch pile of dust. There was food caked all over the keyboard, mouse, monitor, and even the tower.

It took me hours to get it back up and running. I informed Mr. Lawyer that he was running way too much at once and I advised that he let me strip out any non-critical software. He declined and asked about alternatives. I told him that more memory might help the situation, but it would only buy him time since no one was using any discretion when it came to installing software, spyware, etc.

Went and bought some memory, came back installed it, and the machine was working smoothly (or as smoothly as possible, given the 100 programs being loaded at start-up).

I, of course, received JACK for my services. I was probably lucky that he paid for the memory.

A few months go by and I get a phone call from my wife.

"John's computer is slow again."
"No ****** it's slow again. I told him it would eventually degrade back to where it was if he and his family didn't change their usage habbits."
"Well, he's really mad and he wants to talk to you."
"You provide such a wonderful buffer between me and the people I do free work for. Whatever. Put him on."

(John, speaking in the overly-authoritative voice that lawyers and doctors always use when trying to assert their way to the top of the Alpha Male ladder)

"Jason. What happened guy. The computer is slow as sh*t."
"I'm not sitting in front of it at the moment, and 'slow as sh*t' doesn't provide me with many details, but I'm guessing it's all cluttered back up again."
"How the hell does that happen, especially after YOU worked on it?"
"Probably the same way it happened the first time."
"And how is that."
"Dunno. Wasn't there."
"Are you getting cocky with me?"
"I'm not trying to be cocky, I'm trying to be blunt. In my years doing this, I've learned that most people don't listen to subtle hints when it comes to problems their having with their computer. You take no steps to protect yourself against viruses and spyware, and you install every free program you can find. Of course your computer is slow."
"I want you back out here TONIGHT to finish what you started several months ago."

I literally lost my breath.

"Pardon me?"
"I want you back out here TONIGHT to finish what you started several months ago."
"Excuse me, John (emphasis on JOHN, not SIR), but I finished what I started the last time I was there. You've simply undone the work."
"No, you simply covered up the symptoms of whatever the real problem is."
"Agreed."
(John pauses, trying to understand what he just really said)
"Are you saying this is my fault?!"
"Yes. Look, if you don't like the free service I've provided you, then by all means, take your computer to a service center and pay them to fix it."
"Well you must not be a man of your word then, Jason. This is very disappointing."
"I'm a man of my word, I just don't appreciate doing someone a favor, free of charge, and then getting slapped across the face for it. I was very open and honest when you when I worked on it, and I explained how it got the way it did and I explained that it would happen again. None of this should come as a shock to you, unless you weren't listening."
*click* (<- edit for clarity: He hung up on me)

My wife calls back saying he is RANTING around the office and making all sorts of legal threats. That incident officially marked the last time ANYONE in her office asked for computer help.

The above conversation isn't word for word, as it happened several years ago, but that's pretty much how it went.

 

[dfuze]

It's too late for me, people at work already usually go to me. It's not too bad, as some of them have helped me out in areas I'm not good in, like cars. Luckily my car-guy isn't the same as jbourne77's!

What drives me nuts are the ones I try to help and they get rude thinking they know what they are talking about! Perfect example is the coworker who said his hard drive was dying, giving him errors. I printed out a list of ATA & SATA drives from newegg because he couldn't be sure what type he used (a 4 year old dell, I was 99% sure it was ATA). He was going to open the case that night and check the type (I told him what a ATA & SATA cable looked like). He comes in the next day saying he lost the paperwork but printed out some others he found online. He shows me a "hard drive" made by NEC.

ME-"Um, that's not a hard drive."
HIM-"Yes it is. I put my cd in here. This is the hard drive."
ME-"No, that is a DVD burner."

Wow. It took me a few seconds to see he was serious! At first it was tough to keep from laughing, then it was tough trying to convince him that yes, you do put the cd there, but no, that is not a hard drive!

 

[Stuxnet]

Originally posted by: beemercer
I don't advertise my knowledge, but some people already know, nothing i can do to avoid questions from them.

