I am SO dead

[Fritzo]

Originally posted by: arcas
Congrats on dodging the bullet. However...

I also told her I would be presenting bank statements to show how my money is being spent. She also saw the problem with me having no disposable income and will be direct depositing cash to suppliment our bill money, and when I get this paid off, it will be extra cash that I can spend/save/whatever.

This doesn't much sound like a marriage. Sounds more like a bf-gf couple who've agreed to share a house, or a parent giving a child an allowance. Throughout this thread I've seen alot of "my money" and "her money" and "cash that I can spend" type stuff. I haven't seen much "we" or "our" in this thread. Do the two of you divy up the rest of your responsibilities like this?

I'm not trying to be critical, just genuinely curious.

No, that's something I wanted to do to make sure I keep on track. I have a tendency to revert back to my old ways when the heat is off. I've always been terrible with spending, so this way it will keep me in line. Again, we do not have "her money" and "my money"...we have the following situation:

She belongs to a credit union that gives members of the police force special benefits (low interest car loans, high savings intrest rates, etc). The downside is she does not have electronic banking. The bank I am using does, and it's free. Without electronic banking, we tend to misplace or forget to pay bills, plus there's the hassle of stamps, getting them to the mailbox, etc. So, I agreed to have my paycheck direct deposited into a checking account in my name to pay the bills, since my check would just about cover everything. She has her check direct deposited into the credit union to take advantage of high interest rates for savings, intrest on her checking, etc. I pay for all the utilities, house payment, phone, car, etc. She dumps 1/3 of her check into savings, + pays tuition for our daughter, groceries, shopping expenses, her car, etc.

She's going to start transfering $200 to my account each month to suppliment my account. We're not going to touch our savings to pay this off, but I should be able to get this under control in about a year or so. It feels so good to get this off my chest-- it's been a monkey on my back for a couple of years now

Thanks for the advice...some if you really helped!

 

[toekramp]

Originally posted by: Fritzo

Originally posted by: arcas
Congrats on dodging the bullet. However...

I also told her I would be presenting bank statements to show how my money is being spent. She also saw the problem with me having no disposable income and will be direct depositing cash to suppliment our bill money, and when I get this paid off, it will be extra cash that I can spend/save/whatever.

This doesn't much sound like a marriage. Sounds more like a bf-gf couple who've agreed to share a house, or a parent giving a child an allowance. Throughout this thread I've seen alot of "my money" and "her money" and "cash that I can spend" type stuff. I haven't seen much "we" or "our" in this thread. Do the two of you divy up the rest of your responsibilities like this?

I'm not trying to be critical, just genuinely curious.

No, that's something I wanted to do to make sure I keep on track. I have a tendency to revert back to my old ways when the heat is off. I've always been terrible with spending, so this way it will keep me in line. Again, we do not have "her money" and "my money"...we have the following situation:

She belongs to a credit union that gives members of the police force special benefits (low interest car loans, high savings intrest rates, etc). The downside is she does not have electronic banking. The bank I am using does, and it's free. Without electronic banking, we tend to misplace or forget to pay bills, plus there's the hassle of stamps, getting them to the mailbox, etc. So, I agreed to have my paycheck direct deposited into a checking account in my name to pay the bills, since my check would just about cover everything. She has her check direct deposited into the credit union to take advantage of high interest rates for savings, intrest on her checking, etc. I pay for all the utilities, house payment, phone, car, etc. She dumps 1/3 of her check into savings, + pays tuition for our daughter, groceries, shopping expenses, her car, etc.

She's going to start transfering $200 to my account each month to suppliment my account. We're not going to touch our savings to pay this off, but I should be able to get this under control in about a year or so. It feels so good to get this off my chest-- it's been a monkey on my back for a couple of years now

Thanks for the advice...some if you really helped!

if you could pay it all off now with your savings and avoid the interest rates wouldn't that be a smarter way of doing it? Do you really like living off of an allowance? Perhaps it'll be beneficial for you in the short term to help control your spending impulses, but as others have said this isn't a respectable route for the long run.

 

[dabuddha]

I still don't understand why she was threatening to divorce you over a credit card bill.

 

[Delius]

When are you guys gonna learn? You will never pay off that 13000. I know you think you will, but you won't.

 

[Aharami]

glad to see you are living with your wife and kid(s) again. seems like youve learned your lesson.

 

[dabuddha]

Originally posted by: Delius
When are you guys gonna learn? You will never pay off that 13000. I know you think you will, but you won't.

Troll troll go away.

 

[Fritzo]

Originally posted by: Delius
When are you guys gonna learn? You will never pay off that 13000. I know you think you will, but you won't.

Huh? We pull in around $90000, so this won't be a problem to pay off now that this isn't hidden anymore. We just bought carpeting so our savings is only around $10000....don't want to empty that out to pay for my stupidity. I'm going to pay it off during the year, no doubt about that.

 

[KK]

Originally posted by: dabuddha

Originally posted by: Delius
When are you guys gonna learn? You will never pay off that 13000. I know you think you will, but you won't.

Troll troll go away.

That's probably his wife.

KK

 

[StageLeft]

if he is paying it with his own money, why the fvck does she have to care?

Actually I totally agree with luvly on the severity of this. I've said it below and I totally mean it when I say that as a chronic condition bad financial sense is a divorcable offense. Money he blows on, say, a new video card, is less money for the family. A new vid card or cd here and there is not bad...but $13k in credit card debt, that is doing nothing but continue to grow, is very bad. It's devestating towards the household's finances, finances are a primary and valid concern of a household. To abuse credit in such a way is literally sabotaging one's family. In fritzo's case he owes half of what he nets in a _year_. He owes the equivalent to a car in consumer debt of which is worth little in equity if he had to liquidate it on ebay. He is part of a household and any actions he takes directly impact that household. Credit card debt has taken millions to the point that they are in the midst of a financial catastrophe. In short, his spending habits were going to lead him towards bankruptcy, unless somebody (his wife) could step in in time and get him to stop it.

