How to deal with a girl who "'doesnt want'" a BF *Update, we are going on a date* :-)

[Deleted member 4644]

OK, so I've known this girl for over a year, but we only really* started talking this month. She is awesome and shares basically all of my beliefs, etc. Her morality is very personal and not really based strictly in any culture, although she is Indian. She is very open, talks about sex constantly..(you could even call her horny as a toad).

Recently I told her that I liked her. She told me she doesnt really want a BF and that she fears all that comes with one. To give you an example of how much she may mean this--she has never been kissed. (We are sophs in college)

Since then, she has asked me to hang out with her a lot, but always avoids talking about anything *remotely* related to "us". Ive dated a couple girls like this before... for some reason I am attracted to them... maybe becuase they are otherwise similar to me.

Anyways, do any of you have any advice for me?

PS- we have been in each others rooms about 50 hours out of the last 72-- Ive never seen a girl who didnt like me (at least a little?) do that before.

*Update, I asked her out and we are going to the Olive Garden tomorrow*

 

[Electric Amish]

Leave her alone.


amish

 

[rudder]

bring a girl along next time you hang out and mention that she is your girlfriend. See if the girl you like gets jealous or not.

 

[n0cmonkey]

Buy her batteries for xmas.

 

[her209]

Maybe its you feel it is a challenge to get them to be your gf.

 

[StageLeft]

Tell her you don't wanna be her boyfriend, you just want to give her pearl necklaces instead.

 

[notfred]

She is not attracted to you.

 

[Brutuskend]

Say OK, how about just a booty call now and then. No strings attached!

 

Lord Segan, you're getting advice from one. Leave her alone and don't get your hopes so high. Why can't guys just take a "no" from a woman as "no". Nothing to look for. There are some women who just love men's company, fall in love and out of love but don't want to be in a relationship. So, either you'll have her as a friend or if you keep pestering her, she'll have to dump you even as a friend. There'll always be another woman out there who's interested in you.

 

[erikistired]

stalk her?



yeah um. leave it alone and enjoy her company. if she enjoys yours she might change her mind.

 

[pamchenko]

i thk she's playing hard to get...keep pushing ... show her how much u like her! start with gifts, then move onto calling her and stuff...its all about how much effort ur willing to devote!!! she's just scared...u gotta break down that wall she's formed

 

[oznerol]

<Lady's man voice>
My suggestion to you is... to do it in the butt.
</Lady's man voice>

 

[bsd]

tell her you prefer oral sx to full on, but make sure she is drunk first.

 

[LOLyourFace]

In mother Russia, BFs want you!
Pics?
St@b her!

Ok, I've done my deeds. Now on the serious note, go with the flow. I'd send her Very subtle hints and signs of flirting here and there and observe her response. And the subtleness will gradually become stronger based on the results.

Also, if you have friends backing you up, you can kind of set things up so that only you and her will end up watching the movie together etc...

 

"i thk she's playing hard to get...keep pushing ... show her how much u like her! start with gifts, then move onto calling her and stuff...its all about how much effort ur willing to devote!!! she's just scared...u gotta break down that wall she's formed"

Yes, she's scared. But material things is the last thing you consider. If you start to flower her with those things, she'll get more afraid and even paranoid.

The way to deal with such ladies if you're really hoping is to be their male friends first. Talk all the sex, relationship or whatever thing with them. But don't make advances or start to shower them with gifts. As time goes on, if you're good enough for them, they'll fall in love with you. And then you can start the rest.

Am I leaking a secret to guys here? :Q

 

[Deleted member 4644]

Haha.. no leak of anything tooo secret. My guy friends and I have long ago decided its important to make a girl feel safe before they will be willing to so much as give one ounce of trust.

 

[dullard]

1) Doesn't want a relationship with someone that would likely result in a great relationship.
2) Talks about sex a lot.
3) Hasn't been kissed by the age of ~20.

