how to deal with cancer

[kalster]

been a lurker/member since a decade. A close family member has lung cancer , not able to come to grips with it. Using alcohol to lessen the pain. Any pointers on how to deal with this.

 

[Exterous]

been a lurker/member since a decade. A close family member has lung cancer , not able to come to grips with it. Using alcohol to lessen the pain. Any pointers on how to deal with this.

That sucks. Cancer sucks. Fuck cancer.

Alcohol is not the way to deal with it. I don't think using alcohol IS dealing with it but just masking the pain and asking for more problems. The best thing I can advise is to be there for your loved one. Focus on the good times you have had together and not on the bad now (easier said than done I know). Try and fine the humor and happiness in little things. They can be as little as a 'good day' or even the time spent during a 'good hour' if things are bad enough. When the bad days come back around make an effort to remember what happened during the good days or hours

Try not to take out any anger on those around you, even the doctors and nurses. Many of the nurses and doctors are great people who can provide a lot of comfort and a lot are generally awesome people (although some are cold and detached)

Cancer is tough and there is no easy way to deal with it. I've lost my grandfather to a brain tumor, my uncle to lung cancer and my dad currently has pancreatic cancer. Its easy to dwell on the 'woes me' and 'woes us' but that doesn't help. Again I know its not easy to do but you really need to focus on the good things. There may not be many (if any) good things happening right now but find some good memories and keep those close.

 

[MomentsofSanity]

been a lurker/member since a decade. A close family member has lung cancer , not able to come to grips with it. Using alcohol to lessen the pain. Any pointers on how to deal with this.

There are a number of support groups for this situation. Check with your local cancer clinic. Also your employer may have an Employee Assistance Program to help you.

Don't go it alone if you already know you need some help with it. Support is out there.

 

[kalster]

thanks guys, i love the person in question, and cant imagine life without him/her. Its hard to accept that this is how things are, will fight and win over this m'fin disease.

 

[moonbogg]

Stay positive. Be there for your family. You can't do that if you are loaded.

 

[Guurn]

As someone who has had cancer and works in a cancer related field I would say to try to help them out in a reasonable, sustainable way as much as you can. Otherwise treat them normally. It is terribly hard to tell people you have cancer, and asking for help is even harder. Your drinking doesn't help anyone. You have a chance to make a real impact in the lives of those around you, take it.

 

[alzan]

For you and especially for your friend keep a positive mental attitude. As soon as they've given into depression they've made it an uphill battle.

The more positive you stay in outlook the more your friend will pick up on that.

I went through diagnosis of cancer in one of my kidneys last year. The initial shock and "oh, shit" moment lasted about two hours; I decided to keep a "I'm gonna come out kicking and screaming on the other side of this" attitude. That and the support and attitude of my family and friends are two primary reasons why I'm around to lurk and post in the forums.

 

[Paladin3]

My wife was diagnosed with stage 4 colorectal cancer almost a year ago. At first she was given 3 months to live and told it was inoperable, so we thought we were going to lose her. Thanks to an incredible team of doctors she may actually be looking at full recovery, pending a liver surgery.

When my wife was told she didn't cry. The doctors kept asking her if she understood how serious the situation was. She answered "Yes, I do, but I'm not going to waste my last 3 months crying."

How can you even think about crapping on their life, everything they've lived for and all the good times you've had together by destroying yourself with alcohol now when they need you the most?

 

[angminas]

You've done well to ask for help.

Walk away from the alcohol. It doesn't help, and you will regret it.

Keep talking. If someone's too good or too busy to talk to you about this, they're not worth talking to. Find someone else. There are people out there who really, really want to help.

Keep busy. Go to the gym. Ask for help with whatever you need help with.

I lost my dad to cancer when he was 42. I lost my mom to cancer when she was 57. There are people out there who understand what you're going through...a lot of them.

 

[highland145]

My wife was diagnosed with stage 4 colorectal cancer almost a year ago. At first she was given 3 months to live and told it was inoperable, so we thought we were going to lose her. Thanks to an incredible team of doctors she may actually be looking at full recovery, pending a liver surgery.

When my wife was told she didn't cry. The doctors kept asking her if she understood how serious the situation was. She answered "Yes, I do, but I'm not going to waste my last 3 months crying."

How can you even think about crapping on their life, everything they've lived for and all the good times you've had together by destroying yourself with alcohol now when they need you the most?

:thumbsup: Best of to her and you.

 

[Mayne]

I will not lie. I drank a shit load of beer when my Mom was dying of cancer. It kind of helped me. All I can say is, just be there for your family.

 

[smackababy]

I would really just not give up. My dad was diagnosed with lung cancer around 7 years ago. He actually was able to have it removed (it hadn't spread) and did a shit ton of chemo. He has been cancer free since. So, you can beat it. It was tough (I moved in with him at when he started treatment) taking care of him when the chemo was going on, but just staying positive helped.

It will be tough, but it isn't necessarily a death sentence. Do try and be prepared though.

 

[kalster]

Dont mean to bump up a 2 year old thread. To share a sad update, my relative fought cancer bravely for 18 months (13 rounds of Chemo, 43 rounds of Radiation). He passed away in Feb.

Thanks for the support (belated).

 

[Linux23]

So sorry to hear that. Cancer fucking sucks a fat one