Atomic Playboy
Lifer
- Feb 6, 2007
- 16,432
- 1
- 81
I disagree with you on these two. I really, really don't like Zelda as a series, but I will say that Ocarina of Time is one of the best games I have ever played. I never actually played Mass Effect, but I've watched my roommate play for hours and it seems like an extremely fleshed-out universe. The fact that I can watch the game for hours and not get bored tells me that it is a good game (albeit not my general cup of tea). I completely agree with you about MGS 4, however, and I'd like to expand by reposting a rant I wrote about the single most overrated game of all time: the illustrious Metal Gear Solid 2.Zelda Ocarina of Time. Mass Effect.
The game starts off well enough: You're Solid Snake, you've infiltrated a ship, and you go about using an arsenal of badass tricks built up over a badass lifetime of being a badass (never has hiding under a box been so unequivocally badass). You get to knock guards unconscious, hide them in lockers, overhear conversations while hiding under tables, teach a crazy Russian chick the importance of feminine hygiene, sneak into a military security briefing and escape unharmed and send random pornographic images to your nerdy buddy back home. It's thirty minutes of stealth gameplay so badass it's been linked to accelerated beard growth in children...
And then the game changes up and says, "Hey, you know that awesome guy you were playing as? Yeah, clearly you can't handle that much raw masculinity, so for the rest of the game, you get to be a gay surfer whose special power seems to be a unique ability to slip in bird shit every 12 seconds." It's a bit like the people in Indianapolis who have gotten used to the badassery of Peyton Manning and this season were told "all right, enough of all that, here's Curtis Painter!" Except that Solid Snake isn't injured; he actually shows up to laugh at you later in the game. There's no reason to be playing as Uberdork of the Hill People, but there you are, getting laughed at by the competent superspy the game teases you with. What the fuck?
Let's fast forward past the vampire that runs on water, the chick who's so badass bullets dodge her, the fat guy with a penchant for blowing shit up and the invisible ninja who works for the so-badass-we-had-to-come-up-with-a-name-we-dare-you-to-take-seriously "La-Li-Lu-Le-Lo" (nope, can't do it); this is Metal Gear, the characters are supposed to be ridiculous. Hell, Metal Gear Solid 1 was a great game and one of the primary villains is a floating psychic. No, I'll ignore all that for now and jump right into the last act of the game.
So you've been captured, knocked out, stripped naked, and then set free to run around covering your junk the way any superspy would in that situation. Ordinarily, this would be about as bizarre as a major game would get before the producers started wondering if maybe people wouldn't buy it, but not MGS. Oh no. No, Hideo Kojima ups the surrealist ante when the Colonel, who normally only calls to give you missions or Earth-shattering plot twists, starts phoning you up to talk about how he prunes his chrysanthemums or tells you to turn the game console off. Then the screen randomly goes into the "death cam" shot and you get the inevitable message of failure: Fission Mailed. Wait, what?
OK, so that's all a complete mindfuck, but less in the "whoa, that's AWESOME" way, and more in the "is Japan's drug policy really that much looser than ours?" Soon after, you're reunited with your clothes, and proceed to fight off approximately 275 Gundam Mechs... I mean, Metal Gears. These things are supposed to revolutionize warfare, but they're no match for the raw sexitude of Bret Michaels' stunt double. Then you're treated to more bullshit from the phony Colonel and it turns out that you've been in the Matrix the entire time and reality is simply advanced AI.... What the fucking fuck? I know the game features over-the-top characters, but Metal Gear Solid 1 was at least somewhat believable without resorting to the laziest deus ex machina plot device a story can use: "Its all a dream!" Bullshit. It's lazy story-telling and it completely ruined the entire Metal Gear series.
tldr; Metal Gear Solid 2 sucked ass.