As far as his wife's response to it all is concerned I'd reserve judgement on that until we know about the previous dealings with this matter. Was it the first time she expressed concern or has she been on him for 3 years about it?

When are you guys gonna learn? You will never pay off that 13000. I know you think you will, but you won't.

Some people take a long time to learn and others learn quickly, but a lot of people do learn their lesson and pay their CC off and from thereon be responsible with it.

 

Thanks, Skoorb! That's exactly what I'm saying. Most members here just read something quickly and open their mouths without thinking or really caring as they pretend.

As far as I'm concerned, there's no way what this guy is doing is just a habit he formed overnight. Habits like this are present from an early stage. I would bet that he was like this before he got married. However, his marriage to a woman who isn't particularly emotional worsened the severity. He gives himself the liberty to rear that ugly behaviour more.

I am glad they were able to talk things but, frankly, that isn't really talking things out. It's just a verification that he's at a her mercy. I bet he'll strike again and she'll throw his things out before you know it.

Fritzo, I totally agree with Hammer. I'm afraid you're misinterpreting her statement of forgiveness. Forgiving does not mean forgetting or a guaranteed taking back. It just means she'll give you an opportunity to get your acts together, whereas she wasn't willing to give that a consideration before. However, if you do one little thing to remind her of why you don't deserve to be in that house, your a$$ would be out of it before you know! So don't misinterpret this by implicitly staying in denial of your problem. You can promise her not to do it again, but you need to get help in order to stop this habit for good. Formed bad habits are hard to get rid of. You have to treat it like a habit and problem, not just something you did suddenly one night and will stop cold turkey. If you don't treat it like a formed habit and problem, you'll only be able to handle it temporarily; one day she'll catch you red-handed. Good luck!

 

[Adul]

just stick tp paying off this debt and things should look better for you.

 

[slackerinabox]

Originally posted by: Fritzo
Alright, got an update:

I spent the night at my parent's house and called her about 4:00 the next day. Fortunately she went to church that day and the sermon was about forgiveness (yay Catholicism!!!). This made her think about things and she decided to help me out rather than shut me out. I presented my plan and gave my deepest promise I would never do anything like this again. I also told her I would be presenting bank statements to show how my money is being spent. She also saw the problem with me having no disposable income and will be direct depositing cash to suppliment our bill money, and when I get this paid off, it will be extra cash that I can spend/save/whatever. We also addressed her attitude towards me and how it made me feel about her. We've never been super religious (we go to church every week and my daughter goes to a Catholic school, but that's about it), but in this case, the church helped save our marraige. Who woulda thunk it?

We're all good now. Went out and bought a Christmas tree and decorated it with the kids last night. *whew* All I can say is, PLEASE do not hide anything from your spouse. A small argument hidden from her/him can turn into grounds for divorce later!

DUDE....COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS AND GET ANOTHER JOB! Seriously, you totally lucked out.. If I was in your situation I'd run out there to get a part time job... Pay this off as quickly as possible and consider yourself VERY lucky... The extra hours that you work will also prove that you're committed to fixing your screw ups.. I'm serious, get another job and pay this up in a few months!

 

[slackerinabox]

Also, are you guys insured? Does your insurance cover visits to the shrink? Do it then! Go see a shrink - you have some deep problems that need to be worked out.. I'm worried that you're just going to screw this second chance up... She's taking you back - that's great.. but you really can't let this happen again..

 

[cypriot]

Originally posted by: KK

Originally posted by: dabuddha

Originally posted by: Delius
When are you guys gonna learn? You will never pay off that 13000. I know you think you will, but you won't.

Troll troll go away.

That's probably his wife.

KK

hahaha LMAO

 

[Bryophyte]

Fritzo,

You and your wife should seriously consider installing Money on your computer and using it to track all of your accounts and all of your spending. That way, you can make and keep a budget going, and you both will have full access to your financial information 24/7, not just when you humble yourself by presenting the monthly statement. It might help you to put this "my money" "your money" back into the perspective of "our family's money", which it all really is. And as far as the "allowance" goes, if you're using Money and keeping completely open books, there should be no reason for you to not have a debit card for "her" checking account (which, again is a family account, not hers personally.) You know, the more I think about it, there really shouldn't be any reason for you to not use the non-credit union account for everything. Write a check on the credit union acct for whatever won't go into savings, and deposit it into the other account. Use that account to pay bills, buy groceries, etc. (EDIT: I say to do this because you can more easily do DAILY electronic updates so you can keep a close eye on your cash flow.) Sit down and actually pay bills together (you said it yourself, it only takes a few minutes.) Keep the balance of power rested between you two equally. Teamwork, not "you're irresponsible because you'd pay bills late" or "you need an allowance because you're irresponsible with credit cards." Separating money like that is divisive powerwise.

Anyway, maybe I'm full of sh!t, but it's just MHO.

 

[GoingUp]

Best of luck to you Fritzo. Glad she took you back for now. I hope that this was the wake up call that you needed to get things back under control.

 

[darkshadow1]

why not have your bank account be a joint account? Afteralll, you're married...

 

[BigJ]

Good luck Fritzo. I'm confident you'll be able to pull this off, but I hope you do realize how serious the issues are with you and your marriage.

Also, Fritzo said his wife and the kids would've picked up and left if Fritzo didnt. I'm just wondering how the hell she can do this and keep the kids away from him without Fritzos consent(and a court order).

 

[revvy]

muhaha... what did you buy??