"Hey Tim... my computer is slowing down again... can you take a look at it?"
"Honestly Dumbfvck, there's nothing I can do that you can't do yourself. I'll email you a link to some free software that will remove spyware, etc. Install and run that, read the help files if you have any questions - they're pretty thorough - and then run disk defrag."

You need to ween these people off you.

Every time someone asks you questions like this, just point them in the right direction. You're doing both of you a favor by doing this, in more ways than one.

It's funny to watch people's faces when you insinuate that they need to learn to tie their own fscking shoes (aka: read the instructions yourself you twit!).

 

[dfuze]

jbourne77, do me a favor and publish that book! That is one that I know I would read cover to cover without putting it down. They are even better than the ones I've read on Computer Stupidities.

 

[BoomerD]

Originally posted by: dph1077
It's too late for me, people at work already usually go to me. It's not too bad, as some of them have helped me out in areas I'm not good in, like cars. Luckily my car-guy isn't the same as jbourne77's!

What drives me nuts are the ones I try to help and they get rude thinking they know what they are talking about! Perfect example is the coworker who said his hard drive was dying, giving him errors. I printed out a list of ATA & SATA drives from newegg because he couldn't be sure what type he used (a 4 year old dell, I was 99% sure it was ATA). He was going to open the case that night and check the type (I told him what a ATA & SATA cable looked like). He comes in the next day saying he lost the paperwork but printed out some others he found online. He shows me a "hard drive" made by NEC.

ME-"Um, that's not a hard drive."
HIM-"Yes it is. I put my cd in here. This is the hard drive."
ME-"No, that is a DVD burner."

Wow. It took me a few seconds to see he was serious! At first it was tough to keep from laughing, then it was tough trying to convince him that yes, you do put the cd there, but no, that is not a hard drive!

And he probably thinks that little tray that pops out the side is a built-in cup holder...

 

[BurnItDwn]

I work with Unix at work. Sure I have a windows box at home, and I've been messing with hardware for 10+ years, they don't need to know that. I claim ignorance to all things windows or hardware. When people ask me for hardware or windows help, I offer to help them install Linux. Thus far, nobody has taken me up on that offer.

 

[WhoBeDaPlaya]

Bwahahaha... power to the penguin :evil:

 

[SpunkyJones]

I'll help Mom, after that I pretty much claim no knowledge of computers/networking.

 

[HannibalX]

Originally posted by: BurnItDwn
I work with Unix at work. Sure I have a windows box at home, and I've been messing with hardware for 10+ years, they don't need to know that. I claim ignorance to all things windows or hardware. When people ask me for hardware or windows help, I offer to help them install Linux. Thus far, nobody has taken me up on that offer.

Nice.

 

[mundane]

I'll help family, free of charge, but that's about it. When you start getting baked goods as a form of payment, that's time to call it quits. Sometimes even just family does get to be a bit much, though - for example, my father in law calls me up on New Year's Eve. I'm on vacation, visiting my family on the East Coast, and he wants me to do a detailed diagnostic on why his computer isn't booting up. He eventually told me that he might've uninstalled some video drivers or some such. I provided him with some vague suggestions on what to do, and haven't heard back from him yet. Or the time my sister-in-law was having a birthday - I end up spending most of the night upstairs on her laptop troubleshooting.

 

[JohnAn2112]

Oh, come on. Since we all know how to fix computers, you should know it's our "duty" to fix them for others. :roll:

Yeah, like I got nothing else better to do on the weekends. Sure, some people might think watching a movie or playing WoW is a waste of time, but it's my time to waste.

 

[ebaycj]

Everyone (friends/family) knows my skills.

If they choose to ask, and I don't want to help them, I tell them no.
If, after that, they beg for my help, I ask for $75/hour.

 

[randay]

Hey my friend has a HP computer and he wanted to know if his hard drive has enough memory to run email? can you go look at it for him?

 

[randay]

Originally posted by: randay
Hey my friend has a HP computer and he wanted to know if his hard drive has enough memory to run email? can you go look at it for him?

whoa i read my own post and almost punched my screen.

