How to Spot a Masturbator

[Cookie]

http://christwire.org/2010/05/how-to-spot-a-masturbator/

"To help turn the tide on this crisis, it’s important for parents and work supervisors to be able to spot a chronic or even just a casual masturbator in their midst. Maternal wisdom has long stated that oversleeping, locked doors, avoiding eye contact, messy beds, fear of clean underwear, long steamy showers and a pungent bleach-like odor on one’s bedsheets are all red flags of masturbation invasion. One trick passed on to me is that you can press your nose to a young man’s mattress, inhale deeply and (irregardless of the smell) announce, “That smells like semen.” If the boy’s face turns red and he runs from the room, the evidence is clear."

 

[BassBomb]

wtf,

that religious site is really messed up, look at the side bar "Sixth Grade Child Uses Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber Techniques to Remove Panties from School Girl Children"

 

[xanis]

bahahahaha

 

[shortylickens]

I am genuinely hoping that whole site is a spoof.
Really.

 

[PottedMeat]

 

[waggy]

wow..

hahah i cracked up over the picture on how to spot a masturbator. ok that has to be a joke site. it can't be real!

 

[ShawnD1]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gERv77728UY

KNOW YOUR DOPE FIEND. YOUR LIFE MAY DEPEND ON IT! You will not be able to see his eyes because of the Tea-Shades, but his knuckles will be white from inner tension and his pants will be crusted with semen from constantly jacking off when he can't find a rape victim. He will stagger and babble when questioned. He will not respect your badge. The Dope Fiend fears nothing. He will attack, for no reason, with every weapon at his command-including yours. BEWARE. Any officer apprehending a suspected marijuana addict should use all necessary force immediately. One stitch in time (on him) will usually save nine on you. Good luck.

 

[gimmewhitecastles]

rofl!

 

[BW86]

blocked at work

 

[swanysto]

I can usually tell a guy who masturbates, by whether he is breathing or not.

 

[OutHouse]

One trick passed on to me is that you can press your nose to a young womans mattress, inhale deeply and (irregardless of the smell) announce, “That smells like FISH!.” If the girls face turns red and slashes her wrist, the evidence is clear."

 

[ShawnD1]

I can usually tell a guy who masturbates, by whether he is breathing or not.

You forgot about non-living objects

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E1zRaPOzclI

 

[waggy]

http://christwire.org/2010/05/cat-caught-doing-devil-ritual-more-proof-why-cats-is-evil/

hahahahah


My friends I hate cats. We all know the story: spread rabies, are involved in witch ceremonies and they even were worshipped as gods by Egyptian Africans.

Cats have a history of being corrupt and it is a sad shame that they are not extinct. If I had the power, I would create a super-virus to wipe them all out and make God proud!

Sure, critics out there will say if cats are so evil, then why did God created them? Well how about this?

If Satan is so evil, then why did God created him? Think about it.

The point is that things can turn evil and that is what has happened to cats over time. Cats are now tied directly to hell and we would be better off just having them all killed like we would do any other sin soaked vermin.

Here is a picture that I found to be typical of cats and cat owners. Here we see the owners have dressed this cat up to do a devil ceremony, maybe trying to summon the dead like that one cat in the nursing homes, or maybe to give rise to a new domon spirit on Earth.

Who knows, but we have the picture evidence.


THIS has to be a spoof site!

 

[swanysto]

You forgot about non-living objects

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E1zRaPOzclI

That is actually what I sound like when I masturbate. I used to watch a lot of Tarzan as a child. I would also yell "I have the power!" cause He Man was my fav.

 

[SlitheryDee]

"Take sex away from people. Make it forbidden, evil. Limit it to ritualistic breeding. Force it to back up into suppressed sadism. Then hand the people a scapegoat to hate. Let them kill a scapegoat occasionally for cathartic release. The mechanism is ages old. Tyrants used it centuries before the word "psychology" was ever invented. It works, too".

R.A.H.

 

[StrangerGuy]

Now, how do we spot a pedophile? Isn't that more important? THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

 

[destrekor]

bwahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahaha

gasspp

ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

:awe:

 

[JulesMaximus]

What a bunch of loons.

 

[waggy]

Now, how do we spot a pedophile? Isn't that more important? THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

he will look like this!

 

[x-alki]

What about the satisfied face?

 

[gaidensensei]

Wow, they just labeled most of asia as masturbators. Eye contact is not done there for ethical reasons.

This was too good to omit:

MASTURBATOR!

 

[SandEagle]

blocked at work

ffs, i would hope so.

if u wanna see what a masterbator looks like that badly, turn OFF your computer monitor and look at the screen reflection.

 

[destrekor]

I can usually tell a guy who masturbates, by whether he is breathing or not.

you do forget the insanely religious folk who DO follow this bullshit, so steeped into the belief that these things are absolutely terrible sins.

Yes, I too am shocked to recognize these people actually exist. It's downright frightening and disturbing.

But I have absolute proof.
I cannot say 100% certain my roommate doesn't masturbate, but I can practically guarantee he has never even thought about it.
He has admitted he chooses to be a virgin, nearly 21 mind you, basically because his insane acceptance of all things Christ and the idea that one may stay pure until marriage.
Hell, he constantly reads the bible, attends bible study, surrounds himself with only other insanely other religious folk that are also attend Campus Crusade for Christ events and Christian Fellowship things. Hell, has a book about "How to stay Christian in College". And whenever we talk about science, he always references me to various articles and books that are basically about how various scientific things absolutely point to religious truths.

Yes, I'm a cynical bastard and judge people. :biggrin:

At least he's a good guy. His ways and beliefs disturb me, but ultimately he does a good job of being "good".

 

[FelixDeCat]

Now, how do we spot a pedophile? Isn't that more important? THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

Dick Dawkins? Its obvious he has no moral compass and is probably a pedo.

 

[JEDIYoda]

he will look like this!

Is that picture of your daddy??