Sounds identical to a friend I once had. Turned out she was gay but in denial. The sex talk was a coverup - hiding her true feelings. The no kiss made perfect sense once we figured out she was gay. The refusal for any relationship made great sense too. Yet due to her upbringing, she was too afraid to come out.

I'm not saying that your friend is gay, but it is a possibility. I wouldn't push anything too hard. Even if she isn't gay, why ruin your friendship over this?

 

[spaceman]

keep fishing.
life is too short to waste time.

 

[notfred]

Originally posted by: luvly
Why can't guys just take a "no" from a woman as "no".

That's the problem with women. They think they said "no" when they didn't actually say no. She said she's afraid of a boyfriend and isn't looking for one. In a guy's mind, that means "Well, eventually she WILL want a boyfriend, and at that point, she might want ME as a boyfriend". If you mean no say "I don't want to go out with you" not "I'm not looking for a boyfriend right now".

 

[gopunk]

Originally posted by: dullard
1) Doesn't want a relationship with someone that would likely result in a great relationship.
2) Talks about sex a lot.
3) Hasn't been kissed by the age of ~20.

Sounds identical to a friend I once had. Turned out she was gay but in denial. The sex talk was a coverup - hiding her true feelings. The no kiss made perfect sense once we figured out she was gay. The refusal for any relationship made great sense too. Yet due to her upbringing, she was too afraid to come out.

I'm not saying that your friend is gay, but it is a possibility. I wouldn't push anything too hard. Even if she isn't gay, why ruin your friendship over this?

i have a friend like that too.. whoohoo! i'm going to go tell her she's lesbian and there's nothing she can do about it

 

[StageLeft]

Originally posted by: notfred

Originally posted by: luvly
Why can't guys just take a "no" from a woman as "no".

That's the problem with women. They think they said "no" when they didn't actually say no. She said she's afraid of a boyfriend and isn't looking for one. In a guy's mind, that means "Well, eventually she WILL want a boyfriend, and at that point, she might want ME as a boyfriend". If you mean no say "I don't want to go out with you" not "I'm not looking for a boyfriend right now".

Exactly.

Having read Luvly's post I had a quick reality check. Quit with this girl. She is not interested and you're wasting your time.

 

[MercenaryForHire]

Still waitin on teh pics.

But yeah - why you wasting time with this girl?
Now, are you a college student - or a high-school chump? Go out there and get some!

- M4H

 

[kherman]

Originally posted by: LOLyourFace
In mother Russia, BFs want you!
Pics?
St@b her!

Ok, I've done my deeds. Now on the serious note, go with the flow. I'd send her Very subtle hints and signs of flirting here and there and observe her response. And the subtleness will gradually become stronger based on the results.

Also, if you have friends backing you up, you can kind of set things up so that only you and her will end up watching the movie together etc...

Someone always beats me to it.

 

[kherman]

Originally posted by: LordSegan
OK, so I've known this girl for over a year, but we only really* started talking this month. She is awesome and shares basically all of my beliefs, etc. Her morality is very personal and not really based strictly in any culture, although she is Indian. She is very open, talks about sex constantly..(you could even call her horny as a toad).

Recently I told her that I liked her. She told me she doesnt really want a BF and that she fears all that comes with one. To give you an example of how much she may mean this--she has never been kissed. (We are sophs in college)

Since then, she has asked me to hang out with her a lot, but always avoids talking about anything *remotely* related to "us". Ive dated a couple girls like this before... for some reason I am attracted to them... maybe becuase they are otherwise similar to me.

Anyways, do any of you have any advice for me?

PS- we have been in each others rooms about 50 hours out of the last 72-- Ive never seen a girl who didnt like me (at least a little?) do that before.

Be warned. STAY AWAY. She already said no politely, so don't start stalking her.

 

[TurtleMan]

Originally posted by: Electric Amish
Leave her alone.


amish

amish has spoken.....