I am creating a website for my paragliding instructor

[adlep]

I am not really a web designer, but I've done a few and this one turned out OK. I have managed to barter with my paragliding instructor. Free P-2 rating training in exchange for a web site.
So I did the web site, and he really likes it, but I think that I need like one more paragraph of text on the landing page...
Like something is missing - So English majors or writers - please pitch in.

www.tcparagliders.com

I think that the home page needs a bit more text.
?
No?

Edit: THX for a great feedback. Will apply some of the suggestions and re-submit in a week for a 2nd look.

 

[FancyTurtle]

I am not really a web designer, but I've done a few and this one turned out OK. I have managed to barter with my paragliding instructor. Free P-2 rating training in exchange for a web site.
So I did the web site, and he really likes it, but I think that I need like one more paragraph of text on the landing page...
Like something is missing - So English majors or writers - please pitch in.

www.tcparagliders.com

I think that the home page needs a bit more text.
?
No?

I learned that web designers are superpolos in these troubled times. turns out that google made an instant website generator so that anyone who can tape a mouse to there face can make a website with the same quality as someone who tryd using html

 

[mnewsham]

your subtitles on the sections up along the top suck balls

"Equipment for sale" and directly beneath that but smaller
"Items for sale"


I mean really?
And then
"about us"
"learn about us"

"courses"
"courses and fees"

Why do you have these repetitive titles? What's the point?

 

[Taejin]

too much text more like. were you cracking a joke about not enough text?

 

[Taejin]

'The premiere paragliding school in Michigan'

wordy and bad imo. try 'Michigan's Premiere Paragliding School'

remove the 'Traverse City Paragliders - Home' Unnecessary and uninformative.

Your content message is bloated and uninspiring.

What is it that you're really trying to sell? You're trying to sell the thrill and experience of flight. Not the fact that its inexpensive. It's not a crime to mention the cost but you keep emphasizing it.

skip the boring introduction. They already know the name of the organization and where it is by your title. Sell the love and fascination of flight. Then segue into how accessible and inexpensive paragliding is. Then introduce Bill.

Include gorgeous pictures and videos.

 

[Broheim]

I learned that web designers are superpolos in these troubled times. turns out that google made an instant website generator so that anyone who can tape a mouse to there face can make a website with the same quality as someone who tryd using html

errr no, WYSIWYG editors are terrible, always have been always will be.

 

[KB]

You might not care, but have you viewed the site in IE 8.0? When the page first loads the menu at the top is all squished together and I can't read anything past About Us. Once I put my mouse over it, then it resizes and is readable.

 

[Saint Nick]

The subtitles are stupid. You need a better logo. Otherwise I think it looks great.

 

[1sikbITCH]

For some reason I am picturing people with no arms and legs being strapped to hang gliders and pushed off the mountain.

 

[blinblue]

For some reason I am picturing people with no arms and legs being strapped to hang gliders and pushed off the mountain.

I believe that's called paraplegliding

 

[brainhulk]

So is he controlling the tandem flight with his joystick?

 

[Krazy4Real]

The subtitles on the categories need to go.

 

[dave_the_nerd]

Put the USHPA logo to the right of "Gallery" and left-justify the text.

Get rid of the "Free Joomla Templates" blurb at the bottom.

Get rid of the top line of text here and here:

We can see where we are because of the bold text - no need for redundancy.

On the Mosquito America page, the text "www.mosquitoamerica.com" really ought to be a link.

 

[aceO07]

too much text more like. were you cracking a joke about not enough text?

Agree. It doesn't need an English major or writers, it needs someone who can write good short sentences that can motivate people to use the service. Break the wall of sentences into mini paragraphs or bullet points.

Select only core of the sentences that people care about.. 'learn to fly'. 'inexpensive'. 'certified instructor of 40 years'. 'how? pay us and lets go!'.

 

[adlep]

Agree. It doesn't need an English major or writers, it needs someone who can write good short sentences that can motivate people to use the service. Break the wall of sentences into mini paragraphs or bullet points.

Select only core of the sentences that people care about.. 'learn to fly'. 'inexpensive'. 'certified instructor of 40 years'. 'how? pay us and lets go!'.

All suggestions noted and will get implemented. Also, would you care to write a specific example on how to do it? I am drawing a blank, still...

 

[adlep]

'The premiere paragliding school in Michigan'

wordy and bad imo. try 'Michigan's Premiere Paragliding School'

remove the 'Traverse City Paragliders - Home' Unnecessary and uninformative.

Your content message is bloated and uninspiring.

What is it that you're really trying to sell? You're trying to sell the thrill and experience of flight. Not the fact that its inexpensive. It's not a crime to mention the cost but you keep emphasizing it.

skip the boring introduction. They already know the name of the organization and where it is by your title. Sell the love and fascination of flight. Then segue into how accessible and inexpensive paragliding is. Then introduce Bill.

Include gorgeous pictures and videos.

Good stuff, but again, I need more specific example. Introduction is hard.

 

[adlep]

The subtitles on the categories need to go.

Ehh,
So you want me to not have a menu at all? How one's will navigate it without categories on the menu? I am confused?

Edit: Sorry, I misread your sentence. I will consider removing the subtitles.
But I need to make better into first...
Help...

 

[adlep]

So is he controlling the tandem flight with his joystick?

Is this some sort of a gay joke?
Edit: Will check the IE 8 issue, thanks for the heads up.

 

[M0oG0oGaiPan]

menubar is broken in ie 7. all the categories are on top of each other. honestly, not digging that wall of text on your home page. i don't know too much about copywriting but it looks like you need more call to actions. you should rename your images with keywords related to paragliding. it'll help you rank in google image search. you can use adwords.google.com to find some long tailed keywords. your <title> tag should have the keywords your trying to rank for. I agree the description text under your categories menu needs to go. It's redundant. Should set up an email forward using the domain name. Pics on the home page are kind of small. Don't really interest me. I like the one on the right but it needs to be bigger to catch my eye imho.

 

[AMDZen]

Is FancyTurtle TFP?

 

[ViviTheMage]

change the favicon! or at least remove it....

 

[adlep]

thanks gang...
I now know that the menu is screwed up a bit so that needs fixed.
Other suggestions will get implemented too
Gimme about a week and I will re-submit for a 2nd look.
Gr8 feedback...

 

[Taejin]

Good stuff, but again, I need more specific example. Introduction is hard.

sorry, i had the urge to rewrite it but this isn't my project so.. =P

 

[xanis]

Why does it say "home" on the top left? I'm guessing that's the page label, but that's where the business name needs to be.

Layout itself is okay. Like others said, ditch the link descriptions.

I'd personally get rid of that intro text and turn the entire front page into a big image slider full of eye-catching paragliding-related images. People like big pretty pictures more than they like words. Move the intro text to the "About Us" section.

I drew up a quick wireframe of how I would have done this. Hopefully you can take something away from it.

Also, here's my version of your intro:

Welcome to Traverse City Paragliders, Michigan&#8217;s premiere paragliding and hangliding school. Let us show you how to take your dream of flying and turn it into a reality&#8230; fast.

Low equipment costs and no fuel to buy makes paragliding the cheapest way to get your wings. You&#8217;ll be amazed at how easy it is to get off the ground and into the air, regardless of age or athletic ability.

Traverse City Paragliders is owned an operated by Bill Fifer, a USHPA-accredited and certified instructor with over 40 years of flying and teaching experience.

Turn your dreams into reality. Call us today to schedule your introductory lesson.

 

[adlep]

I am making progress, the menu got fixed, layout changed a bit, I've also simplified the intro page.