 

[FreshPrince]

Originally posted by: jbourne77
I vehemently deny any knowledge of computers. It took YEARS for that black cloud to fvck off. I was constantly inundated with asinine requests from utterly selfish individuals who had absolutely no respect for my time or privacy. These people ranged from coworkers, to friends, to my in-laws. I couldn't have a two-sentence conversation with anyone who knew my profession without being asked to work on their computer. It got so bad that I was getting paged on the weekends by asshole coworkers to come to their house to work on their home PCs. It was unbelievable. When I complained to management about not getting any free time (I was not paid for pager duty, btw), I was told it was part of the package.

Of course, my computer knowledge naturally transcended the world of all electronics. If it had a plug, then ask the fvcking computer guy, right?

My wife's father was the worst. Here's a guy who charges more than $300 an hour for legal advice, and won't talk to anyone about legal matters until they've paid a retainer fee. Yet I'm supposed to cough up weekend after weekend while I try to undo the Kazaa Karnage caused by his idiot children. It REALLY started to piss me off when they'd invite us over for dinner for the soul purpose of having me work on their computers.

I eventually stopped going to said dinners. My wife went alone. He finally asked her if anything was wrong and why I stopped coming over, but she chickened out and crumbled at the thought of telling her father that he was abusing his relationship with his son in law. I finally told him myself. That was 3 years ago. Haven't heard a peep out of the guy since. Mission accomplished.

Coworkers were easier to deal with. Believe it or not, I was once a very, very nice guy who couldn't say no and would accommodate anyone's request. That was before I had my soul sucked out of my by IT. I've realized that it's not IT/IS that sucks people dry, it's the manner in which people interface with you BECAUSE you're IT/IS. It's not that they see you as a lesser person not worthy of respect, but rather as someone who's a human fvcking computer/workhorse who has no desires and aspirations in life outside of formatting someone's hard drive after they download WatchMeFsckAHorse.mpeg.exe.

Anyway, back to the coworkers. I used to do things for people all the time, even long after I was out of the hardware side of things and doing software development. But then people came to expect it. The promises of a free lunch as payment for my 3 hours worth of virus/spyware cleaning quickly faded and were replaced with "here's my personal computer from home... try to have it done by the end of the day as I have a paper due tonight at midnight".

When I first started turning really bitter, I would reply with "sorry, I just don't have the time" or "sorry, I've been out of that area of the field for so long now that I wouldn't be of much help". But then these assholes would start ARGUING with me about it! Like I fscking owed it to them. Years and years of bending over backwards for people (or forwards, depending on how you look at it) was coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.

I finally just started telling people "No". There were some people with whom I had to have a long, stern talk before they got the message. A few times it went something like this "sorry, you've overstayed your welcome and I don't do charity work anymore. You don't do your job for free, and neither do I. When you go see your doctor who is a friend of a friend of a cousin's inbred sister, you still pay him. Full price. I get paid for my work, just like everyone else."

And, to be brutally honest, women were the worst. The men would just come right out and say they wanted free work done. The women would come up to me, with the top 4 buttons undone, fresh lipstick, the batty eyelashes, and insinuate they'd give me the time of day if I would just do this one little thing for them. The sex appeal never worked on me because I worked with a bunch of heffers, but nevertheless, I was so eager to please people I oftentimes did it anyway. Of course, that "eagerness" is a trait of your soul. When you run out of soul, you run out of a lot of things.

One guy commented on how much my personality had changed in the job, and I flat out told him it was the result of years and years of being taken advantage of by the people I was doing favors for. I just got sick of it, and anyone stuck in situations like that has all my sympathy, because once that snowball gets rolling, it's a bitch and a half to stop.

I'm the same way now. I guess I'm still a sucker for doing free work for lunches. It's getting realy tiring though.

one time this lady had just bought a brand new dell and I decrapified it and got it all cleaned up and ready to go for her. she took it home one night and her children got to it and brought it back as if I messed it up. I commented on how slow her computer was because I knew it was loaded with spyware and she said it wasn't when I showed it to her yesterday...exactly, it was fast yesterday until your kids got a hold of it.

I wish I could just tell people no, that's a trait I need to learn.

 

[pontifex]

i wish i did...i seem to be getting more and more calls about computer stuff.

and its people who have no fvcking clue what they are doing and probably should't own a pc.

 

[chambersc]

<--

 

[AgaBoogaBoo]

Depends on the person... if it's a true friend then I will help them without asking, defining that type of friend is important though. There are many people I know that will come to me for help and *never* even offer to help back, be kind, etc. - this is the kind of person that only comes to you when they need help.

A true friend is someone who will help you when you need it and come to you at times other than just when they need help - you know, you'll grab lunch together sometime or work on some stuff together and just talk about anything. You both have respect for each other - one could be a good chef and the other know about computers, well, simple enough - just make some food, guys love to eat!

I've been pretty fortunate that none of my family members have brought people to me for help. I've been referred one or two times, in which case, if it's something small (few hours or less), I'll tell them when it's convenient for me, and when it comes time to a payment, tell them to write a check to ______________ organization or foundation. This pretty much puts 100% trust in them for my services and let's them know I'm not trying to grab every $20 bill they pull out.

 

[MagnusTheBrewer]

It does indeed depend on who I'm talking to. My friends either assume they know more than I or, no one they know can answer their questions about computers.

I have taken on a mission though. My wife does home healthcare for some wealthy elderly clients who honestly think that if they get a computer virus or their system slows to a standstill, they should just get another computer.

I do my best to educate them according to their level of interest and tell them to please call me before they take their "personal confounder" to BB or CC. They always pay well plus they serve cookies and coffee while I'm working!

 

[djheater]

/raises hand.

My sister still calls me on her cell phone while I'm in the office and she's out shopping because Thesuperficial wouldn't load at midnight the night beofre, but what can you do, she's family.

 

[gsethi]

I used to help anyone (family, friends, friends of family members, friends of friends etc) back in the day. Then it started to get out of hand and I would be getting calls on my cell phone. Some people would just keep on calling me until I committed to them (not realizing that I was busy or something)....it really got bad.

There was this family (friend of my parents). It started pretty ok...they wanted help on computer purchase, I bought them a Dell computer (a very good deal), installed more ram (bought from newegg) and other small upgrades (tv tuner etc). Took me ~1 week (ordered parts, waited, reinstalled the OS, other programs etc etc) to get their computer setup the way they wanted. When it came time to pay (for the parts), I gave them a rough total (parts were like ~$19x.xx, and I told them $200) and they were like, can you give me the exact total. Took me ~15 min while they waited and I had to gather all the receipts and total them (total came out to ~19x.01 - dont remember the x ) and he wrote me a check for that exact same amount.

It turns out that this person and his children dont know how to use a computer. Computer comes back to me within a month (tons of spyware etc etc). Did a complete reformat (Easier than fixing the spyware), installed everything again. Now, this person wanted another computer but he wanted it custom made and I did that. Again, at the payment time, he gave me the exact amount, not even a single penny extra BUT BUT when he came to pick up his newly built computer, he brings back the DELL and another old Emachine computer for me to fix without even informing me that he was going to bring them. Turns out, lots of spyware again on the Dell (did another clean reformat) and same thing with the emachine.

They a few weeks later, I get a call from them on me personal phone while I was in the middle of something important at work. Instead of leaving me a voice mail so that I could call them back when I was available, he kept on repeatedly calling me like ~5-6 times ( I had to turn the phone off). Then he calls at my home and tells my mother to immediately call him up as something has messed up with his computer. My mom replies that I was busy that week but will call asap. I called back after a day or so and the guy sounded so pissed and was like I owed him a favor or so and I should have called him the same day at the same time. I don't know the story but I know that he took the computer to a local mechanic shop and they charged him an arm and leg. From then on, I decided that whenever these people need any computer help, I will just tell them that I am busy or whatever. I did tell them that I am busy lately and can only help whenever I am free. At least I havn't gotten any more calls from them in the past year now

Similar stories happened with few other people who thought that I owed it to them to fix their computers at the time they requested. Now, my rule is that I just say that I am busy or I just act dumb as if I have no idea what they are talking about. I will only fix/offer help if it is a close friend/relative with whom I am good friends with etc.